Review Hall of Fame

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lovebirds_x, 26 Jul 2015
Lovehoney Main Squeeze Heavy Double Kegel Balls

Perfect step up for intermediate users

I would class myself as an experienced but intermediate level Kegel ball user. My most recent previous set weighed in at 72g, and I must admit the lack of challenge meant I had fallen out of the habit of using them at all. When the opportunity to test these heavy balls came up I knew these would be exactly what I was looking for as a next step up.

Lovehoney’s silicone is lovely and feels very high quality. Silky soft to the touch, doesn’t attract any fluff, firm but not unyielding, it’s got all the good things silicone should have. As first impressions go, you feel like you’re holding a far more expensive luxury item. Which is good!

The one thing about the silicone is it has a lot of drag. In fact, for the first time ever I needed to use a drop of lube in order to insert these comfortably. Even if you don’t usually use it, I wouldn’t skip the lube.

The size and shape of this set is great; they’re small enough to be comfortable and easy to insert, but large enough that you don’t struggle to keep them inside you. The shape seems to hug you internally and helps them stay snuggly in place. I thought being bigger could make them less of a challenge than my previous set, but I was wrong. It makes them easier to use, but not any less of a work out.

In use, you can seriously notice these balls are inside you. They’re quite long, which at first was a little uncomfortable (especially considering the silicone bridge between the two balls barely flexes at all) but over time gave me a deliciously full feeling. The weight adds to this. I don’t tend to wear Kegel balls to arouse myself but these certainly fit the bill. Bending over puts quite a bit of pressure on your K-spot, which is a great tease. Even just sitting around is a great tease! These certainly are not a set of Kegel balls which you can leave inside you for hours and forget about them.

The free-roaming balls inside the Kegel balls were strangely not noticeable. I jumped about and wiggled my butt for a while but couldn’t feel them at all. This could be a bad thing if you like the feeling of the balls moving inside you, but I actually prefer it this way. A lot of the time when you are wearing Kegel balls you can actually hear the inner balls clicking and clacking, which is embarrassing if someone notices. These are completely silent while inside you, so while you’re not getting the movement sensation you are getting total discretion, which to me is well worth the trade off.

You still get a lot of stimulation from the size and weight inside you, so you don’t really miss the ball movements. These are actually the first set of Kegel balls I’ve used that can turn me on at all, which surprised me. Turns out working out can be fun!

In terms of actually working your muscles, these really do their job. I like to contract my muscles around the Kegel balls every so often rather than just leave them in, and after about 15 minutes of this I could feel my muscles were getting quite tired! This is great as it means you can actually do the whole 15 minutes a day thing doctors recommend and know you’re actually working your muscles.

The little silicone loop may seem irrelevant but is a brilliant compromise to me between having a removal string (comfortable but hard to clean) or one of those long silicone tabs (uncomfortable but easy to clean). You have essentially got a silicone string, comfortable and easy to clean. Perfect! You don’t notice it at all while you’re wearing the Kegel balls, and although it feels like an elastic band it is strong enough to pull the balls out without stretching or snapping. It’s a nice little finishing touch, I really like it!

Once you’ve had your work out, these could not be easier to clean. The thought of a demanding clean up can very easily put you off using your Kegel balls, especially if you don’t have a lot of time to get them used, washed and put away. Obviously these were going to be super easy to maintain because they are made entirely from silicone, but the clever design makes it even easier.

The smooth, one piece design and lack of difficult to clean string means you just pop them out, spritz with toy cleaner or a little soap and water and rinse well. With a lot of kegel balls you either have to remove the balls from a holder or scrub silly little grooves to make sure they are properly clean, which is off-putting. It really is very quick and simple to make sure this set are as good as new.

Overall, I was quite correct that these are the perfect next level of work out for me. They definitely live up to their ‘advanced’ name and they outperformed my expectations in terms of arousal. They’re great quality and work in every way they are supposed to. What more can you say, really? Big old thumbs up from me!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: High quality, great design, very effectively builds both strength and arousal. Easy to keep clean.

Cons: The silicone is a little draggy, needed lube to be able to insert these comfortably.

Bottom Line: Easy and fun to use, if you want an advanced option these are perfect!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @anon58345207, 02 Jul 2015
Lovehoney Adore Me Lace & Microfibre Chemise Set

I Adore This Chemise Set

I purchased the Lovehoney Adore Me Lace & Microfibre Chemise Set to have something new to wear for a special night “in”.

First Impression:

This set will arrive in a clear packaging bag, nothing fancy, but keeps it secure during shipment. The set looks exactly like the picture on the Lovehoney website, the red colour is very true/deep red and vibrant as I was hoping it would be. The black lace is very pretty and provides an excellent contrast on this set.

The Fit:

For the purpose of this review keep in mind I am an US size 10/12, large C cup and have a softer midsection. I ordered this set in a size Large and the fit was perfect!

This chemise provides excellent coverage across my tummy area (which I generally like to cover up if I can), but this coverage does not make the area look bigger or display it in an unflattering way.

The length is also perfect for front coverage but leaves a little cheek peek out for sexiness in the back.

The cups are adequate and I did not have any deaded “side boob” or overspill. These are softcups with a bit of lining for support, but there is not an underwire or any “push up” effect. That is the only aspect of this set I did not love was wishing for more cleavage boost from the cups.

The details:

There are loads of little details on this set really make it so lush and lovely. The ruching in the back highlights your backside. The straps for optional thigh highs are detachable and make this set more versatile if you are not up to or into leg wear. Plus the centre bow and Lovehoney charm are adorable.

The fabrics:

As the product name reads this chemise is made of mainly microfibers… what is a microfiber exactly? I have no idea, but this fabric is stretchy, resists wrinkles and is very soft to the touch. It is also not to thin and feels wonderful when worn. Nothing “cheap” feeling at all with this fabric.

The lace is really elegant and rich looking. The black lace also looks great/coordinates with my Lovehoney Lace & Satin Blindfold if you want to accent this as well.

The thong:

I almost forgot about the thong that is included. It is also a great and flattering fit. Sometimes with a “set” the thong may be an afterthought, but this is not true at all here. It is constructed well and has little details just like the chemise. But if you didn’t like the thong you can also pair this up with any black bottom and it still looks great.

Overall:

I got the reaction I wanted from my partner, which was sheer lust. Because of the construction and fit of this set being so good and comfortable, I also plan to wear it out on the town underneath a dress or suit for another surprise later on.

This is a high quality lingerie set that will have staying power in my wardrobe. Thank you, Lovehoney!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Flattering fit and vibrant colour.

Cons: Wish cups were more “push up”.

