With out harping on, the OH is not really feeling the lurve at the moment, im getting turned down on a very daily basis and if we do have sex its because iv had to practically beg him (yeah i know thats a turn off but hellloooooo desperate times)
have tried sexy outfits, showering him with compliments, being mushy and romantic, being dominent.......all im getting is turned down to the point where i just cried my self to sleep last night because im just convinced he doesnt fancy me. i understand he has a tough time at work etc etc but my point is, he has the energy to go down the pub every night, stay up untill all hours watching movies etc but as soon as i mention sex he's tired. its a ridiculas and immature thing to argue about i know but its causing major issues! in the whole time we've been together TWICE he has initiated sex and made me feel like a godess, the rest of the time i feel like im pestering him for it and he's doing it just for me
any way, before i go on much more, how would you feel? am i over reacting? any ideas on how to solve it?
You don't mention how long you've been together, but only initiating twice in the whole relationship really isn't much. Have you had a chat with him about it? Sometimes that's all it takes. Men can be a bit dim sometimes and don't realise stuff until you tell them!
Also be careful of pushing him too hard or asking for sex too often. Obviously if he's not going to initiate sex then you'll have to, but make sure he enjoys it and isn't just doing it for you or making it feel like a chore.
Is it a possibility that he's just submissive? There's the idea than the man always has to initiate sex, but not all men feel comfortable like that. I feel a bit silly initating sex since I feel like an amateur, and maybe your man feels the same.
I think the most important thing is to talk to him! It's amazing how many problems can be solved by talking.
been together about 3-4months, but this is 2nd time round, we've had many a chat about it, always the same, that he's tired and we can do it tomorrow and tomorrow never comes...
i always do my very best to make sure he enjoys it as obv i want him to want it again and soon! when he has initiated it he's been very confident about it, just sort of walked in the room stripped me and then carried me off to bed which is always a good thing.....i've told him its wrecking my confidence aswel as making me frustrated and he just tells me not to be silly.
it doesnt help that he spend the evening doing various things that he knows turn me on and then refuses me, then when i ask him to stop because he'll wind me up and leave me horny he smiles and carries on like he's almost telling me its leading some where and then we get to bed and he just rolls over and goes to sleep, its almost like he gets a kick out of it!
There's always a reason why a relationship breaks down, so whenever someone gets back with their ex they really need to ask themselves if it's the right thing. 3-4 months isn't long, he might just not feel properly ready for it again yet. What was your sex life together like the first time around?
You need to make him see you're serious when you talk to him about it all.
It talking about it doesn't help, then I'd question whether the relationship is really working properly. Getting back with an ex is shaky ground. As I said, couples break up for a reason, and it may be that he got back with you for convenience, ease, loneliness or whatever, and now you're back he's lost interest and energy. It might seem over the top to say that and I hope I'm wrong, but all of this may point to a deeper issue than just not wanting sex.
we wernt really togther, it was complicated, i was too young. we basically had night outs, sex drinks etc and when he asked for more i didnt feel ready for it so we agreed to go our seperate ways, this time we got to know eachother and he told me he wanted more than sex because he had fallen in love with me. he's currently talking marriage so i bloody hope he's interested! sex the 1st time round was mind blowing, spontatious, energetic and not at all one sided! and im confident that he hasnt got back with me because its easy as this time round i have a child!
My advice is be very careful. I certainly wouldn't be going anywhere near marriage yet. If you're living together with your child, it might be offputting for him having sex while your kid is in the next room. He might have spent so long chasing you and wanting a proper relationship that by the time he got you you couldn't live up to the hype he had for you.
It's obviously alot more complicated than can easily be described, but it's unusual for sex to fizzle out so early in a relationship. Given the circumstances, it has me worried that there's more going on than just not being in the mood, and it needs to be sorted before anything gets too serious.
My advice is be very careful. I certainly wouldn't be going anywhere near marriage yet. If you're living together with your child, it might be offputting for him having sex while your kid is in the next room. He might have spent so long chasing you and wanting a proper relationship that by the time he got you you couldn't live up to the hype he had for you.
It's obviously alot more complicated than can easily be described, but it's unusual for sex to fizzle out so early in a relationship. Given the circumstances, it has me worried that there's more going on than just not being in the mood, and it needs to be sorted before anything gets too serious.
I can see what Ecks is saying - this sounds complicated and if he's so in love with you, why doesn't he want sex? The fact that he seems *so* against it makes it seem like there's something more there - and it's probably his issue rather than yours - he owes you the truth - whatever that is!
Can't help you with the what though - it could be anything from work issues, to stress, to insecurity that he's not good enough for you sexually.
Sorry this isn't much help but I agree with Ecks - marriage isn't a good idea 'til you've sorted whatever this is, out (I know haven't agreed to anything yet but it's worth mentioning!).
