My wife of 30 years is no longer interested in sex, although we still 'do it' about every 6 weeks. Unknown to her I wank about 3-4 times per week. She will not watch porn anymore or dress up and sex always happens on the bedroom. I've tried romantic weekends away, walking into the front room naked to shock her, I've tried talking to her but she doesn't want to know. The spark has gone so I've suggested trying new things (anal, me coming in her mouth, facials, massage, outdoor sex, in the car,I will even try a threesome MMF of MFF if she wants) I just want the old missus back, what can I do ladies?
Hello bb. Maybe try taking her out for a nice meal. Then after you could make the bedroom all nice with candles and roses and romantic music some nice wine too?
I agree.... but I think you should go all out to make her happy and show her you care.... take her for a meal, suggest a day out somewhere one weekend.... take her for a walk along the beach... go to watch a film.....
But when you get back, just snuggle... watch a DVD etc.... but don't initiate sex.... that way she will see that you still the man she married - loving and caring - and not entirely fixated on sex (even though you probably aren't). By not asking for it... she'll realise that your efforts were for her... not for her knickers.....
That might make her more relaxed in the long term and might reignite the spark you seek?
I'm a reformed "not interested" and I honestly don't know what to say. If you'd have tried anything with me I'd have felt pressured into sex and I'd have shut down further. All the romantic gestures, whilst well-meaning, just made me feel more pressured.
The change has to come from her. I just woke up one day not that long ago and thought life, and sex in particular, were passing me by. I loved my husband, I just didn't love myself. So I decided to make sex fun for myself, I bought toys (we'd never used them before), I became bolder, i got over my insecurities and rather than rejecting me, as I'd feared, my OH loves it. We have so much fun now, whereas sex used to be a chore.
My advice would be talk to her, reassure her that you love her, sex or not, but that you miss the closeness and the fun. Try and have fun with her without the sex, laugh together, do fun things and if she does want to try, get out of your bedroom, which maybe reminds her of her hang-ups, and take her to a hotel. Have a bubble bath, buy her some sexy but classy underwear, get some of the fun toys, maybe some massage oil.
i hope you and she can reconnect because she's missing out. Maybe read my reply to her so she can understand she's not that unusual.
I agree, all the things you are doing will seem pressuring to her. I went through a reasonably bad patch through lack of confidence but once I had a good talk with my OH he assured me that those thoughts were in my head and he reassured me. The best thing you can do is forget about sex and talk to her, make sure she knows how attractive she is to you, and most of all be gentle about it, don't just say she's hot, say she's beautiful.
As what most have said have the quality time together build up her confidence have snuggle time, enjoy going out have a date night , no pressure to have sex , Plan a night out send her a txt be ready for 7pm I am taking you out book your favourite resturated have fun enjoy each other
I'd ask her what SHE wants. All of your suggestions are likely to be fantasies of yours, making her feel inadequate.
She probably is painfully aware there is a prolem in your sexual relationship which will cause problems in other areas and if she feels you are adding pressure she will react negatively.
I know you are obviously craving sex with your wife, but put your own needs on the backseat for a while to try and get her drive up and running again.
All the suggestions here have been good ones so try out some of those.
My advice would be talk to her, reassure her that you love her, sex or not, but that you miss the closeness and the fun. Try and have fun with her without the sex, laugh together, do fun things and if she does want to try, get out of your bedroom, which maybe reminds her of her hang-ups, and take her to a hotel. Have a bubble bath, buy her some sexy but classy underwear, get some of the fun toys, maybe some massage oil.
This!
Try to go back to the beginning. Do the things you used to do when you first got together. Maybe set a 'date night' once a week or month or whatever you can fit in, but stick to it. Don't make it so hard to stick to that its a chore, you want it to be special. So maybe once a month.
Take the focus off sex completely and focus on sensual, being close to each other. In fact, maybe even banning sex would have the desired effect!
I hope you work through it. Has anything happened recently? A change in her life? New job, a bereavement maybe, or has she given birth recently? Has she been ill? Stressed out at work? If you can find the reason she's gone off sex maybe you can find a solution.
only other thing I can suggest if all else fails, maybe couples sex therapy or counselling can help you.
You will never fix a stalled sex life with suggestions of more sex. It will come across as selfish.
The suggestions so far are what you need to follow. You need to reconnect with absolutley no pressure for sex. Promise her that you will not ask or push for sex. The best way to increase desire, is to remove availability
Do you still do things together or are you leading seperate lives? This happened to me and sadly my wife & I are no longer together, we just grew apart. The lady I married all those years ago is not the lady I am divorcing. On the up side, I now have a new lady & we love each other to bits, we go out have fun, enjoy each day & yes the sex is great, we both love to try new things. I afraid life sometimes goes like this, so you really need to talk to your wife & find out what she wants in your relationship.