Ok, so we all know I have some serious problems at home at the minute, so what I was wondering was if anyone had any suggestions for me:
I want to have another go at doing something to make him think I'm sexy to see if it will help.
I though if I listed what I have then some of you guys could help me decide what to do?
I have:
Jessie,
A clit tickler
Tracy Cox massager
He has a fleshlight
Mrs Clause outfit
Maids outfit
Lots of DVD's
A camcorder
A camera
Lube
Any suggestions?
Thanks everyone!
Some of his comments (although hurtful and badly expressed) seem to say a general level of sexiness all the time. So where possible, and when you feel like it, wear make-up often and as sexy underwear as practical (i.e. not period pants!! I have drawers of bad underwear I shouldn't wear) It doesn't have ot match, just complement and make you feel good. Also maybe give your wardrobe a wee revamp and get some nice new tops?
Specifically, to actually address what you asked, maybe a Christmas photo or video? (set the camera up so you can do it alone) that means you can wear you're costume. Maybe a little striptease on the video?
Or ask him a fantasy and see if you could do a photo or video on that theme? Maybe ask the same of him, because he should be doing stuff for you too.
Good luck!
don't know enough about the toys to comment there, but is there any particular music that you could play in the background that reminds you both of a really special evening together?
Agree with Imelda, what is he doing for you? seems like your doin all the work here
This past week or so I have been wearing make-up and doing my hair so I have been making a bit more of an effort. My clothes are stylish and up to date, they are just not his style or taste, he likes plain clothes, old fashionable styles.
He's always said he has no fantasies so I dont know what to do with that one.
I might do some pics though, thanks!
I don't know if your husband is a bit like me Mel, but I have often been accused of completely failing to notice what my girlfriend/partner is wearing! I just don't notice things like that - may sound funny to some people, but I'm sure I can't be that unusual.
What turns me on is more romantic surroundings, like a nice restaurant, and a good conversation.
Well done you then, sounds like you're doing tonnes already! I get more and more annoyed with ur hubby! Pics are all you can do unless someone else has some great ideas.
Hey mel, you know i will agree with the others in that you seem to be doing way more to save your marriage, but i do understand where you coming from, you still love him and still want to save your marriage. The letter is a good idea that way you can both write down how you feel without interrupting each other or worrying about each others reactions, i did that too and my ex did do it eventually (but he did his after the split when it was too late) so if you can get him to write a letter i think that would be really helpful to you both. Whats happening about the two of you getting out on a date?
And on the subject of you being sexy, confidence is the key which he is not helping at the minute! You know you are a sexy woman, you felt sexy when you wore that 'mrs claus' outfit, just look at those legs in your pic!! You now need him to tell you that, so i would sort your letters out before you think about doing pics.
By the way i am jealous you have more toys than me, i think i need to put an order in!!!!
x x x
Hi, Mel,
I'm sorry you're having troubles :-( He's a lucky man that you are going to so much effort to save your relationship.
I agree with Imelda and Bingo - how about a sexy solo video, with background music of "your" song - if you have one? Maybe a Mrs Claus strip? Or some stills of you and some toys? I guess it depends what kind of thing he's into - if there's something he really seemed to enjoy in the past, how about incorporating that? For example, if he's really been into watching you or helping you with your vibe, how about recreating that for him? You could make him a sexy advent calendar (OK, I know advent's started already, but you could go for the rest of it...) with a separate hot picture of you emailed to him every day - or sent to his 'phone? Or a fantasy? Or part of a fantasy - to be continued...? Or maybe serialising a scenario that you think he might like?
He's not helping a lot if he says he hasn't any fanasies, mind you - has there ever been anything he has brought up that you could expand on? The fact that you guys have toys and costumes is a good start, and sort of implies that there was something... Maybe you could tie him to the bed, torture him with a slow and seductive strip and then attack him with his fleshlight ;-)?
It really sounds like you're pushing the boat out for him, though: the other options are to take some time away together - even if it's just out to supper somewhere with your mobiles turned off, and really try to talk. And Libby's letter idea is great too - though some people don't feel very comfortable expressing themselves on paper if they have trouble writing: my mum, for instance (not that I'd be wanting her to write a letter like that!). The there's Relate - they can be very good indeed, though with counselling, you both need to be willing partners: I guess someone's probably suggested this already on another thread. Things *not* to do - don't involve a third party into your relationships: threesomes are out when things are sticky between two, and babies never are a good solution to marital problems, despite so many people using them as sticking plaster.
