As my gf and I are long distance, the idea of an open relationship is something that crops up in conversations sporadically, but recently we have talking about polyamorous relationships. (Not actually participating in them, just the general idea and theory behind them)
Has anyone here ever had, or know people in polyamorous relationships? That is, people having one or more consentual romantic partners, or three people becoming a 'triple', as opposed to the traditional two becoming a 'couple'
Human nature and jalousy make me think that it will flounder....but depends on the people themselves.....dont think I could cut it
I'm poly and knew I was from a young age.
Poly relationships vcen be challenging and tricky, well, just like any relationship. There's good and there's bad.
The biggest problem I've had with being poly is the way people from the outside can judge you. My family and friends know I'm poly and a few think I'm being selfish/ greedy, etc.
Also, in the past, sometimes it can be tricky when one person in the relationship becomes over protective of an individual.
The Nymphomaniac wrote:
The biggest problem I've had with being poly is the way people from the outside can judge you. My family and friends know I'm poly and a few think I'm being selfish/ greedy, etc.
I can't say I'm surprised at this. I've tried to talk to friends about open relationships, and most aren't even open-minded about that.
I know of people in relationships like that. I think it's something that is always going to be complicated but it clearly can work quite effectively depending on the people involved following the correct boundaries and rules. It's not something to enter into lightly and isn't just a way of having more sexual partners (I would imagine many people in poly relationships would take issue with the perception some people have that it's as simple as that) but I can see how it would work for some people.
Certainly interesting but I don't think I could do it.
Adx
The Nymphomaniac wrote:
I'm poly and knew I was from a young age.
Poly relationships vcen be challenging and tricky, well, just like any relationship. There's good and there's bad.
The biggest problem I've had with being poly is the way people from the outside can judge you. My family and friends know I'm poly and a few think I'm being selfish/ greedy, etc.
Also, in the past, sometimes it can be tricky when one person in the relationship becomes over protective of an individual.
I didn't refresh before I posted. Guess I just repeated what you said hehe!
Adx
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I know of people in relationships like that. I think it's something that is always going to be complicated but it clearly can work quite effectively depending on the people involved following the correct boundaries and rules. It's not something to enter into lightly and isn't just a way of having more sexual partners (I would imagine many people in poly relationships would take issue with the perception some people have that it's as simple as that) but I can see how it would work for some people.
Certainly interesting but I don't think I could do it.
Adx
I agree. I've found the best way for it to work is to have set rules and goals which everyone understands and are ok with... otherwise it just falls to pieces.
Also you're right, it's not all about sex. Like any relationship there's other things, such as dating, family events, emotional support, fights, etc.
I've tried not being oly, but it has just made me very depressed. So I've just accepted it now and seem pretty happy.
Alicia D'amore wrote:
The Nymphomaniac wrote:
I'm poly and knew I was from a young age.
Poly relationships vcen be challenging and tricky, well, just like any relationship. There's good and there's bad.
The biggest problem I've had with being poly is the way people from the outside can judge you. My family and friends know I'm poly and a few think I'm being selfish/ greedy, etc.
Also, in the past, sometimes it can be tricky when one person in the relationship becomes over protective of an individual.
I didn't refresh before I posted. Guess I just repeated what you said hehe!
Adx
Hahah, don't worry. You also made some good points which I missed =)
How does that work when children arrive
I guess the same way as a "normal" relationship would? Child has a mum and a dad, or a mum and a mum, dad and dad whatever. And then extra people around who help with caregiving.
Not so unusual to have multiple people involved in bringing up a child (it's how things worked historically us being social animals!) so as long as everyone in the relationship is happy I don't see how it would be any more difficult. It'd have different challenges, but every childhood has challenges!
Adx
gunther wrote:
How does that work when children arrive
It depends on the type of poly relationship.
I know someone who has kids and lives in a poly household. They all help each other out etc and it seems to work very well for them =)
I also know others who keep their poly relationships hidden and live/ set up house with the father/ mother but still see others but away from their home life.
With me, in the past when planning for children came up, the people I was in a poly relationship, all were ok with it and very supportive. All would help bring up kids etc, but of course finding out who the father is was important, but some said they didn't care about it. This was just us chatting once about it, and I'm just surpised how calm and well it went =) So I feel that if I had kids while in a poly relationship then it woukd work out.
Yeah, I guess in theory it's no different from having a nanny, or au pair? I'm sure I heard about Native American tribes, where new mothers would share the breastfeeding of the children amongst themselves as well.
you mean a mother of a child would be content when the father goes of on holiday with his other polyamour?
Gunther, the children probably would be used to that .. and they may all go on holiday together perhaps.
I think if the relationships are healthy and they all get along and there is love within the relationships i cant see why it couldnt work. Its not something i would do myself.
gunther wrote:
you mean a mother of a child would be content when the father goes of on holiday with his other polyamour?
Yes.
Even though I lack kids, I'm fine with this, and have been on holiday with one or two people I'm in a relationship with, while some stay behind =) and sometimes I've stayed at home while others go away etc.
My opinion is that so long as all parties are happy and its working for everyone involved and that includes any children that might be involved in the family group, then its fine, I think that people get far to wrapped up in what other people are doing sometimes. What matters is that its happy and healthy and that nobody is been hurt, just the same as in an exclusive relationship.
lol nympho if it works then fine for me I could only see a huge future can of worm
gunther wrote:
lol nympho if it works then fine for me I could only see a huge future can of worm
Like any relationship it might not work for everyone. Also you have to work at it to make it work, again like a normal relationship (well what society would class normal). =)
Sometimes I do feel like it doesn't work, but often thats when I'm feeling very down anyway and am about to give up on everything.
boobaloo wrote:
My opinion is that so long as all parties are happy and its working for everyone involved and that includes any children that might be involved in the family group, then its fine, I think that people get far to wrapped up in what other people are doing sometimes. What matters is that its happy and healthy and that nobody is been hurt, just the same as in an exclusive relationship.
Couldn't agree more =)
maybe its because my first gf wanted me to share with 13 others lol while i was saving to get us a flat