What a shame, you sound like a decent bloke too. IMO it takes a lot of love to sustain a relationship without sex and the feeling must be mutual.
A relationship without love is not somewhere i'd want to be. I would need to know she still loved me and if not then i dont think i could keep going with it.
Best wishes and good luck.
I just want to give you a big hug. In so sorry your going through this. You seem so nice and don't deserve it. X x x
Bless you, I really feel for you. I read your thread when you first posted, but didn't have any great advice like the others. I see now you have really out yourself out there and have received little in return. Just wanted to post a message of support really. I hope that somewhere down the line things improce for you, it is such a shame your wife doesn't appreciate where you are coming from on the matter.
I like the idea amandammmm's idea about showing her this thread. I think it's clear as day to all of us reading that you love her deeply and this is about much more than just having sex more often. Also I think if I as you I would still try and arrange some sort of relationship counselling, even if you do go alone, you leaving the house every week for that appointment might show her that is isn't resolved for you, and that it isn't just going to go on ignored.
You said that she said she felt trapped in your home life, and doesn't feel sexy. Did she elaborate at all? Are there changes she maybe needs to make to feel better about life in general that in turn might make her feel better within herself?
I really do hope things manage to work out for you x
amandammmm wrote:
I've read everything you've said, you've tried everything and she's showing no emotion. I really feel for you, it must be hard.
It's probably not much help but, could you show her this thread? She can then see how much you love her and show her that it's not just about the sex, it's the affection and being a couple that is the issue with her.
I think it looks as if you have dug a hole and opened a mine, so to speak.
Some women just like the security of a man in the home, and nothing more, and that's what drives men away, they don't want to be a security guard, they want to be loved and cared for, my partner isn't one for cuddles or romance, quite the opposite actually. But that's who he is, how he's always been. He still gives me a kiss before he leaves for work, still says he loves me, and we've been together for 13 and a half years with two children. And I STILL get butterflies when I think about him, I STILL fancy him, and I love him loads!!
I'm hoping you can get some good advice and know that we will try and help you as much as we can xxx
Thanks guys, I appreciate your support.
@Amandammmm - I think you're exactly right.
By saying how I feel and asking for her input, all I've done is give her the opportunity to empty out her box of excuses as to why we don't have sex. Should I continue to pursue the subject, it'll be "but I've already told you why I don't want to..."
She wants me as a support with the house and family, but as you say, as a kind of 'security guard', rather than lover or husband. She doesn't want us to split, but the lack of "I love you" and any physical attention betrays her purely practical motives for trying to keep me around.
Alas, I don't think showing her this thread would be treated as anything more than 'betrayal' in her eyes.
I think I'll give it another week to see if there's any sign of progress (and there should be really, it's not like we've got to wait for any reason) then bring up the sex therapist / marriage guidance suggestion again. If we're going to stay together I think we're going to need it. If she doesn't want to participate, I think that'll confirm all I need to know re. our future.
I am so Sorry for our marriage is sexless, medical reason's but we couldn't do without our cuddles daft text messages we love each other to bits. Hubby is already saying we'll do something special for our 10th in three years time. My heart goes out to you, you can survive without sex but only in a loving marriage ours is, so sad and different compared to mine, hugs.
I agree with Amanda. Work on the love first before dealing with the sex issue. Love and sex are not the same. You truly do seem like a very nice guy and really don't deserve to be treated this way. If I was in her shoes, I would try to make things work. She should really start doing little changes after all you have done so far.