Bottom Line: High quality beautiful lingerie set that I can confidently recommend for any figure.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Hanns, 12 Jul 2015
Lelo Mia 2 USB Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator

Easily my favourite toy of all time

My second Mia has just come to the end of its three-year life, so I thought it was time to put down just how much I love this little vibrator.

As with all Lelo toys, the Mia is beautiful to look at and the packaging is sublime but discreet, giving a real feel of luxury. My first was in black, which doesn’t immediately look like a toy, and when charging plugged into a laptop could be quite easily mistaken for a pen drive.

The pink version is pretty yet not quite so subtle. The solid plastic finish makes it really easy to clean, but I didn’t submerge it fully to test the waterproof functionality. The shape feels really comfortable against my clitoris and it can provide broader, spread-out vibrations along its long edge or more precise stimulation from the tip. Sadly, the plastic of the bottom half of the toy detached itself from the silver dividing part, causing the internal mechanics to fall out, but that was after three years of almost daily use.

The main vibration levels are really easy to cycle through using the + and - buttons, and a long press of the + button switches to vibration patterns. The sensation of continuously increasing vibrations is much more pleasant than the stepped changes in some other vibrators. As with the rest of this toy, something about the way the motor vibrates feels really luxurious, and gives me really lovely, satisfying orgasms, leaving me feeling almost pampered afterwards. The vibrations are plenty powerful for such a small toy and even on the most powerful setting the Mia is whisper quiet. The Mia can also be locked, which is a nice touch.

The battery life sadly decreases over time. I never had any issues until recently, but now it only holds charge for around 15 minutes before dying, although this could be due to leaving it unused for a few months during my brief affair with the We-Vibe Tango. That being said, that was after 2 and a half years of rigorous usage.

Yes, the Mia is expensive for such a small toy, but it is easily the best vibrator I’ve used. Lovehoney’s price is reasonable, and the refund policy makes it well worth the money to try it out. On top of this, Lelo offer a 1 year warranty on all their toys should anything go wrong.

I’m still on the lookout for something that can replace the Mia as my favourite, but until then I’m pleased as punch with this absolutely lovely little bullet.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: 100% luxury for a reasonable price.

Cons: Sadly not indestructible - I was hoping it would last forever!

Bottom Line: So nearly perfect.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @AWilki, 13 Aug 2015
TensCare Itouch Sure Pelvic Floor Exerciser with Electrical Pulses

Miracle Worker

Having had 3 children, one of which caused me severe peritoneal tearing during birth, I’d suffered for years with stress incontinence and it was getting me down. No matter how many exercises I did, nothing worked! Until the Itouch.

You can treat urge incontinence and stress incontinence with this, or a combination of the two. You get a little control module - about the size of an old flip mobile phone, and the probe which is small and very well shaped to slip in and remain in place with no pain or stretching. You could easily wear it all day and not feel discomfort.

Pop some lube on the probe. It’s very easily inserted and very comfortable, and then turn on the machine and off you go. I set it quite low to begin with, but quickly ramped up the levels and found that it wasn’t painful at all, more tingly and buzzy inside and you could clearly feel your pelvic floor contract and release with the charge.

You start off on a low setting and shorter time, and build up. I normally pop it in at bedtime, and then just read my book for half an hour while it does its thing. Give it a quick wash and put it back in its bag and go off to sleep.

The big question is ‘does it work’? And, yes, it most certainly does! I’ve found that I am much tighter, and I can run now without any leakage and even jump on a trampoline, something that was impossible before.

It also gives you far more sensation during sex and far stronger orgasms - so a win win all around, and worth every penny to hang onto your dignity and enjoy your sex life for longer. I can’t recommend it highly enough!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Easy to use, effective.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Excellent.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Subdom27, 10 Aug 2015
Bondage Boutique Silky Rope Multi Position Restraint Set Red

Versatile and comfortable - a winning combination

We received this item in exchange for an honest review. Thanks, Lovehoney!

When this set arrives, it comes in the usual Bondage Boutique packaging - clear plastic with the Bondage Boutique logo on. There’s nothing vulgar about it, and that’s just the way we like it.

The ropes are extremely good quality. The material is silky smooth and the weave is of a medium density. This means that it’s more forgiving than tightly weaved ropes, so there’s a certain amount of elasticity from it, rather than it being too rigid. Another great thing about the ropes is that they aren’t round like usual bondage rope - they’re much wider and flatter. This adds to the comfort for your sub, as the extra surface area against their skin means it doesn’t cut into their wrist/ankles too much.

The greatest thing about this set is the versatility it brings to the bedroom, or wherever else you wish to use it. The possibilities are simply endless!

For our first test, we attached them to the headboard. Ours is metal with lots of poles to attach them round. Securing them in place was very easy. We simply wrapped the rope around the pole and threaded it back through the metal ring at the end. That then creates an extremely safe loop which won’t come undone. We were also able to thread the trailing rope through the bars to create shorter restraints.

The next scenario we used them in was using hooks in the ceiling. Although this isn’t something most people would usually be able to do, we are lucky enough to already have them in place already. The ease of which I was able to hang these ropes on the hooks and tie up my submissive was quite impressive. I would have usually used standard rope to tie through, but this was so much easier and I will be definitely choosing these ties over the standard rope next time.

You can also use these restraints as over the door cuffs. Just take two of them and tie a loose not half way down each of them. Put them over the door and shut it, then voila!

You could also order the Bondage Boutique Double Metal Bondage Clip or the DOMINIX Deluxe Metal Carabiner Clip to add to the set. By being able to join the metal rings of this set together, it adds even more possibilities.

We absolutely love these restraints and couldn’t recommend them more. However, the only bug-bear we have is that when there is too much wriggling or tension on the ropes from your sub, they do get very tight; especially if their hands are hanging above their head. Just make sure that your sub has safe words, or is able to communicate any numb feelings, or even shooting pains down their limbs.

Whether you’re a beginner to bondage, or a seasoned player, they certainly add some easy -access versatility to your play and will be a frequent addition to our sessions.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Silky smooth and easy to use.

Cons: Tightened too much when wriggling.

Bottom Line: A great addition for beginners and seasoned players.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @truegrace, 19 Aug 2015
Lovehoney Plus Size Spoil Me Satin Babydoll Set Plum

Pretty in plum

The new Lovehoney range of underwear so far has simply been amazing. Excellent quality combined with decent pricing.

Everyone should own something plum in their lingerie collection. In fact, lots of plum! This is such a nice colour, and very different to my normal, I just love it. The black lace really goes well with the plum, and totally makes this perfect.

First off, and will get it out the way now, the added thong is no different to other lingerie brand, and in my opinion is completely pointless. Yes, they make it an ‘outfit’, but I can’t see anyone that would actually wear these again and again, so in the bin they go.

