My boyfriend and I are a young couple (both under 25) and we've been together 2 years. His libido doesn't come close to mine and our sex life is very... 'vanilla' (same position, 5 minutes, 2 or 3 times a week).
I want (need) more. I feel like we're not sexual compatible- I like rougher, more passion- more kink, and he just likes 'the usual'.
So. How can I spice it up/improve his libido? (Please no swinging 😂)
In terms of improving his libido, I don't think that's necessarily what you should focus on right now. Obviously you would like more sex, but when it comes to partners having different libidos the key is compromise, not trying to manipulate one person into having more or less sex. You do have to respect that your partner has different needs. 2-3 times a week seems like a good compromise, so I'd focus on improving the duration/quality of your sessions rather than simply trying for more.
Have you talked to him about kink? Has he ever tried or shown an interest in anything kinky? If he is totally new to it all it could be easier to start small and increase play time rather than make play time kinky, i.e. introduce more vanilla foreplay activities. get him into the mind set of playing together rather than a quick fumble. Couples games are great for that, you may not need the inspiration but for some (hopefully him) the structure of a game helps. The games tend to encourage more drawn out play, more varied sex acts and different positions, all of which could help expand his mind without blowing it with full blown BDSM or kinky play.
With you both being young, is he inexperienced? His liking of 'the usual' could be because he has no concept of anything else and is afraid to try in case he gets it wrong. You may have to take the reins for a while until he becomes more confident?
There are a world of possibilities but first you should talk to him. Does he know how you feel?
Maybe try using a toy to pleasure yourself so he can watch, or ask him to use it on you. Gentle introduction into kink is probably best, perhaps a little bit of blindfold play. My OH and I started by having a spanker each and chasing eachothers round the hose in a playful way, it soon progressed to more.
I hope these ideas help, but the most important thing is to communicate.
We've spoken about it and it just doesn't seem to do it for him sadly. I don't know how to approach the subject without it sounding like I'm pushing? Or as if it's not good enough. I enjoy what we have, I just want more.. I like the idea of making a game of it, we don't have much in the way of foreplay (he's an in and out kind of guy) so that sounds like an improvement
Lovehoney sell some great board games. Tie and tease is my favourite. Perhaps he doesn't know he likes anything else because he hasn't tried it? I feel like everyone has a bit of kink in there somewhere lolFoxyBear wrote:
We've spoken about it and it just doesn't seem to do it for him sadly. I don't know how to approach the subject without it sounding like I'm pushing? Or as if it's not good enough. I enjoy what we have, I just want more.. I like the idea of making a game of it, we don't have much in the way of foreplay (he's an in and out kind of guy) so that sounds like an improvement
I would highly recommend getting the monogomay board game, its perfect for introducing someone to other pleasures shall we say, can start off very tame and vanillia and get quite naughty.
Me and my OH have very different libido's, she wants it 4-5 times a day where as im happy with 5-6 times a week. but i like the kinky more prolonged sessions so we compromise with 1 'session' and a few quickies.
As stated above, its all about comunication and compromise. Games can be a great way to get him started however.