So.... I've a dilemma. My girlfriend never initiates sex, I'm always the one to do it. Yesterday however, she was dressed up when I arrived home from work in a sexy outfit we'd got from here and had cooked me dinner. She hinted at some fun later on. "Yay", I think. However, after a light dinner she had lost all of her will to initiate anything despite effort from myself... It wasn't as if she'd had a busy day or anything major, working from home and all.
Lo and behold she gets ready for bed and that's that... Often there are times when she suggest we have sex the following day and nothing materialises despite my efforts... Am I being taken for a fool? It is starting to seem like it more and more.
Aww I do understand how frustrated you must be feeling! The only advice I can give is to sit down and talk to her openly about how you are feeling, it might be something very simple like she feels the same way ! But you will need to talk to her good communication is the key. Hope this helps x
Perhaps on this occasion you waited too long and her desire for sex diminished after the meal. A meal can sometimes do that. What I would have done differernt with my O H would be to follow into the kitchen for a fondle and perhaps a few playful slaps on her rear. Then during the meal I would tell her what I was going to do to her later in dirty talk terms. This with my OH would have kept her interest going and then after the meal I would have lead her upstairs .
Perhaps it time you guys have a sit down chat over a meal and discuss your sex needs with each other, perhaps even fantasies, Communication is a vital part of a successful relationship .Once this has been done then get back in touch with us on here for some ideas on how add a bit of spice .But you need this chat first to get some input from your O H
Has she ever initiated sex? I don't initiate it often due to my anxiety. I just over think it and then the mood is gone. She may know it's something she could work on. Have a wee chat with her. Good luck.
You have three great replies here, each one giving the same advice, you need to talk with your girlfriend. As Pinky2105 states "Good communication is the key".
So.... I've a dilemma. My girlfriend never initiates sex, I'm always the one to do it. Yesterday however, she was dressed up when I arrived home from work in a sexy outfit we'd got from here and had cooked me dinner. She hinted at some fun later on. "Yay", I think. However, after a light dinner she had lost all of her will to initiate anything despite effort from myself... It wasn't as if she'd had a busy day or anything major, working from home and all.
Lo and behold she gets ready for bed and that's that... Often there are times when she suggest we have sex the following day and nothing materialises despite my efforts... Am I being taken for a fool? It is starting to seem like it more and more.
I honestly can say I know that feeling. It might just unfortunately be the case that she had a low sex drive. My Oh is the same and with me have a high drive it is a struggle. You want /need to know that you're still desired and wanted in that way or you start feeling a bit down about yourself. We are personally still trying to find a few ways around it, but I suggest you tell her how it makes you feel (not in a "blame all on you" way). Ask her what she thinks. I play infront of Oh now if iget too horny and he likes that, not a long term solution, but for now. Just have a talk with her, Many hugs 😊 Xx
Seems like some spot on advice so far. Can I ask how long you've been with your OH? And has sex always been this way or is it something that's changed over time?
As the others have said i think you need to have a sit down and talk it through. Perhaps she's just used to you initiating and thinks if you're not trying then you're not currently in the mood.
I agree with 'mysteron' - on this occassion you may have waited too long. A few playful touches and heavy compliments before/during dinner could have led to some fun. Eating a big meal often makes people tired and lethargic.
Although she hadn't had a busy day, this often makes me even more tired! I'm lways more up for evening sex if i've had a fun and active day.
I'm a woman, so this is kind of coming from my OH's perspective. If I was dressed up in a sexy outfit and I had cooked a meal, the oven would be turned off and I would have been ravished over the dining table.
Maybe seize the moment. Act on the first thrilling exciting thought of fun when you have it rather than waiting for later. She might think she has dressed up for you, cooked a nice meal and still you don't sweep her off her feet, or bend her over the sofa?
I 100% agree with Fun Louise. It sounds like your wife tried really hard to get sexy time started. She needs to feel desired by you, taken. This has happened to me a few times, got all dressed up and then nothing. Without you knowing it she is probably feeling quite hurt but doesn't want to tell you as some women have it fixed in their heads that the man instigates the woman doesn't do things like that. That was her way of instigating. I'm sorry if my reply comes across as harsh but she needs to know you desire her and you need to tell her what you really wanted to do was ditch the dinner and ravish her as Fun Louise said. She is no doubt feeling as in the dark as you are now. Talk, talk and talk some more. 😊
I feel like if I'd have done that, my partner would have warmed up his dinner up later and initiated sex then and there. You waiting it out too long sounds like a real possibility in this particular scenario.
It sounds like she is trying to initiate on her terms though, so that's a good start. She might not feel comfortable being direct about things, so this was her way of letting you know she was in the mood. She might be feeling quite self conscious after this happened, so when you to talk to her I would reassure her that you liked the surprise and would love for her to do it again sometime. It might take a while for her to feel confident enough to initiate again for a while though.
I feel like if I'd have done that, my partner would have warmed up his dinner up later and initiated sex then and there. You waiting it out too long sounds like a real possibility in this particular scenario.
It sounds like she is trying to initiate on her terms though, so that's a good start. She might not feel comfortable being direct about things, so this was her way of letting you know she was in the mood. She might be feeling quite self conscious after this happened, so when you to talk to her I would reassure her that you liked the surprise and would love for her to do it again sometime. It might take a while for her to feel confident enough to initiate again for a while though.