Personally, I pair this with a lovely pair of lace knickers/shorts (also by Lovehoney), which look amazing. Just need some plum ones to really set this off!

This feels so luxurious to wear with the soft satin against your skin. It’s definitely more sexy and sultry than slutty, which for some might not be so great, but always good to have a mix in the drawers, right?

Once on, the satin hugs the body, and was a bit apprehensive at first, but this looks really good, even for us more curvy ladies, and feels so nice any self-conscious feelings soon disappear and are replaced with naughty thoughts!

As per most babydolls, this doesn’t offer support for us larger chested ladies, but I wouldn’t expect it to, so no biggie, and this still looks damn good!

The black lacy sections on the front and back really do set this off, and is fast becoming one of the favourite items to put on for a night of fun. Although doesn’t tend to stay on long!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Lovely colour, design, and feeling.

Cons: The thong!

Bottom Line: Amazing, everyone needs plum!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Thisismyscreenname, 26 Aug 2015
Rocks Off Ammunition RO-80mm Erotic Ink Bullet Vibrator

Brilliant little bullet

When I saw this on the website, despite never having owned a sex toy before I knew I had to have it - this toy is a work of art in its own right!

The toy arrived in a small brown envelope with bubble wrap and paper protecting it - very discreet and easy to explain away!

The toy’s packaging is something I found strange at first - it’s very pretty, but since it’s a card backing with the vibrator in pull of plastic covering it almost seemed a bit cheap for such a beautiful product.

As I say, the bullet itself is stunning, both designs! I got Flight of Fantasy and the designs really pop against the gold background!

The first setting of the bullet is a gentle rumble - though still powerful enough to produce results on its own! The second setting is more of a general, what-you’d-expect from such a small toy intensity - I find I sometimes don’t even need to go past this speed to get satisfaction from this product! Finally, the third speed is much more powerful than I’d have ever expected! It’s shocking how good that third setting is (in a good way!) and I’ve never failed to get off with this setting!

Then, there are the patterns! There’s a wide variation - some mimic real sex, some are simple stops and starts of the vibrations, some are crazy alternating jolts! I tend to just use the basic speeds, but when I fancy a change these patterns are a fun, interesting safety net to try out! The patterns also seem to be the same intensity as the third speed and so are very powerful on their own!

Finally, this toy is wonderfully quiet when used under the covers and is easy to use even with others in the house, which along with its small size makes for a wonderfully discreet little toy!

My only other critique would be that the switch off function requires you to press the button down for a couple of seconds before it switches off which wouldn’t be ideal if, for example, someone were to walk in!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Very discreet, surprisingly powerful, beautiful!

Cons: The switch off function takes a couple of seconds.

Bottom Line: The first sex toy I ever owned, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Shadow_Collector, 06 Sep 2015
Icicles No 24 Tentacle Glass Dildo

Not usually a fan of seafood, but…

The Glass Tentacle was my first ever forum gift, so even if it had been naff it would always have held a place in my heart. The fact is, however, that this is my favourite glass toy and one of my top five favourite toys. It gets a hell of a lot of use and I’ve finally decided the time is right to start waxing lyrical!

First things first, appearance: can you look me in the eye and tell me this toy isn’t stunning? The pale pink glass is perfectly made - no, sculpted - to bring heavenly pleasure to anyone who desires it. Really, I want to shake the hand of the designer responsible for it. The shape is sheer, unapologetic perfection. The curve hits all the internal sweet spots without much adjustment, and to cap it all off there’s a delicate, beautiful handle! Aesthetics: Check!

Packaging is another win. This range all come in their own box, with a window so you can admire your purchase before it’s even out. They’re great for storage of the piece, as well as looking all-round classy.

How does it feel, I hear you ask… Mind Blowing! It’s girthy enough to be filling in the best possible way (with the added weight of glass, this is as good as it gets!) and let me tell you, the G-Spot exists and will be found every time with this little gem. The raised glass nodules provide the kind of feelings that, previous to this toy, I only have imagined existed. There is nothing that can compare to the cool, firm feel of glass. Furthermore, the handle’s shaped so that with every thrust it’ll also tickle the anus. Now, this took me completely by surprise at first, but it feels divine! I did wonder why the nodules continued all the way to the handle when I opened it up, and that was about the best way to figure it out. If you fancy experimenting with temperature, which I highly recommend you do, ten minutes in the freezer or a bowl of warm water will lead to wonderful things. Trust me, just do it.

Worth mentioning, I wouldn’t recommend this as anyone’s first glass piece. It’s an unforgiving material, and given how heavily textured the toy is it may put some off the idea if they were to come across it as a first experience. But, if you know you like a little texture (okay, a lot of texture) this is a toy you can’t afford not to have!

And as if all that wasn’t enough remember that glass is the easiest thing in the world to clean. Completely non porous, you’ll be done in seconds.

To the amazing person who blessed me with this, thank you. You’ve changed my outlook on sex toys for the better, and it was already pretty darn positive. I love this piece and any texture aficionados will love it as well.

Well? What are you waiting for? You know where the basket is. Up in the corner, on your right. Add it! If you’re worried about the price, just remember Lovehoney’s awesome return policy… though with this, you won’t need it!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Colour, Texture, Girth… in fact, just check the ‘Everything’ box.

Cons: Nothing at all.

Bottom Line: Faultless.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Thumper_the_Rabbit, 15 Sep 2015
TENGA Vacuum Controller Set

Implosion of Pleasure

It is no secret among my friends that I am a fanatic for Tenga products. I have used at least one of everything in the range, and pretty much own the full collection. I my obsession has been likened to my love of pokemon and “my gotta catch 'em all” attitude.

With this my history with the Tenga brand, it is important to understand what I am about to say in context. This is the greatest addition to the Tenga range you can possibly have!

My discreet Lovehoney package arrived and I unboxed it as soon as I could. I was so excited! As usual the packaging of the Tenga is just superb, sleek and stylish. If you’re a guy you’re probably sick of wank sleeves arriving in a patchwork of horrific porn scenes that have been used purely because the intellectual property of the vulgar 70’s porn era has run out. This elegant and futuristic Japanese design makes you feel like a mature adult who is taking responsibility for his own pleasure, instead of perverted sleuth looking for a shady shank.

Once I had taken the device out of the box, properly read the instructions, and finally bought batteries, I was good to go. I naturally did a few tests on my hands to feel the power behind it, and I was immediately filled with awe and excited fear! I set up the contraption and entered it. Even without the power on I could feel that there was more air pressure in the onacup.

I turned on the vacuum and it immediately swallowed my joystick. The intensity I felt was incredible, I felt as if I was on the brink of climax from the very first stroke. I released the pressure somewhat and began moving the pleasure device up and down. Waves of sensation that were provided by the onacup were turned into torrents of ecstasy by the vacuum’s power.

