There are a few thread’s on the topics of fantasy.
I asked my OH what hers where, and she said none at all.
She also doesn’t initiate sex or anything intimate.
I tried talking to her about how it makes me feel.
She said its my problem and i am not normal for thinking about it.
She said i was a nan who thought about sex like all others and women don’t.
Where do you go from here?
Realising you can’t rely on others for lasting sexual happiness is a good first step.
Very difficult as it could be that she is naturally not interested (a sexual) and that has to be accepted
She may however be living with bad past experiences and so does not want to open that part of her mind
Personally there is nothing wrong in fantasy talk and it’s a great turn on - but it may be worth just talking to her
Good luck
She could as mentioned above be asexual and not naturally interested in sex, with asexuality it doesn’t always mean a person is not interested in sex at all and some people who identify as asexual do go on to have very active sex lives.
Something you said stuck out to me. She said you’re the one who is not normal for having fantasies. Now this is based on my experience only and I’m going off the information you have provided. My abusive ex used to tell me I was not normal for having fantasies, a high sex drive, wanting to try new things and for my sexuality (I identify as pansexual). The saddest part was I believed him, for a long time after the relationship ended, and has taken me a lot of healing to finally start believing there is nothing wrong with me. I’m still on that healing journey and it is part of the reason I joined this forum.
I’m would recommend talk to her about it and why she thinks that way because it is perfectly normal but it is also normal to not have them. My OH for example doesn’t really have any fantasies that’s perfectly okay. You definitely need to dig deeper into this with her.
You need to find a middle ground, one shouldn’t try to force the other one to change.
Just as it is normal for you to have fantasies, it is normal for her not to.
As others have said, communication is key.
Thats her opinion and is her right to feel that way, just as its your right to feel how you do.
Whats not right is her saying that you’re not normal.
Did she always have this view on sex?
Where do you go? You need to talk it out and then make a decision on the future of the relationship. Sexual needs are just as important as every other part of the relationship.
Just talk to her as she may have had a bad experience in the past or just be asexual
It sounds from your post that this is a recent development in your relationship and you don’t say how long you’ve been together.
If it’s a new relationship, it doesn’t sound sustainable if you both have such differing views but if you’ve been together for a while and this is something that’s only now becoming an issue between you, you need to discuss it openly and try to establish why her feelings and attitudes have changed.
To make it work there’s going to have to be some compromise on both sides or it will always be an issue for you both.
She sounds a bit closed off. Maybe all to do with sex but not necessarily.
Not that she needs to compromise, however if she isn’t interested in your happiness you have a decision to make.
I expressed my needs to my ex many times and in the end gave up trying. That left me in a really bad way emotionally, I somehow convinced myself that I was fine even when I was in the grips of depression, anxiety and ocd.
One life we have, happiness is more important than anything else.
Sexual fantasies are a natural part of the imagination, some people don’t have as vivid imaginations as others, and that includes the sexual. You can’t force people to change their nature, so it’s just something you’ll have to accept.
Sounds like this isn’t a new revelation. Do you know if something happened to her or is it something from her past? Are you saying she doesn’t like sex or that she isn’t a fan of speaking about her fantasies?
Honestly, I don’t think I would ask Mrs. Val what her fantasy was and expect an answer. I think she’s a bit of a prude and doesn’t like talking about stuff like that.
I know how far I can push for sexual discussions and where she isn’t willing to go so I don’t go there and I wouldn’t with fantasies. I keep that to myself.
Thank you for all the replys, i found very helpful to get your opinions and thoughts.
She had a bad experience when younger and with an ex which explains it.
Just difficult when as the partner feel unwanted.
We have been together for 15 years. I love her dearly and she is my best friend, the only thing we clash with is sexual desire and wants, polar opposite.
Just good to air it out sometimes and as i can’t have these conversations with family or friend’s. Its nice to talk and get advice.
Thank you for sharing, I think I’m in the exact same boat as you, 18years with my partner, again love her to the ends of the earth and couldn’t be without. It’s in a way comforting that I’m not alone but also at the same time reading all the amazing experiences everyone has I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.