Review Hall of Fame

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Tupperwareheart, 06 Dec 2010
Aurora Illuminating Quiet and Smooth Massager

Aurora - The Toblerone Toy

When most of us imagine a high end, luxury sex toy there are a few brands that tend to come to mind immediately. This is where toys like the Aurora fall down, we haven’t heard of the brand so we assume they aren’t as good and aren’t worth the money. I’ve fallen foul of that a lot, but never again. This toy has proved to be just as good, if not better than many other luxury toy purchases I’ve made before.

Packaging:

The toy is presented in a gorgeous yet sturdy purple box with black banding around the centre. The words ‘Aurora - the illumination body with fantastic mood as rainbow lighting’ are emblazoned on the front. It’s about the size and shape of a single bottle wine box which is a lot bigger than I was expecting!

Plain solid colours coupled with the quality of this box make it feel so stylish and luxurious. There is nothing vulgar or over the top on the packaging but the wording and small picture on the back do give the game away a little, so it may not discreet enough for some to reuse as a storage box. It would however make a perfect gift as it really is beautifully presented and feels like such a treat to open.

The box is made of two halves and you can simply pull the lid off with ease, no need to attack this one with the scissors!

A classy black cardboard insert is folded neatly into the box, so there are no extra messy bits of packaging to worry about and everything fits beautifully inside with no hassle. Resting on top of the cardboard is a small instruction manual showing you how to charge the toy and what the buttons do, it doesn’t take long to read and reassures you how easy this toy will be to use.

Nestled in the packaging is the Aurora herself. It’s very easy to remove the toy from the insert, so you won’t find yourself wrestling with your vibe trying to free it from its cardboard restraints.

The right hand compartment holds everything else you’ll need - the charging cradle and charging wire which is a 2 pin plug (if you have a shaver/epilator socket in your house this will fit). But a standard power adapter has also been added in so you can attach this, plug in as usual and you’re good to go straight away. Kudos to Lovehoney for including this little extra, it saves you time and hassle and you can play with your new toy immediately. Perfect.

Appearance:

I have the black version of this toy and it really is gorgeous to look at, it’s a work of art.

The Aurora is 9 inches long with 6.5 inches of insertable length.

Allow your body to breathe a sigh of relief - this little beauty is phthalates free and made of medical grade silicone and body safe ABS plastic. Everything about the toy is wonderfully vagina friendly.

It features a plastic handle which fits easily into your hand and due to the contoured shape it wont slip out of your grasp if things get a little lubey.

On the front of the handle are three buttons so it couldn’t be simpler to operate! The two power buttons are arrow shaped with a plus and minus on them so even held upside down you can quickly tell which is which. In the middle of these is the square on and off/change pattern button. No fiddly and endless combinations here and no playing wild games of guess the button in the heat of the moment.

On the two other sides of the handle are the beautiful illuminating lights mentioned on the box. Even when these are off you can see the little swirl and heart designs. It really is very pretty and adds a touch of femininity to this otherwise sleek toy. At first I did wonder what the point of these lights were. It just seemed a bit of a gimmick but I was delighted to be wrong. The colours change when you change to a different vibration mode and it makes the buttons easier to see in the dark so this is a lovely little addition to the toy.

A chrome band branded ‘X_tassie’ separates the plastic handle from the silicone body.

In contrast to the hard plastic of the handle, the silicone body is soft and durable yet firm. The tip has a little more give to it than the rest of the vibe and makes it absolutely ideal for comfortable clitoral stimulation.

The shape of the toy is a revelation. It has a twisted, contoured shape and tapers to a triangular point. Unless you’ve dated someone who has a toblerone in their pants, the Aurora will be a completely new sensation.

Unusually for a large toy, this vibrator isn’t particularly phallic shaped. This makes it perfect to bring out to play with a partner who may be a little put off by your more ‘realistic’ shaped goodies. Or equally, if you don’t like your toys too obvious looking this would be a wonderful addition to your larger toy collection.

Ease of Use:

So incredibly easy.

As the Aurora is rechargeable you don’t need to worry about bothersome batteries, you just have to remember to charge her before use. The toy sits snugly in the charging cradle and all you need to do is attach the charging wire and plug it in. The vibrator even treats you to a very pretty sparkling light show while you wait for it to charge.

It actually comes ready with a little charge in it straight from unboxing so you can try it out right away. I found a slight flaw in the planning here - already having some charge so you don’t have to wait to test the toy out? That’s great. But it also means the toy could easily go off in transit or when unpacking. Yes OK I admit, it happened to me. I stealthily unpacked the Aurora in the middle of the afternoon with a house full of people. Yes my finger clipped the on button and yes, she went off. Such a small point, but one worth noting.

To turn the vibrator on is as easy as turning your TV on. Simply press the square power button in the middle once and it leaps immediately into life.

There are many options to change the speed, intensity and pattern of the vibrations (which I’ll cover in more detail in the next paragraph) but without the complex array of buttons you might expect. Three buttons allow you to access every style of vibration you could possibly need.

When it’s time to turn the toy off, all you need to do is press the middle power button again and hold it for a few seconds.

There is nothing worse in the heat of the moment than trying to press a button on your vibrator only to find that with your slippery hands, it isn’t responding. I never want to be stopping half way through my fun to glare down between my legs to try and fathom out why I can’t press a button. It’s not sexy. This isn’t a problem with the Aurora as the buttons are very clickable and user friendly. They stand out when you run your finger across them too so you won’t get lost trying to find them on the toy either.

What’s it like:

There are 5 intensity options on offer here. The first and gentlest setting is still unbelievably powerful, truly incredible. When I first turned it on I assumed it was already at full power but no, this baby had 4 more settings to impress me with. This could probably even rival my rabbit’s power.

In addition to the 5 different speeds/intensities, the Aurora has 10 different patterns to choose from. Seriously, 10. That’s a whole lot of options for play time, I had indecent amounts of fun trying them all out to make sure I reviewed each one just right.

Patterns:

First pattern: Light pink light - Constant strong vibrations concentrated in the tip.

Second pattern: Hot pink light - Constant strong vibrations spreading equally from the shaft to the tip.

Third pattern: Orange light - Fast, pulsing vibrations. This felt almost like a very fast heartbeat. Concentrated mostly in the tip

Fourth pattern: Lighter orange light - Faster, deeper pulsing vibrations reaching from the tip all the way up the shaft.

Fifth pattern: Yellow light - Shaft and tip motors working out of synch to produce two different pulsing vibration sensations.

Sixth pattern: Green light - A constant, steady vibration throughout the shaft and pulsing every 2 seconds in the tip.

Seventh pattern: Baby blue light - A constant, steady vibration throughout the shaft and pulsing every 1 second in the tip.

Eighth pattern: Lilac light - Constant quivering, undulating vibrations from the shaft to the tip.

Ninth pattern: Purple light - Constant quivering, undulating vibrations concentrated in the tip of the toy.

Tenth pattern: Dark blue light - Strongest constant vibrations concentrated in the tip.

Something that I really appreciated in this toy and haven’t ever found before, even in a high end toy is that you can change the intensity of the vibrations on any of the patterns. Usually you have to reach the highest speed before you can get to the fancy throbbing, quivering, does-the-washing-up-while-you-play patterns and this has always seemed like a bit of an oversight to me. So I’ve found the style of vibration gets me off, what happens if I want it a little less fierce? Until now, I’ve had to accept that my toy box hasn’t offered that level of adjustability. Now, I have the Aurora who offers me almost limitless possibilities. You can pretty much design your own orgasm here.

Unfortunately there isn’t the option to lock the buttons, so as I mentioned earlier this could lead to some issues if you’re going to travel with Aurora or leave her rattling in your toy box. Of course the solution here is to have an indulgent few hours before you leave for your holiday and run her batteries down before you pack her away!

The Aurora is not exactly silent. I would say a little quieter than a rabbit but nosier than a bullet or a standard clit toy. The noise wouldn’t really be any issue to bring up at all, except such a big deal is made of the fact it’s a quiet vibrator, it’s even up there in the title. It’s not a loud noise, in fact as toys go, it’s fairly inoffensive to the ears but if you advertise continuously that it’s quiet I expect to be a little more impressed. Music would blot this out easily but I wouldn’t recommend using it with your bedroom door open!