After about 10 minutes of what can only be described as the most intensive masturbation session of my life, I gave in to the device and let the floodgates open. I had succumbed to an amazing rush of orgasm, nearly screaming from the enjoyment that washed over me. Ejaculating while the vacuum is engaged makes you feel as though your head will explode.

There is only one problem I can see with this toy and that is the noise. Usually men’s toys are relatively silent, barring the odd fapping sound. The motor that controls the vacuum is loud, not as loud as many vibrators, but still noticeable. You can overcome this by using the motor sparingly as it holds the suction pretty well.

The other noise issue is that the vacuum, combined with a wanking motion, creates a slurping sound like a someone is eating a half melted icecream. When you mix this slurp with the noise the air pressure makes, it can make you feel like you are getting blown by Darth Vader…the shiny black helmet mightn’t help this image.

These noises are mostly easily quelled with a locked door or an empty house and honestly, when you feel the pleasure of this device, you will not care!

I recommend this toy to any man looking to increase the pleasure he gets from orgasm, as well as the pleasure of his wank.

Male orgasms are usually short and low in intensity, this device counters that and creates a method where men can have orgasms that actually matter! If you respect your own pleasure, then this is the toy for you.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The feel, the sensation,the intensity, everything!

Cons: The noise, and it is a little on the heavy side.

Bottom Line: Possibly the greatest masturbation experience a man can have. Well worth the price.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Clockwork_Oasis, 11 Sep 2015
Motörhead Ace of Spades 10 Function Bullet Vibrator

Orgasmatron (this one’s for the fans)

I have to admit that I am not a massive Motörhead fan; I haven’t listened to anything past “We Are Motörhead”. However, seeing the pure “Rock ‘n’ Roll” design of this bullet, the rocker-chick in me awoke as if from some “Bad Magic”.

The bullet looks the part, slim and matte black. It’s as rigid as an “Iron Fist”, and with its rounded tip it’s ideal for giving some pinpointed “Snake Bite Love” to your pleasure points.

The bullet has three vibration strengths and seven patterns, one of which actually resembles the guitar riff on “Ace of Spades”. And it packs a punch! Already the first setting rumbles like an inmate “On Parole”, and the second speed feels like it’s “1916” vibrations a second. For me, the third setting was a bit of an “Overkill”. It is simply too buzzy, although normally, hissy-fit buzzing would be the “Kiss of Death” for me. But the first two settings are great, and the power makes the patterns more interesting than those of the average bullet vibe.

Luckily, the operating button lets you click and hold to turn off. This is great, as you don’t have to click your way through the programmes when you’re “Hammered” after your umpteenth “Aftershock”. Some of these small bullets make it sound like you have a roaring “Inferno” going on between your legs, but this bullet is actually surprisingly quiet for its size and power. Colour me impressed!

The AAA battery yields full power for a surprisingly long time, but dwindles down quickly afterwards. This is a small “Sacrifice”, as you get quite some playtime out of one, and popping in a new one puts you right back on track for “Another Perfect Day”. The size makes it perfect as a travel companion, and I can confirm it keeps its stamina in the shower!

Honestly, I feared this would be a “Bomber”, but having tried it for a week, I think it will be an “Overnight Sensation”. This bullet is a true “Motörizer”, and despite its overly buzzy third level, any Mötorhead fan should “March” onto Lovehoney and order one, “ör Die” without having experienced pleasure blessed by Lemmy.

The match-up between Motörhead and sex toys seems like it should have happened ages ago when you notice how seamlessly their album titles can be incorporated into a sex-toy review (only a few were real “Bastards” to place and required subtle cheating). But the match is successful, and this bullet is the proof. Motörhead fans, “The World” of sex-toys “is Yours”!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: The power, the design and the patterns.

Cons: The top power is a bit buzzy.

Bottom Line: An excellent choice for the fans, and a great “secret in your purse” vibrator.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @EmmelinePeaches, Sep 2015
Power Play Flickering Tongue Clitoral Vibrator

Not For Everyone

The Power Play Flickering Tongue is a flexible vibrator attached via cord to its control panel. The whole device is battery powered (4 AAAs) which powers its commendably strong vibrations.

These vibrations come from a bullet, which is encased in a soft layer of pure silicone. The bullet vibe makes up a firm centre, whereas the silicone sleeve has been shaped into a thin, long, ovular shape that has a tapered tip. True to what this toy promises, the Flickering Tongue’s silicone is nicely soft and very flexible, and it’s easy enough to ‘flick’ this toy across your genitals if you wish to.

Since there are only 3 speeds—which are essentially constant vibrations which increase in intensity—this vibrator is a good choice for those who want to cut out patterns. But, equally, those who like patterns may find themselves deterred by this complete absence of choice.

As for the vibrations, they’re buzzy, incredibly buzzy, but buzzy doesn’t necessarily equal bad. There are a lot of people out there who appreciate buzzy vibrators and, if you are one of them, then the Flickering Tongue does a very good job with the buzz it provides.

Even on the lowest setting the Flickering Tongue is a strong vibrator, and the vibrations only get stronger and more intense as time goes on. In this way the Flickering Tongue provides buzz and strength in equal amounts and could provide some intense stimulation for those who like such sensations.

Of course the Flickering Tongue has some downsides but a lot of these come down to personal preference.

If you don’t like buzzy toys then there is no way that you will get along with this vibrator. It is the epitome of buzz and there is no way I could recommend it to you.

Likewise, if you dislike toys with a corded controller, non-rechargeable toys, or toys that focus on pinpoint stimulation, then the Flickering Tongue may not be for you.

The only thing that could be said about the Flickering Tongue itself is that a single-button for control can sometimes be annoying, and the button doesn’t always respond well when you want to turn it off, a common issue with single-button toys.

The Power Play Flickering Tongue is not a miracle worker, nor is it ground-breaking in terms of form or function. But what it does provide is a strong, buzzy vibrator which can be enjoyed with a couple or solo. If you know that these vibrations are what turn you on, then the Flickering Tongue isn’t likely to disappoint. However, if this review didn’t tickle your fancy then chances are the Flickering Tongue won’t either.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

Pros: Strong vibrations, straightforward, powerful buzz.

Cons: Too buzzy for some, no patterns, a bulky controller.

