Really need some advice

Needing some advice as I'm being bullied at work by my manager. Among other things, she's nasty, unprofessional and constantly critical of me in spite of the fact that I exceed all of my targets, get on with everyone etc. I know she's done this to people before (who have now left) I have an exit plan but I can't leave for another 6 months so I need to deal with it in the meantime. Does anyone have any advice on how to confront her and handle the situation? I dread going into work and end up really upset all the time and I just can't handle it anymore.

This is well and truly off topic, so if LH staff don't think it's suitable for the forums I really won't be offended if you delete this. I just wanted to ask as I know people on here are really kind and give thoughtful replies.

If you work for a big organisation/brand/ maybe there is a Human Resources department to report her to? If she's been a pain in the ass like this before, they'er probably already aware of what she's like. Just be polite to her face and report her and let HR deal with it, they'll know how best to handle the situation and could give you advice too. If there isn't a HR department, maybe think about joining a union if there's one available? I'm not really sure what else to say, I've only worked for one company and that was a global bank so my experiences might be a little different :)

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this situation, Ruby Red Slippers. I don't really have much experience of workplace dealings with colleagues, but just wanted to say that I really sympathise and hope that you're able to sort it out. The only advice I can really think of is to be assertive about the situation, either by trying to tell your manager that you feel unhappy with how you're being treated, or perhaps by talking to another member of staff that's on level with your manager, as I imagine it would be very hard to confront the person who is bullying you, especially with them being in a position of authority.

I really hope that things look up for you soon, it must be really upsetting to be treated badly at work. x

Have a good look through here:

https://www.gov.uk/workplace-bullying-and-harassment

The first step would be to try and resolve it informally - so as Flexy said - report it to HR. If you have a company handbook that outlines their grievances procedure, read up on it! If reporting it informally doesn't help, then you can go further (as detailed in the above link) x

I've never worked in that kind of environment so I cant really offer any advice, FlexyBexy's seems a good plan though.

You do however, have my sympathy - must be awful to have to put up with that every day - hugs xx

Hey ruby unless your manager is a founder you can actually go above her. Found out human resources if you have one give rhem a call.theu will investigate and also put a complaint in .more complaints hand written time and dated of what she done class as evidence .... First you requrst a meeting and bring someone with you.explain they are there purely to listen and observe .they act as witness but they will have to silent throughout. exlain to your manager that you feel that you have picked out and been offended by what have previous occasions been said or done. This is where you tell them. If you cant come to angreement or apology then go above them

I sympathise with you :( my old boss used to bully me, she made work an absolute nightmare. She even called me out to the store room one day and cornered me, she wouldn't let me go back to work until I stood on some scales so she could see how much I weighed! It was humiliating, just so she could have some kind of power and laugh at me.

I never did anything about my situation, instead I just quit my job and I'm much better off now. I'd highly recommend looking at the link DavidB posted and speaking to human resources if you have that department. It's not right that you're forced to dread your job just because of one person, and you shouldn't have to leave.

I hope you get it sorted Hun xxx

If you stand up to her it is less likely to continue but if that doesn't work you have to put a complaint to the tier of management above her.
Usually the process is unpleasant so take care about the possible effect on your career. It is wrong but sometimes it is easier to avoid conflict if you are leaving soon and then once you have left you can write a letter to the company giving examples in order to protect others.
It might be the wrong thing to do but sometimes doing the right thing can be hard too and have unfortunate consequences. All I am saying is that it is easy for us to give advice on here but not as easy to implement it. Look after yourself and check out the website mentioned by David.

You have my deepest sympathy. I have worked in organisations where bullying of staff has gone on and it is horrible.

If you are in a union they should be able to help. You should report it to HR, especially if this manager has a history of this type of bullying behaviour. If you are going to report it you will need to have evidence so keep any relevant emails she sends and also ask witnesses if they will confirm your side. Bullies should not be allowed to get away with it.

