Recently I have been trying to get my OH to talk about her fantasies as she has never been very open about what she likes (the normal answer is everything you do).
I was hoping that by trying to talk about things it would allow her to be more assertive as she is currently very shy and would if left alone never have anything more wild.
I know she doesn't have solo time and her drive is a lot lower then mine but I thougt that she would start to be more herself once we opened the can of worms that were her fantasies.
I would like to risk being more verbal and include some more provocative descriptive phrases such as calling her "my slut" as part of the talk but not sure how she would react.
Does anyone else have a shy, less confident partner who they got to open up?
If I dominate things and choose her sexy outfits or which toys she enjoys it but there is no way she would dress up if I didn't prompt it which makes it slightly less fun for me.
Again is there a way I can encourage her to do this.
First of all never ,never call your partner a slut. Its not nice and they may/will resent it . Only use references like that in role plays .or perhaps if your partner likes dirty talk . Not everyone likes role plays or dirty talk either.
The best way I have found of opening my partner up was to watch erotic ( not porn) movies together. And say something like "would you like me to do that to you?" whilst watching the film perhaps with a few alcoholic drinks .
Some typical movies 91/2 weeks- for bondage ,ice ,play ,food play, striptease
50 Shades of Grey - bondage ,spanking ,rope bondage , sex slave.
Another way would be to try one of the board games such as "Manogomy "or our favourite "Tie and Tease". Nookie is also another good one This is a good way of slowly opening each other up . These are best played in conjunction with drink as it will help to relax and make you both more daring . IIRC Drink is a requirement in Managomy anyway.
If your going down the game route then why not look at them together whilst online in the Lovehoney store and guage her reaction and check out the reviews. . Don't forget any actions in any of the games are not obligatory so don't force an action she has reservations about . As these games will end up with both of you naked make sure she is body confident as well. If not allow her to retain a baby doll or something similar, instead of being totally in the buff.
These games will allow you to make adjustment that will suit you both .
I would only ever call it her as part of a fantasy dirty talk. Wouldn't call it outside the bedroom or she would kill me :) the sort of thing I was thinking was along the lines of "Acting like my slutty wife" rather than just outright calling her it.
When browsing the site she is normally very non comittal and just says if you want it get it a lot.
I would never force her to do anything as we have a great relationship.. She liked the 50 shades book but has an aversion to films with too much sex in them.
I would only ever call it her as part of a fantasy dirty talk. Wouldn't call it outside the bedroom or she would kill me :) the sort of thing I was thinking was along the lines of
"Acting like my slutty wife" rather than just outright calling her it.
When browsing the site she is normally very non comittal and just says if you want it get it a lot.
I would never force her to do anything as we have a great relationship.. She liked the 50 shades book but has an aversion to films with too much sex in them.
Thats fine like I said if she likes you talking that way .
Thats also easier then . Why not start reading her copies and then ask the same. There are some really hot fantasies in the book . Just simply ask" Like in your 50 Shades book would you like me to do this to you?"
Its quite easy, having a relationship is all about communication. The bettter you can both communicate with each other the better your sex life together will be.
A good place to discuss it is perhaps over a meal at home or a quiet corner table in a restaraunt.
Just wondering if you have considered roleplaying situations? Going back to to 50 shades book you could play Christian and her Annastasia and choose a section out of the books . It will also allow you to lead the play as well which what I think would be best in the circumstances .But and a big But you need to make sure she is potentially comfortable with the idea and discuss safe words to abort if need be.
that's ok I hair wanted to clarify I was not looking to abuse her or anything like that. Communication on this area of our life is hard as I don't want to risk upsetting her and losing what I already have.
We have talked about some things like that but I tend to find I am the one talking and she just agrees or says no I wouldn't do that rather then say here's what I like/dream off.
It's not like we are unhappy or anything just would like to explore more together if you know what I mean as opposed to me leading and her follow
that's ok I hair wanted to clarify I was not looking to abuse her or anything like that. Communication on this area of our life is hard as I don't want to risk upsetting her and losing what I already have.
We have talked about some things like that but I tend to find I am the one talking and she just agrees or says no I wouldn't do that rather then say here's what I like/dream off.
It's not like we are unhappy or anything just would like to explore more together if you know what I mean as opposed to me leading and her follow
Thats the way many relationships work . You will always have a leader or initiator in a relationship . A common guy complaint including me is that we wish our partners would take the lead occsionally .
It sounds like you may have the same challenge so you will probably have to take the lead .The only way my Mrs takes the lead is in some roleplay situations were she plays the cop complete with Uniform . She was sexy but scary at the same time and wished that she would do it more often .
It sounds like you just have a quiet partner so you may well have to keep suggesting things until she says no .But take it small steps at a time .
Why not try one of the games as mentioned before as it gets over the awkward questions as you are just reading out the instructions on a card. I mean asking your partner to go over you knee for a spanking could be awkward . But if your reading it out from a card its just part of the game and if she doesn't feel comforatble with any of the instructions she can decline and take another card. If it was the other way around and you going over her knee she might find it funny . You don't know until you try .