Bottom Line: Effective at what it does but not for everyone.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Caliente, 14 Oct 2015
Fifty Shades of Grey Inner Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls 221g

Kegel Olympics 2015 - Heavyweight Division

And here we are at the start of the Kegel Olympics 2015. First up, representing Great Britain, is Caliente. She’s a intermediate kegel exerciser, but at 36 she will have her age against her in this competition. Her previous personal best was with beginner jiggle balls at a featherweight of only 56g. She smashed the European beginner’s record by easily holding them in all day without even feeling them move. But is she really ready for the heavyweight division? Today we’re going to find out as she attempts the biggest challenge of her kegel career, the 50 Shades of Grey Inner Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls, weighing in at a massive 221g. Can she lift these advanced balls and manage to complete the full snatch, clean and jerk?

…And she’s failed on her first attempt at insertion using the standing method! Obviously she underestimated the lubrication level and lack of grip on the completely smooth exterior of these Inner Goddess balls. She hasn’t lost it yet, as she does get three attempts for her first lift.

Second attempt and she’s managing to keep her cool, thanks to the satisfying temperature play of the solid metal balls. She’s changed to a lying down insertion position. That’s a smart move because from here she can build her confidence before moving around. She begins to stand… and success! Her kegel muscles are holding them in and she has completed the snatch on the second attempt. This is an outstanding performance for a second-time jiggle ball user!

Next up is the jerk… Are these really going to make a difference to her orgasm potential? She’s moving around but the look on her face is more of concentration than pleasure. She’s having a bit of difficulty with the large metal tag and is needing to re-adjust the position… Yes, she’s got it by bringing it up front inside her underwear. She’s relaxed now and moving steadily, but carefully. Is she going to be able to enjoy the movement enough to orgasm without external help? She’s certainly getting a lot out of the hard material on her G-spot… No, it’s not enough, but she’s determined to keep going and try with clitoral stimulation. Does it make a difference? Yes, yes, yes!! A magnificent performance! Stronger orgasms during and after use!!

Oh, but now she’s having difficulty. An unexpected cough has caught her off-guard! And… The first ball is out! Very disappointing. She won’t be taking a medal home today. She’ll need a intense training regimen with these advanced weights before she’s ready to use these for longer periods and be in with a real chance of a place on the Kegel Olympics podium.

Finally, the clean… This is an area where other competitors have run into difficulty. The part where the silicone string goes through the balls is notoriously tricky. Can she clean around those holes? Yes, no difficulty there. She’s managed to clean them successfully and store them in the satin bag provided, keeping the presentation box for extra protection.

A really good attempt from an intermediate kegel athlete with a very challenging piece of equipment. I would expect many more attempts and successes in the future with these Inner Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Cold, smooth, heavy, luxurious.

Cons: Why is the tag so unnecessarily large?

Bottom Line: Excellent quality, but advanced, heavyweight equipment.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @OUCH_Thank_you, 02 Oct 2015
Lelo Hugo Remote Control USB Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager

Hugo’s a Go-Go

Firstly, I will say a massive thank you to the Lovehoney sex toy fairy for sending me the Lelo Hugo in exchange for an honest review. It made my day, and has been making my day over and over, ever since it arrived.

I won’t go into detail about toy build, materials, sizes and functions here, because there are other reviews – as well as the product page – that give this info, and I don’t want to bore people by repeating things that are readily available for those who want to know.

So, aside from the obvious (ie, penis sleeves) we don’t really have toys “for men” in our house, and we don’t have toys “for women” either. We have toys for orgasms, and whichever of us a toy works for is the one who uses it. There was a lot of talk on the Lovehoney forum when the Lelo Hugo and Bruno prostate massagers appeared on the tester list, and a lot of that talk was from women asking, would that work for me? I was one of those women. I got lucky enough to receive the toy, and I didn’t waste any time in finding out.

The first thing I wanted to know is, are the vibes strong enough to get me off? To that end, we did what we do to get me all excited, and on went the Hugo as a clit stim. Wow. While not as strong as the L’Amourose Rosa (which is a bigger, similar shaped toy aimed at the laydeez) it’s more than rumbly enough to bring me off fast. The Hugo’s tip is a little more pointed than the Rosa too, so the vibes are more pin-point, which is a big plus for me.

The Smart Sensor remote (Smart because the angle you hold it determines the strength of the vibes) is a joy for clitoral focus. Being able to turn the vibes from a thudding, slow chug, to a fast paced rumbly buzz, then back again with nothing more than the flick of the wrist allowed me to lie back and hover on the edge of orgasm for as long as I liked. My husband takes full advantage of this to slowly tease it out of me too, and this has to be the first remote controlled toy we’ve had that doesn’t lose connection when he wanders more than a few feet away from me.

After discovering the Hugo ticked the all-important clit box for me, we moved on to couples play, inserting it inside of my vagina so we could indulge in a bit of anal penetration. Oh my giddy aunt! The smaller shape actually works brilliantly for this. The internal shaft hooks around my pelvic bone, the tip pressing into my G-spot, while the tightness of the shorter curve holds the outer part against my clit as though it was tailor made to do so. It’s so compact it just clings, and it stayed exactly where I needed it for the entire session, unlike our We-Vibe, which slips out if he gets too vigorous or once I reach a certain wetness. The vibes are plenty strong enough to be felt inside and out for him as well as me, and the whole thing was just outstanding from start to finish, so the Hugo has raced to the number one spot on our ‘let’s play together’ toy list.

But enough about me, lol. The Hugo is first and foremost, a prostate massager. It took a lot of tugging on his part and scowling on mine, but my husband did eventually have a bit of butt joy from this toy. He tells me it’s comfortable to wear and hits the exact right spot on insertion without fiddling and wriggling to get it placed. The petite size doesn’t stretch him or poke him, so he can kick back and concentrate on the feelings the rumbles feed directly into his prostate.

The outer arm is perfectly angled to rub his perineum, and all I had to do was lie beside him and read him a mucky story while the Hugo (and it’s fancy remote) did all the hard work. He had tons of pre-cum before he finally asked me to ride him and finish it, which I did while the toy was still inside him. As it had for me, it stayed put, and my husband had a noisy, messy orgasm that tired him out so much I was pulled down beside him after the toys were switched off and instructed that clean up could wait until morning.

That clean up consisted of washing the massager and spraying it with toy cleaner, and the remote was easily wiped down with a damp cloth and it’s all stored together in a satin bag once dried.

So, recommendations. I can happily say to all the girls wondering if this toy works on lady parts, yes. Yes it does, and it does it magnificently. It also works for the fellas too, but I guess we already knew that given that it’s them it’s made for. I know it’s a pricey bit of kit, but for a toy as versatile as this it’s definitely worth it.

So ladies, if ever you find yourself searching for that one special toy that has the potential to please you inside and out, as well as delight your man if you want it to, this would be a very good choice.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Everything, we both loved it.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: A perfect product no matter what you keep in your pants.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Briona87, 13 Oct 2015
Lovehoney Flirty Indigo Blue Lace Thong

Indulge in Indigo

I got this lovely thong along with a couple of other pairs of “Flirty Knickers”, the 3 for £12 offer being oh-so-tempting. This beautiful piece of Lovehoney’s own lingerie comes in simple, cellophane bag – the packaging is plain but when you plan to buy it as a present for your friend or your other half, you can easily gift-wrap it.