However, there is something I love about the noise of this toy - it doesn’t get louder if you press it against yourself, a problem that a lot of other vibrators seem to have. This is definitely a bonus and really helps to remind you that this is a high end, super quality toy.

Final Thoughts:

This is an absolutely beautiful high end sex toy. It’s well packaged to make an excellent gift to a loved one or as an indulgent treat for yourself. The design is sleek yet pretty, combined a stylish body with sparkly glowing lights. The toy does not fall down when it comes to performance either, with plenty of options to choose from this will give you many satisfying and unique experiences time after time. Although the vibrator is amazing for insertable play, it also makes a fabulous clitoral toy or all over body massager and is just as fun to use alone as it is for couples. For those that find rabbits a little too noisy or overwhelming in design, this is absolutely perfect.

I adore the Aurora so much, I haven’t managed to lock her away in my toy box yet!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Beautiful packaging, endless vibration choices, pretty design, body friendly, the shape of the toy.

Cons: No ability to lock the buttons.

Bottom Line: A beautiful, luxurious high end sex toy. Everything a girl could need!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @englishrose, 12 Dec 2010
Wild Orchid 10 Speed Motion Sensor Massager

Wild Orchid novel, powerful, worth every penny

The first thing to point out about this awesome vibe is its place of manufacture - at a time when more and more sex toys are being manufactured in China, this little gem is made in Korea. It might seem a small point, but for those who try to avoid buying Chinese, whether because of human rights or environmental concerns, the sex toy market can be a minefield. The Wild Orchid’s ethical credentials are further enhanced by being rechargeable (no batteries in landfill) and nasty-free (no worries about chemical transfer to your insides). So far, so good.

It arrives packaged in a sturdy box, and would make a lovely gift. Included are the charger and the adaptor, so you’re good to go straight away. Mine arrived with a good charge even though it was new out of the box, so if you’re impatient, you will probably be able to get going straight away. Even if it’s empty on arrival, a full charge only takes two hours, and that will give you a whole hour of full power, so you don’t have to be that patient. And I can guarantee that you won’t need an hour of use at a time!

The design is really original - an aluminium dumbbell, with a silicone sleeve around the middle. It’s easy to turn on and off, and the power switch doubles as the control to alter the patterns. What’s really unique, however, is the “magic wand” effect - you don’t need to bother with the switch, just flick the vibe and it shifts pattern: no more messing with lubey fingers! It feels reassuringly solid, but far from heavy to hold, and has the usual variety of straightforward and novelty vibration patterns. Even at its lowest setting, it is powerful and pleasurable, and there’s definitely something for everyone. The aluminium tips feel absolutely divine. It’s not waterproof, so I wouldn’t recommend immersing it in hot water if you want it a bit warmer, but you can pop it on top of the radiator and that’s nearly as good.

Okay, so there’s lots of great things about this vibe, but I also need to mention its (few) flaws. Although it describes itself as being quiet, this isn’t always true. I don’t know if mine has a faulty motor, but sometimes it is incredibly loud. Fair enough for something of this power - except that at other times, during the same pattern cycle, it will be almost silent. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to this, so like I said, it’s probably a glitch - but not really something I’d expect in this price range.

Although there is a range of patterns, as I mentioned, if you just use the tip of the vibe, rather than the side, they feel very similar: again, it’s just a quirk, and it’s easy to get used to using it like this, but it seemed a bit counter-intuitive. The final thing, that will probably seem very petty, is that for such a high quality product, the English on the box (and in the instructions) is fairly hilarious - though who can refuse the chance to “strengthen your inside flexibility like wild creature”?

This is a great vibe for anyone who is an ethical consumer, or who prefers clitoral stimulation: although you can insert it, the insertable length isn’t great so it’s better for teasing than satisfying in this respect. It’s also a great product for someone looking to introduce toys into their bedroom - it’s totally non-threatening, and so for people whose partners dislike or feel intimidated by the phallus-ness of a lot of vibes, it’s perfect. It would be a very nice way to introduce toys to a partner who is a bit unsure - it makes a wonderful massager for the whole body, not just more intimate areas, and would be a great way to start with non-threatening foreplay. It’s odd to get used to the magic wand effect in the beginning - if, for example, you decide to flip ends, you’ll change the vibration patterns. But if you look on this as a way to keep yourself or your partner guessing, it’s not a bad thing.

This is a toy to persevere with: it gets better and better each time you use it and I’ve gone from being relatively indifferent to being hugely enthusiastic about it. It does feel really wonderful when you use it, and the rechargeable factor is great (just be careful not to do what I did, and mistake the dimple where the led is for the charging point: it leaves you wondering why it’s not charging…). It’s very well made, and has a luxurious feel, and although it’s not fully waterproof, you can easily clean it with a damp cloth or some squirty toy cleaner, and the aluminium makes it even more hygienic. I don’t however, recommend following the box’s recommendation: “Nobody knows who you are with hidden desires. Touch a secret partner just close by…” That sort of thing is liable to get you arrested and slapped with a restraining order…

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: A great concept: luxurious and well-made with powerful vibrations.

Cons: The intermittent noise

Bottom Line: Great for ethical consumers, first-timers and those who want guaranteed orgasms.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @MsEllie, 15 Dec 2010
Doc Johnson Great American Challenge

The British are cumming!

Let’s face it, the Americans are known for it. If it’s worth making anything, make it brash, make it colourful, and above all else, make it big!

When I was first browsing Lovehoney I saw this monster and was frankly horrified. And that was it, the seed was sown. Over the next month the idea grew in my head, until it became all consuming desire. I HAD to own it.

Well I ordered it, and as usual it arrived in a timely fashion (or would have been if Parcelfarce wasn’t running so late that it arrived nearly an hour after they supposedly stopped delivering (an entire day spent pacing, watching, waiting for it to arrive).

Packaging and the Technical Bits:

It arrived packaged in one of those clear vacuum moulded plastic surrounds that pops apart, with as you would expect, an excessively garish cardboard insert screaming ‘ARE YOU UP TO THE CHALLENGE?!’ I must admit as I held its bulky weight in my hands I did wonder if I had bought more than I could park down there…

I inserted the batteries into the control case (3 x AAs not included). The wires lead directly to the base of the toy, which can be a minor pain for getting balance on it. The controls are clear plastic twiddle-dials, one for each bullet. They are slightly difficult to tell if on or off if you’re not riding the toy, nor is it clear which controls which bullet. The control unit on the whole feels a bit cheap and nasty.

The size of the bullets themselves causes about an inch-and-a half of the length shaft to be inflexible. In my opinion they’d be both better further up, with the top one in the head and the 2nd one just below the top one’s current position, as frankly unless you’ve worked very far down this monster then the lower bullet will be vibrating outside of your body.

Test Ride:

Packaging discarded, myself and it suitably covered in my favourite “Lubrifist”, lights down low and Hubby watching wide-eyed.

I’ll admit I ignored the other reviewers’ advice to ‘warm up’ and ‘loosen up’ a bit first. I bought this for the stretching feeling, not to be over-stretched before I started…

I was on my knees / half crouch and positioned the well-lubed head between my lips. Keeping a good grip on this slippery monster, I lowered myself down. The immense stretching followed by the ‘pop’ as the head makes its way fully in is worth every penny this thing cost on its own.

Once the head was in I dropped my one crouching leg so I was fully on my knees and began to squirm my way down. The feeling was like nothing I have ever experienced, the solidness of the shaft and the head feel like it’s just tunnelling into you, my pussy contracted and gripped the firm shaft as it slid in. The flexibility means that it doesn’t fight the natural curve of your body, but the Silagel doesn’t give an inch in girth or feel.

A few pulses up and down, moaning with each stroke, I got it further and further. Turning on the vibrations allowed me to take it even further in, I was amazed. Normally I can’t manage a length more than 5-6 inches, but here I was with 9 inches of this brute filling me to the brim. It is the beauty of this. The firm large head means that it stretches you as a whole, instead of the sharp ‘pokey’ feeling of a less filling vibe or dildo when forced too far.

We British are supposedly known for our quiet reserve. When it comes to this toy: ‘Not any more.’

I spent the next 15 minutes gripping the edge of the bed for support as I rode this brute, screaming with pleasure.

