Weve been together 11 years and are know trying for a baby. Granted we are having more sex but its boring and I feel like we only do it when I'm ovulating. How do I broach spicing things up when we have never been very adventurous since we got together. I don't want to offend him by telling him straight up im bored but I need to do something I also dont want to cause an argument or have him take it personally. I get so embarrassed by my body I cant even open my eyes during sex because I hate catching site of myself. I have no confidence that I'm "doing it right" I brought a sex game and left it out to try and drop a hint but he just asked why do you have that and it's still sat in the box a year later Please help a girl in need of a little more excitement and give me some advice on how to bring this up/what to do.
Personally I would just be upfront with him and say that you have interest in trying some new things in the bedroom, re assure him its not that he is not enough but you would just like to add that extra dimension for both of you. You could suggest getting him a toy such as a stroker that you could use on him to spark his interest or prehaps a blindfold to use on each other. He may feel a little more intimidated if you go and get yourself a rabbit however a bullet vibrator would be great to add clitoral stimulation for you and could also be used on him!
However, before you even approach this if your feeling insecure about wether your 'doing it right' then ask your partner how he finds sex and if there is anything he would like more or less. If your not comfortable with this there is a wealth of information online on how to be confident in the bedroom or give a better blowjob / handjob although im sure your doing just fine!
Your body confidence will also play a huge part, learn to love yourself - he obviously loves you if your trying to start a family together so dont beat yourself up over your body. However, again this is where introducing a blindfold could potential help take those thoughts away.
Good luck!
Agree with all the above...Maybe put trying for a baby on hold till you are happy with yourself and your sex life too?
Men are useless at taking hints so if you want something to change you need to talk about it.
One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I left it far too long to discuss our sex lives with my wife. We are now having a wonderful time in our late 60's but we could have been doing this for 40 years or more.
Discuss your feelings honestly but be careful as some men have a very fragile ego so make sure you reassure him constantly as you talk.
JustSomeFun wrote:
Personally I would just be upfront with him and say that you have interest in trying some new things in the bedroom, re assure him its not that he is not enough but you would just like to add that extra dimension for both of you. You could suggest getting him a toy such as a stroker that you could use on him to spark his interest or prehaps a blindfold to use on each other. He may feel a little more intimidated if you go and get yourself a rabbit however a bullet vibrator would be great to add clitoral stimulation for you and could also be used on him!
However, before you even approach this if your feeling insecure about wether your 'doing it right' then ask your partner how he finds sex and if there is anything he would like more or less. If your not comfortable with this there is a wealth of information online on how to be confident in the bedroom or give a better blowjob / handjob although im sure your doing just fine!
Your body confidence will also play a huge part, learn to love yourself - he obviously loves you if your trying to start a family together so dont beat yourself up over your body. However, again this is where introducing a blindfold could potential help take those thoughts away.
Good luck!
I'm not sure how making sex better for him helps when she is the one feeling bored? Maybe he could ask her what he can do to help her, rather than her learning new blowjob techniques? Maybe he needs to improve his skills in the bedroom - there is a wealth of information online about how to give women better oral stimulation. You suggest a male toy, a stroker, but also say he might feel intimidated if she bought a rabbit vibrator? Seriously? Can you see how this sounds?
Sorry -I don't mean to be rude, but sex is as much about women's satisfaction as it is about men's. She has written in to say she is bored - I don't think she is asking for ideas about how to spice things up for her partner. It sounds to me like the partner could learn a few tricks.
bustyb wrote:
Weve been together 11 years and are know trying for a baby. Granted we are having more sex but its boring and I feel like we only do it when I'm ovulating. How do I broach spicing things up when we have never been very adventurous since we got together. I don't want to offend him by telling him straight up im bored but I need to do something I also dont want to cause an argument or have him take it personally. I get so embarrassed by my body I cant even open my eyes during sex because I hate catching site of myself. I have no confidence that I'm "doing it right" I brought a sex game and left it out to try and drop a hint but he just asked why do you have that and it's still sat in the box a year later Please help a girl in need of a little more excitement and give me some advice on how to bring this up/what to do.
Good luck with trying for a baby. Sex can often feel boring if you are trying to concieve - just because you have to do it at a certain time. We have 3 kids - so if it is any help we found that taking the pressure off 'going for it' for a few days every month helped. Regular 2-3 times a week worked just as well.
Do you know how to tell when you are most fertile? You could google it - a couple of days after ovulation is a good time to try. But it might help to make it a positive, loving experience - include massage, nice food etc - be kind to each other and make it something to remember. Also, the inbetween times are important. Foot rubs, nice baths - it all helps you to feel good about yourself.
In terms of being bored and not liking your body - check out the Lovehoney blog for ideas. Lots of ideas there for enjoying your own bodyshape, and lots of ideas for self-pleasure which you might then teach your partner. If he isn't interested in learning, then he might be interested if you show him over the course of a few sessions?