The thong is made from 90% nylon and 10% spandex (which makes it comfortable and stretchy), and you are advised to hand-wash it in cold water. When you are careful enough (do not wash it with any garment that has hooks or zippers - these could tear at the delicate lace and ruin your fav thong), though, you can brave the machine-wash program for delicate fabric, providing you stick to a low temperature (no more than 30°C).

The colour of this product is a tad darker than the product photos indicate, and there is a nice, “shimmery” look to the thong that makes it look really unique and classy. The fabric is very soft to touch, and the semi-sheer floral lace simply oozes sexiness. The quality of the build is very good, there are no loose threads whatsoever.

Having previously found out the largest “Flirty Thong” option was a bit too roomy for me (after my excess-tummy-skin-removal surgery, anyway), I went for the M/L (12-14) option. It fits my rather generous hips fairly well, without creating the dreaded muffin-top effect. The semi-see-through lace looks sexy, and it is very comfortable, even for day-to-day wear - some thongs (usually those that are not stretchy enough) get stuck between your bum cheeks in an uncomfy way, but I have not experienced this problem with this Indigo Flirty one.

Yes, I am very satisfied with this little product. There is absolutely nothing to complain about (and that comes from someone who always picks on little details!). The colour is lovely and unique, and the thong itself is very cute, sexy and comfortable. Do not hesitate and order one of these to add this little indigo gem to your lingerie drawer!

Overall Rating: 10 out 10 stars

Pros: Brilliant colour, comfortable to wear, cute and sexy!

Cons: Nothing. At. All.

Bottom Line: One of Lovehoney’s loveliest products, just get one!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ruby_Red_Slippers, 09 Oct 2015
Lovehoney Humdinger Clitoral Vibrator

Thanks to my Humdinger, I will survive

At first I was afraid

I was petrified

I thought that I could never cope

When my vibrator died

And so I spent so many nights

Going to bed unsatisfied

I could’ve cried

Instead I browsed Lovehoney’s site

So I placed my order

And after only 2 days

I came home from work and found

The Humdinger delivered to my place

I tore open my brown box

To reveal my sexy surprise

And found it sitting in a sleek white box

With an instruction book inside

There lay my curvy, purple toy

The perfect length and size

And you only need 2 AA batteries

To bring this thing to life

So I twist and turn the base

To cycle through the various speeds

From a rumble to some serious power

It has everything I need

So next payday

Pick up a Humdinger

It’s guaranteed make you scream like a

Soprano opera singer

And if you find you’re wanting more

Than clitoral vibrations

Just flip it round and use the nub

For G-spot stimulation

And another added bonus

It’s a quiet toy

So you can stay up all night playing

Without your neighbours getting annoyed

What makes it even better

And makes this toy my number one

Is that it’s completely waterproof

For bath and shower fun

When you come back

From outer space

You’ll think you’ve been to heaven

And have a dazed look upon your face

You’ll be turning off the telly

And locking your front door

Because when you’ve given this a try

You’ll be screaming out for more

It took all the strength I had

Just to leave my flat

My Humdinger and I

Could not be kept apart

Now when I’m needing fun

And my boyfriend isn’t free

I open up my bedside drawer

And my toy entices me

So now go

What you waiting for

This toy will make you scream and moan

It’s all you need and more

But before you hit the checkout

Choose another little treat

Cause if you spend another fiver

You’ll get free delivery

If all the toys I have were to fall apart

I’d buy a new Humdinger straight away

Or it would break my heart

Every time I use it

I’’m left breathless and dizzy

So now I’m saving all my money

For more toys from Lovehoney

** Instrumental **

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Unique shape, powerful, lovely smooth material, versatile, gorgeous colour, waterproof, quiet… everything!

Cons: Nothing - even a fussy minx like me can’t fault this toy!

Bottom Line: I love everything about this toy - get one!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @KitsiKiki, 18 Nov 2015
Lovehoney Flaunt Me Red Floral Lace Balcony Basque

If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It

Since I believe high-coverage lingerie, like bodies and basques, are largely performance pieces (and that can include solo performances!), I’ll start with the appearance.

The first thing the eye notices is the red. It’s overtly suggestive and commands attention. The colour really pops without being nuclear. I feel as though it is a warm red, so if you need cool colours, you may want to opt for the black version. It suits me perfectly.

The floral pattern of the lace is intricate and beautiful, enough to make a statement of its own without taking the focus off of the wearer. Paradoxically, it provides plenty of coverage while showing plenty of flesh. The cups are padded and the centre panel is double-lined; along with the boning detail, this provides extra accentuation of your curves. The shoulder straps are not detachable, but the satin suspender straps are, so you can wear it with or without as you prefer. On the lip of each cup, there is a little band of lace. They are not sewn down all the way along - just on each end - so you can sort of pull them up over your breasts to enhance your cleavage. As a final embellishment, between the cups nestles a sweet, tiny satin bow with the signature Lovehoney heart charm in silver. It also comes with a beautiful matching thong, made with the same lace as the basque.

The bodice accentuates each and every curve precisely the way a basque should; hugging here and caressing there, just like your lover will. The good thing about grouped sizing (i.e. small, medium, large) instead of tailored measurements is the slightly stretchy quality which allows for changes in size/weight as well as simple preference. This basque is also equipped with a triple row of eyelet fasteners for added adjustability.

The bad thing about grouped sizes is the bust. This is where things go a little tits up (pun intended). The cups on this thing are too teeny for me. (No offence to my humbler-busted sisters out there!) I certainly wasn’t expecting them to be the perfect fit since this is S/M/L type sizing, but I have to detract a point for the sheer amount of cup-spillage and underwire-poke. Though it doesn’t distort the overall visual effect enough to condemn it or not wear it. And before I’m accused of getting the wrong size, let me go on:

Lovehoney’s fitting guide for basques states ’ Basques are measured in clothing sizes or bra sizes… If it is measured in inches, then you will need your underbust measurement. This is the same as measuring your underbust for a bra. You can also check this measurement against S/M/L etc. charts to make sure you’ve got the right size. ’

But it doesn’t say what you should do if it is measured in clothing sizes instead of bra sizes/inches. At the time this review was written, I was unable to access the product page for this item, but on a few other LH brand basques, it states that the model on each (whose breasts appear to fit perfectly in their cups) is size 8 and 32E and wearing a size small. According to their sizing chart, that should mean that the measurements run to the lowest number in the range stated (i.e. 32" for small, which is listed as 32"-34"), the higher number being the capacity at the loosest clasp. Going by sister size, the medium should be the equivalent of a 34D. It also means that LH are using the average-ish UK cup size, which I can’t blame them for. It all makes sense now.

