Hello
Im new to post things on here, but i was looking for some advice and hoping here would be a good pleace to try and get it.
Me and my parnter are currently experncing a dip in out sex lives we have almost completely stopped all together and i was looking to see to how i can get the spark going again, as it my first long term relationship so im not sure how to keep the flame burning.
Hi there and welcome.
Gonna need a bit more info on what you have tried and like already before we can offer any advice as everyone is different.
Just a little insight then I am sure suggestions will come your way xx
well tbh we have never been very adventurus as alot of the time i can find sex to be abit painful which i think is why we dont have sex much anymore as im scared of it hurting.
i used to like wearing nice underwear but thats as far as it goes really.
we live at home with our parents whch i can find to be abit limiting
When you say you 'used' to like wearing nice underwear, is there a reason you don't now?
Is it possible that you are not relaxing properly because of living with your parents - this could make sex painful.
Have you tried using lube?
Have you ever tried a vibrator, and if so did that also hurt?
Sorry for the deluge of questions but they will help to understand your situation better xxxx
im not sure i still buy the nice undrwear as i want to look sexy for him but then i dont feel in the mood to wear it.
it never used to hurt with previous partners only this one so i have no idea why it now hurts, i have tried using lube but i find i am allergic to most even some water based ones.
i has used a vibrator before and i did enjoy it, i didnt find it to painful
OK, I am going to state the obvious now - have you been checked out by a GP to see if there is a physical reason for the pain?
I think it sounds like you just may not be turned on enough and therefore not suitably 'wet' before penetrative sex. I am assuming there is plenty of foreplay before penetration.
Tell me to mind my own if you like, but do you have body image issues and that is why you don't 'feel in the mood' to wear your nice undies?
One last question - what does your OH have to say about it all?
Xx
It might be that just spending a night away, even in the town where you live to see if getting out from your parents home can relax you some more. Taking your time, not having to keep noise down etc maybe all thats needed, it's a starting point.
Have a dirty weekend away which will help you to relax and also to have time to talk about your sex liffe
You mentioned being allergic to some waterbased lubes. We have had lube issues in the past too. Try a product free from Glycerine & Parabens these are the things to avoid putting you-know-where...
After a few trys we have found that this:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11369
Is a winner in our book. It's thin, not sticky or tacky, odourless, tasteless and above all feels really good.
All lubes are different, we've been there in a case of "oh I'll just get a tube if lube..." and ended up with infections and burning sensations. Try the Sliquid because, even if it is unsuitable Lovehoney have a fantastic 365 day returns policy so you can get a refund if it isn't suitable.
If it is suitable you may be able to start having more fun together.
Hope this helps and all the best x.
yeah ive never been happy with the way i look tbh so it could be that. i'm also not used to having someone who is still with me because they want to be and not just for sex if that makes sense so i dont feel like i need to have sex all the time.i have been checked out before and everything was fine.
my other half is worried he thinks i dont find him attractive so that why we dont have sex often which isnt true.
i think i a night away might help us thank you, and thanks for the lube suggestion i will give it a go.
Sometimes just plain old simple talking to each other about what's up. Show what you don't like which will prompt him to tell you there beautiful and he loves them... that should be a slight boost. Get it all out, talk about what you like.. then one thing can lead to another.... a bottle of wine between you helps, two bottles is a disaster though.... !!
How long have you been together? Sometimes we do get to that stage of the spark fizzing out. Where we stop with the sexy pants and get the granny pants on, stop shaving and just get "comfortable".
A good old fashioned chat with him, a wee visit to your GP to see if there are any problems and hopefully things will get better 😘
As others have said it's not an ideal situation to be living with parents and get some quality time without worrying if you are disturbing others and visa versa and is a mood killer.
You have said you haven't encountered this with others, without being too personal, is it because he's well endowed? As others have suggested lube will help but you need to be ready down there as well. You could start with a bullet first and then a dildo of similar size or a bit smaller than your oh to get you well and truly ready for him to penetrate you.
Once you have experienced pain it's very difficult as you naturally worry and clench up down there out of fear of the same thing happening again. The brain is the biggest sex organ so you really need to work on feeling sexy for yourself, sexy undies can help with any body insecurities. Another thing which can be overlooked is lots of kissing, cuddles, caressing and massages with relaxing oils.
It is so easy to fall into a nonexistent sex life, but it's easy to get it back again, it happens to a lot of couples. Keep the lines of communication open with your oh and you will get there. 😊
thank you for all the suggestion.
we have been together 3 years so im not sure if its just a stage, i am very comfortable with him but i dont think he minds.he not as endowed as other men i have been with so i not sure why i get the pains.
i think a night away may do us some good.
Good luck and let us know what you decide and how you get on xxx
There can be many reasons for pain while having sex so it's always worth getting checked out at doctors first for any physical problems .
He doesn't have to be well endowed, it could also be maybe the girth or shape that is causing the pain.
It more likely to be anxiety from living with your parents, maybe you just need a romantic weekend away to get things going again
There are lots of lubes and toys on here that could help you as well.
All these lovely people in here will also give you great advice.
If you can remember which lubes you've used and had a reaction to, you could compare ingredients and see if there is common link between them.
Well their are a lot of good comment on here and I would say communication is big factor and I would suggest talking to your partner as well as just getting a check up for gp. I would also say mebe go on break and try to bring the spark back. So many advice on here so hope one of them will help you bring the spark back. If you need any help don't hesitate to replay here as we all here to help you and support you.
Hello, hope you have fun here.