Review Hall of Fame

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Gothic-tricks, 29 Dec 2015
Penis Pasta

Butta la pasta

I bought this as a house-warming gift to self, along with some other stuff that had caught my eye. The order arrived with Lovehoney’s and Royal Mail’s usual swiftness and efficiency.

In the form in which I received it, the main part of the packaging is a blue box of thin card, the front of which carries a cartoon drawing of a semi-anthropomorphised penis wearing a chef’s hat, along with a cutout through which can be seen the pasta itself, in all its phallically edible glory. It’s in a plastic bag inside the box, so no need to worry about spills! The back of the box bears a recipe, repeated in multiple languages, for ‘penis pasta with big balls’ (meatballs, that is!). The box contains roughly 200g pasta, which is enough to make two main-course portions or three starter-sized portions (fun fact, pasta usually serves as the starter rather than the main in Italy).

puts chef’s hat on Right, now for the technical stuff! Aesthetics aside, this is yer basic durum wheat pasta. The shape contains a lot of holes and gaps, which in durum wheat pasta typically indicates a pasta shape that is good to use with more liquid sauces, especially tomato-based ones. This pasta can certainly be used for that purpose, but given the specific shape of the product, the aesthetic effect could potentially be somewhat alarming. I would therefore recommend using this pasta with a cheese sauce, or with a lemon-based sauce from somewhere like the Amalfi coast – these are likely to fit with the theme of the shape, certainly in visual terms!

When I gave this pasta the cook-test, I used a tuna-and-tomato sauce for two reasons: 1) I wanted to test my own hypothesis about the aesthetics. 2) It was what I had in stock. I can definitely say that this penis pasta works very well simply as pasta! It certainly tasted good, and one box made two generous meals. The ‘increases in size when cooked’ advisory is definitely accurate!

In sum, I can say that this is an excellent pasta for general use (if your sense of humour so indicates) or for a cheeky gift for someone who’ll appreciate it. Butta la pasta! (tr. = ‘throw in the pasta’)

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Very good, untroublesome pasta shape.

Cons: N/A.

Bottom Line: Excellent durum wheat pasta for those with a mucky sense of humour.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Starfish99, 30 Dec 2015
Lovehoney Humdinger Clitoral Vibrator

This product ruined my Christmas!

I’ve been single for a while so have a small stash (as in museum collection) of toys to keep me company but was looking for something different, the Humdinger caught my eye as it is a very specific device and I like a lot of clitoral stimulation.

The parcel arrived within a couple of days but I was out and the postman didn’t read the very clear instructions to leave it in a safe place, so I was horrified to find a ‘collect from sorting office’ card on my doormat. I deliberated as to whether to collect the parcel at all as, given it was just pre Christmas, I knew the collection point would be full of anxious parents collecting their similarly undelivered parcels, but they were likely to contain Frozen figurines and X-box games; not a bulk delivery of sex toys for a seemingly-respectable middle-aged woman.

Anyway, after much deliberation, I set off at 7am the following morning to get there before the crowds and was the first to burst through the doors clutching my card and exclaiming loudly to the counter staff that I was here to collect a parcel someone had sent to me and I had no idea what was in it as I hadn’t purchased it, followed by a nervous and involuntary laugh! This was just to cover my back should there be a fluorescent sign on the packaging outing me as a rather unlikely sex toy addict.

The relief was overwhelming as I was handed a very discreet and unidentifiable package that did nothing to give away the decadent contents within.

Once opened, I was surprised at the size and texture of the Humdinger. Batteries inserted, it was a powerful vibe and actually felt sturdy and good quality, lovely in fact. It wasn’t too noisy and just running the device across my hand I was getting right into the swing and was really looking forward to getting better acquainted with my new best friend. On reflection, I probably should have waited until I was out of the sorting office to do this as it did attract some funny looks.

Once home I hot-footed it up to my den and got down to business. OMG, it was amazing. The cupped side of the device is to cover the clitoris and give a nice gentle enveloping caress which was great for warming up. The small nubbed side, however, took things to an entirely different level, so concentrated and intense were the vibes from this pinnacle of pleasure that I was out of control. Arching my back and yelling out loud, I orgasmed so quickly and so hard within about 2 minutes that I completely put my back out and ended up having to call 111 as I was unable to move due to my locked back. And there I stayed most of Christmas on heavy duty pain killers. I haven’t even opened my presents yet and it’s 30th December.

However, none of that has put me off my new constant companion and best toy ever. I’ve tried it a few times and the result has been excellent. Why would I risk another such injury I hear you asking? Well, when you’ve had the best orgasm of your life with very little effort, should the worst come to the worst, at least I’ll die with a smile on my face.

Now just got to find a good injury lawyer who specialises in sex toy incidents…

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Texture, intensity, feel, outcome.

Cons: Near death experience.

