I’m sorry to hear that about your partner. In those kinds of circumstances it’s harder to step out of the mindset when it’s a source of trauma.
I appreciate that you think I bring up though provoking concepts (paraphrased).
To be clear, this wasn’t always easy for my partner to do, even with her innate natural submissive nature. It was a point we had to decide to reach together.
When repeated discussions of argument/feelings of not being listened to kept re-occurring. (From both, by both), while in the middle of helping her get her divorce from her abusive ex, who wouldn’t stop harassing her to the point of having to get a restraining order.
I just proposed the idea.
We are both most comfortable in the bedroom right? We both know how and what we do there and the appreciation and love are always shown there right? The bedroom is our source of confidence. Our place to show our love. And where we both know we are accepted. Correct?”
If so. When we are caught in a loop. Bad mood. Bad topic. Bad argument. Whatever. Why don’t we go to our source of comfort. So we can show each other the momentary is…momentary.
But our love for each other isn’t. That’s always there. If we show it there, where it’s easiest (for us) to show it. Maybe the momentary issue will be lessened.
Does a trial run at that sound fair?
Neither one of us can stand arguing. We can’t stand it when we feel not 
intertwined.
So. We tried it. And it made the cuddling after easier and from there the actual conversation without the argument usually comes up. And is usually resolved then and there.
It works for us. Because we made an active decision to make that room our “temple of safety from negativity.”It may not work for everyone. But. Everyone has a choice. Including whether to stay mad and upset. Or to choose to “change venue,” and show love and appreciation instead, and table the negativity.
(It’s all in that book i mentioned that you said you appreciated the link of in another thread, that I learned these principles from. They just were again, applied in an every day/business/self help sense instead of a Sexual one.)
I can’t claim credit for the idea. But I can state that it was a tangent from an idea from that book that has benefited both of us immensely.
It isn’t always easy. But. You know the proverbial definition of attitude from the affirmation posters/reminders right?It is a choice.
This idea is also a choice. One both of you have a choice to make together to try and see how it works. It’s basically neural remapping.
Taking a negative moment. Making it a positive one instead. And then clearing the air afterwards with the lack of heat in the argument/moment/whatever. To see how a different perspective changes the “moment of contentions,” effect and resolution.
As long as both of you know your love is permanently there. And the moment of contention is there momentarily I would like to say I feel pretty confident you’ll find the same safe haven we have.
