Have had discussions with the wife recently and we have decided to try a 'switch' type relationship. One of us will be Dom from Friday night through to the following Wednesday night then we will switch and start again on the next Friday. For the first time in a long time I have managed to talk to the wife and find out what she wants (ish) and what she wants from being Sub (again ish). she has expressed interest in being submissive but I could never get answers about what she wanted, this was made harder as I like to be submissive and know what I want (I think).
She has suffered from depression a lot in the past, has just gotten over a very serious bout and I dont want things to go too far and make her feel bad or do sexual things that are too much for her too soon.
So any tips and advice for either of us you guys can give me would be great, or just chat and support :-)
Hi Theolain :)
I don't really have anything in the way of tips, but I just wanted to say I think it's great you and your wife have managed to discuss this and come to an arrangement you're both happy with. Hopefully as things progress you will get to know what she wants in more detail.
I don't know what you've done in the past, but not knowing exactly what she wants could make it a bit tricky figuring out her limits. Would she be able to tell you what she absolutely doesn't want? Then you know what to avoid and can relax and have fun exploring the 'grey areas' together.
Sorry to hear of her depression, glad she is better now. I'm sure you won't push her too far as it sounds like a lot of thought has gone into this.
So yeah not much in the way of advice, but I have an interest in the sub/ Dom side of things so if I can help in any way I will.
sexynurse09 wrote:
Would she be able to tell you what she absolutely doesn't want? Then you know what to avoid and can relax and have fun exploring the 'grey areas' together.
At the moment I am not sure if she would fully.... she usually says these things too late and makes it fraustrating and anoying, although clearly anything she says no to I stop straight away but then tend to get anoyed it wasnt mentioned before. This was time before though and she is already in a much better place and much better at talking about this stuff.
She is only just getting over the depresion but is still there a bit, Much better than she has been for years though which is why this is working at the mo. :-)
the stuff we have done before is just spanking and ordering about than anything for her and I have had a lot because I say want I want... So I have had things like wearing ladies under under my cloths in public and lots of cock teasing and denial and a little bit of anal play.
Hmmm, that's a tough one. If she can't tell you what she does want, and can't tell you what she doesn't want...puts you in a bit of an awkward position. I understand it can be frustrating, maybe she doesn't even know what she likes/ dislikes until it happens.
Maybe just stick to familiar ground for now, stuff you've done before that you know you both enjoy, then once she feels more comfortable / confident you can introduce new things.
Ooh, maybe try one of the kinkier sex games from lovehoney, might be a fun way to explore what's in her head.
My idea I had this morning was to make her read a erotic (porn) story focused on a submissive woman and tell me what she likes the sound of or wants to try. I know she likes erotic stories anyway so, I think, it is a safe bet that she will still like it and it will make her horny if I tell her to read one.
I have also still had an issue this morning where we/I make plans then when we are about to do stuff (go walking in this case) she tells me of a legitimate issue that was there when we were making plans.
Ooh yes that's a good idea. Got any in mind? The first one I read about a submissive woman was Cassandra's Conflict, followed closely by Cassandra's chateau, and I was hooked from there.
I was thinking just something online from literotica or something.
Had a breakthrough today and it seems she doesnt want 24/7 type Dom she wants more me being dominant at night and in the bedroom. Still doesnt help with what to do when I am dom but it helps me in that my natural urge is to nuture and look after her.
Good news about the breakthrough, might seem like a small thing but its a start!
What to do when you are Dom.......hopefully the erotic will give you both some ideas. It's a difficult thing to advise on because everyone is so different and what one sub will love will be an absolute hard limit for another. I think as time goes on you will find out more of what she likes, until then I'd stick to the things you know she likes and encourage lots of kinky reading to get ideas about what to try.
Its trial and error learning adapting trying and trying to talk as much as your possible can , so you both get what you need from the Dom/Sub relationship .
By the sounds of it time and effort is required its not going to happen over noght baby steps and you will get there together and have a lovely experience x
sorry to hijack this thread but....
WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO LOG IN TWICE TO GET ON THIS WEBSITE ?????