Eventually I had to admit that the strength of my legs was not going to put up with much more of this, and my Husband came to help. The size and weight of this toy means it is possible to manipulate it yourself, but the position, size and sheer human physical limitations means you’d need the arms of a body-builder to keep it up for very long.

With My OH’s help I spent another 40 minutes screaming my head off (to the point where I was having to silence myself with a pillow lest the neighbours arrive to check I’m not being murdered.

Conclusion:

This is one of the BEST things I have ever bought, despite the odd gripe about the controller and bullet positions I have while not on it. Once I feel it stretching me I really couldn’t give a hoot about any of the little niggles.

Words of advice though - Do try and control your screams. My loving husband was a little hurt that I’d never sounded like that before. I’ve tried to explain that that was because I’d never had something larger than a coke can and longer than my forearm hammering my insides. So it can be a bit ego damaging to even the most well adjusted partner.

This is not for the faint of heart, but it is well worth the effort, and admittedly minor fear, that goes with riding this beauty.

On a side note - All jelly vibes smell weird. On this toy I found the plastic smell sickening after a while (I didn’t mind it to begin with and hubby quite liked it). For the first few days/week find an airtight box to keep it in, or ideally another room. I made the mistake of leaving it next to the bed - ergo near the radiator. I woke up the next morning gagging with the nasty plastic taste, I swear I could taste it in my lungs. Euuurrgh.

I’m hoping it goes away, but I’ll be honest, even death by plasticy smell inhalation could not tempt me to give this up!

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: For an aspiring size queen it does not get better than this.

Cons: The vile, vile smell.

Bottom Line: Oh God yes.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BashfulBabe, 19 Dec 2010
Lelo Insignia Alia Luxury Waterproof Vibrator

Lelo Alia - Simple Elegance

Lelo’s one of those names that those in the know only utter in the most reverent of tones, and they have well earned their place as one of the biggest names in luxury toys. To be honest, it feels wrong to even refer to these pieces of art as toys! Beauty and functionality merge to create something truly unique and awe-inspiring. I won’t go the route of some hyperbolic salesperson and claim it’s life-changing, but it sure comes damn close to it! This was my first Lelo product, and I’ve already caved and blasted a load of Oh! Points on another. They have certainly earned a place on my ‘brand loyalty’ list.

Packaging

As someone who likes keeping toys tidy and separate, but doesn’t have much in the way of spacious storage, I love when things come in their own little keep-able box, especially when it’s silicone and cannot just be lobbed in a drawer with a mish-mash of others. The outer sleeve is very pretty, with luxurious gold engraved lettering and a rather demure image of the vibe itself. The idea of throwing it away broke my heart, so it’s staying for the time being, especially as it’s much sturdier than the average cardboard sleeve so will stand up to a bit of use. The main box is the part that does seem to be the perfect little house for this treasure. Simple matte black, solid and sturdy, with a slot for the vibe and broach to both nestle snugly into the soft padding and a space for the charger to rest without the risk of it coming into contact with the vibe and causing either harm. The last part especially is a nice touch, I think, since it’s all too easy to let various chargers and cables get tangled and broken when stored, and leaving them plugged in between uses is an eco no-no. Plus, since the only signifier is the Lelo name delicately imprinted in a slightly glossier black on the lid, this box could sit out in the open without giving any indication of what lies within (assuming you’re not like me and illogically attached to the outer sleeve, of course).

Accessories

There’s a sprinkling of treats accompanying the vibe itself. As I mentioned, there’s the charger, which means I could get it charging up as soon as the postie handed it over, no extra charge now or ever! It’s actually one of the reasons I’ve come around to the idea of the price of these kind of toys, because although you pay out more initially, the amount I would spend on batteries even over the course of a year would nearly match it! This kind of toy really is an investment, and if you worked out how much you’d be saving on batteries alone, the £75 price tag seems a whole lot less daunting. Only downside to the charger is the light on it, since it’s very vivid, so when I went to charge it overnight once, I couldn’t sleep for the green projection on my ceiling, I thought aliens were invading! Not all that convenient, since I don’t want to leave it lying in the living room, and covering the plug to dull it is a bit of a fire-safety hazard, so I’m resigned to charging it during the day. Minor quibble, but I do love to be awkward. Anyway, tangent over, next trinket: the bag. I tend to travel around a lot, and never liked the idea of just dumping one of my more precious vibes into my handbag to be molested and fuzzified by all the junk and gunk that seems to appear now matter how regularly I clean it. Now, I can drop it in its little silky pouch and whip it out at a moment’s notice, devoid of dust bunnies. Rather nifty in a pinch. One thing I noticed about it that was in the ‘so obvious it’s never thought of’ category was that the bag is actually two separate layers of fabric, both silky smooth, so it’s much less likely to tear or snag with the opposing frictions of the grippy silicone inside and whatever objects are rubbing against the outside, since they can move free of each other slightly. And, clearly, it’s exquisite to look at, with the classic black outer finish, the pure white inner lining, and the subtle yet striking Lelo tag peeking from the edge. The third companion item is the broach, unique to the Insignia range. It’s a pretty little thing, very plain and simple, in a very understated shade of gold (I’m more of a silver person, and it isn’t garish enough to clash with my usual jewellery). No one would guess what the little twist stands for, and it does give me a bit of a silly thrill to be so brazenly wearing a badge marking me as a member of such an exclusive club, even if only others similarly involved will recognise it. Think fight Club, but less broken teeth and more sophisticated bliss. And then there’s the little practicalities, the paperwork to detail Lelo’s one-year warranty, ten-year quality guarantee, and user manual. Not quite a ten on the thrill-scale, but certainly useful, and reinforces the idea that this is a quality brand who care for their customers. Perfect partners for Lovehoney, then!

Shape & Texture

So, on to the vibe itself. It was actually a little bulkier than I expected, but then my external vibes were always rather bullet-sized. It still fits in the palm of my hand, so far from what could be called big. The egg-like shape, coupled with the loop, makes it amazingly easy to hold at almost any angle comfortably. For me, that was a major bonus, as I often find with a bullet or other small vibe that my hand starts cramping up gripping it and I lose a lot of the precision. This beauty snuggles into your hand with very little gripping necessary, and can be swivelled about with no fuss if you do feel the need to change position a little. It’s one of those features that is so simple and so obviously useful that it’s surprising it hasn’t been done before. I think that’s the source of Lelo’s awesomeness: innovation not just for the sake of it, but to save us from the problems we never even considered could be solved. It looks divine, more like an exotic ornament than a sex toy, and the silicone is so wondrously smooth that I often find it hard to stop myself stroking it. The tiny ‘Lelo’ engraving and the beautifully incorporated buttons don’t detract from it at all, and again stick with the style of simple and discrete. The twist around the buttons, matching the design of the broach, is again such a minute thing but it does change a simple three-button panel into an extension of the overall artistry. They’re also positioned perfectly, in easy reach no matter how you hold it, but not constantly in the way and at risk of being accidentally pushed. I love how they light up, too, flashing to show it’s charging, illuminating to show a press has been registered: again, it’s a simple thing that just makes using it that little bit easier, and reinforces that feeling of using something more luxurious than normal.

Vibrations

The fun bit! The buttons are quite self-explanatory for turning the power up and down, and I have to say I love the ‘slider’ style of power increase. All too often, a vibe has three or so set speeds, which you can jump between, but with the emphasis on ‘jump’: the Alia’s speeds glide seamlessly up and down, letting you choose exactly how powerful you want it at any given moment. And the variety is amazing! It ranges from a barely-noticeable thrum to a fairly hefty high. At the top speeds, it also seems to be vibrating harder instead of just faster, which means it’s not as numbing as some more powerful vibes and also keeps the noise level exceptionally low. The patterns also take their key from the power setting, which is another thing that surprised me. Usually, patterns have their own range of speeds which you can’t alter, which - like the not-so-ergonomic grippability - is something I’d never questioned before. Discovering that something like the simple pulse can be varied from gentle throb to pounding beat stunned me. Such an obvious improvement, and yet one I’d never even wished for! Always one step ahead, those Lelo lads and lasses. Speaking of patterns, this baby has six: flat speed, slow staccato pulse, fast staccato pulse, ‘wavey’ pulse, ‘wavey’ pulse with a delay on the gentle end, and Super Random Surprise Mode.

