I'm 33 and iv got mild cerebral palsy and up until the relationship im in getting a lady interested was always problem
I didn't lost my virginity until my 24 and now with my current partner I'm learning what I like n don't like
Have times changed and is someone disability still a problem
A disability is not a problem, some people's attitudes to that disability can be though.
I have an adult cousin with down syndrome that recently got his first girlfriend. They had been friends for a while but she was scared of taking it further as she didn't want to accidentally hurt him or push anything he wasn't ready for, which seems to be a common fear with disabilities. I think things are definitely changing and attitudes are moving forwards as there's more education and resources available these days. I'm really pleased this girl talked over her fears and ended up moving forward with him as he deserves to be as happy and loved as anyone else.
I'm glad to hear you have now met someone and are exploring new things. That's great news :)
I'm looking for different things to improve our sex life now
Disability certainly doesn't mean a poor sex life. I'm of a certain profession, and am considering research in this field. I'll always remember a professor of mine telling me about a client with paraplegia that could not achive errection (nothing worked, catherterised, colostomy). They did however ahieve mind blowing orgasms just from the power of the mind and the right partner with other stimulation (I do not know if solo play was achievable).
Enjoy yourself, you're on a wonderful journey :-)
I have fybromyalgia and joint hypermobility syndrome and my husband and I have a full and varied sex life. It's not the same as cerebral palsy but it is limiting in many ways. I hope you enjoy your exploration and please let us know how you get on.
Browncoats wrote:
I have fybromyalgia and joint hypermobility syndrome and my husband and I have a full and varied sex life. It's not the same as cerebral palsy but it is limiting in many ways. I hope you enjoy your exploration and please let us know how you get on.
Hi Browncoats, my husband has FM and degenerative discs with a spinal fusion. For FM, we find heat is amazing. He gets so much pain when the temp drops but feels a bit more alive after a hot bath or a massage with deep heat (though the smell of deep heat makes me sick!). It is hit and miss and professionally I would classify his as severe. FM is such a new field in medical interest.
hey MrD
Welcome to the group! Yup, I know exactly where you're coming from,My Lovely. I have a brain injury - many of my symptoms are like CP - I have severe spasticity of my legs, which is controlled somewhat with a Parkinson's drug, and very poor muscle tone and ataxia - plus lots of involuntary movements of the rest of my body. if you saw how I type this - without Grammarly correction you honestly wouldn't be able to read it lol. I type with letter mixed up almost like someone with dyslexia!
I could write absolute reams about attitudes and how they're NOT improving towards disabilities. Me and a friend were sitting in our wheelchairs in the Works one day, both of us with laps full of books... two middle-aged women stood near us, obviously talking about us, one of them looked straight at us and said to her friend, "its no life, is it, living like them!" FFS!! We were both too gobsmacked to reply!!
I think this sodding government have also made no improvements for the disabled either - and have in fact made things harder by brainwashing much of the general public into thinking we're all fakers and scroungers!!! Sorry - but that's how I've been MADE to feel! Not just by so-called 'officials' who have given me medical boards for benefits - yet have no medical training whatsoever, but also by many people's attitudes in general. How many times is the suggestion made that we 'only do this' for the benefits? FFS it infuriates me - but this isn't the place to air that one!!
Anyways....I found that joining a support group helped me cope with my disability. Have you heard of Headway? headway was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel for me. So I now volunteer at and help run a Headway neuro cafe. We have a few users who have CP - some married, some still 'looking'. We all find it very therapeutic to get together just a couple of times a month to talk about not just our disabilities and how they affect us, but just life in general. Its' surprisingly helpful to spend time with people in situatons similar to our own. It's also great for our partners to be able to come along and talk to each other or to other users with disabilities.
Sex can be hard (excuse the pun lol) I need lots of support for my limbs for one thing. I am lucky - I have an understanding (on the most part) partner - we were together before the injury... so he's seen me through my partial recovery... he knows I won't get much better than I am now and accepts where I am and what help I need. Fatigue is my biggest battle - one I don't and can't ever see myself understanding. I know I will hit a wall if I do too much - and I know how much I can do...but I still overdo it in some way or other, most days...so by bedtime, my limbs are jerking and twitching and I'm in bad pain. The pain meds help... but make me numb so sex is even more difficult to enjoy fully. I think the secret is not to get frustrated and angry, I have to accept my lower body is numb - that achieving orgasm will most probably be unattainable - or get one done before I take meds lol.
I do think that more needs to be discussed about sex and disability - not enough info is out there and many disabled people just don't want to talk about it, they feel like some kind of failure because they can't do it like 'normal' people. LOL Normal???
Anyways....I found that joining a support group helped me cope with my disability. Have you heard of Headway? headway was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel for me.