Good luck

Ruby Red Slippers wrote:

Needing some advice as I'm being bullied at work by my manager. Among other things, she's nasty, unprofessional and constantly critical of me in spite of the fact that I exceed all of my targets, get on with everyone etc. I know she's done this to people before (who have now left) I have an exit plan but I can't leave for another 6 months so I need to deal with it in the meantime. Does anyone have any advice on how to confront her and handle the situation? I dread going into work and end up really upset all the time and I just can't handle it anymore.

This is well and truly off topic, so if LH staff don't think it's suitable for the forums I really won't be offended if you delete this. I just wanted to ask as I know people on here are really kind and give thoughtful replies.

I doubt this LH staff will delete this hun tbh. You saw the post the other day that got deleted because it turned into a suckfest. Your not breaking rules and besides everyone here loves giving advice.

This is a really hard situation because you cannot leave because that would have been the first thing i would have said. Is there someone higher up you can speak with (even if they dont work where you work) for example i had a boss come onto me and make pervy remarks about my ass and tits. He was the manager of that branch but i told him what he was doing was not right and if he carried on i would take it higher (i had three other women backing me up to) and he stopped prompt. I left about a year later and i heard he has now been fired for starting again. If there is someone higher than her then you should tell them or warn her of what you will be forced to do. Try to keep an incident book (another thing i done) and see if you can get previous staff to back you up.

Hugs hun sending plenty of sexy vibes your way! Treat yourself to a toy to help get you through this. You are stronger than you could even imagine you really are. That i can promise.

xxx

PS: Thank you for asking for advice on here. It helps to remind me that i'm not the only one and it's ok to hurt and not be ok (i tend to punish myself for feeling down or struggling with something). Please ask more if you need it :) Good luck darling

People don't quit companies, they quit on their leadership / boss. If others have left a wake before you serior management needs to know there is a cost to organizaiton for this turnover. If they do not understand it I recomended trying to educate them about the cost of employee turnover. There is a good whitepaper called Turnover: The Good, THe Bad and the Ugly that helps organizations grasp the cost of when employees opt to leave. In addition, you may want to Google "is your boss a sociopath for some resources that may help."

Also, not familiar with your labor laws there, but document everything. If she is verbally beratting you in a unprofessional manner is it possible to record her discretly on your phone? Or ask for someone else to sit in on these meetiings? Otherwise verbal confronttations become their word against yours.  You never want to come across gossipy or winey to her leaders, so try as best you can not to be overly emotional around her.

Also, when she does this to you is it because she is trying to motivate you in some way? I know this sounds crazy, but some bosses leadership styles are actually to motive via fear and intimidation. You may want to have a frank conversation wtih her that your workstyle and personality are better motivated via construtive feedback, etc. At the end of the day she knows if her team is achieving it makes her look good to her bosses but maybe she doesn't understand how to properly lead and motivate you as a person. (Some bosses are truly this clueless!)

Finally, does she do this just to the women in your office because she is threatened in someway? I have found with my strong personality I do better with male bosses vs. weak females... which she sound a bit like. If you feel she is threated in you in some way you may want to try to have a "lunch" conversation where you express what you do like about your job, company, [etc. and how you want to be a contributor to her team to help her achieve targets. etc. If this feels fake or pandering don't do it, if you can actually have a real conversation with her this could work wonders.

Finally, even with an exit strategy you need to make sure you are doing SELF CARE for your stress level. Reading this made my heart ache, I have been in your shoes at times in my career in some ways. You need to manage your stress via your diet (avoid stress eating / binge eating), work in some physical activity (if you can get up and take breaks outside your office and breath in fresh air to energize yourself mid-day), and make sure you are sleeping. A stressed out insomniac with a crazy boss is just going to spiral into more emotional reactions in the workplace!

In the states we have something call EAP aka the Employee Assistance Programs to talk to a counselor during stressful times / crisis. It may help you to find a source of someone to talk to aobut this such as a counselor, or a friend outside work. avoid discussing with coworkers at or below you... you never know when they will play politics and leverage any "venting" against you.

On a lighter note, an orgasm is the best stress relief for me... so maybe more sex and masturbation is in order to manage your work stress as well!

I'd record her and when I think I've got a good recording I'd confont her and let her hear it and ask her if she thinks that it's acceptable. Or let HR hear it

Good luck with this.

