Recently me and my OH have been lacking in the passion department, I'm very kinky anyway and we have lots of toys and equipment so it's not for lack of trying.
it feels like life has made us lose our romance, does anyone have any tips for this??
im never normally nervous but this guy has me so confused about it all I'm beginning to feel nervous making the first move and I'm normally very confident, very confident indeed!
Have you tried role play? This might both spice up things physically but also allow you both to distance yourselves from whatever stresses you might be having in your 'own' lives.
Yeah sometimes. I am low in confidence and don't like making the first move. But then so is hubby which means often the both of us are lying there thinking whos gonna make the first move and noone does! sometimes you have to just bite the bullet.
pinkanimal wrote:
sometimes you have to just bite the bullet.
Or at least reach for it. :p
DreamOfTheEndless wrote:
pinkanimal wrote:
sometimes you have to just bite the bullet.
Or at least reach for it. :p
ahaha yes well reach for something at least........
He's so vanilla about sex and I'm the complete opposite, I've bought costumes, toys, equipment.... All sorts and he's just not interested... Which is a first for me.
it feels like we've grown distant sexually! Yet whenever we go away somewhere it's amazing :)
Did you discuss with him Before buying things??
Entering into anything other than vanilla sex really requires both participants to be happy and into it.
Mostly we have vanilla, sometimes we have double choc chip with sauce!! You get me??
Bottom line is you can't make him do something he's not comfortable with.
Comunication. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and how you think you are growing apart.
You both need to make time for romance. Cook a nice meal, couple of drinks, sexy undies, give eachother a nice long massage, and see where things go from there. Try keeping everything relaxed.
I agree with J&lxxxx My OH is the same and very vanilla, and i have been trying to introduce him into things and suprisingly he loves it (very quiet guy).
I'd buy some massage oil - I would recommend this. I have tried all of them now and prefer this ! See where things go after a massage - it may even get him to open up to you with conversation if nothing else comes of it.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26221
I hope all goes well for you !
I discuss things with him and he agrees, gets used once then never again. I've got loads of oils and massage candles and spoke to him too... This is a difficult one, I'll try just laying ont he romance real heavy, see where that leads. Thanks guys!
Funnily enough I have that massage oil and candle! Smells like heaven haha
Ok I'll share a little bit about us..
In a role reversal to you I (the man) was feeling that our sex life was also dwindling at times. So I suggested a scenario where once a month each one of us had to pick a sexual activity. There were no rules other than you could not refuse to take part, but you could pick a different time.
So for example if she was not in the mood or I was not in the mood, so long as we did the activity by the end of the month, then that was fine if they were not in the mood that night.
Sometimes it could be costumes and toys.
Other times it maybe as simple as just masterbating the other partner to completion. Or a gentle build up where the one being teased was not able to rush themselves to orgasm.
I would ask how long you have been together as there is always a period where the passion drops and people settle into living together. As it can't be new all the time, but it can grow.
That's a brilliant idea! I will definitely suggest this, perhaps get him to make a list if he is to shy to vocalise what he wants? Worth a try isn't it!
weve been together sometime over two years but we are settling into living with each other as we have been living together for around a year and a half.
Toina wrote:
That's a brilliant idea! I will definitely suggest this, perhaps get him to make a list if he is to shy to vocalise what he wants? Worth a try isn't it!
weve been together sometime over two years but we are settling into living with each other as we have been living together for around a year and a half.
Well in that case it's certainly worth a try. Although always be aware if you ask him what he wants, he may surprise you.
Do you have a kermitt the frog costume. ;)
I would say be patient. My OH was far more sexually gregarious and confident during the first 10-12 years of our relationship. But he never got frustrated by my vanilla attitude. .I was a big prude. That patience is now being rewarded, as a life changing event made me re-evaluate my priorities and I became voracious, sexually adventurous,believing that variety is the spice of life. Once you find the trigger for your OH, you may not be able to, or want to, stem the tide. Hope you get what you want, and enjoy the ride.
Maybe step back al ittle from the sex, and take a trip to a few places that have significance or hold special memories for you as a couple? The first place you met, where you went for your first date, had your first kiss, said "i love you" for the first time, things like that. Places and activities that stir up strong memories and remind you want it was that first attracted you to each other, where it was that you were hit by all the "wow" moments as you discovered eachother and all the depths and quirks you each have, even the most trivial things that you find attract you to them.
Thankyou, for your advice. It is definitely helpful at this frustrating time. I will try everything, even stepping away from the sexual side, I'm beginning to think that may be helpful