Bottom Line: Mind-blowing.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @freddiekay, 27 Dec 2015
Clone-A-Willy Kit Glow In The Dark Vibrator Kit

Suprisingly fun way to help us cope with cancer surgery

I highly suggest making this as a couple with some serious stimulation for best results. It’s not entirely a sexy job, but you CAN make it fun. I bought my original kit for a laugh when I first met my OH, but he was too self-conscious to try using it.

Fast forward 6 years and the week before OH underwent cancer surgery, I managed to convince him that he should finally make one for me. A side effect of the surgery would be loss of length and I convinced him that we should have a ‘before’ so that we could accurately assess the effects of the surgery afterwards. Score one for me.

First of all, unsurprisingly, these kits do not survive 6 years of storage, as the liquids dried out. I put in an order for a new one and Lovehoney came to the rescue with their usual fast delivery. Phew. I’ve given some thought to how difficult it might be for OH to stay hard whilst subjecting his bits to quite an unsexy process, so I got all the components ready and practiced getting the water the right temp beforehand.

When OH arrived home I was dressed in the maids outfit, which always has an instant reaction. Okay, so it was fairly difficult to make breaking off from the foreplay to fix the ingredients sexy, but making sure that OH got a good view of my behind seemed to help. We were both worried that at the moment of plunging it into the moulding tube he would lose his erection, but actually with some kissing and a quick setting time we managed it.

Do make sure you put down some old towels under where you intend to stand. The moulding gel does not wash out and we ruined good towels whilst moulding and good sheets after we carried on playing after the mould was finished.

OH did touch the side of the tube with the head of his chap and when we took it out it had left a void. We were worried had ruined it, but once moulded the little flat area at the tip wasn’t noticeable.

After years of OH refusing to make one because he was size-conscious he now ‘refuses’ to believe it’s his because it looks huge. He’s convinced it has some special pump up the size feature.

For us it’s been great. I have something to play with whilst he recovers from his op. It turns us both on that it’s a mould of him and not just any dildo. Once he is better I intend to have some fun with the original and the moulded version simultaneously.

The thought of using it on him also turns me on, and freaks him out slightly! In the mean time I think it’s done his temporarily fragile male ego good to see just how big it looks from an angle he can’t usually see, so it was worth every penny!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The glow in the dark is surprisingly good.

Cons: Waiting for it to set! The air bubbles mean that it’s quite difficult to clean.

Bottom Line: Every girl should have one!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Mewsical, 28 Jan 2016
Lovehoney G-Slim G-Spot Vibrator

Squirtle, I Choose You

We received this toy today and have already used it a handful of times, which should say a lot about it.

On arrival I can say I wasn’t particularly wowed by the packaging, but it was sturdy, provided all the information you need before pulling out the toy and kept everything protected in transit, so it did its job. However, as it features a big picture of the toy, I would recommend buying a bag to store the vibe in to keep it discreet.

First impression on taking the toy out was that it was bright, to the point that it looks girthier than it is.

Battery insertion was easy, but when replacing the end be sure to tighten the cap as far as you can, otherwise the toy won’t work (I thought it was faulty before the OH tightened it up for me and it works beautifully).

Only use the lower settings if you live with others (or play loud music) as the higher settings are really loud. Not off-putting, but would let everyone know what you were up to.

Now for the best bit, the insertion. While it looks a little daunting this toy slips in very easily once lubed up, and positioning is easy. The grooves along the twist end help immensely when adjusting the speed with slippery hands, although once you’ve chosen a speed be careful not to knock the end as it moves very easily.

The vibrations are strongest in the shaft of the toy, but don’t let that put you off as the bulb is more than adequate. Inserting the toy and leaving it to vibrate inside builds very pleasant feelings; however, if you’re after explosive squirting orgasms be sure to manually thrust the toy inside yourself too.

Prior to this toy, female ejaculation was a sexy myth… My first use lasted just ten minutes, in which I squirted multiple times. Each use since has also resulted in wet towels. It is also fabulous when used to manipulate the clitoris or nipples, and feels very strong when used in these spots.

It’s super easy to use solo or with a partner too due to the long shaft and easy controls.

Cleaning is a doddle. Just use warm, soapy water or your favourite sex toy cleaner and towel dry. My only concern is some very minor gapping around the seam on the bulb of the toy (less than 1mm) which may be harder to clean - I make sure to spray right into the crack.

All in all this is a wonderful vibrator, perfect for new to moderate toy users.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The vibrations, the size, ease of use.

Cons: The colour, the packaging.

Bottom Line: Hot pink perfection, buy one (or two, just in case).

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Strawb_water_fan, 24 Jan 2016
DOMINIX Deluxe Under The Bed Leather Bondage Kit

Pimp my bed

I’ve been searching for something to turn my hopelessly unpractical, run of the mill bed into the kinky bondage palace it deserves to be for too long now. This thing works a treat.

It’s a pretty simple piece of kit, essentially just two big straps that wrap around the top and bottom of your mattress, with a series of D-rings at each end to secure your subject in place.