I usually fall somewhere between 10 and an occasional 14 dress size (12 is safest) and my bra size is 34E. Size medium in LH basques is listed as 10-12 UK clothing size and 34"-36" bust. So my choice of size runs in line with that for the most part. If I were to go solely on my breast size, I would end up in a large or even XL. An XL would almost certainly hang off me like a lampshade! A large may or may not suit me, but I actually prefer spillage to slippage, if you see what I mean. And as stated above, the medium fits me perfectly in every other regard, so I’m content with my choice. Just be aware of all of this when choosing your size. (Although LH has a wonderful policy on returns/exchanges.)

The thong fits me brilliantly. Honestly, I was expecting it to be a tiny bit tight, since my hip size tends more towards 14-16. But it’s not just the stretchiness of the band that does it- it sits on my hips without digging in or muffin-topping me at all.

The fabric is surprisingly soft and comfortable, considering it’s a polyester blend. The stretch quality in the basque makes it easy to move around in (which I don’t need to explain is a good thing!). Although it does have plastic boning, which sometimes has the annoying habit of popping up in certain positions… like sitting down. But that’s not an issue limited to this product.

The packaging is just a footnote. When I received mine, it came in nothing more than a clear cellophane bag inside the shipping box. The thong was attached to the basque with plastic and it had a tag with the item name, etcetera, and Lovehoney’s minimalist branding.

Overall, I really like this set.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Really shows off those curves! Lace is lovely and soft.

Cons: Cups are too small for me, though that didn’t surprise me.

Bottom Line: Gorgeous, comfortable (despite the cup sizing issues), and figure-flattering.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @JoanPrice, 09 Nov 2015
L’Amourose Rosa Rouge Heat Up G-Spot Vibrator

Heated vibrator for hot solo sex

There’s much to love about the L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, a vibrator that warms up as you use it! I don’t mean that it absorbs your body heat - better than that: it has an internal “Thermal Regulation System” that gradually heats it to 40-42 degrees Celsius/104-107.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

At age 71, I didn’t know whether I’d like this - I feared that the heat would be irritating. Was I wrong! The warmth feels really good, and as important, it increases blood flow to the genitals, which our aging bodies need.

It can be used in several ways, depending on where you put it and at what angle. Supposedly, the base can rest on your vulva, stimulating your clitoris, while the longer part is penetrating vaginally. My body didn’t work that way. If the inserted part was comfortable and in contact with my G-spot, the base hovered in the air above and didn’t come close to contacting my vulva. If I forced the base down, the end of the inserted part hit painfully. We’re all different and this may be the perfect fit for you. I got the best results by using it externally.

The vibrations are rumbly rather than buzzy, and although they aren’t Magic Wand intensity, they’re strong enough to win me over. At my age, intense vibrations are key for me. There are two motors and nine functions, including running one motor and not the other, or both, and several patterns as well as intensities.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: The heat! The versatility. The rumbly vibrations.

Cons: The fit was wrong for P-spot plus clitoris. Practically invisible controls.

Bottom Line: Unique qualities in a classy, innovative, luxury vibrator.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @EmmelinePeaches, 18 Nov 2015
Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator

The Object of my Desire

Desire is the perfect term for how I feel about this toy. From the moment I held it in my hands and pressed the + button I craved this vibrator. The strength I felt in the shaft was something that I longed for, and with good reason. Lovehoney has delivered an exceptional G-Spot vibrator here and I am so happy that I can share this news with you.

The Lovehoney Desire G-Spot Vibrator shows promise right from the get-go. Included with this deluxe sex toy is a sturdy storage case. This case has ample room for the Desire G-Spot Vibrator and could probably house more toys if you wanted it to. The storage case also has a hole in it which allows you to feed the charging cord through it. This allows you to charge the Desire G-Spot Vibrator without worrying about visibility, which is fantastic.

In terms of aesthetics the Desire G-Spot Vibrator is near-faultless. An impressive G-spot bulb is followed by a smooth, silicone shaft and a beautifully simply control panel. The only thing that interrupts the flow of silicone is a bar of faux-metallic ABS plastic, which creates a distinctively luxe appearance. In terms of size and shape the Desire G-Spot Vibrator is accessible for most people too.

The silicone for this vibrator is definitely something to shout about. Silky smooth and entirely body-safe, you really cannot go wrong with how this vibrator feels against the skin. The control panel is made from equally appealing silicone, making using this toy pleasant on both ends. This silicone isn’t overly draggy and dust and fur don’t cling to it. Two favourable aspects.

The Desire G-Spot Vibrator has 8 patterns and 12 levels of vibration intensity, making for a very versatile user experience. While I don’t typically like patterns, I did enjoy some of the patterns that the Desire G-Spot Vibrator had to offer, especially the pulsating ones.

The patterns in this vibrator are heavily aided by its dual-motor system. One feels like a support motor, humming along, while the other packs a deep, rumbly punch to it. Together the two resonate off of each other to create an upsurge of sensations. These two motors complement each other perfectly and I feel like this is a better vibrator for having them both.

Aside from the vibrations, this toy also supports an exceptionally bulbous head. Admittedly the shape of the bulb makes it hard to thrust with this toy but that’s fine; a head like that is better suited to a persistent wiggle anyway.

There is no mistaking when this toy makes contact with my G-Spot, as it does so with such prowess that I’m often left feeling close to climax before I even get started. Prolonged use, however, provides a more fulfilling build-up of pressure which makes you feel like your orgasm were, in fact, an explosion of pure delight (which it essentially is). At times I would describe them as downright overwhelming. All enveloping.

So, with such an exceptional vibrator are there any downsides? Well, a few.

While this vibrator is very good at locating my G-Spot (as if it had camped there for months) it does sometimes struggle to maintain persistent contact. I feel this might be because this vibrator lacks a drastic curve, which could have given it more of an edge. The buttons on this toy can also be a little sensitive and easy to accidentally press at times.

On a more important note this toy is not quiet. It has power and it wants you to know it; not just through feeling but also through the audible humming that it creates. You’ll need to be under the sheets, have a thick door & walls, or play music when using this toy. Discretion is not its strong point.

When all is said and done those are my only gripes with the Desire G-Spot Vibrator and to me they seem pretty minuscule when compared to the momentous pleasure that it can give me.