Oh bless you, some really good advice already. She sounds horrible, sorry she makes you feel like this.

I would love for someone like this who is a bully to be confronted! Or see what it's like to have the tables turned!!

I don't have much advice, but just wanted to offer my sympathy. I was in a similar situation with an awful boss a long time ago and in the end ended up taking it higher, but there was a lot of us who were complaining so that made it easier.

I don't think you should resign yourself to putting up with it for another 6 months though as it will drive you mad. Uless it is a very small company, there will be someone you can talk to. Best of luck with it all, try not to let it get you down (easier said than done I know) x

I agree with taking the issue to your companies HR department. I am a manager in the retail sector, which to be honest is not really a sector known for exceptional employee care. Having said that our HR department are excellent at dealing with grievances (even if its just so they don't get taken to employment tribunals)

Ultimately karma will get them in the end. Managing and developing staff is the greatest part of my job. In my book if a manager treats staff in a disrespectful manner they are a dick and should be regarded as such.

I honestly love the staff I work with now , and those who have worked with me over the last 20 odd years. I'm also pretty certain that the feeling is reciprocated, out of the countless cups of coffee they have made me not one has ever tasted of pee.

I still don't want to know how one guy always gives my coffee a frothy head and chocolate sprinkles.

Write down everything with dates and times and the sort of abuse she has been giving you.
Me personally I would put the ball in her court and ask her what she enjoys about her bullying. I would have my phone recording in my pocket to pick up her response because by the sounds of it she will respond. Armed with any sort of information will help you when you report to HR or her immediate boss.
Or you could sit it out and smile at her for the next 6 months. Then get out. That would really wind her up.

If you are in a Union then ask them for advice. If not I would contact Acas on their helpline.

Just Google Acas and it will come straight up.

Bullying needs to be stamped out at work

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your help. I've called ACAS and arranged to speak to my Union rep to discuss my options. I'm seriously considering just confronting her directly (even though I'm a very non-confrontational person) to see if it will shock her into backing off, but I worry about getting references for another job. I'll keep you all updated.

I really appreciate all of your advice and support, it means a lot to me that a group of people who have never met me care enough to try to help x

As for a job reference no one can give you a bad one. They can refuse to give a reference or give a good one that's the two options. Also you can get a reference from anyone more senior than your job role it doesn't have to be your direct manager.

I was in this position in the workplace I was at before Lovehoney, bullied by two women who acted more like school girls, one was my co worker the other our joint line manager. They were vile and made my life hell. Every night I would cry and not be able to sleep worrying about the next day.

They tried to get me disciplinaries and tried to get me in trouble by lying about me. They would eat my lunch or throw it away so I had no food for the entire day and always make me do the longer shift and late shift (there were no shops near by to get food) They'd try and make me clean the toilets and kitchens in the office. And make me look stupid in front of other staff and clients that visited, sometimes by totally blanking me or saying horrible things.

The HR team were crap there and not willing to help me just kept saying 'I'm sure this isn't true maybe you are too sensitive and too easily upset.' 

I had the benefit that I lived with my mum at the time so not too many bills to pay out each month, so I saved up as much of my wages as I could for 2-3 months and handed in my notice, I planned it well and handed it in on November 21st which meant I left December 21st and the two bitches had to work all over Christmas and New year with no time off to cover my hours, as they had forced me to work all of the Christmas holiday - so they could have it off. But it turned out I was at home relaxing with family and friends and not a care in the world whilst they had to work. Haha

I always say 'he who laughs last laughs longest' 

- I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, all I can advise is confront her if you feel strong enough (cause I didn't at the time of my experience in this.) Or go through HR like others have said, if you cannot sit back and smile cause you know you are getting out soon. 

Leaving that place was the best thing I ever did. I believe everything happens for a reason cause now look I am here at Lovehoney! 

I hope you resolve things in the way that you want and we will all be here for you on the forum to offer you support in whatever you do.

Cazz x

Dear Me Cazz. Didn't think people could be so vile in the workplace. I'm happy that you found Lovehoney.