Is having sex 3 times in 14 months classed as a sexless marriage.
Wife has very low sex drive and mine is very high,and i have to take tablets to kill my sex drive.
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I would class that as a sexless marriage. Would it be worth talking to her about it? My OH and I have started being more open with each other as it has helped massively.
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I would classify 3 times in fourteen months a sexless marriage. Definitely need to open up the communication and discuss this with one another. Sex and intimacy are such an integral part of a relationship that one cannot expect to not be intimate with their OH, unless of course health issues prevent it.
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Yeah that probably fits the criteria for being a sexless marriage. I didnāt know there were tablets to lower a sex drive except in criminal circumstances that weāll swiftly move past 
You need to talk to her, and ask what she needs in your marriage and then you tell her what you need. But it usually stems from lack of non sexual intimacy, lack of something to respond to or simply that she doesnāt get anything out of it.
Iāve learned that iām responsive in my desire, something has to drive it and if there isnāt anything of interest fueling it, then Iām not interested.
May not be what you want to hear/read. There is a reason why people do or donāt do things, but you donāt know unless you ask and make it a safe space for the answer without blame or defensiveness on either side.
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Yes your probably right.
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Thats just me, it may not necessarily be true for your wife but ruling it out would help.
But start with non sexual intimacy, touching and hugging with sex being the goal. Because we can tell, and itās not a good feeling to be thinking thereās an ulterior motive, and it feels even worse when weāre right.
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Keep working at it, we had sex in total 8 times in 18 months around 2021ā¦ and 5 of those I didnāt really count as not much going on for meā¦ we just werenāt on the same wave length, stressed, I had lots of suppressed anger towards him and it was coming out in lots of ways.
Keep the love, keep the fun, keep the kisses and hugs. Keep communicating, say I would love to make love to you, I miss you, would you mind me pleasuring myself thinking of you. Open the conversation away from the bedroom, show love in the little things around home. Get drunk and laugh together.
Donāt give up, we are closer than ever, have had more sex in the last 3 months than the last 5 years and I hope the same for you.
Side noteā¦I once read a book about a woman who was dying of cancerā¦one of her death bed regrets was not having enough sexā¦it strangely made something flick in my brain
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Unfortunately I am in a worse position than you @Ajp but we still love each other and have a tremendous life together. Keep trying and talking.
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Yes its hard,just want intimacy, cuddling etc,but hard to approach the subject without feeling like a sex pest or begging,hopefully will change one day.
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@Ajp it can change. I had the same feelings towards my OH. I wanted intimacy with the ideal goal of having sex more often but would settle for just feeling wanted and loved. My main issue was I didnāt know who to communicate that to my OH with out feeling like I was pestering him. So my resentment towards him was getting worse as well as frustration. I then did something very stupid and asked for an open relationship because I wanted intimacy and in my own head I thought he didnāt find me attractive anymore.
I broke down as soon as I asked him because I felt horrible. He then told me about some mental health issues he is having as well as some physical issues with sex. Shortly after I joined this forum and I have found it much easier to talk to him about my needs he is now also getting the help he needs as well. Thing are now much better between us. It all could have been avoided if one of us had just gone to the other about the issues we were facing.
Donāt let it go on to long like I did. Talk to her because the is likely something more going on.
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You absolutely need to talk to her, and not in a way that screams desperate, even if you are.
I second the suggestion you need to figure out where it stopped and why, perhaps it is just as simple as mis matched drives but showing your wife that you care about how she is and whether she is wholeheartedly and honestly happy can only have good side effects.
We regularly check in with each other mentally and emotionally, nothing to do with sex but we do check in that we are fulfilled in that way too.
When we had a dry spell a few years back I left it alone and time went by.
Honestly I donāt think he noticed the time going by. I was incapable of talking about sex then so I left it. Eventually I couldnāt take it anymore because I felt like we were just roommates trying to get life right, and I had also taken an huge amount of it personally. And so we had a really honest conversation.
Turns out he was just super stressed and didnāt want to burden me with it because I was going through some hefty health issues at the time. We discovered the subsequent disconnection birthed from trying to protect each other was far more painful than āburdeningā each other with our woes.
So my best suggestion and opinion is talk to her, purely just to understand her. Not to get more sex, thatās a byproduct, but easy to do when thatās your catalyst.
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Wise words, will have to try,glad its worked out for you
Yes its going to be hard,will have to stop sticking my head in the sand.
I tried once and got reply,"thats all i think about"and that it was a waste of time as i suffer with P E.and over too fast.
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My partner only ever wanted sex once a month if I was lucky I thought she just wasnāt interested or I was bad and didnāt know how to please her . She used to work long hours at a very stressful job as soon as she left that depressing job sex picked up 100%
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Thatās a very harsh response from her. Did you ever tell her how that made you feel?
Remember your needs are valid as well. Obviously just take what Iāve said with a grain of salt as Iāve said it without having much context or information, you obviously have the insight as to what might work and what wonāt.
Sounds like you at least need to figure out what the future looks like and if repairing this is something you both want. Sending all the strength
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Sorry not my business but AJ you seem like nice guy and deserve to be treated the same no one should make a comment like that to their partner if she was a caring partner she would want to work through the problems not try silence you
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Thank you,will try and talk,but never seems to be agood time,and normally she makes it into a argument and want talk rationally and storms off,making me feel worse for bringing it up and guiltily.
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I find driving out somewhere helpfulā¦less likely to storm off. Somewhere with a nice view and few people to earwig, away from the pressures of home. Take a picnic ā¦ I enjoy spending time with you, I miss our intimacy, what can we doā¦
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Great idea.
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