Hubby has always been a long laster and I'm used to it. But recently during sex he just doesn't seem to come and has to withdraw and finish himself off over me. I'm starting to wonder just why having sex with me doesn't seem to make him climax.
Am I doing something wrong?
I know I need to talk to him I do and I am gonna but I'm worried that if it's physiological by talking to him it will make it worse. You know what I mean?
Any tips on what I can do to make it better for him?
I really think other than this issue our sex life is better than ever lately. But this issue is worrying me.
Hi Pinky
Your not doing anything wrong . I'm in my 50s and I'm likewise it's only started to be like this the year or so.
I've tried with the better half to try different things positions ect. I personally would like her to massage my P spot to see if it helps but it's not for her.
I don't know if it's worth you trying this with your mr you never know it could help.
I'm frustrated as hell at times as personally I feel as though I'm missing out (we have almost always finished together).
Hope you can sort it out if yoy do let me know how you managed
The best thing you can do is ask him! We could throw hundreds of tips at you, but if it's not right for him it's not gonna help.
I hope you work things out though!
My hubby does this sometimes, not all the time but sometimes. I don't see it as a problem. He always make sure I'm completely satisfied first. Occasionally I get myself off with my fingers during sex but he dosen't have a problem with that.
If it bothers you then it needs to be discussed. As we get older (I don't know your ages) climaxing can take longer and can become a little more difficult. Have you tried experimenting with different positions ? If you're into anal, a vibrating butt plug inserted into you while he penetrates you vaginally should help him to climax as the vibrations felt through you will feel amazing.....so I'm told 😉. Does he masturbate much ? It could be that he's got used to the feeling of using his hand or a toy and has subconsciously become reliant on that.
I'm sure its nothing that either of you are doing 'wrong' specifically but it's worth bringing up the subject. It maybe something that he would like to discuss but is reluctant to start the conversation.....because of the reason you stated perhaps ? That you may think it's your fault. Have a chat and maybe you can both come up with a plan of action xx
My partner takes a long time too. And it can be worrying. I was going to ask if there was a product that was the opposite of delay spray the other day.
I've spoken to my partner about it a few times and feel reassured that it doesn't have anything to do with what we're doing. He loves everything. We make love nearly every night and he says he's always been the same, even when he was younger. I'm sure if you spoke to your man he'd reassure you that everything's OK too.
Sorry I can't offer advice but know you're not alone 😊
Terri JJ wrote:
My hubby does this sometimes, not all the time but sometimes. I don't see it as a problem. He always make sure I'm completely satisfied first. Occasionally I get myself off with my fingers during sex but he dosen't have a problem with that.
If it bothers you then it needs to be discussed. As we get older (I don't know your ages) climaxing can take longer and can become a little more difficult. Have you tried experimenting with different positions ? If you're into anal, a vibrating butt plug inserted into you while he penetrates you vaginally should help him to climax as the vibrations felt through you will feel amazing.....so I'm told 😉. Does he masturbate much ? It could be that he's got used to the feeling of using his hand or a toy and has subconsciously become reliant on that.
I'm sure its nothing that either of you are doing 'wrong' specifically but it's worth bringing up the subject. It maybe something that he would like to discuss but is reluctant to start the conversation.....because of the reason you stated perhaps ? That you may think it's your fault. Have a chat and maybe you can both come up with a plan of action xx
&1 It sometimes happens with me .Tiredness is my worst foe .However I always make sure I satisfy my partner usually by toy or finger stimulation You could also try ridin g him Cowgirl style as that often helps me especially when wearing a vibrating cock ring
But to answer your question you arn't doing anything wrong.
But if it is beginning to bug you then talk about it and work out perhaps a new position to try etc.
If he thinks you are worries about it then that may cause a bigger issue in regards to him finishing as hell be worried about it an may cause some performance anxiety.
My husband went through a period like this. I can't comment on you husband but these are some of the things we did to help in our situation.
Firstly is the biggie when it comes to some couples. Anal. Not just receiving but giving. By that I mean for him there was something about having a but plug or the like inserted in him preferably vibrating that added a whole new level of sensation. On the flip side the excitement of me allowing him to give me anal took it to another level.
