There's probably already threads on this, but I couldnt find them in the search.
Lately, when my boyfriend and I are lying in bed, I've been getting ideas of new things I want to try. As an example, I've been wanting to talk dirty during sex. Also, the other day I was feeling REALLY horny, and despite having sex twice, it didnt seem to quench that thirst. My boyfriend was all orgasmed out and I was really in the mood to grab a vibrator and do myself. I just couldnt get up the courage to do it in front of him though!
Normally when we try new things, we talk about it beforehand, usually online or by text. Usually I have ideas and ask him, he says its fine and then the next time I dont feel nervous about doing it at all. My problem comes when there are things I want to try right that minute without asking him. I'm not sure what I'm nervous of, I'm usually 99% sure he'll like it. To take the examples, I'm sure most guys love dirty talk, and before when I've spoken to my BF about my vibrator antics, he's said he'd love to see me doing that. Somehow though, I just can't get up the courage to do it without asking first.
I want to be able to surprise him and do things without asking, but I can't get up the courage! Does anyone have any advice?
Hey hun! It's so funny you've posted this, I was in this exact scenario myself yesterday!!! My OH was all, as you say "orgasmed out" and I wasn't done despite having cum twice (yes I know I'm greedy!) ... I just grabbed my vibe and went for it but having masturbated in front of my OH before it wasn't such a big deal.
Some ideas that I've used in the past when I felt more shy are:
1) get him to masturbate for you first- if you've seen him do it it might be easier to follow suit
2) when you're having sex and your on top start touching yourself to get used to him watching you do it - it feels less like a show because he's in you and participating so you feel a bit less self conscious.
3) blindfold him first - let him hear you do it before he gets to see. I find it's amazing how uninhibited and downright filthy you can get if your partners blindfolded and at your mercy.
4) film yourself doing it then show him the video...watch it together and you'll be able to see how turned on he is looking at you without the pressure of doing it there and then!
4) film yourself doing it then show him the video...watch it together and you'll be able to see how turned on he is looking at you without the pressure of doing it there and then!
Enjoy!
xxKPxx
oor set up a usb microphone ( you can get them in poundland) and let him hear you moan if youre a little shy to video yourself.
you could always grab an erotic book and read passages from that before you do touch yourself
or start by slowly sending him some photographs. put your camera somewhere that can see you, and set it on a timer if you can to take pictures at intervals.
TY Nexus! I'm with you on the just dive in mentality but I fully appreciate that it takes a while to get there! I'd never been with a guy before my OH so needless to say I was very shy to begin with...I think I must be making up for it now by being a complete nympho!
I'm wary of making videos or pictures. I trust my boyfriend completely, but I've heard too many horror stories about nasty breakups and the ex posting the pictures online! Plus I'm not sure if I really want to take pictures and videos, I dont want to know what I look like!
Point 2 that Kitty made is interesting to me. There's been times during sex when I felt it would be incredible if I put my hand between my legs and opened up my lips to get more clitoral stimulation, but I've felt awkward about doing that! Again, it's a nervousness that I dont understand, none of these things are things I'd expect my boyfriend to object to.
That's my issue. I know my boyfriend will like these things, but how do I, in the heat of the moment, push myself to do it rather than chickening out?
Point 2 that Kitty made is interesting to me. There's been times during sex when I felt it would be incredible if I put my hand between my legs and opened up my lips to get more clitoral stimulation, but I've felt awkward about doing that! Again, it's a nervousness that I dont understand, none of these things are things I'd expect my boyfriend to object to.
That's my issue. I know my boyfriend will like these things, but how do I, in the heat of the moment, push myself to do it rather than chickening out?
Have you considered blindfolding yourself? That might help you to feel freer, if you can't see where he's looking?
Point 2 that Kitty made is interesting to me. There's been times during sex when I felt it would be incredible if I put my hand between my legs and opened up my lips to get more clitoral stimulation, but I've felt awkward about doing that! Again, it's a nervousness that I dont understand, none of these things are things I'd expect my boyfriend to object to.
That's my issue. I know my boyfriend will like these things, but how do I, in the heat of the moment, push myself to do it rather than chickening out?
Have you considered blindfolding yourself? That might help you to feel freer, if you can't see where he's looking?
I haven't although it seems like it might be a good (albeit impractical) idea.
I've had an idea from the dive in stuff though. I normally ask my boyfriend before I try anything. Perhaps I should ask him if there's anything he absolutely wouldnt want me to do, and then get him to tell me to dive in when I want to lol! It sounds stupid, but it might work!
Start small, do one little thing at a time and then your confidence will grow from there. Your idea of opening your lips would be a good place to start.
I'm wary of making videos or pictures. I trust my boyfriend completely, but I've heard too many horror stories about nasty breakups and the ex posting the pictures online! Plus I'm not sure if I really want to take pictures and videos, I dont want to know what I look like!
If you decide you want to do it but the horror stories are what's holding you back you can get around it by showing him the pictures on your computer rather than sending them...the control is all yours then External Media
Point 2 that Kitty made is interesting to me. There's been times during sex when I felt it would be incredible if I put my hand between my legs and opened up my lips to get more clitoral stimulation, but I've felt awkward about doing that! Again, it's a nervousness that I dont understand, none of these things are things I'd expect my boyfriend to object to.
Have you tried touching yourself doing reverse cowgirl? That way your doing it and he'll probably be able to tell but since he can't really see so you might not feel so shy.
That's my issue. I know my boyfriend will like these things, but how do I, in the heat of the moment, push myself to do it rather than chickening out?
I think its a question of confidence, there comes a moment when it just a case of going for it or not but you can do a few things to improve your odds:
Visualisation: Running through a scenario where you do it and it's great, you look amazing, your boyfriend is really turned on and the sex is phenomenal. Make the scene as vivid as possible imagine the sounds, the sights, the feelings. Incorperate into the imaginary scenario one very specific little action (preferably something you can feel) that you do before you start to masturbate for your partner, e.g. biting your lip. When you're in the heat of the moment for real, bite your lip (or whatever your chosen action is) and this can be a little signal to yourself that you can and will be able to do it!
This is based on a phsychology technique whereby you anchor a physical sensation to feelings of confidence. It might not work for everyone but I've used it to help all kinds of stuff including doing a presentation infront of over a hundred people (and I HATE public speaking!)
Reverse cowgirl isn't a position we've tried yet. We're not really very adventurous - we've found that while other positions can be nice for a change, we always end up back in missionary because we know it works.
I like your confidence tips though, I did find them very useful! Now I think about it, I think I've been worrying too much! When I get the urge to do these things, I imagine the worst case scenario where he doesnt like what I'm doing. I should be doing the opposite! Next time I get the urge to do something, I'll sit and think about the 99.9% chance it'll be awesome, rather than the 0.1% worst case scenario!
Also you could look at it from the point of view of the worst case scenario...ok so he doesn't like it, SO WHAT?! He's not going to think less of you because of it, he'll probably just love that you tried!
I haven't loved everything my partner and I have done together and I know he hasn't either, but you don't know if you don't try so we just go for it and see what happens! Sometimes we've been hurt (not seriously), sometimes it's messy, sometimes it looks ridiculous, we've had toys break, headbutted each other, gotten sore and even completely numb....bottom line is experimenting and sex is fun, I don't take it too seriously so there's no real pressure
Hows it going, Ecksvie? Did you try out some of the suggestions? Hope it's going well for you, I know how daunting it is when you really want to try something but are worried about how the other person will react. xx