The Lovehoney Desire G-Spot Vibrator has everything you could want from a toy like this: a great shape, a lot of power, and more than a dash of luxury. In case you hadn’t guessed already, I really like this vibrator. So much so that I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone with a G-Spot. To be a bit more specific, though, if you like strong vibrations and toys with a bulbous head then this product is a must. If you’re not so keen on the shape, at the very least, then I understand why you might not be as enthusiastic as I am.

Still, the Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator feels so good to me that I want to shout it from the rooftops. I love this toy and I just can’t help it. Desire comes in many shapes and sizes, mine just happens to cater to the G-Spot.

Recommend to:

• People who like bulbous heads.
• People who like strong vibrators.
• People who like rumbly vibrators.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who dislike bulbous heads.
• People who dislike firm G-Spotting toys.
• People who only want gentle vibrations.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Strong, perfectly designed, effortless to use.

Cons: Lack of prominent curve, sensitive buttons, noisy.

Bottom Line: A brilliant G-Spot vibrator which will fill you with desire.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Come_Heather, 11 Nov 2015
Happy Rabbit Ears 12 Function USB Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator

Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Ears Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator

Q: How do you catch a Unique Rabbit?

A: Unique up and rabbit!

I have never liked rabbits due to the fact that it’s so difficult to get them to align just right with my anatomy. I have, however, liked toys with protuberances that flick against my clit (my first vibrator was a bullet with a little silicone flicky tail), so I figured Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Ears would suit my tastes. It’s a penetration-less rabbit, right? You put your clit between the ears and it flutters you into orgasmic oblivion. “Of course that’s how it works,” I reassured myself, and carried on…

I thought I had it all figured out, but the manner in which I was implementing the toy left me crestfallen. I aligned it so the tips of the ears were on either side of my clitoris, glanced at my watch, tapped my foot, hummed a little tune. Like those passengers on the bus in the movie Speed, I just wasn’t getting off. Then, after trying every imaginable means of using it, I stumbled upon a method that rocked my body with as many orgasms as I desired. Touché, Happy Rabbit Ears.

What I did to achieve seemingly endless orgasms was – with the nose facing away from my body – wedge my clit between the ears (like a hammer extracting a nail) and subtly tug my clitoris down. Something about the pulling combined with the vibrations increased the pleasure quotient exponentially. Between orgasms, I let off on the tugging, but left my clit in the wedged position, then when I wanted another orgasm, I just pulled down again, and voilà, like clockwork, I came. I lost count of my orgasms.

Happy Rabbit Ears is an eight inch, 100% silky matte silicone clitoral vibrator that, unlike many silicone products, doesn’t collect an inordinate amount of dust bunnies (har har). The shape is ergonomic. It’s USB rechargeable and waterproof. These are a few of my favourite things.

Happy Rabbit Ears is the kind of pink I love, like my Fun Factory Jam – retina-blistering cyber pink that looks like it stepped out of a 90s rave. Its packaging consists of a simple, tasteful cardboard box with a plastic cradle. I’m a minimalist when it comes to packaging: I don’t care. I sure as hell don’t want half my money going towards peau de soie-lined, marble housing for my dang dildo. Put it in a Saltine cracker box for all I care, as long as the toy is good. I do appreciate a drawstring bag to store the toy, and this one has a feature that makes it stand out: a “Happy Rabbit” label sewn in for easy identification.

Ears has three speeds and nine patterns, twelve settings in total. As always, I wish it were the other way around, but life’s not fair, is it?

As most of the vibrations are concentrated in the head of the rabbit, your fingers don’t become buzzed up by the end of your masturbation session. The back of the rabbit’s head makes contact with my vulva (notably my clitoral shaft), allowing a decent swathe of territory to receive vibrations, so it’s not overly pinpoint. The motor is not breathtakingly powerful, but combined with the tug method, it induces very unique orgasms, like jerking my clit off. This may not work for certain individuals’ anatomy.

Patience paid off. This clitoral vibrator surprised me in a most pleasant way. Like the Rabbit of Caerbannog, I underestimated its capabilities. I can’t fully endorse this toy, since it was hard to figure out and may not do the same thing for your genitals as it did for mine. If it sounds like it might, I would recommend unique up and rabbit.

Overall Ratings: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Rechargeable, body-safe, pretty, unique.

Cons: Motor not overwhelmingly strong.

Bottom Line: A unique, attractive, body-safe vibrator that works well for my anatomy.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Chastitysubman, 14 Dec 2015
CB-6000S Short Male Chastity Cage Kit

Six months later

I reviewed this not too long after we bought it. After several months of use I can give a fuller “road test”.

We can now definitely give it our “best toy ever” accolade. The plastic locks are great for travelling, but we have found one way ties from the garden centre will do as a substitute, obviously making sure that no spare ties are packed! Losing one of the main padlock keys was not the most sensible thing to do. The spare must be kept somewhere safe. We freeze it in the middle of a 5 litre mineral water bottle.

Comfort is great. While normally I am locked in for a few days then allowed a day or two off, it passed the thirty day challenge with flying colours. It is discreet under most clothing, and even with skinny jeans the bulge just looks normal.

Obviously it makes it impossible to get an erection, but I am aware of it just enough to often get a semi. Not being able to deal with that is very arousing mentally. It took a bit of experimentation to get the best fit using the rings and spacers, but once that was sorted out we haven’t had any problems, even with my subconscious morning glory.

One downside, but this is the same for any, is that using a urinal is nigh on impossible. Also, as shaking it is impossible, it helps to have a couple of Kleenex about to avoid a wet patch on trousers.

We realise that chastity isn’t for everyone, but this toy has improved our relationship hugely. It is a talking point with our more liberal friends, some say never in a million years, a few have bought one or a similar thing, at one party the key was sealed bid charity auctioned. The winner waited a week to claim her prize!

In summary, buy one!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Putting my sexual desires and needs second to my partner’s wants.

Cons: Absolutely nothing.

Bottom Line: Best toy ever.

---

and six months earlier…

by @Chastitysubman, 17 Jun 2015

Brilliant piece of kit

Had the previous model, but didn’t use it much, partly because it was a bit unattractive.

This model is wonderful.

I wear it whenever I am told to. Our deal is at least half the time, with a minimum of five days and a maximum of a fortnight. Maximum time off is four days. Other people will have different limits, but I would suggest at least a couple of days as a first try.

It is really comfortable to wear, to the extent I will often forget it is on. Then it will brush against my clothes, or I will be teased, and the automatic stiffy will start, only to be frustrated, a really exciting sexual feeling.

The plastic locks are great for avoiding questions at airport security!

The padlock and keys are both discreet. The key looks good on my partner’s necklace, and is a great conversation starter.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: It is so comfortable to wear, and discreet under even tightish trousers.

Cons: Replacement plastic locks are a bit pricey.

Bottom Line: The best toy we have ever bought.