Me and my partner were being playful earlier and I did something to slightly annoy/tease him. I looked at him and said well you can spank me for it later. We just had a session a few hours ago and I was anticipating him spanking me, he never did. I assumed that he forgot are something. After we finished and calmed down I asked him why he didn’t. He was honest and said he didn’t want to hurt me and he felt he was hitting me rather than loving me. I found his concern really sweet and gave him a cuddle. Should I try telling him I want him too or not bother asking again? I’m not upset or mad he didn’t, it was just a overwhelming urge for him to do it 🤤
Can’t edit but he said along time ago he also found it demeaning for a women.
I had my first proper spanking with a FWB...he didn't really want to try it but after talking it through it was because he didn't want to hurt me...how hard to spank...and simply because he'd not done it before. I said I really wanted him to do it and to try with light smacks at first to see how it went. He agreed to that and I said if it felt ok to him to go harder and if he felt uncomfortable to stop...and if it hurt me I'd tell him to stop too...he carressed and kissed my ass after every other spank and it got harder and harder...it was amazing...I had red cheeks for days afterwards...best spanking I've ever had. So talk it through and suggest light smacks at first and progress from there... Communication is the key. Good luck.
It's really important not to force your OH into doing anything they don't want to in any type of play. Even though I've explained to my husband that spanking me is not 'hitting a woman' he's still reluctant. He only very occasionally will give me a small slap on the buttocks but I never try to push it, it's really up to what he feels comfortable with.
I suggest the same for you. You've recently had the conversation, and he knows you are happy to receive, so it's entirely up to him whether or not he's happy to give. Mentioning it again would only cause him anxiety.
If that’s how he feels about it there’s not much that can be done to change his mind. However, next time you guys are in doggy position if you are able to spank yourself when he’s doggying you he might see how much you enjoy it and might start. Over emphasise how you won’t be in pain but will just be turned on. My bf weren’t into it at first and now he spanks me during doggy but it’s never hard enough but definitely sexy
ive always liked being spanked - i even invested in a riding crop too - but Ive not been a great fan of returning the favour. Party it me being more sub than dom but yes there is definitely something there about not wanting to strike a woman, even if she wants it in play
Mrs Sen and I have engaged in a bit of spanking, but I am always much tamer than she is. She gets quite the thrill leaving a paddle (or hand, or wooden spoon) mark on my backside, whereas I do tend to hold back due to not wanting to hurt her. She has never used our safe words to cease or ease off, but its ingrained in me.
We should all only do what we are comfterble with and that is for both partners. Giving and receiving.OH loved to be the giver but only to a certain point which was still pretty excessive. Ie very red bottom and boobs. He knew I got very turned on and wanted a step further. It took a few years and me showing him online things and reinacting these situations. We visited a club in Berlin To spectate only 😜... Since then he has been happier to higher the bar but I have been happy to wait for him to make that decision himself xx1💋
You could try having a proper conversation about it, away from the bedroom and highly charged situation.
You can discuss measures that could be put in place to reassure him that you will let him know where the boundaries are, the traffic light system is good because you can use amber to let him know that it's getting close to pushing a limit.
He will need to trust you to honestly communicate your limits, and he needs to be reassured that if he respects those boundaries there will be no reason for judgement.
Ultimately though it can't be forced and even if he does agree he needs to know that withdrawal of his consent (to spank or otherwise 'hurt' you) at any point will be respected.
EmmaC1989 wrote:
He was honest and said he didn’t want to hurt me and he felt he was hitting me rather than loving me. I found his concern really sweet and gave him a cuddle. Should I try telling him I want him too or not bother asking again? I’m not upset or mad he didn’t, it was just a overwhelming urge for him to do it 🤤
Hi Emma,
I'm with Amy. Yes, I think you should have a conversation away from the bedroom and when you're not sexually aroused.
I would exphasise that a consentual spanking is a world apart from hitting you. I mean if a partner hit me, I'd be running for the hills, but a consentual spanking is a loving act and if they are done right, it is a very intimate and bonding experience.
Tell him how much you love it, and that if he listens to you whilst spanking you, he won't harm you.
As for the demeaning point, if this is a consentual sex act, then why would he lose the respect of others (would anyone even know), and if you lose your dignity with him, that just adds to the experience. Most kink isn't very dignified, but it is wonderful!
Good luck!
My O/H always used to be relcutant to spank me, as didn't want to hurt me and started off with very light spanks, which always left me wanting more. Over time, once he realised how much I enjoyed it they did get harder and the first time he left my cheeks glowing red and stinging he cuddled me, caressed my cheeks and asked does that not hurt? I assured him it didn't and told him how nice it felt. We then progessed to a wooden spoon and bath brush. Now have numerous spanking implements from L/H, my favourite being the silclion crop and his favourite being the leather spanking paddle. Before using these we did discuss it and agree on a safe word, which I have never had to use. He now doesn't hold back at all during a spanking, my cheeks are always left red and glowing (as they are this morning after a paddling last night)
Take it slowly and as others have said communication is the key
Yep, a good conversation about it so you both understand each other is best. It's good that he has been honest that he doesn't want to hurt you, you've now got a starting point to help explain to him that it's not about hurting you but enhancing the experience. Definitely best to start with slight strokes and build up as you both get confident.
I love being spanked my partner only does two or three but they are all he’s comfortable with and it leaves me wanting more every time it’s a new found enjoyment but hoping it will grow over time
Maybe get him a feather tickler to start off with? I know it’s not the same sensation for you but just show him it can be fun x
Lots of good suggestions! If it’s something you’re both up for doing, maybe you could watch some porn together that has elements of the kind of spankings you’d enjoy?
It can be hard at first to separate out the real world desires and emotions to protect and nurture a partner from the emotions and desires of impact play. The word 'play' is key here. Play is often ironic, based in fantasy, and separate from the reality of your everyday.
Some people prefer to separate these two different modes of behaviour in a relationship by making the play part ritualised: starting by donning items of clothing, acting out a different persona, or getting props out. For example, he could start by putting a collar or cuffs on you. This can be a useful preparation, to signal a starting point when extreme and normally unacceptable dominant behaviours become acceptable and you are both ready for it. It can be a spoken phrase, a request to put on item X, or anything you feel will set the mood, and make it fun for you both.
I love the other posts about communicating your boundaries and desires. This is so important!. You can include; where on your body you want to be hit, what you want to be hit with, whether you wish to play with degrading or humiliating words, dirty talk, whatever. Being as honest and open as you can, and revisiting it every now and then would help you both learn and be happy this is what you want. He should be able to enjoy the experience more if he's completely sure he has your prior consent for what he's going to do, and is sure of your pleasure and eager desire to submit to him in this way.
Safewords are a key safeguard, to keep up the fantasy of a dominant/ submissive dynamic, and give you a channel of clear communication. This way you're ultimately in control of your pleasure, and he knows if he's in danger of hurting you physically or emotionally.
It's also really important to re-connect afterwards (aftercare) to bring you back together emotionally.
Hopefully then, he will be able to meet your desires, and relax into the role and enjoy himself, safe in the knowledge that you'll enjoy yourself.
Good luck. Hope he and you both can live out your fantasy together!
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