Hope you’re in a better place @Scottishfunk
Hope that reading through this you know you’re not alone in this situation. I was too… for too long and know how much it hurts inside everyday… and the huge weight it is to carry.
Hugs
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I know exactly how you feel @Scottishfunk as my wife and I only have sex once every 1 - 2 yrs no matter how good I am to her. She just isn’t interested. I recently ordered and got in some Foria CBD arousal oil and sex lube to hopefully give it a try during a complete full body massage as it is supposed to heighten all of her vaginal sensations.
Just remember you are not alone in this
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Still hanging in there @CurvyJilly. Things have improved slightly but still have to live with the fact my wife doesn’t like sex (or intimacy) which is horrendously frustrating for me. I have ups and downs, the downs are not good. I appreciate you looking out for me.x
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@Scottishfunk believe me when I say you are not alone. I’m staring down the barrels of a life of self pleasure as my sex life started dying 2016/17.
It’s uncanny how many similarities there are between ourselves and situation,though in my wife’s (slight) defence her condition makes it VERY difficult to have any form of penetrative sex but she still has hands and a mouth…
My 50th birthday weekend away resulted in a little foreplay (lovehoney dice) and nothing else leaving me so fuckin frustrated we ended up having a massive row which kind of ruined the trip.
I’m at a loss as to what to do as it’s depressing to say the least, the feelings of rejection, loneliness,even resentment that she’s effectively ended my sexlife unless she gives consent to sex with another woman (which isn’t about to happen any time soon)
I’m not without my issues as big regret that my subconscious had been hiding from me for many years came to the surface and hit me like a freight train in my mid forties sending me out of control in a few aspects of my life (obesity, drink,work) and it nearly cost me dearly…I am however in a better place now after seeing a grief recovery specialist though I have my ups and downs and the biggest downer is my (lack of) sex life.
So whilst our situations regarding sex are similar our reasons are different but we aren’t alone.
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Definitely not alone. We’ve not had sex since our daughter was born 6 years ago. At first I knew her body had been through a lot so i didn’t even suggest intimacy. After a few months she said she was tired all the time, which I could relate to and I didn’t want to push her. But then every time I suggested sex there has always been another reason why she doesn’t want it like ''it doesn’t feel right when our daughter is in the room next door". I look at solutions but she bring up other problems so now I’ve pretty much given up. It always causes an argument when I talk about our sex life so I try to avoid it now. I really don’t understand what more I can do, out relationship is otherwise great but I miss the sex much
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It’s crazy how many people are in a similar situation to me. Thought I was an isolated case, why would anyone else put up with a sexless marriage? I’ve considered a lot of things in the past few years and none of them have a happy ending. Am I selfish?
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@Scottishfunk I hadn’t realised you were previously BigishBen - have wondered how you were.
No not selfish at all. I have a male friend who is in a very similar position to you and its devastating to hear how it affects people.
Especially difficult as I thankfully have a very loving sex life with my Husband. I very much link love and sex and am not sure how I’d function without.
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I put up with it because other than the lack of sex our relationship is great. If I did wander elsewhere I know it would destroy everything and if I can avoid it I really don’t want to end our marriage.
Everytime we have something coming up like a birthday, a night out, kid having a sleepover at grandparents, etc I always work myself up thinking that tonight is the night then just end up disappointed but I know my disappointment comes across to her so she starts asking what’s up. When I tell her it’s because I wanted to have sex the next argument starts. I need to learn to stop building myself up to something which, in reality, I know isn’t going to happen!
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Have the same issues
OH will do oral half-heartedly. She will never swallow due to friend of mine cumming in her mouth and made her sick - long story. She will mastubate me but again its half-hearted. She will not do anal, used to and so much with previous bfs… admitted she did a couples swap over where the lads did piv and anal. She was so up 4 it at one time but now off. She does not mastubate, only for a spell where i found she had been sexting someone.
She is straight forward piv girl for me and that’s it when I can get her to do it.
I love her very much and find her so sexy. She says she finds me sexy too but has little sex drive . I Want to be with her. But i having a high sex drive is frustrating, I even been considering discrete safe sex with escort girl but wouldn’t know where to start looking and how safe it is.
Tried all sorts of toys and suggestions. It is frustrating. When piv or oral is allowed its good and I guess I have to be happy for that.