Agree ☝️
As the majority have stated you guys need to communicate to resolve this.
My advice would be to tell her how delighted you were that she'd put so much thought into planning a special night for you both. Then express to her exactly how it made you feel and that you appreciate all her efforts. Then I'd gently ask what went wrong and if there was anything you could've done differently that would've completed the perfect evening.
It sounds to me like she'd planned a night of romance and passion, that unfortunately went wrong somewhere! The end result being you both were left feeling unsatisfied! Such a shame that if you'd both just expressed honestly what you felt to each other, could've ended so much better! I get (from your post) that she had expectations and everything was perfectly planned out in her head, but as you are not a mind reader and without her telling you, how are you possibly supposed to know what she wants!
Talk to her, ask her what she needs and tell her how you feel. Communication is paramount in a happy and healthy relationship. Good luck x
I attempted to start things off number of times before and after dinner with touches, kisses and those attempts to "ravish" her over the table. She just wasn't having it. I don't think I could have been more obvious that I was willing other than writing it out and sealing it in a letter. We had a little chat yesterday and I brought it up.. "I was just a bit tired"... Yesterday I attempted again numerous times to get things going. I suggested that we take a "lie down", we shared a shower and I wasn't allowed touch her and all other attempts were pushed away... So I'm not sure what I can do without forcing myself on her which is never an option for obvious reasons. We've been together over two years and this is coming off as a little cold and a bit more extreme than usual.
I need to chat again and see is there anything deeper the issue.
Now you've explained more of what happened, it does seem a bit strange. A couple of thoughts have crossed my mind of what could be a possible explanation.
I'm just wondering if it could be a hormonal thing - being a lady of a certain age I do get moments of when I'm in the mood and shortly after that mood is gone.
The other thing I thought was, oh my gosh I don't know how to put this without possibly upsetting you so I'm going to jump right in - could you have caught her in her sexy stuff after she had worn it for someone else and she didn't get time to get changed before you returned home?
The only other thing is have you noticed any mood swings? Is she on any medication? Feeling depressed or under a lot of stress? As all of these can affect libido so she could be having intentions to get intimate but then when it comes to it her libido is gone.
Obviously I'm only guessing but I'm just looking at the possibilities, you are right you really need to have a chat about this with her for both of your sakes.
I've been where your partner seems to be. For me it was a cross between hormones and exhaustion brought about by having kids. Sex became a once-in-a-blue-moon event, initiated by him and only complied with under a deep seated feeling of obligation. The rest of the time I'd lay in bed, clinging to the edge of the mattress, trying to avoid physical contact. We had lost the spark, didn't even kiss anymore.
The night I was about to tell him it was over things changed. Instead I asked if he could remember when we'd last kissed. Neither of us could. We started slow and made out like teenagers. No expectations, no pressure for sex. By the end of the week we had a new, amazing relationship.
Talk *with* her, not too her. Let her open up when she's ready. If she's reticent let her choose the time and place - in the dark is less intimidating than over the dinner table. Just let her know there's no pressure and no expectations.
I feel your pain... it's really tough to balance things out when a partner loses their sex drive. It's time to get it all out in the open now though - I would ask her if she's williing to see a relationship therapist together and see what's causing this. Good luck.
So.... (way to ressurect a thread)
But for my own sanity I need to share that there was nothing to worry about other than the Missus going through a slight health problem that she failed to share and that's what was completly sucking her drive at random.
It's all good now both on her front(the most important part) and our sex life.
Confetti for all! <3
So.... (way to ressurect a thread)
But for my own sanity I need to share that there was nothing to worry about other than the Missus going through a slight health problem that she failed to share and that's what was completly sucking her drive at random.
It's all good now both on her front(the most important part) and our sex life.
Confetti for all! <3
That's good to hear - nice one.
In regards to the original post, I'd like nothing more than to come home to that, sure the anticipation of seeing Mrs TD dressed up is great, but coming home to it would be the icing on the cake.
So.... (way to ressurect a thread)
But for my own sanity I need to share that there was nothing to worry about other than the Missus going through a slight health problem that she failed to share and that's what was completly sucking her drive at random.
It's all good now both on her front(the most important part) and our sex life.
Confetti for all! <3
Thats good . It also underlines the importance of communication in a relationship .
So she has been aware that she is not being the sexy wife that you want. She has taken a lot of effort to work herself up to the point where she can put the sexy clothing on and expects you to be overcome with desire and ravish her on the spot. As time went on and that did not happen she lost confidence and went back to her usual mind place.
The other problem regarding this kind of thing is that for many of us, work is stressful and we need time to get our heads in the right place before we can consider getting down and dirty. She is so wound up thinking of what she is doing and not considering how you might be feeling.
If your wife is struggling to find the confidence to do this on her own, try finding the right time and remind her of how she dressed up for you. Tell her you are going for a walk and you want to find the same woman when you get back. You might also tell her that failure on her part may require a spanking but that will depend on your relationship with your wife. For some people taking away the need to think in this way for themselves is a form of release. This is why being submissive is so popular.