First time poster. I need to get this out, my partner and I have a non existent sex life. We are both women and the first few years of our relationship were incredible in the bedroom! Now I can count on one hand the amount of times we are intimate in a year. We still cuddle and kiss and have massages etc but thatâs where it stops. We have spoken many times and she insists that it isnât anything I am doing wrong and that she is attracted to me but nothing changes.
I have suggested seeking some help but she refuses. I love her so much but I canât cope much longer, there is only so much I can do for myself, Iâve told her that itâs hard and she says âshag someone else thenâ.
So sorry for your current situation and in current circumstances makes it even harder hopefully there will be plenty of people on this forum to give you good advice welcome and enjoy @kbot
Libidos can fluctuate for lots of reasons (stress and medication being the top two), and thereâs not much the other partner can do about it apart from ride it out (sex toys are very useful for this ). You didnât mention how old your partner is, but menopause/perimenopause can also play havoc with hormone levels and general interest in sex. It can often return with a bit extra on top, but itâs not a quick process.
Itâs great youâre talking about it, but if it gets to the âgo fuck someone elseâ stage then you may be pushing too hard. Be open and honest, but try and be neutral so nobody gets defensive. Re-connecting on a romantic level can also help, so keep up the kisses and cuddles, etc just donât expect it to go anywhere and you wonât be disappointed.
There is only so many times you can tell someone what you crave if they donât want to listen then there is your answer⌠thatâs how I see it personally and that is what I would tell my mates if they came with me with that problem x
I had very similar situation in my marriage and no Matter how much I asked similar questions she couldnât explain and wouldnât change. She only offered to go to counselling when it was too late. So it is important that you get the help or your partner explains to you before it is too late! Communication is key but honestly is essential - good luck
We all have needs and sometimes those same needs dont get met. Disappointing yes, however we deal with it as best as we can.
I do hope @kbot you are able to overcome the problems youâre facing. As you highlighted we are an amazing group of people and all care for each other.
Sorry to hear of your problems although itâs good that you still
Would your partner perhaps help you satisfy your needs a little more by cuddling, kissing or massaging you while you used a sex toy on yourself? Or maybe just being there for you to look at or watching you. If you explained you really wanted to focus on her while stimulating yourself rather than engage with anyone else. Perhaps sheâd appreciate the effect she has on you and your willingness to stay faithful to her.
Loss of libido âcouldâ be a symptom of something else at play, but the comment of going off and having sex with someone else is quite concerning, almost like she is looking for an out and infidelity would be the opening she is looking for.
When needs arenât been met, resentment can grow, just a nagging disappointment at first, but unless it is dealt with, it will fester and become a bigger issue down the track.
Tricky one. The authorised response is to talk and re connect. But what when youâve already done this ? I essence your intimate life is being suppressed by another - which doesnât seem fair. So maybe take her advice and go for it. Shag some one else. Which of course brings the other issues. Perhaps remind her you need a lover as well as a house mate ?
welcome and enjoy 
