Updated from abusive relationship advice asked for nearly a year ago.

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hello, my name is Lea. If you look into my profile history you will see that I have to posts dating from August and October of last year in which I described the beginning of my deteriorating abusive relationship and I just came here to give you an update and to say thank you.

I continued to be with him despite literally hundreds of people telling me to leave him. It, of course, escalated to him threatening to kill me and raising his hand to me as well as much more.

Anyway, that part is not important. What I came here for after being inactive for such a long time is to thank you guys so much for helping me, you were a big part of me getting to leaving him, even if it took me until nearly the middle of this year to do so.

You made me realise that maybe, just maybe, something better existed out there and that maybe I didn't have to live my life in misery after being with someone for over two years.

I broke up with him, it took me about a month, he would call me threatening to commit suicide, I would forgive him and then the cycle of abuse continued. Then one day after I broke up with him I didn't back down. He said that I didn't truly love him and I told him that it doesn't matter. I didn't back down and that was it. I was destroyed as a person, conpletely different, I still am.

I am beginning to see a therapist, I still have anxiety attacks, I still panic when someone raises their tone, I am still messed up but I am free. And I am starting to feel happiness again. Day by day I feel a little better, I feel guilty for being happy sometimes but nothing can always be easy.

I have good days and I have bad days. But I am with someone else, it is still early but this person treats me right 100% of the time. If he is upset, he will not get angry and scream, he talks to me as a proper person should and he comforts me when I get scared for stupid reasons. He does a lot of things and expects nothing in return. He is a family person, he likes my family and he takes care of his.

At the beginning of my abusive relationship my ex was still egoistic, they were somewhat normal but they had outbursts of anger where they would tell me to fuck off. That doesn't happen now, I am hoping, really really hoping that it will turn out good this time.

Once again, thank you for helping me turn my life around after I got so close to ending it all, thank you for letting me see that happiness exists.

You guys are the best!

2

Thank you for the update.

I'm so glad you managed to escape your abusive relationship. I know how difficult it is 🙁

Your new relationship sounds much healthier. Good luck with it.

Take care xx

3

All the best and l9oe for the futire hugs.

4

Good luck.It is hard but I believe its for the better for you .There are plenty of single guys out there who will give you the respect you deserve and treat you right.

5

Hi invisible tester,

Thank you so much for taking the time to give us an update. This might sound a bit weird, but I've been thinking about you and worrying about you often.
I'm so glad to hear you have got out of the relationship and that you are safe. I'm also glad to hear you are seeing a therapist as hopefully that will help you to process and move on from what must've been a very dark period in your life.

Although abuse is awful, remember this: you have survived, you got out, and you will know the warning signs if someone ever attempts to abuse you again. It may not feel like it now, but you are so strong for breaking off the relationship. It took me 6 months to end my abusive relationship, from knowing I should to actually doing it. I'm so glad you got out quicker.


I wish you all the best for the future,
xx

6

I'm so glad you got out. It's a difficult thing to do, I'm proud of you!

I have started working closely with women's shelters as part of my job. Some of the stories are heartbreaking, I can understand just how difficult it is to leave. It takes great courage and strength. Remember if your ex ever gets in contact with you do not be afraid to call the police immediately!

Im so happy you gave managed to move forward and keep us updated sweetheart 😘

7

Well done for leaving him. Good luck for your future ❤❤

8

The invisible tester - Lea

I am so glad you left the dumb jerk. I would left him along time a go.

This new guy like a very fun and a good guy to be with. I hope everything turns out for the best for you and good luck to you and the new guy.

9

Stay strong Lea, and well done for having the conviction to make the break. All the best with this new partner :) x

10

Good to hear you have support in place. Well done you for making the break.

11

Lea, you wouldn't believe how happy I am to read this update. Well done for being strong and leaving him. It's not an easy thing to do and you should absolutely be proud of yourself. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, care and love. It's nice to hear that you've met someone who is good to you and I hope that will continue to be the case. Bets of luck with the new man and the therapy sessions 😀

12

I wasn't on the LH forum a year ago, but reading this thread I'm so happy for you and that you were able to make this change for the better. Everyone deserves a loving and caring relationship. I'm a strong believer that there is someone for everyone, it's just very difficult to go through change to find that special person. Xx

13

Thank you for a update. I wish I could hugs you just because of how proud of you i am.

I was in a marriage where it wasn't the best. Long story short here, but it is hard to get away, i wasn't able to, he died (no, i didn't kill him lol)

You are a much stronger person then I ever was. and is.

Yes, there will be bad days, but you'll have many more great days ahead.

Peace always

14

Hi Lea, I wasn't on the forums last year but I'm so pleased to hear that you reached out, took advice and are better off because of it. Abusers are extremely manipulative so you aren't the only person who has gone back to an abusive relationship, it's only when you're out of that sort of relationship that you can see what's happening.

I'm delighted you've moved on and you're getting the hell you need, keep us posted xx

15

Hello Lea.

I was away when you wrote about your problem last August. And I am so glad that you have managed to get away from this w****r. ![](upload://auespWY2jeVe46VFziva9nry44n.gif)

No woman (or man) should have to put up with that kind of abuse. Well done!

I hope your new relationship works out well for you.

Keep strong, and thank you for getting back to the forum and letting us know how you are.

Good Luck.

Kanu xxx![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

16

So pleased to hear your update, and well done for leaving him. Wishing you all the best for your future ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif) xx

17

I'm pleased for you that you did leave your ex and have managed to find happiness with someone else who treats you right.

18

So pleased to hear your news. Leaving someone who is abusive and controlling is never easy......you've proved how strong you are deep down for finding the courage to do this.

Glad you now getting some professional support and that you are now in a new relationship ☺

You are a very strong woman (even though you don't feel like one at the moment). Take that strength to build yourself a new and better life.....sounds like your new partner is good for you *hugs* xx

19

Well done for leaving, keep looking forward.

20

Hi Lea, I wasn't on here when you first posted about your relationship but I am glad to hear your update. I have been in your shoes with my ex and it took me many attempts to leave him even after I got him arrested etc and still took him back. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do this and even more to not be taken in by their pleads and to get on with your life. It sounds like your doing well and getting the help and support you need. The others are right there is always the 'right' person out there for you, luckily I found mine and have never been happier as he understands me as I am still slightly 'damaged' from past and probably always will be. Keep strong and positive and look on the bright side, live and love life x