Secondly I brought an inexpensive game, something like what lovehoney offer like dirty deeds or the slightly tamer bedroom vows. We would do a card a day even the ones that we were unsure of or didn't particularly like the idea of. The variety it brought created giggles passion and sometimes outright laughter.
Lastly mutual mastication. I brought us both new and exiting toys and we lay on the bed and played with ourselfs just touching and petting a nipple here or there. Taking away the pressure to please your partner while still enjoying each others orgasims was a great stress reliever. We still do it now on occasions. It also made the next penetrative sexual encounter all the more intimate.
That's just a few of the things that I did. (All without my partner knowing I was really trying to speed him up a little) and they worked for me.
Your situation might be different but I hope it helps.
Let me know if it helps at all. Its the first time ive come across someone open about the same problem.
Love and light x
V
Mastibation (damnd auto correct!)not mastication!!!
You are doing nothing wrong, quite the opposite. If I climax with my wife I am happy; it doesn't matter too much how it happens. But if I don't then I find it extremely frustrating.
I sometimes go through phases where I want to climax over her. Just the thought of doing this (it seems naughty somehow) can help it happen. She doesn't mind so long as I avoid her belly button!
As I get older I find it harder and harder to climax through penetrative sex alone. If I am tired, stressed or simply have something on my mind (like what gadget to buy next) then I find it more difficult. I have also read that if men masturbate a lot they can become desensitized, which makes penetrative orgasms more difficult.
My suggestion to you, is next time, offer to take matters into your own hands. This may or may not work, as it is sometimes necessary to get the right rythm. An alternative would be to grab his b*lls - that always works for me. Men also need visual stimulation. Stocking/suspenders are a massive turn on for me. We even watch porn sometimes while we are having sex, which never fails for me.
If you are worried about talking to him about it, then wait until just after sex. At that time he is likely to be as happy and receptive as he ever will be. My wife reckons I would agree to anything at that moment.
One thing I have learned with my wife is that the most important thing you can do together is to communicate. That is especially true for sex. If I had learnt that sooner I am sure my first marriage would never have ended.
Update.
Well we sort of talked and it seems like he stops because it takes him a long time a lot longer than me so he stops to avoid hurting me and making me sore.
Then after the talk we had pretty good downstairs sex. Even if he still pulled out 😮😮
I think it's a looking battle lol. So ill just enjoy the fact we are having sex lol.
Thanks for all the great advice ,xx
hey PA! i think most women would kill for their partner to last longer than them lol but i totally get how stressful it is when he cant come and you start questioning everything. have you been having sex more than normal lately? OH lasts longer if he only had sex yesterday of the day before, the longer its been the quicker it is :( have you recovered after that op you had a while back? are you able to use kegal balls? or if you wear a vibrating but plug he could feel the vibrations, or a wevibe?
Young and fun95 wrote:
hey PA! i think most women would kill for their partner to last longer than them lol but i totally get how stressful it is when he cant come and you start questioning everything. have you been having sex more than normal lately? OH lasts longer if he only had sex yesterday of the day before, the longer its been the quicker it is :( have you recovered after that op you had a while back? are you able to use kegal balls? or if you wear a vibrating but plug he could feel the vibrations, or a wevibe?
Hey lovely to see you!
Doesn't matter if it's every day or first time for weeks.
Yeah that was a year ago now, all's fine there.
I can just use them but struggle to keep them in lol!!
I wish I could afford a wevibe! No such luck.
Hi MM! *waves like a lunatic*
try some bigger kegal balls PA and figure out how to clench rhythmically, OH loves that. What about one of those cock rings that vibrates his testicles?
i really don't think you're doing anything wrong though, I think it's just how he is.
Have you ever tried masturbating while hubby is screwing you, finishes mine off every time, just make sure he is watching,
Personally as a straight male I have never done this, cos I feel it's a shame to waste it by doing that.
But be honest with you partner and just ask him why, or say to him that you don't enjoy it when he comes over you during sex.
I thought I would revisit this with updates.
So we did have a chat and it transpired that he stops because he thinks it's making me sore because he goes for so long.
The Times we get into it and I really am enjoying it and I let go and make noises and clench without really knowing I am he manages it.
I'm fact he's managed to come inside me the last two times we did it!! 