Sex vs Kids vs work ect...

Hi, I have this problem where our sex life has decrease to almost nothing now with having 2 kids. I've been trying to get my wife to want and enjoy having sex and nothing seems to work. I've offered her to buy sex toys and her response is "we don't have money to waist on sex toys, we have more important things to focus on".

I think sex toys could actually spice things up a bit, it has in the past. anyone have any suggestions, comments or life experience to share on this subject?

The problem is that if I try too much, she shuts down completly, if I try to surprise her with gifts she complains about money. I've been trying to please myself with masturbation but its getting really old and it just dosen't work anymore.

I think that this is a very common problem, kids, work, housework all make us tired and then when our oh tries to just give us a cuddle we shut down completely just in case they are after sex.

If money is tight at the min, and you know she would be mad if you bought her a sextoy, maybe you could look at getting her something like massage candles for her birthday or your anniversary, they aren't kinky or overtly sexy but I am sure she would appreciate a nice massage, and it might help her relax enough to want something else (there are some in the sale at the min)

I personally wouldn't push things, I wouldn't try and introduce something unless you both want it, toys are a very personal thing, and buying something for your oh without her wanting it or looking at it can be tricky.

It is a very common problem! Life's all work, work, work and very little play and us time! We've just had our 2nd baby at the end of last year, we're shatted with working + kids, but the way i see it is it will get better over time :0)! Why don't you guy's try and have a break from the old routine? Small short break go out for a evening meal and spend a bit of time together - i know she may complin about the money being tight (im also a sod for this) but the way i am starting to see things, we don't have much of a socail life becuase there's allways something to be paid for some bill landing on the mat! You have to make time and effort otherwise ull go stir crazy! I think the things boobaloo has suggested is bril - you could join one of those online coupon sites and get a great half price deal's on a spa day or even treat your misses to having her hair/nails done - i know in january we went out with an other couple and what was a £70 meal with wine only costs us £7 per head because my friends are members of a online coupon site great idea. Stuff like this would help her relax and un wind! Like past poster said don't push her just see how things go xx

I don't think sex toys are the answer here.

If you can, try and schedule a time when the two of you are free and really focus on just relaxing an unwinding together. It could be a massage, a bath together, a cuddle on the couch. Something free and close. If time is really at a shortage just and blitz through some housework to make the time.

What you don't want to happen is to focus on sex and end up in a stand-off where you think she's pulling away because she doesn't want intimacy and she thinks any contact from you is just a desire for sex.

Focus on the intimacy, no expectations intimacy, and sex will work itself out.

Pixieking wrote:

I don't think sex toys are the answer here.

....] What you don't want to happen is to focus on sex and end up in a stand-off where you think she's pulling away because she doesn't want intimacy and she thinks any contact from you is just a desire for sex. [.....

we've been there. it was horrible for both of us. no, i'm not sure toys are the answer either. sometimes other stuff really IS more important. maybe acknowledge that, deal with a few issues & then try again- make some time for eachother. we've just come through a tough patch now but didn't get into that same rut (thankfully). we were both more aware this time.

i want to echo what others have said here about maybe just spending time together in a non sexual way

if things are a bit tight with money maybe do something at home that's cheap? run her a bath or cook a nice meal one night ( you can easily do a roast chicken dinner for two for about £10 nowadays) bake her a cake or look after the kids for her on the weekend so she can do something she's wanted to for ages like read a book or have a nap

As a mum of 2 kids and running a business I can understand where she is coming from, if money is tight then housing food and clothing comes above pleasure. But there are ways of making more time for each other.

Little things make a huge difference, having someone wash up for you or put the hoover round so you have time to do something else means the both of you get time to sit down together. We have one night a week where we eat later than the kids and cuddle up to watch something on tv or a movie. A regular 'date' night that costs us nothing but means a lot to both of us.

Have you tried talking to her about why she isnt in the mood? You dont say how old the kids are, if they are very young then is it possible she is still recovering from having them? It can take a lot longer than people think to recover physically and emotionally, not helped by broken nights and very active kids during the day. I spent the first few years as a mum permenantly knackered and not really up for anything more than a quicky and sleep.


do the ironing and clean the bathroom than have a talk and listen to every word lol

Thats the funny part, I do most of the cleaning, I take care of the kids, I'm always trying to have discutions with my wife and nothing seems to cheer her up. We have a very good non-sexual relationship. When it come time for sex she always has an excuse. We go out all the time, I never say no to anything, even when I don't want to do it. I'm loosing my mind.

difficult one jonny sounds like the baby blues to me and I dont have any experience dealing with it. There were times when Mrs G was clearly off sex but she still made the effort with various parts of her anatomy to keep me satisfied. why not suggest something along those lines.