As for him not liking your look - do you think he feels insecure? Is he worried that some other guy is going to snap you up? That's not an excuse for him to make you wear dowdy clothes, but perhaps that's what's going on in the back of his mind? Maybe he needs more reassurance? Really, though, it sounds as though you're doing all and more - it does take two to save a relationship, and he also needs to be putting in some effort - it can't all come from you. But hopefully he'll start to realise this once he sees how much you're doing to keep him - and if he doesn't, then it might be time to start thinking of alternative courses of action, however hard, sad and unpleasant that may be :-(
GOOD LUCK - and try to have fun with whatever plan you decide to follow: it'll come over to him, and you'll enjoy yourself - double bonus :-)
XXX
Oh, I forgot: how about playing Monogamy or something similar? Might help you both remember why you fell in love and what's so great about your relationship - as well as giving you some different ideas or at least, raising other ideas in a non-threatening environment...
As a man reading this, Mel, I am wondering what is up with your bloke! He has a woman who clearly loves and wants him and he doesn't seem to realise it ::rolleyes::
I find it hard to believe that he has no fantasies at all, it is very possible he feels he cannot share them with you (I have a few no one knows!), but there must be surely something that he could open up about? maybe in a little bit of fun roleplay? maybe re-enact your first date or the first time you ever met?
I am like Walrus, and probably masses of blokes, in that I do not remember what has been worn the previous night or maybe even the previous hour! I will certainly appreciate a sexy outfit, but embarrasingly may not be able to describe it a little bit later, which is certainly not a slight on how a lady looks, just the way some blokes memories work , but I will remember a sexy conversation with them 'til the day I die.
Is it something about him being a soldier and not wanting to appear soft or whatever which could be causing a bit of a block? From what you are saying, he just does not want to seem to be able to lower his defences and show a gentler, emotional side?
Really hope it starts getting better for you,
xx
Hi Mel, now l may be hanging off the wall with this suggestion, and it is something which either lies in your thrall or not - but have you considered the possibility of taking your issues through a third person. Now l am not suggesting that you traipse down to a marriage guidance counsellor, as wild horses wouldn't drag many there and l am guessing a machismo army type may fall into that category!!
However if you both know someone, not well ,but maybe respect where they are coming from , you might consider a three way conversation, as hypothetical or real as you want to make it... it is just that the extra dimension often allows you to be more outspoken than you would otherwise be.....
Possible down side - if the three parties are a distance removed then it provides a perfect opportunity to deliver potential bombshells that would certainly not be the intention of the exercise!!!
Still if that did happen at least the peeps would know where they stand, l just so do not believe he has no fantasies it isn't true, but then let's hope it's not an Abraham's Mark V Battle Tank eh !!
This is merely a suggestion, confidentiality all round obviously.
TB
sexymel,
Without going into any reasons why you need to make up, i have read bits.
Why not stick on the sexiest porn you can find & some sexy outfit/webbing. Crawl over to him on the sofa & start sucking him off, when he's nice & hard lube him up well & give him your best hand job with his fleshlight (best if warmed up in hot water first & pre lubed too!), when he's moaning nicely start pleasuring yourself with your (or his) favourite vibrator making a big show of being turned on. Hopefully you can time it so you both cum together.
If that doesn't light his fire, then he's either gay or dead! Either way leave him & come & stay with me, I'll gladly slip you a crippler!
Now mel how can u resist an offer like that, i should just go and stay with mucky if i were you!!
heh heh heh! I think muckys suggestion is dynamite!
Most men awake with a stiffy, if you can get some nice warm hands round that he won't be able to stop. I really hope everthing works out for you, I've read your posts recently and think you are a lovely lass, best to you. XxX
Morning Mel.x
TB
Mucky Duck wrote:
sexymel,
Without going into any reasons why you need to make up, i have read bits.
Why not stick on the sexiest porn you can find & some sexy outfit/webbing. Crawl over to him on the sofa & start sucking him off, when he's nice & hard lube him up well & give him your best hand job with his fleshlight (best if warmed up in hot water first & pre lubed too!), when he's moaning nicely start pleasuring yourself with your (or his) favourite vibrator making a big show of being turned on. Hopefully you can time it so you both cum together.
If that doesn't light his fire, then he's either gay or dead! Either way leave him & come & stay with me, I'll gladly slip you a crippler!
I'll keep you in mind mucky, if all else fails, I'll send you an email lol
Hi everyone,
Thank you all for your sound advice, Libby we're gonna write the letters for a start, we're hopefully going to do them tonight when his folks have gone.
Also last night I read him a few pages out of the book Carly and Ruth sent me and it seemed to click something inside him and we had the most emotional connection we've had in months and I had several amazing orgasm's. we're a long long way from been sorted but at least he's showing he's willing to try!
I don't think its anything to do with the army, he was the same with his emotions before he went in
xx
seems that things are heading in the right direction, Mel. great news for you, even if it just the start. And it sounds like you are having good fun in the process :)
Good luck with your particular can of worms there Mel.
TB