hey..8 year’s in with gf,love her to bits.sex very boring..hardly even oral either way..i’m getting serious kinky fantasies about the likes of being domed,role play even as far as watersports..she would be disgusted if i mentioned it.what do i do?these are things i need to at least try...these wantings arnt gunna go away,should i get them out of the way elsewhere or wonder for the rest of my life?
Hi Dom,
Your not alone in your situation lots of people feel like they cannot share or act our their fantasies with their partner but I would definitely not reccomend 'getting them out of the way elsewhere'. If your seriously considering going outside of your relationship for something without prior permission I would seriously conisder wether you want the relationship or your fantasies more, and there is nothing wrong with either decission but please dont lie to your partner.
If you feel so strongly about these fantasies I would try and have a conversation with your partner about them. You mention sex is rather very boring but have you have talked about what your into or what she is into, 8 years is a long time but sex is something people are not used to talking about. I would reccomend talking to her about how you can improve sex for her and then do the same for you, don't jump in with your fetishes, just focus on improving sex and hopefully this can gradually lead up to what your after. Your partner may very well share your same fetishes she is just too afraid to tell you.
If you find it hard to talk about mutual interests I can reccomend an app called Spicer, there are other apps out there but basically you both get a set of questions such as 'dominate your partner, tie him up and make him your slave' to which you can both answer Yes, No or Maybe, it then matches up all your Yes and Maybe's you can then talk through them in more detail together now that the subject has been broached.
I always find putting something on tv about sex like on channel 4 or something, brings about the perfect situation to bring things like that up! You do have to atleast talk to her about it though as it’s not fair on either party. You never know some kind of compromise could be reached? Maybe she has some fantasy that she’s never told you about in fear of you rejecting it? Either way the best way is to just talk about it then atleast you know where you stand with things!
My advice is talk, talk and more talk. Communication good and bad is a corner stone of the perfect relationship. Yes she may not like some of your fantasies, but then you may not like some of hers. Everybody has wants and desires but many feel they need to lock them away and condition themselves to find everything wrong or bad. But when you're in a loving relationship certain things need to be worked on or you'll end up doing something stupid like find it else where for a quick jolly but risk losing everything you hold dear. Those are risky odds. I'm in a similar situation but after 11 years I decided to talk about it. And the last six months have been awesome. Sure I still have frustrating times but things are going in the right direction.
Bunnybomb2015 wrote:
I always find putting something on tv about sex like on channel 4 or something, brings about the perfect situation to bring things like that up! You do have to atleast talk to her about it though as it’s not fair on either party. You never know some kind of compromise could be reached? Maybe she has some fantasy that she’s never told you about in fear of you rejecting it? Either way the best way is to just talk about it then atleast you know where you stand with things!
Great suggestion I was going to say the same. There have been some programmes on Chanel 5 about sex workers, this explored a range of things across a few episodes, so might be a good “catch up” place to start.