So I think its just going to be small steps and trrial and error as you can't change your lady if she is of the quiet type but it doesn't and shouldn't stop you from having a bit of "Slap and Tickle " either.
I might get one of the games then next time we place an order, ironically she quite likes spanking so it's not like she is opposed to it but she would never initiate it or give it back.
It's awkward cause we love them and I wouldn't want her to change personality on anything else just be a bit more open and honest about why she enjoys and to take that lead occasionally
Well thats good so you have talked about things 
Well the best game I think is "Tie and Tease" as my Mrs will testify there is quite a bit of spanking in it. Her behind was rather red on both occasions ! Its just luck of the dice or not in her case !
If your partner reads an instruction on a card and orders you to bend over then of course she is "initiating" it .But she won't feel the same awkwardness as she is just reading a command on the card .
If you think that giving her the edge a little will help , then make sure she is wearing more clothes than you . Its a game best played after a good night out when you have both had a few drinks and and perhaps a tad giggly or typsy and dressed to impress each other . Its a game were you start fully clothed so its ideal after a night out .
I'tt be interesting if you buy it if you actually finish the game . We didn't on either occasion as she jumped me because I was winning !
If I was winning I would probably make her wait as I like winning :) of course you win either way.
We do talk but her natural shyness takes over quickly or she thinks I think there is something wrong and gets upset. She struggles to see that I want things to be even better and not that there is something wrong.
It will be our first foray into games as mostly we buy lingerie and toys.
I'm a shy lass. Its only really been since joining this forum I have actually been able to open up to my husband. I feel reading through everything and everyone's comments that I shouldn't be embarrassed.
Me and my husband talked about everything we would like to try and what we wouldn't. Turns out we have very similar desires.
With dirty talk I would ask her first. I know loads of people love it but if my husband called me a slut, a whore etc I would get upset, even as just part of fantasy I know I'd be hurt. Best checking just in case.
I'm a shy lass. Its only really been since joining this forum I have actually been able to open up to my husband. I feel reading through everything and everyone's comments that I shouldn't be embarrassed.
Me and my husband talked about everything we would like to try and what we wouldn't. Turns out we have very similar desires.
With dirty talk I would ask her first. I know loads of people love it but if my husband called me a slut, a whore etc I would get upset, even as just part of fantasy I know I'd be hurt. Best checking just in case.
I don't think your alone. There are quite a few on here that I would consider as being possibly shy and they see the forum as a way of expressing themselves with desires and fantasies as they are secure in the fact that its anonymous. Which is great I think .
Incidently , I too was very shy in my younger days which I think held me back a bit as the internet was perhaps not around as it is now.
I love how it's all anonymous mysteron. Had someone told me I would be openly talking about sex on a forum I would have laughed hysterically and went back to my RPG forums! The most sexy thing on there is the size of your graphics card oooft!!!
Recently I have been trying to get my OH to talk about her fantasies as she has never been very open about what she likes (the normal answer is everything you do).
I was hoping that by trying to talk about things it would allow her to be more assertive as she is currently very shy and would if left alone never have anything more wild.
I know she doesn't have solo time and her drive is a lot lower then mine but I thougt that she would start to be more herself once we opened the can of worms that were her fantasies.
I would like to risk being more verbal and include some more provocative descriptive phrases such as calling her "my slut" as part of the talk but not sure how she would react.
Does anyone else have a shy, less confident partner who they got to open up?
If I dominate things and choose her sexy outfits or which toys she enjoys it but there is no way she would dress up if I didn't prompt it which makes it slightly less fun for me.
Again is there a way I can encourage her to do this.
My GF and I find that a good way of revealing fantasies to each other is using Tumblr. There is a wealth of fantasy on there from the vanilla to the downright kinky.
Either she or I will browse and reblog something we've seen, and if the other likes it, we reblog back. That way, we can subtly uncover new fantasies and if we don't get a response, it doesn't get mentioned again.
Once during dirty talk with my ex one of us (i think her) called the other a name and it was fine, we carried on (i think i may have said something back) and it was only once we'd finished that we realised what we'd said and it bothered us both what we'd said and been called. So although it may be 'fun' at the time or just sexual, I'd say be careful because it can easily go beyond that.
As for being shy i think the main thing is reassurance that if they do say anything that you give them full support, sometimes i think its easy to forget that what is only a little thing for you might be huge to them.
Also I think forums like this are good, although i've not posted much i do often read and shared things I've came accross with my partner to show them they have nothing to worry about and i think the occasional embarrassing submission about yourseld to go alongside can help with that.
One thing I did with my ex was a sex survey and there are loads out there online. We both answered the survey separately at different times and once we'd both done we recieved an email saying our common matches of things we wanted to try so even if we did put anything that was a bit 'out there', if the other didn't feel the same then they wouldn't find out and still gave us new things to try.
Interesting thread. My partner loves me calling her a slut (she loves meing "my slut" even more). It makes her feels sexy and loved. The one she really hates is whore. I would never use that with her.