A little advice goes a long way!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Okay, so I am here looking for some advice, stories of previous experiences ect.

I'm happily married to the love of my life, we've been together for the last 7years and since we were 19 and married for 5 of those years. We're so fortunate to of found one another and have a very happy loving relationship. Two children, careers and a house later life has gotten on top of us. What used to be a very healthy sex life had dwindled into a reoccuring argument of who hasn't made enough effort to try it on with the other. It's not that we aren't interested we're just exhausted and sex isn't high on the priority list although, both very very effectionate to another another every day with kissing, cuddling, holding hands ect.

Now- after an argument around two months ago, I came home from work early to find my husband trying to use my rabbit in the shower. I flipped, told him he must be gay (bad move, I know) and stomed out. Low and behold, he was only doing what I had said earlier that week by wanting to experiement and mentioned he was never showing a softer more vulnerable side.

Anyway, he couldn't use the rabbit, he was too scared and it was too big to go anywhere so nothing amounted to that. I have since made a Lovehoney account to spice up the marriage in the bedroom. We have been having lots of fun with all sorts of toys and everything is back on track.

I've read loads about men exploring anal with their girlfriends/wives but now I am intigured. I know I shouldn't but as much as I want to explore this with my husband I just automatically think it's gay, he will love it and leave me for a man. Trust me, I know how ridiculous this sounds so I don't need to be told, more just looking for everyones experiences and advice on this subject please. We do anal alot, but him inside me, never the other way around so exploring this seems okay but reasurance is needed :-)

2

Anal fun is very popular with heterosexual men.

It does NOT make them gay.

What makes someone gay, is being exclusively attracted to people of the same sex.

First time anal fun takes patience, a lot of lube and smaller toys. There's no point trying to start of with something as big as a fist.

Start off with a finger, then maybe 2, before moving onto toys.

Even a small dildo with a good suction cup, so he can practice on his own in the shower.

Around 6 inches is a good size to start with.

Please don't worry that he's going to turn gay, or that he is gay.

Nothing could be further than the truth.

He's simply exploring his own body, finding out (like many heterosexual men already have) that anal toys can be a lot of fun.

You have to remember that men have the prostate (the male g spot), so once you get a toy up there you'll be able to milk it & give him the most amazing mind blowing prostate orgasms.........trust me, having had my first one recently, he will thank you for it.

It's hard to describe the sensations, but they go through the whole body.

It's also very healthy.

I do recommend buying him a douche as well, so he can ensure cleanliness and being clean makes it so much more pleasurable.

It's all part of a helathy sex life, regardless of sexuality.

I've certainly not heard of any heterosexual men turning gay because of anal.......so worry not & enjoy exploring!

3

Thanks Andyr49, I was especially looking for a mans point of view and experience. I love the idea of seeing him so happy and it being all my doing. I am going to broach the subject with him when we have some us time and see what happens - thank you

4

You won’t be the first or last person to react that way. Unfortunately there is still quite a bit of stigma surrounding anal play, particularly for guys, but there is no correlation between putting stuff in your butt and sexuality. It just feels good! As mentioned above men have the prostate which can produce some fantastic sensations when stimulated and it’s a very popular type of play, especially here on this forum. How could it be gay if he’s doing it to himself or you’re doing it to him? Logically that doesn’t make sense. It might have been a bit of a shock to you to find this out but I assure you, it doesn’t change anything regarding the way he feels about you. He just wants to get to know himself better and explore something that’s known to be very satisfying. It’s totally fine, normal and healthy :)

I’d recommend getting him a small toy (i.e a plug or a prober) to start out with and see how he gets on from there. Lube is an absolute must. The anus doesn’t self lubricate and running water from a shower will definitely not be enough. He doesn’t want to be using any substitutes like vaseline either as these are not great for internal use nor are they good for sex toys. If shower play is his thing I’d recommend looking at glass or metal plugs as he can then use silicone based lube which lasts longer. If he wants to use a softer material like silicone he needs a water based lube.