Another vote for Headway, I've been to a few groups in a professional capacity and they're all just so lovely. I've referred many people to Headway and the positive changes I've seen are remarkable.
Once you learn what things you need to consider and when you need to be more gentle and when you can be more forceful then theres no reason you cant enjoy sex as much as a couple without a disability. Communication and patience and a bit of ingenuity go a long way.
Sex is something everyone who has control of at least one extremity can do, finger, toe, tongue. Only thing disabling people generally is self beliefs, other people’s attitude and the environmental fit. Modify your environment and find a good partner and hey presto!
I know this sounds over simplistic but I spend my working days modifying people’s attitudes, ways of doing things and their environments, it’s the attitudes and self belief that takes time to change. This is a really interesting topic and may be something I need to look into more in my professional remit.
Mr Pheebs, I dare say we're of the same profession. Your posts and reviews intrigue me. I'm almost certain of it.
Hello and welcome to the forum.
I do not think that disability is a problem in sex life, although I think you need the right and understanding partner, since sometimes it means some things or positions may not be possible - e.g. if as woman my partner was on wheelchair and could not walk, I could not expect him to do a doggy style with me etc.
But I think that even with disability you may have a fullfilling sex life, and it is good to find out what you enjoy and try to bit experiment.
Elsie-Jay wrote:
Mr Pheebs, I dare say we're of the same profession. Your posts and reviews intrigue me. I'm almost certain of it.
Is your favourite colour green?
Hi
I have fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, arthritis in hips and knees as well as other issues but I have to say that I agree with LadySpider, in regards to sex & disability I think having an understanding partner is a huge benefit & they love you for you, being disabled is a part of you and although it can frustrate us and make us angry at times it’s also something they knew you had when the relationship began. I think a HUGE part of having a successful sex life when disabled is your own mind, it’s best to view it as a new adventure, be creative, try toys and change positions so they work for you. Don’t feel like your on your own, there seems to be a few of us on here, look through the threads to see if you get any ideas that you can apply to your own sex life, if something doesn’t work or go to plan, please don’t get frustrated either shrug it off or laugh about it and try again or try something else. Have fun with it, get creative and learn what your likes and dislikes are and grow from there.
🤞fingers crossed this helps even a little as I understand how you feel and I wish I’d had a forum like this when I was having to adapt things to work for me in my sex life. So use this to your advantage as your sex life grows.
I do wish this thread would grow more... there is so little advice about sex and disabilities!
As we grow older, more and more of us will suffer a disability - most of which will affect our sex-lives (if we, or our partners let it become a problem)
As I mentioned, I help run a brain injury support group. We have a neuro-psychologist who visits us for optional group therapy sessions once a month - we talk about all sorts, nothing is taboo and what's said in the sessions...stays in the sessions. But sex has never been talked about in the sessions - yet usually, is on a one to one basis. This confuses me as people will talk about their financial worries, raising their children, stuff they can't do and how they feel...really deep and dark stuff at times.
I'm a very open person, I will talk about anything - my brain injury happened during sex - when anyone joins the group, they usually ask how other people's injury's happened - as soon as I tell - and I do make a huge joke about it - then the questions will happen and people open up to me about how their sex lives, and how they have changed since their injury or illness. It almost seems I've become the sex advisor to the group lol The therapist asked me to tell my story during group to see if that would get people to open up there - but it didn't happen - I suppose people do find it difficult to talk to a group rather than one to one about it.
It does seem a very taboo subject - even today - that disabled people enjoy sex and even NEED sex in a big way!
I’ve made a wish list of disabled sex aids on here and made it public so others who are unsure of what might help but are to shy to ask can have a look when reading through threads. I totally understand Lady Spider, I feel like a sex therapist at Times too! I think sex is often a topic people feel uncomfortable talking about anyway and when you throw disability in to the mix people are unsure of how to talk about it, I think when something happens that makes you disabled you have to accept what’s happened and learn your body all over again as meds can change things too.
I wonder who I could contact to make a suggestion as I think it’d be great for Love Honey to create an online section named Sex Aids - as some people find the fact a lot of helpful products are in the bondage section off putting which is such a shame! I’m more than happy to talk about it, I’m 25 and my accident happened at 19, so I’d only just discovered my likes & dislikes but since the accident that’s all changed and I’ve had to rediscover myself, it takes time, yes there’s time of frustration but regardless if you’re alone or you have a partner you have to take time, be open minded, try things you think will work for you and slowly build up to the Big O as you re learn your body. Xx
Mr Pheebs wrote:
Elsie-Jay wrote:
Mr Pheebs, I dare say we're of the same profession. Your posts and reviews intrigue me. I'm almost certain of it.
Is your favourite colour green?
Why yes, yes it is :-P
Fantastic X