Hi all, I would like to pick people's brains if possible. My little one is 6 and she has recently told me that a boy in her school has been hitting her and pulling her hair. Now ordinarily I'd be straight up to the school and have it out with the head and teacher, however it's a little complicated.
You see this boy is friend's with my ex partner's son. I am very tempted to go and read the riot act at the school and tear several strips off the mother of the little shit who has been hitting her. I can't stand bullies as I was picked on when I was at school. Also my ex partner's son contributed to the split up of our relationship and I can't stand him and likewise him me. If I find out that that wee shit, i.e. ex partner's son, has been antagonising his friend to attack my little one, I'll tear a strip off my ex partner and probably her son also.
I know it seems a bit of an over reaction on my point, but I can't stand seeing my little one getting upset, I mean for Christ sake, she doesn't even want to send the boy who has been hitting her a Christmas card, now that to me says something.
Just wondering if anyone has any advice on what to do in this situation as don't want to over react and make things worse, but worse still don't want to ignore it and little one be petrified of going to school and seeing the little shit. Does that make sense?
My advice is to go to the school and get them to speak to the mother and the child
I totally understand how you are feeling but no good will come out of you going and kicking off, its best to let the school deal with stuff like this they do it all the time.
Its unlikely that they would have told their son to do anything, kids do pick on each other and pull hair especially at that age,
You need to go to the school and advise them of what is happening. Schools are supposed to take bullying very seriously now and have to deal with it.
I would advise the school of the complications re ex partners etc but I think its best if you take a step back from the situation and let the school ie a 3rd party deal with it.
Ultimately the ex partners son whilst it complicates the issue should not make you loose sight of the fact your little one is being bullied and steps should be taken immediately to rectify that.
As you say being bullied can have a massive impact on not just her schooling now but her life and self confidence in the future.
If you are unhappy with the way the school deals with it you can raise the matter formaly as a complaint but I would say dont get involved personally let the school handle it.
I would go to the school and tell them about the bullying going on. They can deal with the issue without any emotions involved, which may be better in this situation. But I would act soon, as it is not good to have the bullying going on for long period of time. I would go to school in the next few days to start solving it.
Also the school has to offer your daugther a duty of care, and this if you 'go it alone' without involving the school you will find things harder should this continue to escalate.
'Bullying' is an overused term. Strictly - by definaition - it is bullying. However 'bullying' is part of life growing up (at school or where ever) Try not worry too much about it - as there will be times when every child will be bullied and thus every child will at some point be a bully also.
Let the school do their part, and allow yourself to focus on enjoying time with your daugther.
Kev, don't go shouting the odds down at the school or having a go at the kid, you will come across terrible to the teachers/head. You need them on your side mate. Absolutely have a word face to face with the head and voice your concerns regarding the connection between this bully kid and your ex partners son. Let the school handle it.
Is your ex's son the type to goad this other lad into hitting your little one? Did they get on when you were in a relationship?
As above, speak to the school. They will sort it all out. Schools are very very serious these days with regards to bullying. In the meantime write a diary of each incident as and when it happens to your daughter. This log of events may become useful if the bully and his parents try to deny what has been going on.
All thanks for the advice so far, I have calmed down a little but still going to go and get it sorted.
Laveila, Boobaloo & LMF, off to the school first thing in the morning and getting it sorted. I'll try to keep my temper from boiling over whilst chatting to head, and pray I don't meet his lazy cow of a mother on the way out!!!
I just know that the wee shit who is hitting her is awful, a bit like his mother as social services have been involved with them before, and the bizarre thing is she seemed quite proud of it. Go figure, I want a better life than that for myself and my little one
SG, my ex partner's son was positively aggressive to my little girl all the time when we were together. He would hit her, spit at her and call her names, so that's why I'm wondering if that wee shit has antagonised the other wee shit into picking on her. That's one of the reason why I walked out on my ex as I was sick of my little one being picked on by her son. Does that make sense?
Cuddles on sofa required while watching Black Beauty, before having lunch with Santa. Can't wait!!!
BTW, there is an amazing site on the internet where Santa sends your kid or kids a video message if anyone is interested. Won't post it here yet as don't want to go off topic, but if anyone wants it, let me know. It takes minutes, is free and is amazing, my little one was completely awestruck!! Take care peeps. x
Good man Kev try not to loose your temper too much with the teachers. Just use the threat of violence because they are most likely female. I do feel for you as you have to protect your daughter. But pissing off the teacher and head is not the way to go. You really need them on your side for your daughters sake.
Yes that does make sense Kev. I wouldn't stay with anyone if that happened either dude.
Ahhh so social services are involved with this kid. Definitely don't go in all guns blazing! No doubt others have reported this kid too. His parent/s and head will have quarterly meetings with social services and all this kind of stuff is logged and spoken about.
Good luck fella, stay calm :)
I've just got threads on dvd. My kids will be watching that later. Scare the shit out of them hopefully! I'm nice like that! SG
'Bullying' is an overused term. Strictly - by definaition - it is bullying. However 'bullying' is part of life growing up (at school or where ever) Try not worry too much about it - as there will be times when every child will be bullied and thus every child will at some point be a bully also.
i think you've got all the good advice feom everyone else! definatly talk to the school about it as they can help. i would also like to make a comment on what matyhaty wrote - buillying is not a part of life as it geratly affects the confidence of the children involved - i was bullied in primary school and again in the first year of secondary and i know it has greatly affected my confidence and ability to make friends - its also made me alot quieter! once you've grown up you can oftern smile about it and understand why people might think it isnt something to worry about but it does oftern have a lasting affect.
sorry to go off on one but bullying is something i come across alot with the children i work with
anyway kev i hope things go sorted out with your daughter *hugs* to both of you xxx
edit; eek just realised how that sounded - i dont mean to critisise you matyhaty just wanted to add how i felt about it xxx
'Bullying' is an overused term. Strictly - by definaition - it is bullying. However 'bullying' is part of life growing up (at school or where ever) Try not worry too much about it - as there will be times when every child will be bullied and thus every child will at some point be a bully also.
