You've had the slap, now for the tickle!

Just a place for some silly giggles, nothing more nothing less!

A man came into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs,

the barman asks - did you know thats there?

he answered - yes it's driving me nuts!

x

Dame Nelly Melba on being presented with a gelatine based pudding which hadn't been allowed to set properly...

There are two things I like stiff and one of them is jelly!

x

A little old man totters into the chemist for some viagra.

"I need them cut into quarters" he says.

The chemist replies... "A quarter tablet will not give you much of a hard on"

The old man says "I'm 96 and don't have much use for a hard on, I just want it sticking out far enough to stop me pissing on my slippers!"

A neutron walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He asks the barman 'How much?'. The barman replies 'For you? No charge'.

Geek humour This is probably the geekies I know:

Heisenberg is caught speeding and he gets pulled over by a policeman
The policeman says "Sir do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenbers says "no, but I know exactly where I am!"

xxKPxx

Take that Schroedinger!

Ooooo Ooooo can we discuss the many worlds interpretation of quantuum mechanics as an alternative answer to the policeman?

Ok. Maybe not.

This threads 'bin dun ent it'?

You have to say it out loud probably but I like this one-

- What did Freud say comes between fear and sex?

- funf.

tronic wrote:

You have to say it out loud probably but I like this one-

- What did Freud say comes between fear and sex?

- funf.

Penis. His answer to everything...

Because he was an Austrian and the german numbers 4,5,6 go 'vier', 'funf', 'sechs', it is a German pun I suppose. Maybe it's not as funny as I thought, but for some reason it tickled my funny bone. :D

What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

x

tronic wrote:

You have to say it out loud probably but I like this one-

- What did Freud say comes between fear and sex?

- funf.

Thanks for this one!

I told it to a German today... she didn't get it at first. Didn't get my other joke either... How many times does something have to occur before the humourless German is a valid stereotype?

Whats the difference between Essex girls and Essex boys?

Essex girls have a higher sperm count

x

masterandslave wrote:

Whats the difference between Essex girls and Essex boys?

Essex girls have a higher sperm count

x

Ouch for the Essexers... or what ever they're called...

WandA wrote:

masterandslave wrote:

Whats the difference between Essex girls and Essex boys?

Essex girls have a higher sperm count

x

Ouch for the Essexers... or what ever they're called...

i'm one myself!!

x

masterandslave wrote:

WandA wrote:

masterandslave wrote:

Whats the difference between Essex girls and Essex boys?

Essex girls have a higher sperm count

x

Ouch for the Essexers... or what ever they're called...

i'm one myself!!

x

So what is the correct term for 'your lot'?

Essexer, Essexian, Essexon?

I really have no idea, other than the boys at school used to call themselves sexers, smooth!

x

Haha, i was just thinking yesterday whether i should start a joke thread, but i decided that i would just pop one in the 'good morning thread' whenever i heard a good one!

True or False

1. The clitoris is a type of flower.

2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.

4. Vagina is a medical term to describe a heart attack.

5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.

7. Semen is a term for sailors.

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.

10. Asphalt describes rectal problems.

11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.

12. Coitus is a musical instrument.

13. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.

14. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.

15. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

16. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

17. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.

18. Pornography is the business of making records.

blackburnmale wrote:

right in the middle of a discussion about funerals pmsl

Yep, i really know how to pick my moment!