Hello everyone :-)
Ok, so I have a new boyfriend after being being single for more than 10 years - no sex at all during that time apart from solo!
I lack in sexual confidence massively due to some events that happened in childhood but now is the time to let all of that go and enjoy being in a relationship.
I struggle to communicate much during sex and stay pretty quiet - I don't tend to initiate much because I don't really know how! I really want to be able to throw caution to the wind and show my man (and myself) a very exciting time!
What are your best tips to help with confidence and letting go of inhibitions? I'd be very grateful to hear any advice you can give as I'm determined now to have fun but am struggling to break down all the barriers.
Thank you :-) X
I'm going to address different points in your post seperately like Kitten has.
First off congratulations about the new boyfriend! I hope he's absolutely wonderful. I'm also sorry to hear about some negative experiences during your childhood. If you feel that it's something you want to talk about more that affects you I'd recommend talking to a therapist or even Samaritans.They're there to listen and support you through anything, not just suicide like everyone assumes.
First off, when you say that you stay pretty quiet during sex is this just talking or does that extend to moaning, changing position, etc? Conversations during sex aren't necessary but moaning or pehaps an "oh god NAME" when they're doing something particularly well is great as they know to do more of it. Also just brief words like "harder" can really be a turn on and make for a great time.
Initating sex is something that tends to follow a little process in my head. I like sex before bed so I'll say to my partner that I want a goodnight kiss and cuddle. During that I'll let my hands wander and one peck turn into a few pecks, turn into proper kissing. One thing tends to lead to another after that.
Alternatively me and the OH are pretty open with each other so it can just be as simple as me giving him lil devil horn symbols with my fingers which he knows as "horny". That'll turn into some dirty talk on the way home and then bang it's banging.
Confidence is a big one that everyone struggles with, myself definitely included and you'll see from my other threads that it's still an issue for me to some extent. Overthinking is something I've found can cause a lot of confidence problems. Whilst I am hyper aware of my tummy pouch and that spot on the side of my nose my partner is likely just thinking "oh boy sexy times!". Make sure that you're feeling good at the time. That doesn't have to be racy underwear and red lipstick. It could just be a good hair day or when you've just had a compliment.
Good luck dear. I know it can be difficult but I do hope you get there :)