Ok, in which case, agree an object that you’ll leave out which means you are in the mood and want to play. This could be his chastity cage or a collar or it could be an impact toy. If you need something more discreet, it could be as simple as a tie. Whatever you choose, this will let him know he should go to the bedroom and get into an agreed position. I’d suggest naked but that’s up to you. Depending on your bedroom, he could be kneeling on the floor, standing in a corner/against a specific spot on the wall, on all fours, laying on the bed. Doesn’t really matter the exact position you choose, just as long as you both agree it.
When you enter the room, pace around or near him, look him up and down, inspect that he has followed your instructions. You could adjust (or tell him to adjust) his position a little (stand up straighter, head up or down, move his pinkie finger a tiny amount). You could make a verbal comment about it (“not bad I suppose”, “good” whatever works for you).
If you haven’t used his collar as the trigger, you could put one on him or you could put on wrist and ankle cuffs. You don’t necessarily need to use them, but wearing them can set the mood.
Have him get into a position on the bed and inspect him again, you can vocalise yourself wondering what to do as long as you do it in the right tone. If he gives suggestions, you can respond that he’s been good so maybe or call him cheeky and give him a quick spank.
Under mattress restraints can be really helpful because you can quickly attach or remove him from them. If he’s ok with it, blindfolds can be good as they will give you breathing space if you get flustered as he won’t know that you aren’t deliberately pausing. You may also find having a prop in your hand might help. I love crops for this, but any toy will work, something you can touch him with or tap on your own hand.
As for what to do then, you already have a pretty good list in your last post. You don’t need to do everything and I’d actually suggest limiting yourself to only a few things. So you could alternate some impact play with edging him and maybe end with some strap on play. Edging him could become orgasm control and you can tell him that if he cums, you’ll stop and won’t play with him again for a week/month/whatever period seems appropriate! If you are going to do impact play, limit the number of toys you use and don’t feel you have to do them in sequence or for similar numbers of strikes. If he’s liking it, keep going with that toy until you decide you want to change it up.
Keep physically in contact with him. Run your finger tips or nails lightly over him (heavier on the nails if he likes it), let your body brush against him, let him feel your breath on his skin.
If you aren’t sure what to say, well you don’t need to keep talking the entire time. You can make observations about what’s going on (“that one looked like it hurt”, “you are going a nice pink”) but if you are struggling and the silence is awkward, put on some music. I’d suggest higher tempo stuff that you both like but that will make you feel that you got this.
Don’t forget about your own pleasure too though. Whether that be “demanding” he pleasure you or doing it yourself while he watches/hears but can’t touch. You can also include body worship, with him kissing, massaging or otherwise enjoy certain body parts. It can be quite a good opener or closer, having him kiss your hand and up your arm or your feet and up your leg etc.
Just don’t worry if it doesn’t go perfect every time, laugh with each other and when you are ready command him to get back in position because “where were we? Oh yeah…”
) we like anal play (both of us)
) but yes, I support a lot of existing advice. I’ve been Dominant and submissive (more recent times) and the one thing that stands out time and time again is that “Dominant” means different things to different people. I’m a former humiliatrix, I enjoyed degrading and “bullying” my submissives because it’s kind of like having the freedom to be a big meanie lol. I’d have them do errands for me but I’d be SUPER critical about it, because they wanted me to be. Nothing could ever be clean enough, good enough etc (even if it was perfectly fine in my eyes) - they didn’t want me to say “good job!”. As a submissive I am masochistic, and I would be genuinely offended if someone criticised my work - I work bloody hard, you know!
