So me and my other half have been together about 7 years, used to be quite busy trying new stuff dressing up ect ect. Recently shes really not been feeling it, we havnt done anything properly in months. We have talked about it and we think its due to her work and shes also final year at uni. Ive played it down a few times now but im starting to get abit bored of wanking if im perfectly honest... Ive even tried to get her on here just to look through the toys she if that helped but she still didnt feel it. Does anyone have any ideas how to get around it.
Your not going to like my suggestion, but here goes.
I would try to bide my time until the end of her uni course, then book a relaxing weekend away, maybe a hot tub, to relax in, a few candles, glass of wine. Just relaxing and help her unwind after a stressful time. I also find the best way to get a partner to engage is to offer to please them, so maybe after a shoulder or foot massage, move up to offer/give her oral. Once you have instigated fun in a gentle and pressure free way, I'm sure things will reignite.
Ill see how things go, shes on with a few uni things right now but once they are done its christmas holidays, ive booked for us to go away next year anyway so hopefully it will spark up once we are away from the stresses
Dillydale. You cant underestimate what stress can do to a woman's (or man's) libido. I had a massively stressful job for many years and sometimes we would go months between sessions because I just didn't have it in me. Around 3 years ago I made a change and swapped to a 9-5 where I go home and forget about it. Now I'm the one pestering Mr John. FL has it right, be understanding, this is a phase that I'm sure you'll get through.
For what it's worth, I agree with FL and MJ, if there's stress and being busy through Uni and Work, I'd say you're best accepting that your right hand is your best friend and perhaps focus on taking the pressure off outside of the bedroom. The key thing for me would be to do it for her though, to help with the stress and pressure, rather than a kink session as it were.
Certain things that may be causing the stress, such as fear around Uni results etc., there isn't a great deal you can do about other than support her and show you believe in her.
If you focus on helping her through the stress, a little romancing, the odd surprise here and there, a nice massage or candle lit baths, without expectations of instant returns, I would expect you would find the fire starts burning bright all by itself by showing how much you care.
The key thing here may just be patience, the above bits will help her through the stresses, but the frustrating part is she may just need time and support to deal with things.
Taa for the advice guys, Ill just wait it out help where I can and im sure everything will square up soon
Oh, yeah - stress. The number one killer of anyone's sex life
Number two being hormones. If she's using hormonal contraception that can have a huge impact, too.
In the meantime treat yourself to a masturbation toy if your hand is getting a bit boring and give her lots of love otherwise. Lots of cuddles, massages (including feet - the great stress reliever), but don't go poking her in the back with Mr Stiffy or go for the obvious erogenous zones. It becomes very un-sexy pressure that way and will give the total opposite result you're looking for.
Stress, kiddies, work, finances, hormonal fluctuations - don't get me started on dental work - they can all reduce drive and desire. Anyone in a long term relationship would relate to this.
Give her a bit of time, be affectionate and kind, wait until she is ready and then introduce things slowly - or see if she takes the initiative. Take matters into your own hands in the meantime. She may well need to do the same for you one day.
We've had a fallow period for a couple of months for some of the reasons I've mentioned - shocked the hell out of me after a few years of bonking madness - but before that there was a menopausal lull. It all goes around and comes around.
Good luck!
My sex life nose dived for over a year with my partner but once the stress went it came back better than ever