Relatively new to the forums but was wondering if I could have some advice. I used to self-harm alot on my inner thighs and still do as a coping method for on going mental health issues.
My partner is aware of this and has accepted me for who I am with no judgment to my past. The only problem is, when I relapse I always feel 'dirty' afterwards and losse all drive for anything to happen in the bedroom. I was wondering if anyone has experienced this before and have any advice to over coming this barrier?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as really enjoy doing things in the bedroom with them.
Thank you in advance 
I used to self harm too (It's been around two years since I last relapsed), and I get how you feel.
Firstly, I know it's hard but have you talked to a doctor? They might be able to help you feel better or manage your mental health in different ways. I want to get tattoos over my scars, then I won't want to ruin them if I ever get back to that place - but quality tattoos are expensive and there's a lot to cover so I get that might not be an option for a number of reasons. Or make appointments for waxes, so then you'll know a stranger will be seeing your legs soon and that might be enough to make you think again? Could you take preventative measures, in that if you feel really bad your OH could remove things you could use to hurt yourself? Go through the things that you could use and make a list when you're feeling okay so you won't lie and "forget" something? I know how hard it is to stop and I think thinking of what it did to my OH when I hurt myself helped me stop and get help. Maybe make a list on your phone or on sticky notes of reasons not to? Reminders of people in your life and sex? I made two playlists, one I can listen to and have a good cry, the other with uplifting songs to help cheer me up even a little, just enough to stop myself wanting to do that. I'm also in the habit now of asking myself why I feel a certain way, is it rational/logical? What would -insert role model here- do? Will this truly help?
Secondly, try getting in the mood on your own, and just going for it a few times, you'll see he finds you sexy regardless and help you gain confidence. Or you could view them differently, as if they're part of you - your battle scars. A sign you got past something hard, rather than something you're ashamed of. Deal with the emotional reasons you self harm rather than hating how it looks. If all else fails, you could buy some lingerie, dress up sexy and cover your legs with stockings?
I hope you find a way to feel sexy. Remember your scars, and your mental health do not define you. There's nothing you can't get through and be proud of where you are, regardless of the path you've taken or how far along it you are.
I've spoken to the doctor about it and been put on medication that is helping. Will use your advice about talking to my OH about it and trying to get her to remove any objects from me. She has been really supportive regarding my mental health and told me theres nothing to be ashamed of (being male that was a big issue for myslef).
Sadly the stocking etc wont help due to where they are on my body, and also dont think my legs will pull it off . One of the biggest issues I am facing is the fear that they will ruin the moment. The old ones are not so bad as they are starting to fade etc. It is just the more recent ones that are the issue. Bought some new boxers from LH and they worked with the feeling sexy/attractive but its when they come off and I am exposed that the thoughts enter my mind.
That's a really good step, it's not easy but it will make things easier! You should try to believe her when she says that, from experience she means it. My OH also used to self harm but all of his scars are on his arms, so they're less easily hidden and he was forced to just deal with it. He does have one from surgery on his stomach he's embarrassed about. I think time, and learning to love yourself, scars and all will help. It's hard, but surround yourself with positive things and pay attention when you're happy to reinforce the good thoughts :)
Oops! I wasn't sure and just went for it :P Ah I see, mine on my legs are right in the middle of my thighs, so I was thinking the same thing.
Yeah, I get it, these scars will fade too with time - just remember it's not forever, and even if it was, you're good as you are.
Also, mental health issues don't take away your masculinity - there isn't enough mental health representation or help out there as it is, and even less for men, but it's a lot more common than you think.
LittleMugs has given you some fab advice which I really can't add to, and Paige's boxer suggestion is proper hot and sexy!
Your partner accepts you, so it sounds to me that YOU need to accept you - and learn to LOVE yourself too, Cariad. Don't feel dirty...we all have coping mechanisms, and should never feel ashamed. As your's is harmful you need to try your very hardest to stop and find another solution - your meds are working, but may take longer to really kick in. MH services can be very hit and miss - have you been referred to a counselor? If not, maybe visit your local MIND where free counseling is offered and often better/more specific for your problems, than the generic counseling GP usually offers
Hi Propperwelsh I use to self harm, but it's been years now and I consider it in my past.
That said I really do feel where you are at coming from. I had to find an alternative coping strategy. I had to go from feeling like I was trapped and a victim, to fighting back. Because I couldn't do this to the people that I percieved were traping me, I purchased a kickboxing pad. Strapped it to the upright in the garage. Then when I would self harm in the past I use to put down the Compas (I was a stabbed rather than a cutter) and go kick and punch my frustration out in the garage.
It might sound mad but it really worked, and I felt much better after wearing myself out. I got to express my anger and this really helped me.
Could you buy some boxing gloves and pads and punch with your partner? Or something similar? Maybe even making bread, beating dough can be really good.
If this is not an option for you, you could always try a long sleeve bodystocking. This way you put it on when you feel the urge to cut, and you wouldn't want to damage that beautiful sexy bodystocking, wearing it untill the urge subsides. If you can do this I'm sure your partner would help with reassurance. Cuddles and affection are important. When I feel insecure I hug my OH and I feel safe.
I don't want to sound patronising, I'm more of a find a practical solution type of girl. I hope you manage to continue recovering. Your doing well, it's a long difficult journey with no one easy fix, but you can do it.
Have had tons of problems with self harm in the past. I often keep a shirt on during sex to compensate. It's a slow and gradual process but usually somebody who cares about you and makes you feel beautiful does worlds for getting you to come out of your shell and accept yourself.
Well done fornposting about this its a brave thing to do.
I'm 25 srted self harming when I was 6 and I know how hard it is not to do something you're so easily prone to. May be too personal to ask but think about it would safe pain help there's lots of alternatives I'm open with my OH about this he's known me ten years and f he's around (he works full time and lives a bus ride away) I will let him know I feel like self harming and he will come and give me a spanking session stuff like that. Most times with me I don't reach out its a spontaneous thing due to rapid cycling moods but wheit is building up and I can reach out there's other things I do that give me a sexual release and also cause pain but without harming in a bad way. Doesn't always help but 95% of the time it does help I'm a sado masochist though so its different for everyone.
Bio oil if you want to get rid of the scars.
Sexy clothing for the bedroom when you don't want to see the scars is a great thing to do.
Hope the medication helps you abit as well. ! Good luck xx
Hi. 1st off sorry your going through this. I too self harm and have done from about 12years old. Anything from light scratches with sharp plastic to sharp blades quite deep. I also cut top thighs. My belly and boobs. Mine is for a relief almost like me seeing the hurt inside on the outside.
I've been seeing a councillor for 3 months now ( seen quite a few in my time but I never connected with them) but this 1 is fantastic and helping me so much. I've not self harm once since seeing her. Her best tip she gave me was when I get the want to self harm. Hold an ice cube when I'd like to cut and keep it there till the want goes. Never thought it would work but it really does. Maybe something you could try.
As for the scars. There isn't much you can do but if your other half is fine with them. You should look at them as your war wounds. No I know how it feels to be sickened looking at the fresh cuts and wanting to hide. I went through months of not having sex with hubby because I cut myself so bad and felt ashamed of myself.
I remember seeing how hurt hubby was when he caught me cutting my boobs 1 day. And he sat for hours telling me how beautiful I am inside and out and made me promise to talk to him when I feel like cutting myself. It's really helping me.
I hope you come through this real quick. Don't be afraid to ask for help if your struggling. You could always try writing or drawing to get the hurt out.