If you are thinking of having a baby together, then you are quite right to think about enjoying sex, as you are likely to be together for a while. Why would he be offended and take it personally? You could both enjoy the journey together. It's a shame about the game, but maybe it just wasn't his thing. It sounds like talking together about all these things might be the best way to go? Pick your time, but everyone needs to be able to talk openly to their partner, especially when kids come along. Good luck!
Do you always do it in the bedroom in the same familiar positions?
Spicing up sex life doesn't mean you have to break out a box of toys, it can be simple things like taking a shower / bath together, trying sex in different rooms (why Netflix and chill when you can have sex on the couch) etc
You also need to take charge of your own sexual pleasure, rub your clit during penetration or direct him to that sort of thing.
Do you watch porn / erotica together? It doesn't have to be full on over the top sex films as such, but movies that are heavily geared towards erotic or sexual in nature may help spark an interest (even fifty shades can spark a conversation about trying something - ooh, that looks interesting type comments).
These talks are often best done outside of the bedroom though, where there is no pressure
MsR wrote:
JustSomeFun wrote:
Personally I would just be upfront with him and say that you have interest in trying some new things in the bedroom, re assure him its not that he is not enough but you would just like to add that extra dimension for both of you. You could suggest getting him a toy such as a stroker that you could use on him to spark his interest or prehaps a blindfold to use on each other. He may feel a little more intimidated if you go and get yourself a rabbit however a bullet vibrator would be great to add clitoral stimulation for you and could also be used on him!
However, before you even approach this if your feeling insecure about wether your 'doing it right' then ask your partner how he finds sex and if there is anything he would like more or less. If your not comfortable with this there is a wealth of information online on how to be confident in the bedroom or give a better blowjob / handjob although im sure your doing just fine!
Your body confidence will also play a huge pa
I'm not sure how making sex better for him helps when she is the one feeling bored? Maybe he could ask her what he can do to help her, rather than her learning new blowjob techniques? Maybe he needs to improve his skills in the bedroom - there is a wealth of information online about how to give women better oral stimulation. You suggest a male toy, a stroker, but also say he might feel intimidated if she bought a rabbit vibrator? Seriously? Can you see how this sounds?
Sorry -I don't mean to be rude, but sex is as much about women's satisfaction as it is about men's. She has written in to say she is bored - I don't think she is asking for ideas about how to spice things up for her partner. It sounds to me like the partner could learn a few tricks.
I 100% agree with what you have said there and I think my comments may have been taking slightly wrong. Both partners pleasure is equally as important in any relationship.
My suggestion of introducing a stroker was more so due to the fact she mentioned he wasn't really open to trying new things so this could be an easy way to introduce something new and open his eyes to try some new things.
As for the look up techniques etc again this was not intended for her partner's sake but infact her own as she mentioned she didn't even know if she was doing it right which will in turn lead to a lack of confidence which is not going to help romantically.
Ultimately I think you should have a conversation maybe buy some toys you can both use, ease him into it if your slightly more eager than he is, or who knows maybe he will be completely on board and you will end up with everything in your basket!
I hope this is allowed, but can I suggest the Mojo Upgrade test? It's an online test where both partners are asked a series of questions on what you'd like to try in (and out!) the bedroom. You can chooe between yes, no and if my partner wants to for each option.
Once you've both taken the test the answers are revealed and only the ones that you've both said you're interested in are shown (so if one person says they want to try X and the other says no, it wont show up)
It's a lot of fun and one I've done at least twice (once a year). If you angle it as saying a friend was talking about it and it could be a lot of fun to fill out together to find out how you can enhance your time together (not improve as that suggests something is wrong) it can really help! Highly recommended x
I agree with you redhead. We tried the mojo upgrade test (over a bottle of wine in the lounge of a nice hotel) and it opened up a lots of postive conversations (and some amazing sex when we got back to our room!) Things have never been the same since...
@JustSomeFun - sorry if I took your comments the wrong way, and thanks for clarifying. I didn't mean to be snippy.
Not at all don't worry, I didn't think myself how it could be interpreted being very male focused. I should have maybe put a little more reasoning behind my comments.MsR wrote:
@JustSomeFun - sorry if I took your comments the wrong way, and thanks for clarifying. I didn't mean to be snippy.
We've just tried that mojo upgrade test but to be honest we didn't discover anything new, would have been useful in the past though. Try out that monogamy game, I think that helped us learn more about each other and gave a platform for discussion as well as trying some new activities.
Its a difficult subject to tackle, as you feel bored and want an extra ' kick' but at the same time dont want to offend your other half. Next time you are having a 'session' have a toy or two hidden within reach and use one on him. Get him used to the idea and get him used to how good it makes him feel. Once hes in that high state show him toys that he can use on you and guide his hand if necessary to show him. Once he knows how good all of this can make you both feel it might just do the trick. Good luck