Thanks TB!
When the in-laws have gone later I'll post the small section of the book that helped, its sound advice and once again, Tracy Cox has excelled in what she does best!
I know, I want the first book in this series now to see if that helps too, roll on payday! x
I've got Tracy Cox Hot Relationships, I now want Hot Sex! x
Hi mel, so glad to hear things may be starting to head in the right direction for you.
x x x
Thank you Libby, you advice has been brilliant! I'll keep you all posted on the situation! xxx
Thanks hun, and if you do get that 'Hot Sex' book keep us posted on that too!!!!
x
Oh I will do, I need to read quite a bit more of Hot Relationships before I review it but I'd reccomend it already!, I'll buy Hot Sex when I get paid! xxx
Ok here's the passage that I was on about:
"Making love isn't a luxury, it's essential for your relationship to survive. According to research, we get about a quarter of our total enjoyment of a relationship from sex. Thats if your having good, regular sex and the rest of your relationship is in pretty good shape. If your having bad sex, or no sex at all, the other three quaters of the relationship that was good gets cancelled out. Why? If your sex life is in drastic dire straits, it spills over into the rest of the relationship and ends up poisoning everything."
"Stop having good sex and you stop feeling connected to your partner. If someone doesn't want to make love to you, you don't feel sexy or attractive. Your self esteem plummets. Sexual frustration makes you irritable. Resentment means you start getting angry over things that previously didn't worry you. Without sex, intimacy disappears. Both of you feel increasingly isolated. You start fantasizing about other people. You may take it further and actually have an affair. Or you might just up and leave."
She then goes on to give five great points on how to make it better
sexymel88 wrote:
Ok here's the passage that I was on about:
"If your sex life is in drastic dire straits, it spills over into the rest of the relationship and ends up poisoning everything. [...] Without sex, intimacy disappears."
Personally, I look at it the other way round. I think that if a person's relationship is in dire straits, then whatever is wrong with that is likely to spill over into every part of that relationship, including sex. I don't think it's possible to ruin a healthy, positive relationship with imperfect sex alone. I mean, the way I see it, intimacy isn't created by good sex, good sex is the result of intimacy.
But now it's time for me to get intimate with a good dinner. :)
I can't really comment on your specific situation because you know I'm new here but it's very clear to see from the tone of your writing just what an effect this is having on your self-esteem and morale.
Sex is a major part of any relationship because like you quoted above - for a lot of couples that is the sum total of their intimacy and when the novelty of great sex starts to slow down and fade away (as it does with the majority of relationships) then problems do occur.
My issue however isn't with your sex life - it's this one line you wrote earlier.
"I want to have another go at doing something to make him think I'm sexy"
Just read how negative that sounds - and then you list all the equipment that you have, sort of like saying "I have all this stuff and he STILL doesn't find me sexy. "
I do think this is more than just the spark going out of a relationship, possibly even over-stimulation - but I do hope you get through this and find some self confidence because I can guarantee that's one of the biggest turn-on's at least for me - can't comment on any of the other guys. But a strong minded, confident woman who is comfortable with herself is sexy, making it irrelevant what anyone thinks.
Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot to hear what other people think.
Things we're going good until last night, we had ok sex, I don't expect it to be amazing everytime, but his heart wasn't in it 100%. When I asked what was wrong after, he said he felt like I was thinking of someone else! How dare he??? He knows everything I'm trying to do for him, I just ignored him and went to sleep!
I'm getting bored with trying now, I'm always suggesting things just to get shot down!
Aw Mel that sucks. I suppose all you can do is reassure him
I have today but he says he feels the same still, I was wondering if it was him thinking of someone else but the guilt kicked in straight away so he tried to pass the blame onto me??? Maybe?
Possible. I really don't know. Maybe some better will be able to help. All I can say is good luck and that you're defo doing your best.
He really didn't seem that into it.
Thanks hun, I need all the luck I can get!
Oh mel, and just when things were starting to look positive.
Thinking of you hun x x x
Yep, good luck to you Mr and Mrs Mel, hopefully Christmas will be a watershed, when does he finish with the Army hun, maybe a complete change of environment, things generally jobwise can become stale, that can have a knock on effect sometimes. You sound to be doing all you can, and this is a two way process at the end of the day isn't it hun..... Sorry not very helpful l know, but didn't want not to support somehow.
Tallboy
Sorry to hear that your having a bad time Mel, have you thought about using RELATE?
That takes two doesn't it Mrs37, l could be wrong, if one party isn't up for it can they still have an impact?
TB
Alas it does TB, and if Mr sexymel is not interested in helping his marriage, then it's Mel's call to what her next step is. Fingers crossed though that they both can sort it out.