Hi there :)
I have written a few posts before regarding myself and my partner's sex life, or lack of!!
Today I'm writing pretty much about the same issue however I'm seeking advice on how to fix this asap... We haven't been having much sex lately and when we do it is brief. Last week, we had anal sex for the first time in ages but it lasted about 5mins unntil he came and I stimulated myself to orgasm. Last night, he initiated sex without any prior warning, meaning I wasn't aroused or 'ready' and it done absolutely nothing for me...I was beginning to enjoy it and he came so that was that. This has caused me to fake orgasms as I get to a point where I'm fed up and want it over and done with. It's seriously getting to me now. After sex, he said it feels better for him the less wet I am... whereas it's vice versa for me.
So I suppose my question is, how do I fix this? I have had a child so perhaps I am a bit 'big' now. I bought the ben wa balls but think I may need a bigger size... I just don't know what to do to improve things :/
you need to talk to him, tell him that it isnt working for you
Hi Pleasure Seeker,
I feel for you as a few years ago this happened to us. He was the one who always instigated, giving me no warning and as I had a very active toddler to look after I was completely knackered and just couldn't be bothered! He'd usually go down on me to get me in the mood which was nice but most of the time I just wanted it to be over and done with so I could get some sleep. He would come quite quickly too and like you I had to finish myself off, then he would fall asleep pretty much straight away and I'd be lying there wide awake for hours! Also, things were so predictable - always before sleeping, pretty much always in the same position, doing the same stuff, always in the bed etc.
Not sure there's any one thing that changed it really, I got pregnant again and whilst pregnant I was really horny all the time, but since then we've tried to make a real effort to keep things fresh. Have you tried talking to him about it? Perhaps in the evenings he could kiss your neck or touch your bum while you're cooking dinner or something? Maybe even mix it up and give him head earlier on in the evening when you're watching tv so when you do have sex later on he'll last longer.
Thanks for the replies :)
He's just come in from work and has announced he's making dinner and I've to sit down and relax... sooo I put the baby to bed and am now in front of the telly wondering why he's being so nice!! Odd.
@Choclover, we are living with his father and sister so any kind of romance in front of them is a no-no. I get embarrassed when he kisses me or hugs me in front of them and I think this may have a lot to do with the situation we're in at the moment. When they are out and the baby is in bed, we do have a few mins to have fun but that is rare and lately he is more interested in his playstation than me :/
He works really long hours (6 day week up at 6am home at 8pm) so when I bring up sex he gets annoyed that I don't understand that he is tired blah blah blah... that frustrates me even more because he has plenty of energy to do other things yet pleasing me doesn't seem to be one of them. Although, as I said, he is making a nice gesture tonight so hopefully this is a step in the right direction. Another problem would be his father or sister hearing us in the bedroom. I can be quite loud but am very conscious of it now and he is too which means we are kind of limited :/
Thanks again !
It's difficult when living with someone else, hubby and I have lived with family now on two occassions and it's something we don't want to repeat. I think the first time we were not really keen on having sex because of the noise issue and the "what if they catch us" issue, mostly because we weren't married at the time. The second time round though we were married, and have just had a baby so it wasn't as if they thought we didn't have sex so we just got on and did it, although I made sure I didn't make too much noise which does put a bit of a downer on the whole thing!
Enjoy your dinner.
Hi,
I have similar problems, so I can very well understand! One thing that has helped though is to say what I don't want, including being dry during sex. I was afraid that I'd reject the few times we had sex at all, but strangely the situation got better. He is more conscious that I am wet enough and I guess the honesty created some intimacy, which results in a little bit more sex... I also think that our OH's notice that we don't have fun, so some hint here and there might increase our pleasure and their self-esteem. It is a long way though. Good luck :)