I agree with Uniflex, there is obvously a lot of stuff going on in both parts.
If an open communication isn't possible with talking, and I know I mentioned this in first post, I would strongly suggest writing to her and how you feel trapped with being unable to talk with her about it openly - not with her or in the marriage, but in sexually terms.
It would give you a chance to express how the situation is making you feel, and word it in a way that you want to understand how she is feeling, what is going on for her with everything. Is there anything she feels she needs from you?
The joys of writing is you can rip it up and start again until you are happy with what you have. Your wife can read it in her own time, and either respond back in writing or talk to you. She may have no idea how this is making you feel.
Try and make the letter more about your wife, how the most important thing to you is her happiness. There may be things that can be done to help her relax a little more, help with certain chores, giving her a little more time to relax perhaps. Try not to focus on the sexual side, keep that as a minimum in terms of you feeling trapped but feel you need to be honest and open with her about how things are for you.
In terms of masturbating, toys, plugs etc., there is no need to feel ashamed. At least you're getting some satisfaction in a safe way. Why not mention that in the letter? Might remove some of the guilt around it. It is a far far safer option than involving others, as tempting as another woman sounds it can only end badly if you go that way.
It may just open the door for her to open up a little, and that in itself would be a big breakthrough.
Hope you find a way of progressing and improving things for you both.
I do attempt talking but to no avail . We get on really great apart from the sex problem . I think I may just have to buy some toys and keep them hidden . Thank you all for your love and support , as I have nobody else to talk to you have all been very kind xxx
woodstock2 wrote:
I do attempt talking but to no avail . We get on really great apart from the sex problem . I think I may just have to buy some toys and keep them hidden . Thank you all for your love and support , as I have nobody else to talk to you have all been very kind xxx
Buy the toys and be honest about it. I'm sure she'll be understanding that you have needs she is not meeting, and it is the far better option than outside marrital fun. By being honest, it will remove the feeling of guilt, and also lets your wife know there is a problem there for you.
Obv keep usage of toys discrete, but don't hide what you're doing. Secrets are not a good thing.
Good luck fella!
Hi, I’ve been in a similar place and have gotten through. I was scared of a failed marriage and felt that by asking for what I wanted it would be the end of the relationship. It was painful at first, but I deeply imagined what it would be like if I chose to end the relationship : Where I would live How I’d survive The effects on my kids How much money I’d have Imagining my partner finding someone else Imagined me not finding someone else ... I knew I could survive that. The fear became manageable. I’m now able to let my partner know what I want, even when I think it won’t be well received. My relationship is now more balanced and much better for it. Professional therapy is worth considering to. Again, good luck!
Hi, I'm a bit late to this, but have you considered either going for couples or individual counselling? I know it's not the "sexy" answer, but it sounds like there are a lot of issues going on, and you might need some outside support to figure out whether your marriage can be saved. Because I don't think that the current situation is sustainable for you both.
I know some people can find the idea of counselling really scary and it can take a lot of courage, but I've found it to be really really helpful in my life, and in my marriage. Some things can't be "wished better", and there is potential for a lot of damage to be done unless things change. I hope you find a way forward.