Struggling to orgasm

Hey everyone! I’ve been having this issue for a while, but never had the right crowd to go to for advice.
I can only orgasm in one position and only from clitoral stimulation, it’s always been this way. I’ve tried different positions and plenty of internal stimulation and yeah it feels great but I can never get there! Have I just trained my body to only orgasm in one way? I saw a post earlier about Pavlovian responses and it made me chuckle as I think this is what I’ve done to myself​:rofl::rofl: any advice is appreciated, thanks guys :slight_smile:


The OH can only orgasm through additional clitoral stimulation even when having sex.

The options we use are, either I bring her to orgasm with her wand and as she is orgasming enter her and then we have until we both orgasm together, so a prolonged orgasm for her.

Or we play with a sex toy on her clit whilst we have sex.

The quickest way to bring her to orgasm is through oral sex, thi s starts with licking and nibbling her labia, before moving to concentrate more on her clit.


I think vulva owners orgasming through penetrative sex are in the minority. I’ve only ever been able to with my current sexual partner and thats because the man turns me on so damn much. But the majority of that is a mind orgasm, everything feels great but the sexual connection we have is what gives me the orgasm. The orgasm isn’t as strong as when my clit is included.

I will mostly orgasm lying on my back or sitting, all 4’s will take a bit longer and I’ve never been able to orgasm kneeling. I think my mind gets in the way of this one.

If you want to be able to orgasm in different positions, try edging yourself a few times first. Then start moving into different positions and edge yourself again, so that your mind associates it with sexual enjoyment rather than sexual frustration.

Then, when you’ve chosen your position, focus on the sensations, breathe slowly, take away an orgasm being the goal and focus on how it feels. It might work, might not but hopefully you’d have a good time while you try it.


Its not uncommon for ladies not to orgasm through PIV so clit stimulation gets them over the line so to speak.


We’re super lucky in that Mrs T can g-spot O through PIV. It’s been the case since the start of our relationship +13 years ago.
Main thing for us is the foreplay and g-spot stimulation through fingering. Missionary is also the best position we find for PIV rubbing against the g-spot.
However, we’ve recently found that p-spot is an even bigger and quicker to O than g, so this is now the go to.
There is no pressure of any type of O for us which is a big thing. There are obviously lots of toys to help stimulate as well but we find they add to rather create new Os.
Other thing is to communicate and keep the rhythm of when it ‘feels great’.

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That’s usually me by clit stimulation only, but lately it’s helps me more when hubby is thrusting a dildo in me whilst I’m focusing on my clit sometimes I can take ages, get to the edge a few times, then start again then I have a mind blowing orgasm, but I never orgasm with just PIV alone.

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@OBrienR - I cannot orgasm via vaginal intercourse and can only reach via clit or anal - so you are not alone

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You are definitely not alone, my wife has only even organised through PIV sex a few times the years we have been together
She need clitoral stimulation to orgasm normally in doogystyle she’ll stimulate herself with her bullet vibrator or it shes on top sitting up and leaning slightly back she’ll do the same
But our favourite is doggystyle as we can also do anal which also helps bring her to orgasm

edited by mod


The good news is that the body’s connection to the mind is integral to orgasms, and the mind is capable of changing. It is possible in many cases to ‘retrain’ these neural connections, and highly possible to create entirely new ones in addition. In neurology this is known as neuroplasticity.

To make new pleasurable connections perhaps you might try experimenting with different environments/ locations/ positions and stimulating multiple areas during a session eg: breasts, neck, buttocks, g-spot, or whatever. This can help to build up and also layer sensations and distract the focus from the usual thing that gets you off. You can always add in the old reliable method to finish if you like.

As an example from the cis male perspective, it’s known to be fairly common for guys to become accustomed to delivering quick penis focused diy orgasms using porn while lying down in bed. Often this is done surreptitiously, if we have housemates who might hear us. And the fear of being caught can cause us to hold our breath and try to hurrry it up. And this way to get off can become an ingrained habit.

Simply switching to standing up, or investing time in building arousal by stroking other areas of the body, or even beginning the arousal in advance can help get over this habit.

Same goes for using music or audiobooks instead of videos or photos for stimulation.

Another really powerful thing, as others have mentioned is to switch the focus away from a particular end result, and instead experiment with sensation and take careful note of what gives us pleasure.

Here’s an example from mine and my wife’s, ‘experiments’ :joy:

My wife wife finds pressure on her pubic mound during penetration can tighten the internal ‘legs of the clitoris’, and make a orgasm more likely during PIV. She finds doggy position really hot and stimulating for her mind, but it does pretty much nothing for her clitoris at all.
We’ve recently found that the
Liberator Bon Bon
helps her get a whole lot more from doggy, because she can grind her pubic mound on the upper edge, and gets added bonus stimulation from the improved pressures and frictions on her clitoris & g-spot area.
Add in some erotica as an audiobook on headphones, a blindfold, the house to ourselves, a bit of butt play, or stroking/grabbing her thighs, hips, back, or neck. Well then… :hot_face:

So while we’d kinda written off doggy as a bit of fun for her, and wild orgasmic fun for me, changes in the environment, toys and position, have made doggy orgasmic for both of us.

My advice is change things up. Get creative. Invest in time & buildup. Use your imagination.

And have fun! If it doesn’t go as hoped then perhaps you’ve learned something for the next time.

Happy adventuring!

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