I hope you’re able to explore this together and have some fun doing it!

5

Thanks NatandTom, awesome advice. Everything I already knew but needed to hear it from someone else. It's weird how something will only sink in when someone else tells it to you. It's just what I needed to hear - so thank you!

6

We’ve all been there and had the blinders on at some point or another! No problem :)

7

Just to back it all up, most men have so many nerve endings up their butts and also the Gspot is located up their so it’s not a shocker that we like a bit of anal play. The difference between using a finger and a toy vs actually being in love with men is completely different. Plenty of people have come onto the forums worried about being gay etc and it’s just some stigma which for some reason people can’t shake off. I know it’s probably raised a few questions but talk about it. Anal is entirely healthy and if he is experimenting, then he has listened to what you said and seems to be enjoying himself. We as a couple enjoy doing it and we’ve even gone down the pegging route. It doesn’t make you gay and if your happily married I’m sure this can just open up a few more paths for you both to explore. Also nothing is ridiculous, we all jump the gun at certain times in our lives and just need to hear from someone else’s perspective ☺️

8

Yeh my wife doesn't like the fact that I love anal toys. She very rarely indulges me and mostly leaves me to my own devices on that side of things. So your reaction is not uncommon. All I can suggest is to talk to him about it (without pre determined judgement) find out what he likes about it and then maybe go shopping on Lovehoney together to find some male toys.. some nice ones I can recommend are the booty buddy or the basics triple anal training kit. Strap ons and the like are then the next steps but he may not even be interested in that! Good luck xx

9

I think a lot of women react that way as a shock type feeling. Definitely lots of lube (if want one for shower watch water based ones) and I would start maybe a finger or two work up to maybe beginner's butt plugs small toys and possibly a small vibrating butt plug I would say fine for either of you. We recently bought this one https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31205 Then can build up to a suction cup dildo and further if find it works for you both x

11

Mine and my wife’s sex life went down hill then we started experimenting with toys so while in a 69 she pushed a finger in and now we do it all the time but certainly doesn’t make u gay I’m not attracted to men just the feeling when my wife does that but I don’t know if I cud take a toy but who knows maybe in the future lol

12

yet another similar man

I first tried anal with a dildo long ago and still have great feelings in my bum even just imagining something up there

how you are reassured by the responses you have on this thread

13

Thanks everyone for your replies. Safe to say I’m a very happy wife. Communication and understanding goes a long way. I’ve taken on board everything that has been mentioned in this thread so thank you xxx

14

No problems hopefully can make an informed decision x

15

I love my wife playing with my bum, finger, tongue, fist, toys, we guy's love anal play(its the same for girls but they seem less "up for it") OK you maybe got off on the wrong track but its easy to get back on the rails if you have a butt plug try on him or buy one together that you both think will feel good? and once arrived perhaps after he's used it once or twice "help" him use it I really enjoy my butt plugs and over many years have some rather large ones, talking is good?

16

Quiet ones are worse! wrote:

I love my wife playing with my bum, finger, tongue, fist, toys, we guy's love anal play(its the same for girls but they seem less "up for it") OK you maybe got off on the wrong track but its easy to get back on the rails if you have a butt plug try on him or buy one together that you both think will feel good? and once arrived perhaps after he's used it once or twice "help" him use it I really enjoy my butt plugs and over many years have some rather large ones, talking is good

Thanks for your comment, Quiet ones are the worse!

It's safe to say our LH vibrating butt plug arrived a few days ago and was put to the test. He very much enjoyed it, although we still have a lot to learn about that area for him. After a long, honest conversation we both agreed that taking it as far as pegging isn't for us (at the moment anyway) but we will enjoy exploring his bum a little more during foreplay! :-)

17

Cb1987 wrote:

No problems hopefully can make an informed decision x

Thanks Cb1987, as you can see from my reply above (won't be boring and repeat it all here) we have made real progress in that area! :-) x