This is definitely great value. It might be one of the more expensive small vibes around, but it is really so worth it. It’s so versatile and innovative that it puts lesser vibes to shame, and between its frequent use (because you will use it oh so frequently!) and complete lack of battery costs, it comes out at quite the little bargain. And between Lovehoney and Lelo, there are so many guarantees and money-back options that it’s zero risk, it’s an investment that will stand by you for a long, long time. Much longer than any Duracell bunny.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Ergonomic shape, gorgeous appearance, versatility and funky features. Perfect in every way.

Cons: The funny light on the charger. Because I’m picky.

Bottom Line: Amazing. Innovative and beautiful, it ticks boxes I didn’t even know I had!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Tearoha, 17 Jan 2011
Clittorific Waterproof Clitoral Vibrator

6 months later and no regrets

Last summer I did a 2 month long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and at the time the prospect of surviving without oral sex terrified me. I love clitoral orgasms, and can’t survive without them. So I came onto Lovehoney in search of the perfect toy to keep me going in his absence.

I felt that a clitoral vibrator would be best for me; the waterproof aspect of the Clitoriffic is what first attracted me to it, and I must also admit, its beautiful shiny smooth texture. Much to my delight, I had an amazing time experimenting with my body; I used it during long baths, and tried it in different positions in bed. Funnily enough, our relationship actually grew stronger as I was able to tell him about all the experiences I was having in my free time with the vibrator. Now that we’re back together, we still use it regularly during sex, and I use it from time to time when I’m alone. I’ve even tried pressing it against his testicles during oral sex; it’s so easy to be creative with.

The vibrator has a smooth hard texture that vibrates rapidly, and when you hold it against your clit you feel an instant wave of sensations. You can start off on the minimum and turn the speed higher and higher as you go. You even gain for the cold touch of the metal at first. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who loves clitoral orgasms, and is in search of something simple and capable of giving them that release they’re looking for.

Overall Rating: 10 our of 10 stars

Pros: With the first touch of the tip you feel the sensations.

Cons: No complaints.

Bottom Line: Couldn’t be a simpler way to get what you’ve been looking for.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @niftyb, 21 Jan 2011
Pin Ups Bombshell Orgasm Balm

A crucial addition to your make up bag

I discovered orgasm balms while browsing Lovehoney, and was intrigued… after reading the reviews for the pricier orgasm gels (Durex O Female Orgasm Gel was extremely highly rated) I decided this would be something that I’d like to try out. I wanted to start myself off in the “shallow-end”, so to speak, so I decided to try this balm before going to the more expensive options.

What I truly love about this product is that it’s just SO discreet. It looks just like a little tin of lip balm, smells just like a little tin of menthol lip balm, and has very little else about it to suggest otherwise, apart from the small “for her pleasure” tagline printed under “bombshell balm”… but even that could be passed off as a cheeky little joke to go with the lovely cabaret/burlesque illustration on the sticker. You can take this balm everywhere with you - it looks totally at home in your handbag, makeup kit, or just slipped into your pocket. And believe me - you’ll want to take it everywhere with you!

To use, just swirl a fingertip around on top of the balm (just as you would with a lip balm) and rub a small amount straight onto the clitoris. As stated in the previous review - a little really does go a long way! Within 30 seconds you’ll start to feel a pleasant warm, tingling sensation which continues for about 4-5 mins depending on how much you apply. For me, it’s a great kick-start to any solo session. Whereas usually it would take me quite a while to get in the mood and get going, the balm gives me a really pleasurable warm feeling that just gets me into that sexy mind-set I want to be in.

Use it while you’re drawing yourself a lovely “me time” bath, or as an aid to any solo session (try rubbing a little on the ears of your rabbit!) or nip to the loo before leaving the office, to make that boring homeward commute a little more interesting.

The bottom line? It’s well worth the money - sexy and discreet, and while it won’t instantly bring you to your knees as the more expensive balms and gels are reported to, it’s a great starting point for those who are curious.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Very discreet - nobody would ever guess it isn’t a tin of lip balm.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Great value balm for those wanting to explore orgasm balms and gels.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Charles24, 19 Jan 2011
Rene Rofe Mesh and Lace Flyaway Babydoll and G-String Set

Soft, flattering and sexy

I was nervous about buying lingerie for my girlfriend because I know, as many women are, she is very sensitive about how she looks. Especially in such intimate circumstances - being only 18, this is the first piece of lingerie I have bought for her and I didn’t want to get anything over the top, nor anything too modest.

Rene Rofe do a fantastic job of keeping the garment classy and sexy, it didn’t make either of us feel like we bought it just to have sex. It made her look stunning but at the same time we didn’t feel like it was something she shouldn’t be proud to wear in the bedroom, it made her feel confident and sexy, which is exactly what I was aiming for.

The material and design was top quality, the mesh is very soft to the touch but supportive where it needs to be, although a little delicate at points but that wasn’t really an issue.

It was comfortable enough for her to sleep in but essentially it made her look beautiful and enticing, as lingerie should.

It was definitely worth paying a little bit more to have something of a high quality and an exquisite design. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is interested in making their partner feel classy and beautiful rather than just emphasising sexual assets (obviously that’s okay for some couples but confidence, to me, is one of the sexy assets a woman can have).

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Feels great, lovely material. Extremely flattering and extremely sexy.

Cons: Quite a delicate material, I was scared about ripping it!

Bottom Line: Great feel, modest (as far as lingerie goes!) and classy. Great quality.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @monkeyandsugarmouse, 12 Jan 2011
njoy Fun Wand Stainless Steel Dildo

Our favourite piece of metal

He says:

This toy is really high quality, and looks beautiful. It’s very substantial and has a perfectly smooth finish. It is also highly effective! Gently stimulating her inside while she applies a vibrator “upstairs” results in powerful orgasms after a very short time. The sleek finish means it needs little lube. It does, however, need some warming up before use. It might seem expensive, but much better to buy a high quality versatile toy like this than a few cheaper and less effective ones.

She says:

This toy is absolutely amazing for internal stimulation. The gentle curving shapes means inserting it is never uncomfortable (which can often be the case with jelly toys or uncurved toys) and it’s smooth finish is frictionless. While it’s not as easy to use on yourself, it’s perfect for a partner to use and is definitely foolproof for perfect orgasms. I received this as a gift and from the beautiful packaging to the elegant design to the amazing sensations I’ve enjoyed every aspect of this toy.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The best G-Spot stimulator we’ve ever used.

Cons: It’s quite expensive. And needs a little warming before use!

Bottom Line: A design that is both beautiful and functional.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BashfulBabe, Jan 2011
Marie Retro Satin Mary Jane Platform Stilettos

Comfortable and classy

When it comes to shoes, I fail as a girl. I will spend most of my days in my tatty old Converse, and occasionally break out the black FMBs if a night on the town calls for it. The whole notion of having shoes that don’t go with absolutely anything is an alien concept: at my most adventurous, I picked up a pair of brown boots, just for a change from the classic black. Edge of your seat stuff, I know!

Anyway, I saw these back when I first fell in love with a delicious pink corset, and immediately knew they’d go perfectly together, but even once I got the coveted corset, I couldn’t bring myself to shell out £40 for a pair of shoes that would go with one outfit. I tried to find a sexy black pair, but these little darlings kept calling me back. Finally, Lovehoney dropped the price in the Christmas sale, and I could resist no longer.

First thing I noticed was that they were slightly different to the product photos, although I’ve added one of my own now. There is a warning in the description that the pink version may have gold-black trim instead of plain black, so I was prepared for that. The gold is lovely, very fine and not as garish as I’d feared it may be, and fits well against the black. I actually think it looks better with the two-tone trim, gives it a much more delicate appearance, and makes the pretty little bow stand out better. The main body was a little off, too, with the pink a lot paler than in the photo. Again, I think that’s an improvement, as not only does it seem more girly and elegant, but being a more muted shade they are more likely to complement other outfits and thus get more use from me.

I am short. Like, I actually have a step-ladder to open the windows kind of short. I knew these would be high, but, having not worn anything with a platform sole in roughly 10 years, I was rather intimidated. Once they were both on, and I managed to climb to my feet without killing myself, I could notice a significant height increase. But, having tottered around the house with my mobile set to call for an ambulance when gravity finally realised what I was up to, the vertigo passed and I found myself starting to walk quite naturally. I would definitely advise anyone trying these out who doesn’t live in the platform-heels style of shoe to give them a decent chance before surrendering to the fear, because while it does take a bit of getting used to, it’s purely mental and will pass as you get used to being a full head taller than five minutes ago.