Getting it all set up does present a couple of small niggles. It needs to be fastened quite tightly or might fall out of place when things start getting steamy, and that means there will be a fair bit of leftover slack in the straps that looks a little messy. I fixed this by securing the excess in place with a couple of safety pins, so it’s not the end of the world if you’re willing to get slightly creative.

Take your time to get it perfect, as once you get started the full body restraint will drive your partner insane. They’ll be writhing with pleasure with the slightest touch, and the last thing you want is to have to readjust the straps on the cusp of their orgasm. Thankfully that wasn’t the case of us - the kit stayed constantly sturdy despite all of my girlfriend’s efforts to get free.

It’s nice and long so should fit any size bed sets, and can be easily tucked under the mattress once you’re both satisfied for easy access next time.

The cuffs you get with it are simple but effective. If you don’t have restraints already, these will be a staple addition to your bondage kit, but if you have something more substantial you can easily swap them over.

All and all, another great purchase from Lovehoney. Thanks folks!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Super secure, and perfect for keeping your partner tied down.

Cons: It’s a little fiddly to set up.

Bottom Line: Near spot on. Perfect for those with boring beds!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @HaveAGoAndy, 25 Jan 2016
Blue Line Racerback Sheer Camo Vest Top

Tap in to your inner Rambo

When I received an email confirming I had been selected to test and review this item I was over the moon and quickly went back to the selling page to have a good look.

This is when a little apprehension set in. Not that I didn’t like the vest, I thought it was great, I just couldn’t help but think I wasn’t quite the ripped Adonis like the guy modelling it.

The item as usual turned up in plain discreet packaging, was postal tracked to my door and received in short order.

The vest itself was in a nice box and also a plastic wrapper, and I was happy that it smelled fresh and that it didn’t have that smell of new underwear or play wear can sometimes have when receiving from online shopping.

The vest, although being lightweight and almost flimsy in feel, is actually well made, without any loose cotton and comfortable around the seems.

My earlier apprehensive was gone as soon as I pulled the vest on. Admittedly I’m sure I still didn’t look like the carved figure on the photo, but I didn’t really care. It fit me like a glove, the soft sheer material felt good on the skin, the camouflage design looked great, and it made me feel like I’m in fairly good shape and still have some definition.

The OH was very happy with the results, commenting on how well it fit and how well fit I was in it.

We are certainly not all chiselled, but we do all deserve to feel good about ourselves and this vest, very surprisingly to me, did just that.

I for one can certainly recommend this vest as feel-good for fellas.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The fit and design.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Sexy feel-good vest.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @WesPJ, 27 Jan 2016
Maximus Anal Lubricant 250ml

Maximus Persist-us

As someone who almost exclusively inserts toys anally, rarely vaginally, but who has sensitive and extremely delicate skin in all my intimate areas, I needed a lube that was thick enough to take off the friction of silicone toys, would last more than the ten minutes or so my previously preferred lube would and would be easy enough to clean up. Looked around some online reviews and a lot churned out Maximus as one of the best water-based lubes around.

As part of a big ‘butt-stuff’ order, I bought the bigger bottle and wow! It has lasted so long, and does the trick to perfection! Sadly, due to the sensitivity issues (and a little impatience, I’m very much a butt play diva), things take longer to stretch inside that I’m willing to wait. This lube, however, has not only prevented that from actually doing any harm, it has allowed me to go bigger and bolder before things start to get uncomfortable!

I’m looking forward to being on the receiving end of a thorough product-testing from my OH when I get the chance to travel home. For solo play, it’s fantastic. No horrible or weird smell, it’s not really meant to taste nice so it was silly to try and expect anything, it’s really easy to clean up and doesn’t leave any gross residue after you’ve washed it away properly, unlike some others I’ve tried.

Overall, great product, makes anal play so much quicker, slicker and much more fun!

The only con I have is the design of the pump-cap itself. To seal it shut you have to push the pump down and screw it shut, so if you forget to screw it closed as you’re using it (when you’re probably distracted, let’s be honest), you have to waste a full pumpful every time. But the bottle is quite big, so it’s not a huge problem.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Good quality, thick, keeps friction away nicely, easy to clean up, good price.

Cons: Taste but what was I expecting?, screw-pump forces you to waste some every time.

Bottom Line: Great product, excellent for purpose, highly recommend.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Dr_Numpty, 02 Feb 2016
Male Edge Pro Penis Enlargement System

Searching for a cure to Peyronie’s Disease

Thought I should add my review in case any Lovehoney customers are looking at these devices as a form of treatment against Peyronie’s as opposed to or in addition to a penis extension kit.

My case of Peyronie’s came on very suddenly and involved my penis developing a downward bend half way down the shaft that made sex painful and difficult for both my wife and I as well as appearing to shorten the length of my erections.

As you can imagine this was rather depressing and my GP proved unable to suggest anything save surgery, which I really wanted to avoid.

I started to research traction solutions and came across this product, and am glad to say after only about 6 weeks’ use (about 3-4 times a week and about 1-2 hours each time) it has achieved remarkable results.

