Sex and the menopause

Firstly, sorry if there is already a thread for this topic but I couldn't see one.

I'm 49 and doctor thinks I'm probably at the start of my menopause, a couple of missed monthlys, feeling hot and bothered, tender boobs etc. Would like to know if any ladies on here have already gone through the menopause and if it affected their sex life/drive and if so how. I've heard on numerous occassions that we lose out sex drive, get a bit 'dry' down there and find sex uncomfortable etc. I've always had quite a high sex drive and I'm really hoping this isn't going to change.

I would also value the opinion of any guys - whether you notice a difference in your female OH as I think sometimes things can change that perhaps only a partner would notice ?

Thank you in advance x

Hi Terri, I'm 51 and not entirely sure whether I'm in the menopause yet as I had a hysterectomy ( but kept ovaries ) so no period changes to base it on but I had noticed mood swings and boob tenderness sometimes so it's probably happening!
I've not experienced any lack of libido, in fact I reckon my sex drive has increased . Lack of libido doesn't always happen to every woman, we're all different but I think a positive outlook can help but if you have problems then talk to your doctor about HRT. Yes, vaginal dryness is quite common but I like to use plenty of lube anyway as it seems to increase sensation so haven't really noticed any probs.
Personally I reckon that keeping the juices flowing so to speak, by regular masturbation helps, a sort of use it or lose it approach! and plenty of sex if available!

You don't want to believe all the horror stories about menopause suggesting that the minute you hit it you shrivel up etc, for lots of us its not the case. I can't seem to get enough sex these days! Hope you find this reassuring x

Hi Terri I'm also 51 and yes I am am going through the menapause . Things were slightly different for me. I'd lost my libido years ago ... But I think that was more down to being over weight back then the death of my husband . But then I hit 50 and had lost weight ... out of the blue my sex drive has hit the roof !!! This was when I found out I was going through the menapause.

At present I don't have a partner . Hence why I am on LH learning about toys etc :😉 If only my late husband could see me now ... He would be asking why didn't we find LH back then lol .

So as Wildflower States "don't believe all the horror stories you hear " about you shrivel up when going through the menapause . Its the reverse for me lol


Hi there, here's a guy's perspective... My wife is 51 and went through the menopause starting at about age 45 when her periods stopped. Luckily she hardly had any symptoms, just occasionally feeling a bit hot, but otherwise fine, no weight gain or mood swings etc. so I guess she got off lightly.

We've luckily always had a close and active sex life (actually it's not just luck - good communication and trust helps a lot) and always enjoyed lots of oral and anal sex - the main difference now is that she is almost permanently aroused, consequently we have sex more frequently than we ever have done (at least daily and often 3 or more times a day). She's become multi-orgasmic and can orgasm literally within a few seconds of starting sex, and often has 20 or more orgasms in a session, usually with lots of squirting (a problem in itself, sometimes).

Another change is that, perhaps because of her arousal, she's trying lots of new ways (to us) of having sex, including wanting to be slapped, spanked really hard, caned, tied up, have me ejaculate on her face, swallow semen etc. I understand this sounds like every man's fantasy, and I'm ok with most of it, but there are times she asks for things that I'm not really into (especially the really rough stuff) but I do it for her as she seems to really need the release she gets from it.

I accept that she's probably not the most typical example of a woman coming out of the menopause, but clearly for us, things certainly haven't slowed down or 'dried up' in any way - quite the opposite. It's a good thing we're both slim and fit otherwise I doubt we'd make it to our 60th birthdays!

Anyway, no, don't believe the 'horror stories', everyone's different - there's no reason why your sex life now won't be the best it's ever been...

This is good news for me! Both me and the missus suspect she will have menopause early (runs in the family), like mid 30s... with any luck her libido will make a reappearance - with lots of luck it will "hit the roof" as you say. Fingers crossed!

I think loss of libido can occur at any time, not just because of the menopause. Weight gain, stress, relationship problems are just some of the many factors that can contribute.

There are lots of positives of being post menpausal; no worrying about contraception, your kids are likely to be grown up/ more independent so you have more time to spend as a couple and you can be less inhibited/ noisier if they actually left home ( if only, in our case), your finances may be more secure so you can indulge in more toys, time away or whatever..

The downsides of vaginal atrophy can be addressed with topical oestrogen medication or just more lube.

At 59 and definitely post menopausal, i am possibly having the best sex of my life.

Can't thank you all enough for these great and extremely positive comments 😃

Our sex life has always been fantastic although I think it did become a little 'restricted' while our 2 daughters were living at home - for practical reasons, mostly only in the bedroom and late at night when they were asleep etc. Eldest daughter went to live and work away around the same time as youngest daughter left to live at uni - around 18 months ago. Since then we've been making up for lost time, anytime, any place, anywhere ! We've replaced all our old toys (thank god for LH) bought loads of things we hadn't used for years - and we can use noisy toys too now !

I have heard so many horror stories and we both became very worried that we would lose all this if I didn't fancy sex very much. I really can't imagine me ever saying no to sex and hubby says he definitely can't ! But the doubts were there.

I have shown all of your replies to hubby ( hope nobody minds) and we are both so grateful and pleased, that you' ve all had such positive experiences and were willing to share them. We certainly feel reassured and hopeful, thank you all again xx

That's exactly what the forum is here for. I have had such great advice from here and am always pleased if I can contribute something; compared to many people on the forum I feel I am relatively inexperienced so can't add much to most advice threads

capricorn13 wrote:

That's exactly what the forum is here for. I have had such great advice from here and am always pleased if I can contribute something; compared to many people on the forum I feel I am relatively inexperienced so can't add much to most advice threads

Well what you added to this thread is very helpful and much appreciated xx

Thank you all for the advice, my wife is 42 and not had it yet. At least I will know the signs