There’s nothing I can complain about regarding the build quality. The soles are solid and sturdy, with a gorgeous shined finish and no marks or blemishes, and a good rubbery grip on the base. The shaping within the heel and toe are perfect: I often find the heel cup cuts into my Achilles heel, but these are very softly edged, so they don’t rub or slice into delicate flesh. Over the toes, again, the main part keeps the shape well and encases your toes, but ends early enough that it’s not putting pressure on the teeny baby toe, leaving that to be housed purely by the soft fabric, thus avoiding smooshing it into the unnatural pointy-foot shape so many footwear designers seem to believe we all have, and keeping the wee tootsie blister-free. Can’t fault that! The satin fabric itself is a lot thicker than I thought it would be, so will stand up to a certain amount of wear. It is, like the soles, free of imperfections, no snags or pulls, giving it a smooth, glossy finish that just oozes femininity. The trims and strap are a delicious combination of soft velvet and light lace, offsetting the vicious vampishness of the stiletto perfectly, and the strap has a little elasticity, so no danger of the hideous abrasion and cuts most solid ankle straps can leave us poor chicks with.

They are very true to size: I tend to be a large 5, and the size 5 in these fits me but has no room to spare. I can comfortably wear them, but if your feet run to being wide, or are closer to the next size up, then go up, because there is no squish-able space for excess foot-flesh in these.

I haven’t had the chance to wear these out on the town yet, but I’ve been wearing them indoors and they have not yet begun to hurt. As soon as I got past the panic over being suddenly bigger than the average smurf, I was completely comfortable, and between the dainty-yet-dangerous look of the shoes, and how my thighs and bum feel so lifted up and shapely, I just know I’ll be looking delicious.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Comfortable and classy

Cons: Little high initially for stunty folk like me, but get used to it quickly.

Bottom Line: Dainty yet dangerous, versatile enough to suit a pretty frock or a vampish seductress.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Camilla, 05 Jan 2011
7 Speed Wand Essentials Massage Wand

7-1 = 6!

I’ve used the wackiest review title ever to say that as two of the settings on the toy are exactly the same that its really only a 6 speed one (hence 7-1 = 6)

OK fun out of the way and on to business. I got this toy as it was obviously the nearest available replacement for my dead and sadly missed Hitachi Wand which kept me perky morning and night most days for over 4 years. When the 7 Speed Wand (7SW) arrived I was very happy to see just how close to my old faithful the new boy looked. The only differences other than trim colour were a thumb wheel where the old rocker switch was and a slightly different chrome cap on the motor end of the handle.

Off to bed to try it out: All OK on a dry run but the thumb wheel is not as easy to hit as the old switch. It also, as I said, has some sort of issue with the first 2 positions being the same but who uses very low power settings with these toys (if you want that get a battery toy!). In active play it feels just as good as the Hitachi and is about as loud BUT not being able to click the thing on and off easily when otherwise occupied is a drawback. If a MKII could feature a control like a light dimmer where you can turn a knob for power levels but push it like a button to switch on and off at any level then that would be perfect…

A few notes for those not familiar with the Hitachi but who are considering the 7SW:

1. These things have to be plugged in and so where you play is controlled by where you have a mains socket.

2. Don’t expect the toy to be erotic or sensual to look at as it’s pig ugly and looks like a hand blender from the kitchen! If you are after the sensations and not the mental thrill though BUY.

3. It’s an outy only toy unless you buy attachments.

4. It’s not the lightest or quietest thing on earth so think of any problems noise may cause you (think sort of hubby’s electric shaver or maybe a hair-dryer loud) if you want to play at night when others are at home.

5. It is a normal massager too and it’s good for guys as well (where a guy may not like a phallic vibe on his manhood because it may undermine his masculinity the 7SW is neutral enough for this not to be an issue.)

6. The head caps on these discolour and are hard to keep clean. Consider using condoms or switching to one of the easy clean replacement caps.

So that’s it. Definitely recommended so treat yourself or your partner and get one (or two)!

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Power, effectiveness, uni-sexual.

Cons: Thumb-wheel.

Bottom Line: Fantastic as is, though slight redesign of the control would be good - recommended.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lady_Ness, 16 Feb 2011
Bondage Boutique Leather Hand Paddle with Studs

Show them a firm hand

‘I’m going to spank you, but you’re not good enough for my hand, so I’ll use this one instead’, my partner said to me domineeringly before striking his first blow.

This spanker is made with bounded leather and riveted studs, so unlike some spankers there is no stitching on the product that would normally leave additional marks. There is a small punctured hole at the base of the handle where a leather loop is threaded through; this is able to loop round the wrist while striking and is also convenient to hang up when storing. The hand shape is rather broad with studs continuing down the handle on each side, meaning that when striking with this you rarely hit with the studs, just occasionally finding the top few making contact when you are inflicting those extra firm swoops. This design has that Victorianesque look to it, making it perfect for anyone who likes to re-enact boarding school scenes.

The paddle comes in a clear plastic wrap with a bondage boutique loyalty card and two stickers. The card is also pre-stamped with two promotional tokens, meaning that you have already gained four tokens towards your next free spanker.

The strike is firm and makes a thumping noise during impact. You can aim the paddle two ways, one with the palm of the hand which produces a stinging sensation which ripples outwards from the centre of the paddle, and the second with the fingertips which produces a slight whipping effect; you can start slowly tapping the fingertips on your lover to build up the tension.

My partner and I enjoyed using this in both submissive and dominant positions. The pain produced isn’t as strong as other spankers we have tried but it is a nice variation still leading to heightened arousal.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: The quality, the firmness of the swoop.

Cons: Leather wrist loop can be scratchy.

Bottom Line: Talk to the hand 'cause the dominatrix ain’t listening.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @acadian110, 17 Feb 2011
Teagan Presley Fleshlight Girls Lotus Fleshlight

Unbelievable

This it the first male sex toy I have ever bought and both of us love it.

Ordered it on the Tuesday morning and it got here the next day. The plain brown box arrived and I hurried it up stairs and jumped back into bed with the OH like it was Christmas morning. We both giggled like kids as we opened our bundle of fun, and as we opened it we were disappointed by the lack of pure golden light and heavenly choir that the contents deserve. We had also ordered the We Vibe for her but the Fleshlight was first out of box

Popping the top we took out the pearlescent container within. We noticed the smell mentioned in previous reviews but didn’t find it at all unpleasant.

Unscrewing the top cover revealed an incredibly soft vulva moulding that had us both smiling and touching it. The OH started comparing it to her own natural feeling getting us further in the mood. Luckily we checked inside and found the shipping core. Could have been a painful oopsie there.

We quickly filled a bowl with hot water and put the sleeve in, comparing it to an octopus’s penis…more laughter ensued. We did have to weigh it down as it likes to float but the id lube tube held it down well.

While waiting for it to warm up we took a look at the We Vibe 2. Surprisingly it was charged so we decided to give it a try while we waited. This was the first time I had realised how turned on my wife was. Within minutes she was moaning and clawing at me like it was our first time together. So far so good I thought.

Then it was time to give my new toy a try. We reassembled the Fleshlight and the wife sat beside me with a wicked grin on her face. I could tell she was thinking this would be payback for all the times I have teased her with toys over the years. She lubed it up, looking surprised at its feel.

She took hold of me, “you’re going to love this” she grinned as she slipped it onto me.

I almost came then and there, the sensation was so lifelike and intense, warm and clinging like it had a life of its own. I pulled my OH round so I could give her some oral pleasure at the same time and it felt like I was having an incredible threesome, she started rotating the Fleshlight as she pumped is slowly and I nearly ruined the mood by biting down on the tender parts. More laughter quickly turned to more soft moans very quickly.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and had a loud and shaking orgasm that left me quaking and the wife smiling.

After half an hour we gave it a second try with the We Vibe and it led to some of the most explosive sex we have ever had.