It’s not that my penis has grown much (my wife tells me it has, but I can’t tell), all I can say is that the bend is significantly reduced (sex no longer painful or difficult) and the length I lost due to the disease has returned.

All in all a perfect result.

I continue to wear it to see what more it can achieve, but for now I already feel it has paid for itself.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Seemingly a potential cure for Peyronie’s Disease.

Cons: Bit uncomfortable after a while, but what can you expect from a traction device?

Bottom Line: Does what is says on the tin!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Earl_Grey, 28 Feb 2016
Lovehoney BASICS Vibrating Love Egg

Packs a punch at a great price!

Wow! We were not expecting this toy to be so powerful at this price. We picked it up as part of a multi-buy deal that LH were running and it was the last item that we just threw into the basket to ‘give it a try’.

We weren’t expecting much and were really just trying out the concept of these vibrating love eggs and expecting to buy a more expensive one if we liked the concept.

Boy were we wrong. This little toy is great. Despite only using 2xAA batteries, it’s a powerful little toy and great for clitoral stimulation. We don’t really use it for internal use, as I guess it was probably intended, but it definitely hits the spot on my OH’s clit.

In all honesty, it’s probably become our ‘go to’ toy at the moment. It’s great for couples, as I can take control of the dial, slowly increasing and adjusting the speed / vibrations - before turning it up to 11 (if you’ve seen spinal tap you’ll know!).

The dial is a great feature and better than a button featured on many other vibrators / toys - as it gives better / easier control when ‘in the moment’.

My OH has also used this on me, applying it to my balls whilst going down on me and it feels great.

The product itself does look and feel a bit cheap, and the battery compartment has a habit of coming undone, but at this price you can’t really complain about that when it performs so well (function over form!).

We’d definitely recommend adding this toy to your collection - trust us, it’ll be worth it.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Great toy at a great price.

Cons: Not the prettiest toy to look at!

Bottom Line: A real bargain! Great toy at an even better price.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Spoonerism, 09 Feb 2016
L’Amourose Prism V Extra Quiet Rechargeable Prostate and G-Spot Vibrator

Possibly My New Favourite Vibrator Ever!

I’m going to be bold and call L’Amourose the new Lelo. Their toys are stunning to look at, beautiful quality (backed up with an 18 month warranty) and the vibrations in their larger toys are simply the strongest and rumbliest ones I’ve come across. All in all, these toys are absolutely worth their luxury price tags and I’m very pleased to report that the Prism V is no exception - it is superb. And now possibly the best multi purpose vibrator I own, which is very high praise indeed! Let me explain…

First off, the packaging of the Prism V is nice and simple - just a modest box with a clear lid displaying the toy. Inside you get a USB charger cable, warranty card, instruction manual and a storage bag for the toy. Basically everything you’d expect from a product in this price range.

Ever since I got my first L’Amourose toy I’ve been a huge fan of the buttery, silky, downright gorgeous silicone that they use with their products. The Prism V is seam-free and flawless, as expected, and attracts minimal lint which is always a good thing. The entire toy is coated in this miracle silicone, all the way from tip to handle, apart from the charging contacts on the very bottom.

The toy charges via magnets so has no exposed ports and is therefore totally waterproof. While the toy is charging, a little light in the middle of the control pad flashes and then stays on indicating the toy is fully charged. This can take over an hour, especially on its first charge, so be patient!

Before the Prism V came along into my life, my favourite internal/larger vibrators were the L’Amourose Rosa and the (very popular among sex toy reviewers) Lelo Mona 2. Both are designed for and are amazing at delivering intense G-spot stimulation, though they all excel as clitoral vibes too. Here are a few comparison thoughts:

The Prism V is most similar in form and function to the Mona 2 as it is a similar size and shape, with an obvious handle. While the G-spotting head of the Prism V looks the same as the Rosa’s, it is actually a little smaller and less girthy in person. The Prism V is a completely rigid vibrator (like the Mona 2) whereas the Rosa has a flexible neck.

The motor in the Prism V is very similar (well, probably actually exactly the same) to that in the shaft of the Rosa. The vibrations are extremely strong for a rechargeable toy, truly rumbly and super penetrating, which is what I need these days, especially internally. Both the Prism V and the Rosa are definitely much stronger and rumblier than the Mona 2, so if that’s what you’re after, discount the Mona 2 now (Sorry, Mona! I still love you!). I’m inclined to say the Rosa feels the strongest in hand as it actually has two motors (one in the shaft, one in the base designed for dual stimulation), though side by side in use I actually noticed very little difference between it and the Prism V.

What sets the Prism V above the Rosa the most is that handle. The sculpted ‘prism’ effect provides some grip and I think the buttons are positioned perfectly for effortless operation. The base of the Rosa is noted as being quite awkward and ‘in the way’ if you intend to use a clitoral vibrator while the Rosa is inserted - no such issue with the Prism V! On the Rosa, the buttons are located on the side of the base, which can make operating it difficult for left handed people in particular - again, this problem has been solved with the Prism V!

