Hi everyone, I was wondering if you could give me any advice about solo play. Basically, I have a higher sex drive than my OH and I often feel frustrated. I do masturbate but it generally leaves me feeling unsatisfied despite being able to orgasm. The main reasons that I feel satisfied with my OH are:
When he orgasms - I like the feeling that I have had a part in giving him pleasure (obviously I can’t replicate this!) It doesn’t really matter whether I orgasm or not, I get just as much pleasure from giving him oral and not receiving anything myself.
The thrusting motion - usually hard and fast, which again I can’t replicate.
I usually masturbate lying on my back because I feel more relaxed like this but I struggle with inserting anything, partly due to very tight muscles (vaginismus / psychological) and I think partly because of the angle - I have a long torso and short arms I think and I just get very uncomfortable trying to reach!
As for the struggling to insert anything problem - this is a bit weird - I can take my OH’s penis quite easily now but I cannot insert a finger (freaks me out! ) and struggle with toys although I am getting better and I now enjoy using something relatively small. I particularly like the inflatable one that I have - it’s tiny to begin with so I can build up slowly to a more satisfying size if that makes any sense? I have a small penis shaped dildo that I would like to try at some point but I need to get the position thing sorted I think. I don’t really like strong vibrations either since I’m very sensitive.
So, basically I wondered what positions people use for solo play and is there anything you would recommend in terms of positions and techniques? I need to try something different I think!
I find putting my bum on a cushion/wedge is good when on my back. It makes the angles easier and more comfortable to reach.
Or going cowgirl with a dildo on a cushion either on the bed or a chair sometimes for a bit of variation.
It’s a bit difficult for a man to give advice but from a male POV I have started a bit of self bdsm, especially cock and ball bdsm. I always enjoyed my balls being tortured by my Misses. My favourite go to lately is to tie my balls us, stand on the rope and slowly stand up, this way I can regulate the pull on my balls whilst wanking, the more I pull on my balls I can cum in seconds. So maybe if its your thing a bit of solo bdsm?
@Kitty-Cat01, my wife is in to nipple play in a big way, playing with just her nipples can make her cum! LIke you she has also found that a lot of her nipple toys work well on her clit, her favourite is her nipple pump on her clit, which is also a favourite of mine, it pumps it to a huge size and its very sensitive! She also likes her weighted nipple clamp hanging from her clit too. We’ve ended up buying most of her nipple toys twice so she can combine using them on her nipples and clit at the same time.
Solo is so very different to being with a partner, isn’t it? I doubt you are alone in finding this.
A wedge like a Liberator (or even just pillows and cushions) can make it much easier to reach. There are also cushions which are toy mounts, and hold the toy in place while you sit on top.
If you unsure about strong vibrations and insertion, then perhaps something like a glass dildo, just to stroke yourself with externally, might be something to try - that way you are in control and can experiment in your own time. There are slimline ones available, if you feel you might one day like to use it internally.
If you get to a point where you are comfortable inserting toys, then there are thrusting rabbits which might be helpful in replicating some of what happens with your OH.
You say that you can orgasm by yourself - what actually works, and can you build on that to make it a more satisfying experience?
Great suggestion!
I meant to say something about dilators and lube in my comment, but I forgot. Both could be helpful, and some dilator sets also vibrate, so might feel pleasurable too.
Thanks @MsR and @GoGirl12
I have got to a point now where I can use a small dildo some of the time, sometimes it feels good, other times it just doesn’t work. I have a slim glass one and a slim soft plastic one. I have worked my way through a dilator set a few months back - The smallest ones were just uncomfortable (I think they remind me of fingers which for some reason I have an intense dislike of!) but the medium sized ones were ok. I never got as far as the largest ones, I just bought some small toys instead because the dilators felt too “medical” as they were recommended by my doctor.
Usually I orgasm with gentle clit stimulation with my fingers or a light vibration. I enjoy nipple play and very rarely orgasm without it. I often use a small butt plug too. (Strangely anal sex is easier for me). I sometimes use a small dildo vaginally - like the ones I mentioned and I find orgasms are a lot more satisfying when doing this (when it works!). I’m not really sure why it works sometimes and not other times, I can be very aroused and it still doesn’t work. I think part of it is needing to learn to relax and part of it is the awkward angle, if I’m having to stretch to reach, it probably isn’t helping me to relax! I’m going to have a play around with pillows and see how that goes.
Hi @Kitty-Cat01 you said about anal being easier. I recently bought a small-ish suction butt plug. I put it on my wardrobe door and backed myself up onto it leaning over onto my ottoman to support myself with one hand and my wand in my other hand. I’ve never done anything like this before and it was mindblowing. I found it so much more intense and the closest thing to the act I’ve had in a long time.
) and struggle with toys although I am getting better and I now enjoy using something relatively small. I particularly like the inflatable one that I have - it’s tiny to begin with so I can build up slowly to a more satisfying size if that makes any sense? I have a small penis shaped dildo that I would like to try at some point but I need to get the position thing sorted I think. I don’t really like strong vibrations either since I’m very sensitive.
I think I’ll stick to using them on my nipples 
My clit is way too sensitive, even a direct touch with fingers is uncomfortable!