Thanks for the reply - there is another thread about this too, but I'll still post here. I went through the menopause when I was early 40s and had lots of other life stresses going on. I'm 48 now. I'll describe the sex related stuff, and what I found helpful, then list the other stuff. I'm happy to expand and answer anyone's queries if it is helpful:
1. Painful sex: women's vaginas can constrict and dryness can be a problem, making sex painful. I found Vagifem from my GP helped - it is an estrogen pessary which can restore stretch and lubrication. It is ok to use even if hrt isn't an option. Also Replense vaginal moisturiser - from pharmacies or on prescription: apply daily or before sex. Also, lots of lube- a good quality one. We like Sliquid Natural Gel from Lovehoney. Over the counter stuff might not cut it. Don't be afraid to go for one labelled 'anal' if it is thick and slick enough. Lots of 'foreplay' as things take longer.
2. Loss of libido / desire. This was a big one for us. TBH I relied on my OH being understanding and not pressuring. I know not everyone's partner will as understanding. Explore non-penetrative options, sensual massage, showers together etc. Give it time. In terms of getting that mojo back - again, time + fantasy, solo time, nice treats. If the desire switch is 'off' then time and non-sexual intimacy really is key. It could be a couple of years, not a couple of months. I didn't know how to find the 'on' switch, but it found me in the end. Your partner needs to be accepting and also hopeful and helpful, playful. Play around with toys etc and lingerie without having penetrative sex in mind. Remind your man that it is about the process, not the end result. Cuddle up.
Other issues: please post and ask if you'd like to discuss these. They are things women and their partners might go through, just not necesarily related to sex: although they may affect intimacy:
3.night sweats / chills / hot flashes
4. mood swings / emotional changes
5. erratic / heavy bleeding
6. insomnia
Any other suggestions...?