I also find the shape of the handle much more ergonomic than the Rosa’s base, and find I get less hand cramping during longer sessions. Boom. But wait - one more thing. The Prism V’s handle makes the toy more accessible for people with reach and mobility issues, or perhaps a bit of extra tummy in the way (like me!). Four for you, Prism V and your wonderful handle. Oh, and it even stands up, preventing lubey sheets and allowing for hygienic drying after cleaning. Brilliant.

Comparisons over, what does the Prism V actually feel like? Well the curve of its shaft does wonderful things for my G-spot. Much like the Rosa (only a little more comfortable as it’s that bit smaller = perfect), it hooks its way around my pubic bone, latches on to the perfect spot and doesn’t let go until it’s done the job. With those immense vibrations turned up high, it produces vaginal earthquakes. Almost literally. Add a We-Vibe Tango on my clit for good measure and I am so, so satisfied. The Prism V is also amazing clitorally on its own, making it a fantastically versatile toy too.

Two small flaws, if you can call them that: The buttons are the “under the silicone” type and can sometimes be hard to locate and press (mine were a little stiff). Secondly, it’s not the quietest toy I’ve tried, despite how Lovehoney are marketing this one. When inserted it’s not too bad and I don’t think it would be heard through a closed door or anything, but when I use it clitorally on high it can make a bit of a racket. My Mona 2 is quieter. Just something to bear in mind if the upmost discretion is key to you.

Overall, I am quite besotted with this toy. It is the perfect shape for everything, its vibrations are perfect (especially if you can’t stand buzzy vibes and need proper rumbles to get off) and it’s built to last. It’s like L’Amourose combined the best qualities of my other two favourite G-spot vibrators and produced the perfect orgasm machine.

This is the one for me.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Top quality, brilliant design, amazing vibrations, super versatile.

Cons: Fiddly buttons, not that quiet.

Bottom Line: I just love it, okay?

[Ian_Chimp]

by @AHusbandsPassion, 20 Feb 2016
Liberator Wedge

Time for a New Perspective on Sex

I’m sure many of you have tried using an extra pillow to prop your pelvis during oral, missionary, and doggy style positions. The pillow gets smashed, wet, and doesn’t really offer that much support.

The high density foam on the Liberator Wedge will save your neck and give you much more stamina during intercourse. When providing oral on my wife, there is no time limit on how long I can continue servicing her while she is on the Wedge. She will generally tell me to stop, and as she continues to lay with her pelvis lifted, it is easy to transition into a position such as missionary.

I am able to provide more pressure to her upper pelvis and the G-spot area is much easier to contact with her hips supported at the 27 degree angle. The angle also assists in easier female ejaculation, so it may be wise to lay down a blanket while you use the Wedge. It just so happens that Liberator sells a blanket for just this occasion!

Once you are comfortable with the Liberator Wedge, you can transition from position to position as if you are practicing sexual yoga. When the Wedge is delivered it comes with a book of various positions useful for the device. Their website also has various instructional videos that can be viewed on new positions to try and transitioning between them seamlessly.

We enjoy using our Liberator Wedge periodically. While the Wedge is the smallest of the Liberator products, it still requires storage under the bed or in a closet. We use it for longer oral sessions, massages, and a few other positions.

It also enhances female masturbation, as the angle would provide better pleasure on the G-spot and it allows deeper penetration.

If you are looking for new positions during sex, or a basic way to introduce something new to the bed (or floor or stairs), this is a great place to start! It’s a great product to serve your lover. I enjoy telling my wife to just lay down, relax, and let me do all the work. This is also fun with a blindfold and some new toys.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Great for new positions and long session of oral.

Cons: Nothing, we love it!

Bottom Line: A fun way to add new life to your sex life.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @ManItFeelsLikeSpaceAgain, 02 Mar 2016
Lovehoney Lifelike Eva Super Tight Pocket Pussy

I will never use my hands again

I bought this on a whim while it was on sale, and managed to get both the product and postage for less than £10. If this isn’t good value, I don’t know what is.

The first things I noticed were that it was slightly heavier than I expected and has a slight smell to it, which is not unpleasant. To touch, it was silky smooth and very flesh-like.

I decided to quickly try it out, and “quickly” is an understatement. I’d recommend applying lube inside of the toy rather than onto your penis, as it is so tight that it effectively squeegied the lube off me. Once I had lubed it up properly, I think I lasted all of 5 minutes. It feels absolutely incredible. It’s like having sex with a goddess. So tight, so realistic feeling. For me, I ended up poking out the end slightly, but this wasn’t a bad thing, as I needed respite from how great the toy feels.

To wash it, I placed it in a sink of water with a bit of Lovehoney’s toy cleaner. Then rinsed it out, which was effective. However, I made the mistake of turning the toy inside out to clean it more thoroughly on the inside and to help it dry. After having done this a few times it is starting to rip very slightly, so I will avoid that in the future.