In summation:

This is a toy for both solo and couples play. It’s a fantastic, safe threesome with no guilt or awkward moments afterwards. It’s given us a new appetite for each other and I can’t thank Lovehoney enough. GO BUY ONE. You won’t regret it.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Lifelike and fun with OH.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Re-kick sexlife or just have fun alone.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Leon_Bellmont, 26 Feb 2011
Fleshlight Sex in a Can Succu Dry

The Dark Angel My Mistress

So I am a virgin, which at my age is pretty pathetic (I’m 22 and have never ever been good at talking to girls - in fact the last girl I asked out shot me down point blank but that is not the point of the story). It is a little background to help you understand that my new Mistress is for now everything I need and that after being sucked dry sex in a can is more satisfying than being shot down.

The product arrived the day after I ordered it (ordered it Thursday midday got it Friday about the same time). I was in the middle of Guitar Hero and practically bounded down the stairs to the front door - poor postman probably thought we had a very big dog but no that is just what excitement does to me.

Anyway I noticed the L H Trading on the box and immediately stopped everything I was doing. I opened it up and the smile on my face must have been at least 10 miles wide. Checked it all over inside and out, Real Feel flesh is awesome. But before I could properly tame my Mistress I had to make sure I was alone in the house. Packed it all back away in the box. I just couldn’t help glancing down or having another feel of the Real Feel flesh every now and then.

Friday night comes along and I just can’t wait anymore. I didn’t care who else was in the house I had to try and tame my Mistress. I warmed her up, stripped down, sharpened my stake (lol I made an erection joke), made sure we were both wet to the touch, and I finally let her wrap her dark luscious lips around me.

My pulse racing my heart beating a mile a minute, I thrust in her again and again and again, and then disaster - not 10 seconds later she sucked me dry. I couldn’t believe it I pulled out of her and I just couldn’t stop the shame from washing over me. But I wasn’t just going to give up there and then - oh no. I resharpened my stake and I tried again. This time was different, I would not be so easily defeated. She sucked me fast and hard, long and slow, sometimes spitting me out and sometimes she wouldn’t let go at all. We danced well into the night till finally dawn loomed over us and she had to retreat back to the darkness of her crypt. But I know tonight she will want to even the score so I will be waiting and this time I will not let her have her way so easily.

So that is my story. My new toy is perfect - easy to clean and powder, easy to set up. The feel of the Real Feel flesh on my skin is amazing. I am going to get another one for sure. Always wanted to try anal, butt for now (see what I did there - butt - haha I made another joke) I’m perfectly satisfied with Succu Dry. Lives up to its name.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The product is flawless.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Satisfying.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Tupperwareheart, 08 Feb 2011
Rene Rofe Plus Size Sheer Ruffle Baby Doll and G-String Set

Slinky Sexy

I very rarely buy lingerie. Lovehoney has a huge array of choice for every size, but I’ve found that I just don’t feel confident enough to squeeze myself into a slinky number. I am so glad I treated myself to this Baby Doll, it’s flattering and beautiful and my confidence soared wearing it.

How Did It Look?

The design of this baby doll is wonderful. There’s plenty of material, so the soft, sheer fabric hangs perfectly. The straps are frilly and stay in place well, whether worn on or off the shoulders.

The frills at the bottom cling attractively to the curve of my bum and skim the tops of my thighs, this little wonder keeps everything looking great.

As the previous reviewer rightly said, when ordering you expect a sheer maybe almost satin like fabric but instead you do get more of a netting texture to the baby doll. This doesn’t feel at all rough though, and it certainly doesn’t drag across your skin. It feels silky and luxurious.

You get plenty of good quality material here, along with a beautiful matching g string.

How Did It Fit?

There’s oodles of the sheer material, so this piece of lingerie would fit a great array of sizes. I’m a curvy size 16 and this fits me wonderfully but with plenty of room to spare. I’m sure this baby doll would easily fit someone size 20 or above.

I adore the way the material hangs, it seems to both skim and hug your curves at the same time. I love how I can feel as though the piece is covering all the areas I dislike, but still having plenty on show to tempt and tease.

This is an absolutely perfect for choice for someone who wants to slip into something sexy, but is lacking a little in confidence. I promise you, this will give you such a boost when you wear it… And when it’s ripped off your body!

I had a little concern about how this would fit around my boobs, I’m about a size 38G/GG and as anyone a similar cup size will know, just because you can find something that fits your body perfectly, it doesn’t meet it’s going to fit the cleavage! There’s no need to worry with this baby doll because there’s no restricting cups to squeeze into. The sheer material cascades over breasts and puts them on show in a tasteful but sexy way.

The only slight niggle with this is, although there’s plenty of material I think it could have been slightly longer. I’m 5 ft 7 and it just about skims my bum. Taller girls might find this doesn’t properly cover them, but that’s down to personal choice whether you see this as a negative or not!

Underwear:

This baby doll comes with a lovely matching G string. I’ve noticed in the past that a lot of sets are beautifully made, intricate in detail and then are completely let down by a poorly made, plain thong thrown in. The g string with this set matches well, and doesn’t detract from the baby doll at all.

The netting on the front is cheaply made, but the back sits well and is flattering too. It fits me well but definitely has a lot of stretch too it so I doubt anyone will be let down by it not fitting them.

Final Thoughts:

This is a very good quality piece, with plenty of stretch to the luxurious material so will fit most sizes beautifully. It doesn’t hold encase your breasts so there’s no need to worry about an ill fitting design. Everything flows wonderfully over the skin, casting a gorgeous black sheen over your body, drawing attention to your curves while making you feel as sexy as you look.

Everything about this baby doll feels like a luxury. Whether this is a treat for your partner or yourself it will give you a sexy confidence boost, and is worth every penny.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: The flattering design, covers everything but shows plenty.

Cons: Could have been a tiny bit longer.

Bottom Line: A gorgeous, sexy confidence boost!

[Ian_Chimp]

by @BashfulBabe, 17 Feb 2011
Seven Til Midnight Fishnet Fly-Away Baby Doll and G-String Set

Fishnet Fantasy

I’m an awkward body type, something that apparently is quite normal to everyone except those in the minds of most fashion designers. I have large, heavy boobs, average waist except for the post-baby jelly belly, wide hips and shoulders, and am knee-high to a pixie: in other words, I look massive despite being a size 10 on bottom, and by the time I find stuff to reign in the breasts of doom, I look worse because I’m wearing something akin to a small tent. So I tend to steer clear of the more delicate and feminine lingerie, despite lusting after all the pretty little things, especially those that expose those ‘problem areas’. So when I saw this teeny tiny number, I was full sure it would have me looking like a strung-up sack of potatoes, belly hanging out as my boobs laughed at the pathetic attempts of the delicate fabric to keep them from roaming free. However, I was shocked and amazed to see just how much something so minimal could get away with.

The Packaging

It came in a cardboard and cellophane pouch, much like a pair of stockings, which I guess makes sense given that it’s a) fishnetty and stocking-like in material, and b) so skimpy that a pair of stockings would probably require more packing space than it! It did keep it safe and tidy, so no risk of it snagging in transit, which is great for such minimalistic packaging. The one thing I did notice was that it was clipped in place onto the main piece of cardboard by those small white plastic clips that are used on most clothes, which is great, except that they can be rather shoddily finished and leave little jaggy tags to catch on the netting and tear it if you pull thoughtlessly. It’s no problem, but just be aware of them and remove them gently rather than trying to pull the babydoll off the card, just in case one is all set to ruin your sexy prize.

The Sizing

I’ve loved the other Seven Til Midnight items I’ve bought, and am always impressed by how when they say ‘One Size 8-16’ then they really mean that it will fit and fit well even a small 8 or a large 16. This is certainly no exception, the stretch in the fabric allows for a massive range of sizes without making it either look baggy or taut to the point of cutting into flesh.

The Comfort

All too often, ‘fishnet’ seems to be synonymous with ‘nylon that has a bunch of holes in it’. Cheap stuff is scratchy and tears almost by looking at it. This is lovely, well made and very soft. It’s incredibly stretchy, so I didn’t feel smooshed into it at all - in fact, I could barely feel it aside from the whisper of the free-floating skirt part against my hips and bum. The lacy part was the same, very soft and unobtrusive, with the long strings forming the halter neck suitable to tie it as tight or as loose as I liked without digging in. The thong in a lot of these ‘item plus matching thong’ sets tend to be cheap and tacky, and rather uncomfortable, even when the main item couldn’t be faulted, but this one was actually comfy to wear, too, and just as stretchy as the babydoll: in the packet, I could see it sitting securely on a size 8, and there’s more than enough give in it to go all the way to the 16 without discomfort. The strings were rounded, so there was no harsh edges to dig into my hips or bum, and the fishnet panel was soft and gentle against my delicate bits. I would actually wear that apart from the set, which is not something I’ve thought of any other ‘free’ thong!

