I'm in a long-term relationship with a guy whose previous sex life has been very basic, wheras mine has been more adventurous. I don't want to make him feel insecure or scare him, but I'd like to encourage him to explore a few things while we still can!
I've gently asked about fantasies and he says he doesn't have any. Do you think that could be true or is he too scared to tell me? He's gone along with a couple of mine, intended to put him firmly in control of what happens- not very much to be honest- he seems pretty nervous!
Can anyone suggest some non-scary toys I can try on him as an intro or any other ideas to get him in the mood? I have tried books already but he's not much of a reader. Any help very welcome.
And then maybe inviting him to use it on you redapple and seeing how much yo like it, he might just wat you to return the favour!!! Kinda follow my leader-
Games are a good idea - I recommend Monogamy myself (thanks, LH!) - if he's a bit shy. Though if you're not teetotal, it can be easier (don't ahve too much, though, and spoil it all ;-) ) - helps keep the inhibitions a bit quieter. Monogamy starts gently and builds up through the rounds - even if it doesn't lead to much change initially, it might get him thinking a bit.
And how about porn? Have you tried slipping something interesting on the DVD? Do you ever watch it together? Or what does he watch when he's alone? Have you tried asking him about fantasies when things are actually getting steamy? Some people aren't comfortable to admit to any before they're worked up. You could try reading some erotica to him as a bedtime story - nothing too scary to begin with, but just as a way of opening the door a little. IMO, toys can be frightening, especially when a guy isn't used to them - though you could just try tieing him to the bed and assaulting him with a fleshlight ;-) Seriously, though, for some men it can be a turn off - you might need to lead up to whopping out the vibrator a little, even if it is to use on yourself: try giving him a little show of what you can do for yourself with your hands, or suggest that it would blow your mind to watch him getting himself off, and take it from there.
I guess the trick is to go slowly and gently, so as not to put him off totally the idea of anything new - and if everything fails, remember that some people just aren't that sexual: he may be one of them.
I can totally relate to this as this sounds a lot like my boyfriend. If he knew what went through my head sometimes Although I'm talking him round... slowly!!
But gentle encouragement and patience is the only advice I can offer. Apart from having a few drinks and blurting out just exactly what you'd like to do (not always a good idea!), I've found that bringing up a conversation about sex outwith the bedroom is always better as there's no pressure from you or him to participate in something RIGHT NOW. Whether it's when watching a film with some sort of sex or love scene and commenting on what you like about it/wouldn't mind trying (planting the seeds in his head so to speak). Or talking about an article you read in a magazine, paper, website. Just something to spark a relaxed conversation that could lead to more.
Also reassurance that, yes you would like to try something different sometimes, but sex as it is now is also fantastic and just because you want him to do something in particular, it doesn't mean that it's how you want sex to be all the time. Not sure if any of this would help - it's just how I've approached the subject with my other half and it's helped develop our trust for each other in trying different things.
But what I would say is not to mention too much (if anything) about what you've did with other people in the past - this could give him a complex about performing and trying to compete with previous boyfriends just to please you and isn't a very good basis for a relationship. Just my tuppence worth!
Buy the dude a few porn films, for research purposes only mind! Maybe a couple of porn mags. A fewsexy outfits- the good old stockings & webbing never fails & thats quite Vanilla.
Blind fold him & give him your best, most erotic blow job beforesliding up to sit on his face.
Once you get his blood going you should be able to sugguest ideas for him, or just lead the horse to the water, guide his cock into your ass when in the doggy position (or you on top) & give him the nod. He probably wants to, but is either too shy or has been repressed for too long!
Personally, I seem to be similar to the guy you're with currently. When asked by my fiancee a long time ago about my fantasies/fetishes I didn't really have anything I could think of. There is nothing specific that I like more then anything else so nothing came to mind. I'm also quite shy so I don't know if I would have said anything anyway. Really though I'm open to doing almost anything and wait for it to be suggested before going about trying it. If she wants to do something 90% of the time I'll give it a go.
What I'd suggest to you is, during a date conveniently pass a sex shop (not a sleazy looking one) and suggest that you go in out of curiosity. Tell him things that interest you to keep him at ease if he doesn't like it. Failing that, during sex just dive into the position or whatever that you're looking for, he'll likely go along with it unless it involves you sticking something up his ass which may need a little encouragement. =P
Before my current relationship, I'd never really adventured very far sexually, it had all been very normal. I have two suggestions, both of which I've done with my partner.
1) Have a look around places like Lovehoney with him, or ask him to have a look, (LH's wishlist feature could be good here) and get him to see if theres anything he'd like to try.
2) If you cant get him to do it on the internet, take a trip to Soho in London and just have a look around all the sex shops and just wander around and see if anything takes his fancy. (If he doesnt like the idea, try bribing him with some sexy lingerie or something)
PS. I'm like a few of the other guys, I dont really have any fantasies (mainly cos my imagination is shit) because all of my fantasies are actually really just things I'd like to try or know I already enjoy (like lycra (and now with the chastity devices!)
Funny this I have asked my wife if she has any fantasies.What would you like boxes uniform etc and she said that she has none i would do anything for her if I knew what floated her boat and got her going.