After drying, the outside was very sticky, as a number of reviewers have said. To remedy this, I bought cornflour from Tesco. It cost me 75p for a few hundred grams (which is loads), and it works incredibly well to restore the surface texture.

Since then, I have also used the toy with a bullet in the vibrator slot. This was great, I could really feel it, and when combined with the other sensations it is incredible. The main difference between using this and your hands is that the toy grips tight around all sides of your shaft, and the full length. I seriously will never need to use my hands again.

Overall, this is a great product, very good value and I’m glad that I decided to buy one. The only downside is I have used it so much that I now need to buy more lube.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Feel, price, orgasms.

Cons: I now need to buy more lube.

Bottom Line: Why did I not buy one of these years ago?

[Ian_Chimp]

by @OooohLaLaaa, 08 Mar 2016
Oscillating Textured Duo Ben Wa Balls 69g

Easier than expected

Ordered these after recommendation from a friend. After reading up on Ben Wa balls and their benefits, I couldn’t wait for the parcel to arrive!

Speedy delivery time from LH (thank you!), and as soon as they arrived I had to take them for a test drive.

They are easy to use (inserting them the first time round took a little while, but I think that was down to nervous yet excited anticipation!). Removing them is possibly more pleasurable than it should be (not that I’m complaining!).

After wearing them around the house for a few minutes the first time, I dived straight into the deep end and wore them to work! And all I can say is wow! Feeling them oscillate whilst walking around or walking upstairs is a strange yet pleasurable feeling - by the end of the day Niagara Falls has nothing on me!

Now looking to go smaller and more weightier as haven’t had a problem keeping these in at all.

Overall these are a good starter pair and they certainly seem to be doing something down below. They are a great price to start off with if you’re a bit wary of them or a newbie.

Thanks LH. I’ll be back!!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The oscillating, the ease of removing.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Brilliant for a first-timer, feels better than imagined!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ruby_Red_Slippers, 29 Mar 2016
Lovehoney Open Back Briefs

Bootylicious briefs guaranteed to seduce

I’m a big fan of Lovehoney brand knickers, so I was thrilled to be given the chance to review these gorgeous open back briefs. I loved them as soon as I put them on and I knew they’d be an excellent addition to my collection.

I love how they look just like regular pants from the front (since discovering Lovehoney, see-through lacy pants have become everyday wear for me - much to my partner’s delight!), but when you turn around, jaws will drop. Guaranteed. My boyfriend absolutely loves how I look in these and he really wants me to get more pairs like this - he couldn’t keep his eyes or hands off me when I wore them!

I wouldn’t say I’m particularly body confident, but I actually love how I look in these and couldn’t help but admire my own bum! It’s such a flattering design and I felt great wearing them. The design draws the eye straight to where you want them and showcases the booty beautifully. They’re incredibly sexy but still very sophisticated and classy - they leave just enough to the imagination!

The lace is incredibly soft, comfortable and feels lovely to touch, and the gorgeous floral pattern looks beautiful against your skin. I love the pretty trimming around the edge and the little black bow. It looks pretty and feminine but still smoking hot thanks to the see-through material and open back. As these pants are crotchless and open back, they’re ideal for those who like keeping underwear on during sex and/or spanking. They’re very comfortable to wear during sex and don’t get in the way at all.

The Medium-Large size is the perfect fit for my size 8-10 bum. Like most of the Lovehoney brand knickers I’ve tried, I found that the sizing is a bit on the small side, so I’d recommend going for the larger option a size if you’re in between sizes. If you’re looking for briefs that leave you exposed at the back but are worried about cage back briefs not being flattering, then I would highly recommend these.

My underwear drawer is now overflowing with sexy knickers, but these are definitely one of my favourite pairs. Whatever shape or size you are, you need these gorgeous knickers - they will turn heads, drop jaws and send your body confidence soaring!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Sexy, flattering, comfortable, soft material, great quality, beautiful design - everything!

Cons: Nothing. These are perfect!

Bottom Line: Sexy, comfortable and perfect for showcasing your beautiful bum.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @JJW023, 13 Mar 2016
Lovehoney Amethyst Sensual Glass Butt Plug

This thing is indestructible

I’ve always enjoyed anal play and enjoyed the thrill of wearing a butt plug in public. I wanted something with a bit more weight and firmness to it than my plastic/silicone plugs offer, so I thought I’d buy my first ever glass toy.

I wasn’t disappointed! This is just the right size to be pushed home with very little preparation (only a little lube is required) and the slightly sharper angle at the back of the “head” keeps it in securely.

I’ve worn this to work, while skateboarding, and while cycling without any embarrassing mishaps; it just provides a comfortable weight as a naughty reminder throughout the day.

You might be wondering about my review title? Well, I dropped this not once, not twice but three times onto a hard tiled floor. The first time my heart was in my mouth, but the plug was completely unscathed. The second time it chipped my floor and still didn’t have a mark on it! (The third time was relatively uneventful)

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Great shape, size and weight. Really easy to clean.

Cons: It gets very, very slippery when it’s lubed up.