The Look

As I may have implied, I’m rather conscious of how I look. I know my partner loves me for who I am and all that, but I’m yet to meet the women who’ll hear that and go “well, that’s all right then!” and launch into the pies in her sweat pants, never more to consider how to look sexy and appealing. By default, I try to cover my (jiggley) belly, my (mannish) shoulders, and my (saggy) boobs. Clearly, this is not what this babydoll is designed to do. But, don’t leap to the same conclusions I had, because it’s stealthy-like. I’m not sure on the science of it - I’m sure there’s some hideously complicated formula to explain it - but it seems to follow the “less is more” tactic for enhancing bits rather than tucking them away. By framing my boobs between the two bands of lace, they don’t look as dangley as they do normally, something I’m still not sure if it’s an optical illusion or part of the rather impressive level of support offered by the fishnet panels. Don’t get me wrong, they wouldn’t do the job if I were to slap a t-shirt on over it and go jogging, but for the more indoors style activities, they do keep the bouncing behemoths in place and lifted just a touch. I’m an E-F cup, and rather heavy for my size, so no matter how beach-ball-esque your bosoms, I should imagine there’ll be at least some level of control and shaping, which is pretty damn awesome from where I’m standing! The cut of it also works a certain amount of magic. The way the front panels are shaped seem to make my shoulders and upper arms seem slimmer and more feminine, and the drape of the ‘skirt’, while leaving my wibbley wobbley tum on full show, does give the illusion of slimming it. And of course the whole floaty look is great for making yourself seem more delicate and waif-like. I’m 5’2 and it comes about a third of the way down my bum, so again it hides the lumpy parts by drawing attention to them.

I swear, this thing is not so much made of nylon and spandex as it is pure magic spun by sex fairies into strands of awesome! I genuinely felt sexy, despite all my flaws being visible, I was comfortable, and I was free to move around as much as I needed, something that often irritates me as my pretty and well-planned ensemble interferes with what I’m trying to get up to and thus defeating its own purpose. I am utterly in love with this piece, I adore wearing it, and the reaction it got from my partner makes me think I’m not the only one to feel that way.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Pretty cut that compliments my body, soft fabric, amazing look.

Cons: Can’t think of a thing, it’s adorable!

Bottom Line: Sexy, pretty, comfortable, and actually suited to womanly shapes! Magical.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Lady_Bella, 17 Feb 2011
Feelztoys Desi Pure Siicone Love Balls

A fantastic Valentine’s Day present from my other half

I had been dropping not-so-subtle hints for a while about wanting to try love balls, so my boyfriend bought me these as a naughty Valentine’s Day present. I own lots of other sex toys, but I wanted to broaden my horizons beyond “things that go buzz” so I was really pleased to finally get the chance to try these out.

On first impressions, the packaging is simple, classy and thankfully devoid of cringe-inducing naked people. The love balls themselves are super cute (I received the purple version) and the silicone is wonderfully soft to the touch. I was initially a bit wary that the silicone “string” wouldn’t be strong enough and snap off if I pulled too hard, but after a couple of big tugs I reassured myself that it was up to the task. I was also worried that there would be an unattractive clanking noise as the balls moved, but I was pleased to find that they are relatively silent.

The first time I tried putting them in (using water based lube of course) I was a little disappointed because I honestly couldn’t feel a thing! Up they went…and just sort of disappeared. I tried walking around, swivelling my hips, and eventually resorted to jumping up and down, but there was nothing. I removed them easily enough and put them back in the box, feeling a little disheartened.

That evening I decided to have another go, applied lube again, and made a conscious effort to push them in slightly further. That extra few millimeters made all the difference because when I stood up again… wow, the feeling was simply delicious. The weighted balls gently rock back and forth against the walls of the vagina as you move around, producing warm feelings of gentle pleasure and keeping you constantly aware of the naughty secret between your legs. Even taking a few steps sets the love balls in motion, so you can imagine how amazing I felt a few minutes later as I bounced (literally!) down the stairs to the waiting taxi and my supposedly romantic Valentine’s meal.

While sitting down in the taxi I experimented with contracting my Kegel muscles around the love balls, and this produced a whole new set of sensations altogether. The weights don’t move, but the feeling of fullness and the oh so sexy rippling sensations as your muscles flex made it a taxi ride to remember! I felt so delightfully naughty as I swished into the restaurant, smiling at all the waiters and patrons, aware that only I knew about the waves of pleasure coursing through my body. As the entree arrived, I cheekily whispered in my boyfriend’s ear that I was wearing his gift and his face instantly lit up into a massive grin!

The rest of the meal was highly sexually charged and on the way back home we could barely keep our hands off each other. The feelings of pleasure built up almost to tipping point over the course of the evening, and when we finally got back and ripped the balls out, we ended up having the most fantastically horny sex up against the inside of the front door. An amazing end to an amazing Valentine’s Day.

Overall I would recommend this toy to anyone who’s looking for new ways to spice up their love life, but isn’t afraid of the “slow burn” approach. These little balls didn’t deliver the instant hit that I’m used to from my vibrators, but the prolonged gentle teasing sensation resulted in a terrific orgasm. This is a great toy for couples and would make a fabulous and inexpensive gift for anyone.

The only problem I had was in cleaning the love balls. The pink internal balls pop out so you can clean them and the silicone casing separately, but I had great difficulty in getting them back in again. I was terrified that I was going to rip the silicone (especially since I have very long nails) and they just wouldn’t go back inside for love nor money. However, I eventually hit upon the simple solution of turning the outer silicone casing inside out, placing the ball in the middle, and then turning the casing the right way out, refolding around the ball as I did so.

I absolutely love this product, and hope to get a lot more use out of it in the future. Plus my boyfriend loves the effect that they have on me, so everyone is very satisfied.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Looks lovely and the effect is delicious.

Cons: Bit fiddly to clean until I figured it out.

Bottom Line: Great product, great value for money, great Valentine’s gift.

[Ian_Chimp]

by Krys, 01 March 2011
Lovehoney Swirling Art Orgasmic Smooth Glass Dildo

I’ve been converted to glass!

I have to admit, I wasn’t particularly interested in buying a dildo. Until a couple of years ago I’d never used any toys at all, but then I bought my first vibrator and I was converted! But since then… well I’ve never seen any need to deviate. Vibrators have come and gone and they’ve all done the job perfectly well. Dildos seemed to me like, well, just a vibrator that didn’t work!

What it basically took to change my mind was my job. I’m a sex worker - I create pay-to-view image galleries, I perform adult webcam shows and I do offer a personal escort service. The camming is my main focus, and, long story short, I spend 4-6 hours a day broadcasting and most of that time I’m masturbating. I wanted a toy that was perfectly smooth and wouldn’t leave me sore after work, was visually interesting for my viewers, and didn’t eat through my battery supplies!

A glass dildo seemed like an obvious choice. I’ve found I get absolutely no soreness even with extended use, it needs very little lube to glide smoothly with no friction at all. It looks gorgeous, the way it catches the light at different angles looks amazing on camera and I love having it lying about the bedroom, it’s much more ornamental than your average sex toy. And, well, it’s a dildo, so no batteries to worry about!

So it met my needs, and that would have been more than enough. But what surprised me is how much I love using it! I mean, my job’s pretty awesome (hello, I get paid to sit in my bed playing with myself all day!) but when I’m picking stuff out for cam it’s more about the viewer than myself. So I was very pleasantly surprised at how much I got out of experimenting with a glass dildo for the first time.

It’s a completely different sensation to anything else - nothing like a penis, nothing like a silicone or jelly or plastic toy. I find it difficult to orgasm through penetration alone (my G-spot seems to be on holiday somewhere most of the time!) but I find penetration a big, big turn on and usually need at least a little to get anywhere! So, I used this alongside a small vibrator on my clit (The Lick Silicone Vibrator) and, well, they make a very very good team.