My advice is be very careful. I certainly wouldn't be going anywhere near marriage yet. If you're living together with your child, it might be offputting for him having sex while your kid is in the next room. He might have spent so long chasing you and wanting a proper relationship that by the time he got you you couldn't live up to the hype he had for you.
It's obviously alot more complicated than can easily be described, but it's unusual for sex to fizzle out so early in a relationship. Given the circumstances, it has me worried that there's more going on than just not being in the mood, and it needs to be sorted before anything gets too serious.
like what? x
Just things in his head, feelings and so on. Remembering he's a male in a new relationship, him not wanting sex seems highly unusual. AdnaW said what I've been trying to get at - it's most likely a problem with him rather than you. Not being in the mood I could understand, but for it to go on for so long and in the circumstances you're under does make it seem that there is something not quite right.
Talk to him and see if you can get him to open up. Try and get him to talk about if there's anything bothering him (this can be quite difficult to get a man to do, but it is possible) and don't start the conversation with sex as it could make him tense and closed to you. It does sound like there's things going on in his head you don't know.
i have tried to talk to him so many times, i know he has alot on his mind but he wont talk to me about it, last time i tried to get him to open up he shouted at me and told me i was 'too young to understand', he was lucky he didnt get a fat lip. and he said that he did keep telling me and i just wasnt listening (he had had a couple of glasses of wine by this point) and told me that all i do is make assumptions and twist his words.
Just a query but have his philosophical/ theological values altered since you're initial 'relationship' (you said it was complicated, I intend no offense)
I think Rowan may be getting at the religious beliefs of your partner (hope I'm not treading on anyone's toes!) or his general attitude towards sex (as in, does he think sex before marriage is wrong?)
How are you talking to him? Making sure he's sober is important, but set a proper atmosphere, getting him to sit down and have a proper talk.
Me and my boyfriend have had a few problems in the past, and a few that I was paranoid about and didn't exist. I've always made a point of it to talk about it and he's always calmly told me there's nothing wrong or been really apologetic and tried to make it better again. Shouting and saying there's nothing wrong is usually a surefire sign that there is something wrong. Men often aren't very open about feelings, but they usually dont keep things so close to their chest they can't just say "Sorry babe, I just really haven't been in the mood lately"
I think what Rowan's trying to say is have his values changed at all? If you were having alot of drunken sex before, has he seen the error of his ways, so to speak? Does he regret what he's done in the past? Has he changed religion or beliefs? Anyone close to him died? All of this might cause him to have misgivings about sex.
o no none of the above have changed atall thanks for translaing to blonde language!! mucly appreciated!
i just really dont know what to do. have talked and talked and talked about it but he just fobs me off with something or another. beleive i have consumed to much wine to continue a conversation so close to my heart tonight lol so i will be back and sober (and hopefully either enlightened or relieved) tomorrow, thanks guys its much appreciated xxx
Hiya MissOrgasm. Just been reading through all the posts here. If you don't mind me asking but how old are you and your fella? Has he been married before? Does he have any kids at all?
I'm a bit ruthless nowadays myself I'm afraid. After being shit on from a very great height . I'm now with somebody I love to death and she does me too! But (now this is just my opinion) if I was in your position I would give this bloke the boot going on what you have said upto now girl. Life is too short to be wasted battling with somebody in my opinion MissO! It's your life as well as his girl and you need to be happy too because it certainly sounds like he's quite happy to carry on as he is not thinking about your needs and wants. If you have discussed this issue with him and you are content in your own mind that you have exhausted every avenue and things are still the way they are. . . . .looking from the outside in. . . . .what would you advise yourself to do?
You sound like a lovely girl by the way, best of luck always MissO!
I have the reverse scenario I think, My good lady is not really interested any more but there are reasons behind it, some medical ones, so I cut her a lot of slack. the problem is that it is really causing me to feel unloved and has ground away the self esteem somewhat.
I am close to jacking it in myself but I still have a lot of love for her, it'sa tricky one. I agree with SG on one hand, especially try to look at the situation from the outside and look at what the options are objectively. On the other hand, 'd love thngs to work out for me and her and I'm clinging onto that idea with both hands, maybe too much?
I hope you can resolve this though, I know how it feels to get rejected every other day and it can take its toll on a person, never mind the relationship.
im 20 and he's 30, never been married or ad kids and without sounding massively unsensitive, i dont think he has any huge problems he's just a drama queen, harsh but true.
every other aspect of our relationship is fantastc, i love him to bit and have no doubt he loves me too, just not sure he fancies me i know my own confidece is also an issue here....
i guess i would advise myself to tell him how i feel, which i have and make the most of other bits of the relationship which are fab and hope it picks up in time,....hm good advice SG!
but at the end of the day what woman doesnt want to be made to fel like goddess :)