Bottom Line: It’s my favorite plug by far.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Sex_Squid, 25 Apr 2016
Vixen Mustang VixSkin Bright Realistic Dildo with Suction Cup

The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcock

I closed my eyes… drew back the curtain…

…and got busy opening my new tie-dye Mustang. As the proud owner of a growing collection from the geniuses over at Vixen Creations, I was over the moon to receive my second Mustang and third VixSkin dildo. Despite already owning the saddle-based Mustang Royale, I couldn’t resist being rammed by a rainbow. Plus, as if further justification were even needed, this one has a suction cup.

Holding a Mustang in each hand and grinning like the village idiot I was able to see how they compared. Aesthetically, they are the same… same head, same pulled-back foreskin, same curved shaft, same amount of juicy squish before feeling that firm core. Well, why change perfection?

Besides the base, there are slight differences, though. My tie-dye has 6.25" of insertable length compared with the Royale’s 7". It’s also half an inch thinner. Would I be able to tell the difference in a blind test though? Well, actually no, if I was blindfolded and penetrated by my partner there’s no way I’d know which one she was wearing. And with either, I’d be reduced to a quivering cum-soaked mess within minutes. So how does it feel?

A crash of drums, a flash of light,

My rainbow cock flew out of sight,

The colours faded into darkness,

By which I mean my bum!

I’m sure I’m not alone in finding that this joyous dick makes me want to burst into song! It’s just so happy-looking. And as with my other Vixen dildos, it feels simply incredible. The VixSkin dual density silicone is remarkable. It’s squishier than a real cock, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. In fact, riding it anally, or when worn in a harness for pegging, it’s lovely squashiness makes it more comfortable for anal than any other toy I’ve tried. When thrust deep and hard, the head can bump against your insides without causing you any discomfort, which means there’s no need for your partner to pause. A submissive’s dream then!

Not only do I wholeheartedly recommend this dildo, I urge you to get it. One perfect penis at a time, I’ll eventually acquire the entire Vixen range. I’m just glad they don’t do all their dildos in these beautiful colours, as I’d be compelled to buy the lot. If you’ve been umming and ahhing over the Vixen Bright Realistic dildo because of the price, I’d recommend you sign up for some overtime for a week. After all, you’ll be reaping the rewards for a lifetime.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: It’s perfect. No, really.

Cons: That it’s not attached to Ragnar Lothbrok from Vikings? We can’t have everything…

Bottom Line: It’s my amazing technicolour dreamcock.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @lmh95, 03 Apr 2016
Tracey Cox Supersex Toner Balls

Easy internal workout to bring the tightness back

This was part of my very first order from Lovehoney. I was looking for ideas to help as, although I do my pelvic floor exercises religiously, I had been suffering from the occasional leak when exercising or sneezing and I wanted to tighten things up again “down below” after childbirth.

I read about Kegel balls and there was a recommendation on the same page for Lovehoney as a good place to buy them, so I typed the name in and started my search. I saw these Tracey Cox ones and I have always been a big fan of her on TV. She really knows her stuff and I popped these in my basket.

They arrived quickly and discreetly and I was excited to unpack all the goodies I had bought.

These come in a very tastefully decorated box. Inside is a clear plastic casing which protects them and a storage bag.

They are very well made and feel very silky to touch. You can feel the balls jiggle inside when you shake them in your hand, and there is a little “tail” which helps you take them out when you have finished using them.

They are easy to insert with some water-based lube, and once you have adjusted them inside you to sit comfortably, a bit like when you’re adjusting a tampon to feel right, then you can go about your day as usual.

I was aware of these jiggling inside when I did certain things like go up and down the stairs or bend up and down. I also did my pelvic floor exercises when they were in.

They are quite stimulating when in use and I did feel rather “wet” while wearing them.

They are very comfortable to wear, and are easy to remove by gently tugging on the tail. I felt quite empty when they were removed and I missed the jiggley feeling inside me for a while.

I took these out just before intercourse and my OH did think I felt tighter down below, which was great. I found that with repeated use my pelvic floor felt much stronger, and the uncomfortable heavy feeling in the area that I had been experiencing plus the urge to pee all the time was gone. I was able to exercise again without needing to always wear a panty liner just in case of small accidents, which was a great improvement and really boosted my confidence again.

These are very easy to clean with a spritz of toy cleaner, then a rinse and a quick dry off before leaving them to air dry before packing them away again in their protective case and storage bag.

All in all, these are a great product. Well made, easy to use and helped sort out my problem. I only wish that I had bought them sooner.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Well made. Easy to use. Comfortable to wear.

Cons: N/A.

Bottom Line: Very pleased. Did help me to tighten and tone down below.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @secretlyslutty, 01 Apr 2016
Lovehoney Satisfy Me Curve Silicone Dildo

My favourite dildo

I’ve accumulated quite the sex toy collection over the years, and I only really bought this one because I’d wanted to try something in silicone for a while and this was a relatively inexpensive option. However, it has really surprised me and is now hands down my favourite dildo.