I’m not a big fan of anal so I haven’t tried it for that, but I think it would be an excellent toy to use if you are. Because it’s so smooth it would be much easier to insert than other toys, fingers or a penis (use plenty of lube though!). It’s a good size, not too big but not disappointingly small either.

This would be a great toy for you if:

• You’re interested in the visuals, whether for yourself, your partner(s) or a commercial audience. Can’t stress enough this is a beautiful object!

• You want a product that will last you and is good quality. Obviously I haven’t had it long enough to say for sure. But, no batteries to replace, no motor to wear out, it’s one solid piece of glass so there’s nothing to ‘fall to bits’. I’ve already managed to drop it and it survived. As long as you don’t decide to throw it about I can see this being a great longterm companion.

• You want something for anal penetration, or you’re particularly small or tight. I have a lot of trouble with larger toys as I have a small pelvis, but I got on well with this. I was nervous that because it is completely rigid I might struggle but it feels really comfortable. Just be careful when you first start using it not to get too excited and thrust too deep straight away because I managed to bruise my cervix through being a little too enthusiastic!

• You enjoy playing with temperature. I haven’t tried heating it yet because I’m a little nervous - my experience with heating lubes has always been OW OW BURNING so I’m a little wary about heat! I tried it cold and the sensation just wasn’t for me, but it retained the cold very well and it was certainly an interesting feeling! Just not my thing, but if it’s yours or you’re curious then definitely give it a try.

You probably won’t like this toy if:

• You believe ‘bigger is better’. This is a good size but it won’t make you feel particularly ‘stretched’ or ‘full’ unless you’re very tiny.

• You don’t get much from penetration. Kind of an obvious one that!

• You’re looking for realism. This feels amazing in its own way but it’s nothing like a penis.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: Visually very appealing, which makes me happy and makes it awesome for work.

Cons: Wasn’t keen on it cold, but that’s just a matter of taste.

Bottom Line: Gorgeous to look at, and feels amazing too! Can’t recommend it enough.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Mr_D_and_Mrs_D, 08 Mar 2011
BASIC Sex Toys Slimline Butt Buddy

First but certainly not last butt plug

We’ll start off with a quick warning… buying this butt plug might lead to an extreme desire to buy other anal toys! This is probably one of the best things we’ve bought from Lovehoney, yet the least used. Let me explain…

Although Mrs D has plenty of experience having Mr D’s fingers or willy up her bottom we had never used any type of anal toy - so bought this as an introduction.

The Butt Buddy comes in basic but functional packaging, nothing to get excited about but then who’s buying it for the packaging? It is made from a flexible rubber and there was no noticeable smell, as we’ve experienced with other toys. The base is wide enough so that there is no danger of it disappearing unexpectedly. Although not designed with a suction cup base the shape of the base does allow it to be stuck to smooth surfaces so we stuck it to the coffee table and enjoyed pinging it back and forth whilst both giggling manically like Beavis and Butthead.

Anyway, a while later we headed off to the bedroom to put the Butt Buddy to its intended use. The Butt Buddy is very smooth and its tapered shape makes it easy to insert with bit of lube. Although Mrs D found the Butt Buddy quite pleasurable on its own it was when we began having sex with the plug still in place that its effect was most noticeable, leading to a very nice orgasm for Mrs D. Although Mr D could not really feel the Buddy the sight of it in place was definitely a turn on. In the interests of equality we then tried the Butt Buddy (obviously after a clean) on Mr D.

After a little bit more play we reached the following conclusions - Mrs D rather enjoys having a toy in her bum during sex, Mr D on the other hand… doesn’t. Mrs D was in fact such a fan that she began saying things like “if only it was a bit bigger” or “it’s a shame it doesn’t vibrate”. So back to the Lovehoney website we went to increase our collection of anal toys and as a result the poor little Butt Buddy has been relegated to the back of the “smut drawer”.

In conclusion if you are unsure about anal sex or anal toys then this is a great place to start. The Butt Buddy is cheap enough that if you don’t like it it’s unlikely to bankrupt you but if you do it may well lead you to more advanced toys.

Try it, you might just like it or you might really like it.

Overall Rating: 10 out of 10 stars

Pros: The feeling of naughtiness.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Good low cost introduction.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @S_S1, 18 Mar 2011
Toy Joy Strapless Strap On

My girlfriend can bend me over with this any day

As a beginner to anal play, I greeted the size of the dildo with a mixture of apprehension and desire. It was definitely bigger than I had thought it would be; it was only lucky that that was the size was what I was looking for. So although a beginner, I was happy to give it a go, despite its size. But if you’re in any way apprehensive about anal, I’d go for something smaller to begin with. And as always, lots of lube is a must, so make sure you’ve plenty before getting started with this.

I was lucky in that my girlfriend was quite willing to give pegging a go - she definitely enjoyed ‘being the boy’. We quickly established that the toy, being quite heavy, is difficult to keep in her without support from one of our hands, or a position in which she can keep her legs crossed. Doggy style worked great, but missionary not so much for this reason. But this is only a minor complaint. Once you’ve sorted a position that works for both of you, it is one of the most mind-blowing feelings there is.

By far the best we’ve got out of it was with me climbing on top; the toy stayed in place this way, and I was free to go nuts, apparently making faces I had never made before as I came in this position! But we are definitely looking for a decent harness to compliment the toy, so that she is free to do me hard without worrying about it slipping out. So if you want to be in any way vigorous, a harness seems to be the way to go.

On her end, the toy hits all the right spots. The ridges at the base of the shaft definitely stimulated her clit - next time we’re going to try putting a vibrating cock ring on it for some extra oomph!

All in all, this was definitely our best investment so far from Lovehoney. We ordered it on Friday and it was there on Monday morning; I did not think that was physically possible. As far as value for money goes, this is the best there is. The quality of the material is fantastic, being quite hard but retaining enough flexibility to do what it needs to do. It is definitely the best couple’s toy that we’ve bought, and I would encourage every guy to give role-reversal a go at some point. And for the price the Toy Joy Strapless Strap On is going for, it’s easy to justify the experience. Your girlfriend will thank you for it; mine certainly did!!!

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Great quality, great size, great price, feels unbelievable inside me!

Cons: A bit too heavy - the girlfriend found it difficult to hold it in her.

Bottom Line: Get this, now! (Though maybe not if just starting out with anal.)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @5mil, 20 Mar 2011
Lust Buster Pump

Better than expected

This was my first foray into pumping, and I’ve previously been wary of this type of pump because of the squeezy bulb suction device. The limiting factor in any pumping device with a squeezy bulb is how much the ‘springiness’ of the bulb can push against the external air pressure. There comes a point where the bulb will not expand further, and that is the point at which it can’t extract any more air from the cylinder. That’s why the more expensive pumps have pistol-grip pump handles and gauges; because they can work at much greater pressures.

However, this pump didn’t disappoint and the bulb is very firm, providing a good level of suction. By the time it got to the point where it wouldn’t pump any more, I had expanded quite dramatically in both girth and length to the point where it was starting to become a bit uncomfortable. It was certainly doing a better job that I had anticipated, so no complaints from me on that score; although for a more experienced pumper I imagine that this would be a bit lacking.

The seal around the rim is excellent with a bit of lube, and the seal is easily removable for cleaning. I found the edge of the tube pressing against the pubes got a bit sore after a while and it could do with a little bit of padding to make it more comfortable; but it’s not a huge problem.

The vibrating bullet is attached with a rubber sleeve, but I soon removed that as it wasn’t really doing much for me and would be better employed elsewhere; also the sleeve prevents you from seeing the dramatic size enhancements that are taking place within, and that was certainly more of a turn-on for my good lady than a noisy vibrator was for me.

Left on for ten to fifteen minutes and used with a silicone cock ring around the base of the shaft, the increase in girth remained for a few hours, but the increase in length faded pretty quickly. Repeated use does improve duration, but I think you would have to use it daily to see any long-term improvements, and I haven’t had the time or the urge to do that so far.

Do be careful not to leave it on for too long - after one half-hour session where I was reading a book and not paying attention to what was happening, I ended up with a foreskin that looked like a full water balloon for the rest of the day!

Overall, it does the job and is easy and quite fun to use. An ideal introductory pump at a great value price.

Overall Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

Pros: Does what it’s supposed to do and has a vibe attached.

Cons: Could do with a bit more padding on the edge.

Bottom Line: Great value for a first-time pump.