Hi
Although I understand what you are saying, and in this case it does sound like a case of kids will be kids and in a couple of weeks they will probably move on to someone else, a simple word with the teacher should be enough for them to be able to sort it.
Girls can be especially viscious when they get to 10 or 11 and bullying is everywhere, but there are different degrees of bullying and some can be very serious and effect people later on in life.
I was bulled very badly at school and it carried on after school and through college, we had to move house and get the police involved in the end, I still have flashbacks surrounding things that happened and stuff that was said. I am not even beginning to suggest that this situation will lead to anything close to that, but it should still be taken seriously.
KK you have made the right decision, let the school mediate, that is what they are there for, they might not be aware of what is going on, talk to her teacher and/or the head and discuss the issues that you have.
Explain the whole situation so that they are aware of the full picture and most of all stay very calm, its easy to get to wound up when its your kids that you are talking about, but they will want to help you.
As pretty much everyone else has already said - talk to the school. Make sure you stay calm. It sometimes helps to write it down before you go in to keep you on track. State what the problem is and ask how the school will respond. Remember to keep the converstaion focussed on the effect on your child and not about any of the adults involved. It is normal practice to go to the class teacher first. When you have finished taking, make sure you are clear what action the school intends to take and what the timescale is. Before you leave, book a review meeting for feedback and to check if the situation has improved or if further action is needed. Please also remember that the school will not be able to directly discuss the other child with you - you do need to trust that they will take it seriously though.
I was bullied in the early years of secondary school and it really did not make any difference going to the teachers or getting parents involved. The pricks didn’t care about getting told off or kicked out and it only stopped when I stood up to them. Don’t really know if this will help you in any way.
There is a much different attitude towards bullying now. Even when I was in school - and that's not all that long ago! - it was considered a case of "toughen the fuck up". Now, if a case of bullying is reported to the school and afterwards continues or gets worse and anything happens - such as a parent bringing assault charges up, or suicide, or anything at all - then the school is liable and can be held legally responsable: they can be sued or be subjected to investigations and a whole lot of other stuff that is not in the school's interests to have happen. Essentally, now that bullying is a criminal activity and the police/lawyers can and will get involved with it, the school cannot afford to let it rest with a telling off or an empty threat.
Yes, some dickheads will be dickheads regardless, but at least if you follow the correct channels and it doesn't get better, you can go straight to the police and have the achool behind you 100% to get the little shit - or his parents since he's even pre-ASBO - hauled up and held accountable for their harassment and assault, since that is effectively what bullying is.
Hi all many thanks for all the friendly advice, hope you don't mind me posting it on here. Just wanted to get others opinions on it as I would kill and die for my little one! We've cuddled up today after seeing Santa and had a really nice afternoon. I've told her that I'm going to get it sorted tomorrow and bless her response, nearly broke my heart, "Thanks daddy, I love you loads and loads!" Amazing how kids influence your life and make you become a true softy!
Once again all thank you so much for the advice. Hopefully it'll be sorted or the I'll get the wheels in motion tomorrow at least.
Kev, apart from talking to the school, why not try to speak to your ex. Explain to her the situation and your concern and suspicion that her son may be behind all that. If she is sympathetic, she may even get her son to protect your girl, well, hopefully!
The thing with bullying is that bullies understand better when someone explains to them the reallity of the hurt they cause, rather than when there is a enforced ban on their action. Bullying should not be tolerated in the slightest, not even little, not at all, it is not part of the growing up and toughening up, it must be stopped immediately and if nothing else helps either the bully or your daughter may need to be withdrawn from school.
I was bullied in the early years of secondary school and it really did not make any difference going to the teachers or getting parents involved. The pricks didn’t care about getting told off or kicked out and it only stopped when I stood up to them. Don’t really know if this will help you in any way.
I was in the same boat my mum had been to the school several times - the head teacher had done everything he could and the bullying continued. My mum then went to social services and spoke with them who also took the matter very seriously again though i continued to be bullied. I at breaking point and being terrified of school decided there was only one way to stop the bullying - I punched the girl bang on the nose twice and that was the end of the bullying! School for me wasn't that long ago but i do agree with bashful babe schools take bullying way more seriously - too many high profile sucides caused by bullying and so the need for bullying to stop has increased ten fold!
Ah now i realise i've ranted on somewhat and the bullying hasn't quite got to that crazy level. Your little one is precious to u and as a parent you do all that u can to protect and nuture them. Please be aware that shouting the odds helps no one and the situation won't be resolved. As the others have said let the school mediate and deal with it in the appropraite manner x
I wouldn't go beating anyone up, but I would talk to my kid and tell her how to deal with it. Try to get her to ask him to stop and tell the teacher if he doesn't. While she's doing that, I'd go to the parent my own self (not let the school do it) and tell him to please ask his son to stop. I'd tell him she's having a hard time concentrating while being picked on and that he needs to tell his son to STOP. I would do that before anything, but simply tell him the problem calmly.
but bullying is something i come across alot with the children i work with