Would be interested in some advice on the best approach to take when one partner is much more hornier than the other.
I'm friends with a girl who has a low drive and is happy getting it just once a week but her other half is always wanting it every other day or sometimes daily!
When she's not in the mood, she suggests that he should just masturbate and doesn't want to help with a handjob or blowing him. This has obviously caused some tension between them and she's a bit worried about whether they can last together.
Does anyone know of any natural products that she could take to help boost her drive?
And secondly, if your partner has a much high sex drive than you, would you be willing to let them find a fuck buddy? Could something like that help save the relationship or completely ruin it?
My partner and I are in a similar situation but reversed. My sex drive is essentially insatiable and he's happy at once a week (if that). Fortunately, he's interested in cuckolding so we're exploring that as an option. However, we lived in monogamy very happily for a long time (and I would have been equally happy to continue that, just to be clear) as we had some tricks to keep us both happy.
Firstly, we talked about it. As in we sat down with sex off the table so we could be adult about it and share our needs in depth. It turned out that there were things we could both improve. For example, he liked a long build up to sex through intimacy which I just didn't need. I was ready to go at any point but he needed cuddling, kissing, massage, things like that in the foreplay so I added that in. I also made sure I was aware of when he was at his most stressed and I didn't put pressure on him to have sex then. I needed to make sure he wasn't associating sex with me with the stress of his work for example.
Apart from that, we introduced toys into the bedroom, and yes, there were quite a few times when he wasn't going to perform but helped me to orgasm. I find that toys are a good way of doing this because the other partner doesn't necessarily have to do anything too sexual that would be out of their comfort zone in that moment.
If she wants to boost her sex drive, which she really doesn't HAVE to do, he should respect her if she says she's not in the mood. There are a few ways. Honestly the best one we've both found is exercise and eating right. Particularly leafy greens. It's weird but it works! Also, she should try to do things that turn her on rather than him. Read a sexy novel or ask him for a massage as I said previously. It might work. Good luck to them both. It's a tricky situation but shouldn't be seen as a deal breaker.
I've been both sides of the coin with this. When we got together our sex drives were similar, but then I suffered illness plus menopause, so for almost 10 years didn't really want sex at all - ever. Mr Spider was great about it - very understanding, and hardly ever complained. I know he didn't stray as he never went out alone - he essentially became my full-time carer too. I know he masturbated lots and became a bit of a porn addict - I really didn't mind, just as long as he didn't pester me! At times, I did tell him to go out and find someone else, or even visit a 'massage parlor' but he wouldn't ...and tbh, I was secretly relieved. I think if he had, I would have felt our relationship was under threat as I was basically very insecure about my non-existent sex drive.
Then as quick as it had disappeared my sex drive returned...with a vengeance!! All of a sudden I'm wanting it ALL the time - he's now (obviously) 10 years older andcan'tkeep up with me - and often pushes me away saying he's not in the mood (I admit to going into a pout quite of often about it lol) I have an extensive toy collection, so use toys when he's not in the mood - and also when he's in the mood - works great for us most of the time.... and if he's not in the mood, I can lay beside him with a toy, playing with myself, and more often than not that will turn him on and he will join in!
We have talked about swinging - not because of our miss matched sex drives, but because it's something we have both thought about. He would love to see me get screwed by another guy, but tbh, I'd hate to see him with another girl. I think it would change the way we saw each other, I honestly think he is mixing up fantasy with reality... he says he wants to see me with another guy because of the pain, hurt feeling whilst also being turned on...I don't get that. so I doubt it will happen.
For me, I feel a relationship has to be very strong, and both partners need to be totally honest about their feelings for the 'fuck buddy' thing to work. Getting off with, or cuckolding, with a complete stranger is one thing, but 'fuck buddy' indicates something closer... and could quite easily, eventually put the relationship under threat because the 'fuck buddy' and the guy will have higher sex drives in common so he may wonder what a full-time relationship with her would be like...and if a pair are sleeping together regularly whats to say feeling won't develop? In all honesty, I think that would be a dangerous situation.
Great post , Lady spider
I was in a similar position with my ex wife , she never wanted sex (and I mean never ) . I was as horny as hell
She would refuse to discuss it ,and used to say I was a "dirty old man" ( less of the "old" ) .
She made me feel that I was a pervert , and I was disguted with mysef .
She refused to talk about it , and eventually I met a woman where I worked ,who loved talking about sex , massaged my ego bigtime and ....Well , you can guess what happened
My poijnt here is that you must talk ,my ex refused to talk about it , maybe if she had have done things might have turned out different ( tho I'm happer now than I was then )
Let's be honest ,once a week isn't too bad ,is it ?
My sex drive(male) is much lower than only say 15 years ago and can only think its an age thing, my wife's seems to have increased so have a bit of a mismatch at mo, I'm more than happy to give her a hand if she desires or more