There are some lucky guys on here who have it no holes bared on tap it seems. Lucky guys
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@jamesansel indeed I know those feelings. Came very close to booking a meeting with an escort on more than one occasion, but I always bottle it as I don’t want to be “that guy”. Family is everything to me and I believe sex plays a role in that. As I said previously our sex life took a nose dive as soon as the blue line was spotted on our pregnancy test. We had a traumatic birth. Our son was a nightmare child for 2 years when it came to sleep, so I was pretty much sofa bound every night. My wife has admitted she had post natal depression. Nobody ever asks what effect it has on the father. I sound horrible but our son is thriving now at 4 years old and I’d move earth and heaven for him, there is no resentment of him. I gave my wife 3 years of not really trying for affection but it seems she thinks I don’t need any at all now. I feel alone in a family of 3. I watch porn to get kicks and plan solo sessions when I get any free time to myself. I have better sex with a fleshligh than with my wife. Once after a bad session with her, that felt so one sided on my behalf I attacked myself with a pair of nail scissors when she was downstairs to clean up. I was cut from torso to chest and it took her weeks to notice even though I sleep topless. She knew it was self harm even though I blamed it on my sisters dog jumping up on me, but she didn’t want to face the truth or the conversation. I’m swimming against the current and it’s not getting any better.
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Hang in there @Scottishfunk.
You are not alone.
There are many in your situation. I am very similar and you wouldn’t believe how helpful the testing items are in relighting the passion.
Because it’s not me buying it, my wife doesn’t feel I am pressuring her in to sex or finding a nice toy.
My wife could easily stop having it, and you are right, it is so painful to be turned down by the one you love so much.
I am also a big family man and have thought about how to get sex elsewhere but could never bring my self to do that.
I am married and will stay loyal, but my god I am losing patience.
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I’ve only dropped to the point of self harm once but it was on my arm so I could make excuses about what it was from. Much the same as you, I’ve considered visiting an escort but I dont think it would solve much for me and would be a short term fix for a week or so.
When I’ve thought about leaving before I know I could get more sex but then I also know it would impact my relationship with my daughter which I would never want.
I satisfy myself now by staying up after the Mrs has gone to bed then having a wank. I know my wife doesn’t maturbate at all, she just seems to have lost all sex drive since the day she got pregnant! She went back on the pill after she gave birth but about 18 months later stopped because even she said there was no need for it seen as we weren’t having sex, depressing when the pack of condoms I bought then went out of date without being used.
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@Scottishfunk just an idea, does she know about the fleshlight or is it hidden away?
I resort to solo anal play prostrate massage large dildo which is hidden away. I can’t think what she’d think or do if she knew I f*cked myself with a dildo.
Yes I watch lots of porn too. I’m into MTF stuff too.
Back to you and the fleshilight, I’m wondering could you approach and tell her you got one and ask her nicely to use it on you??? Maybe it could spark something off?
Sorry to hear you felt so low. And I know about bottling it. Im scared I’ll be secretly filmed and poss blackmail if I go to a brothel… maybe mad paranoid. And as so rightly said only sorts the frustration (if it goes well) for a little time. Like scratching an itch I guess
Please do something for you - look after no.1 for a change you’re not alone.
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Man, this is tough. I went through much the same thing for years.
You should know that things eventually got better between me and my wife but I know that it took a lot longer than I wanted.
She said her vagina had dried up to the point that any kind of vaginal sex hurt no matter how much lube I used or time I took.
She tried hormonal therapy but developed DVT and I refused to let her go that route. I would have rather had her by my side than have the sex.
Years went by and I guess she finally decided that I loved her more than the sex. The last three years we were together we actually had some great sex just not vaginal sex.
I wasted a lot of years by not getting help from a therapist.
Don’t make the same mistake I made, get help for both your sakes.
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@Scottishfunk no you are not selfish…and soooo not alone…and also to other members who have posted on the thread.
Many different reasons maybe as to how couples get to that situation. But alot are in it…and there doesn’t seem an easy way out of it. It’s hard when you’re living it day in day out.
More than a decade for me and in that time I tried everything… toys… underwear… and I’m up for anything…
To be turned down time and time again and hearing every excuse you could imagine…my confidence hit rock bottom…thought I must be ugly… my body after children…thought my intimate areas must be disgusting…cried myself to sleep at night for years. I found that no-one believed me either…there was no hugs…kisses any intimacy at all.
I can’t say I know how you feel…because things affect us all in different ways. But what I can say is you’re not alone. Please don’t hurt yourself anymore… Rant…vent…chat on here…always someone posting on the threads.
Hugs
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@CurvyJilly, so sorry to hear, sending many hugs .
@Scottishfunk, I hope things get better soon mate 
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Dude I know all bout it… my missus,which I love to bits is veey sexually boring…I often fantasise bout things that she would literally be disgusted at, a lot of people probably would but can’t help thinking bout it. My best friend is a woman, she gave me the best talking to when she realised I was considering escorts for it…I still fantasise bout the ‘dark things’ but know I have more to lose than gain
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@jamesansel yes I’m still here. The wife doesn’t even talk about sex so bringing up the flashlight isn’t really an option. Reckon she knows I pleasure myself anyway, but probably not in those ways. I also enjoy using aneros prostate massagers when I’m alone
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