The silicone doesn’t disappoint. It has a lovely luxurious feel to it, and I doubt I’ll be going back to cheaper materials after this. It’s incredibly smooth and still has a “soft” feel and impressive flexibility to it despite being very firm.

I love how it looks - I’m not a fan of realistic-looking dildos, and much prefer it when designers get a bit more creative - and the shape of this is gorgeous. The pictures don’t really do it justice, it’s just so pleasing to look at, I want to display it on my shelf as a piece of art!

The shape is more than just pretty too. It’s not a large toy at all, and I was worried it wouldn’t do much for me, but the inclusion of the second bulbous part creates a surprisingly full feeling, and the curves give me all sorts of tingles as I feel it moving in and out of me. It hits all the right spots, and I can cum with this more reliably than any other dildo I’ve tried.

Combine this with a magic wand vibrator and it’s game over, best sensations I’ve ever experienced.

Well done, Lovehoney!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Shape, material, construction. Brilliantly designed.

Cons: If I had to nitpick I’d ask for a range of different colours.

Bottom Line: Perfection in a dildo.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Kinkymermaid, 14 Apr 2016
Lovehoney Classic Mains Powered Magic Wand Vibrator

Oh light of my life…

I get sentimental when I think about this wand, it is truly magical. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it is my one and only, the light of my life and the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had.

Before I bought this I had a pink rabbit vibrator that I was pretty into but I was getting fed up of it constantly dying on me before I had finished. Nothing is more heart-breaking than getting really close to the edge and then being pulled back because your vibe decided to quit on you, so I thought a mains powered toy was the way to go for an insatiable girl like me.

I’d read all the reviews and watched all the videos and decided this wand was the one for me. I was after power and let me tell you, power is what I got. Honestly, I rarely use the highest setting on this toy because it is just so intense. Though what’s so truly wonderful about this wand is that the power is controlled by a dial that you can push up and down to suit your needs. You can start off at the lowest setting and just go up and up and up until you see stars and supernovas.

The only downside to this wand is the noise but really you can’t expect this much power without having a little noise too.

This wand and I have honestly been through so much together, it spends more time in bed with me than my boyfriend does… This was the toy that made me squirt for the very first time and a few months back when I was taking some new medication that practically made it impossible for me to reach orgasm, this wand was here to save the day.

I highly highly recommend this toy to anyone that wants intensity and mind-blowing orgasms. Go buy it now!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The power.

Cons: The head is a little bulky.

Bottom Line: Mind-blowing.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @A_Couple_of_Kinks, 26 May 2016
Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable G-Spot Vibrator

The Flawless Lovehoney Desire G-Spot Vibrator

This vibrator actually blew me across the bed. Seriously. I went from one corner to the opposite. Yes, you did read the first line correctly. This toy actually made my body leap across the bed. We just so happen to have been recording ourselves, so we actually have video evidence of this, which was really hot to rewatch together (but more on that another time).

When we first unwrapped the toy, I was a little surprised at the size and firmness. I was a bit sceptical that this would work for me – both in terms of fitting comfortably inside me and also stimulating my G-spot with vibrations.

We cleaned it, charged it and then were shocked when we turned it on. Holy hell, it was powerful. It is definitely our most powerful toy of the moment (we currently do not own any wands). The rumble of the motors made me really excited to test it out. The weight and sturdiness of the toy were both really enticing. Just a warning that the material is so silky that you’ll want to spend a little time caressing it.

The vibrations are really powerful for my body, so initially it was unpleasant and we had to turn them all the way to the lowest setting. I personally found it inconvenient that the vibrations start off at the middle setting, but it is something you get used to and prepare for.

Once it was targeting my G-spot, I felt the need for more power. This toy definitely obliged. In fact, just by turning up the intensity I ended up orgasming so hard my body moved across the bed. It was impressive, to say the least. Andy was baffled and just stared at me in total awe.

This, unfortunately, has not been a repeated occurrence but that does not mean my orgasms have not been intense – they are most definitely intense. I have actually found that the high settings are too distracting for my body and I require a softer and more prolonged build up with a lower vibration setting. The patterns are actually incredibly fun to use – which is not something I typically say about patterns. I found a setting I really appreciate that alternated between the two different motors. Those two motors were an excellent idea.

The G-spot vibrations are really intense, so I find myself being careful with vibes on my clitoris. Too weak and they are overpowered by my G-spot vibes, but too strong and my body is overwhelmed. I’ve found the perfect balance, but you might need a little trial-and-error like me.

In conclusion: Lovehoney has really thought of everything: silicone, USB rechargeable, dual motors, G-spot tip, waterproof and travel-safe. Everything. There is nothing that we dislike about that toy. Once you get used to controlling the different intensities and patterns, the Lovehoney Desire G-Spot Vibrator is basically flawless.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Silky silicone, strong rumbly vibrations with multiple settings, rechargeable.

Cons: The vibrations start at the medium setting.

Bottom Line: Flawless!