I have a very high sex drive - much more than my partner however I lack sexual confidence I struggle with confidence to take lead and be more sexy at times.
Also how do you cope with rejection?
(Back ground I had a ex who used to reject me whenever I made the first move - if it was his idea fine not other way around this knocked my sexual confidence in every relationship afterwards)
I can’t really help you with this, it was my partner that helped me be sexually confident. I would love to say I got there on my own but I didn’t.
You could ask your partner to wear a blindfold so that you can try different things without them watching you, until you’re comfortable enough to take it off them.
Im sorry to hear youre feeling this way, firstly thank you for sharing and having the strength to speak up, its never a good feeling being rejected and it certainly can leave deep mental scars.
I would say that talking with your partner is the best solution. Its an awkward conversation to have but one you may need to have. Tell your partner how you feel and why you feel like that. it will be tough to hear for him and awkward for you but its the best way to getting you both on the same page.
Is it possible that he is unaware of your feelings. I know my OH often hints at things which i fail to pick up on or completely miss which frustrates her no end. I personally prefer a blunter approach just say what you want etc.
Also find out what your OH wants, what turns him on, what fantacies they have, sometimes im in a non-horny mood and OH is at the other end of the spectrum and really wanting sex, she gets me going by suggesting we do something i cant resist and boom were zero to sexy in no time, she gets her delights and i get mine.
He may have a lower sex drive which happens, i go through phases if being low on libido and then sometimes im gagging for it multiple times a day. If he isnt feeling like sex that doesnt mean he wont help you out to get the fix you need, there are some great toys out there to enjoy solo or as a couple.
I cant stress enough how open conversation can help though because our partners are not mind readers.
As for the confidence thing, i struggle here too, i often tell myself that my partner is with me for a reason and sex is not one of the main reasons, its the tasty icing on the relationship cake. So with that in mind your sexual feelings, wants and needs shouldnt be a deal breaker with him and he will not think less of you for sharing this.
Apologies for the long reply and i hope this helps in some way.
The above comment is spot on, find the right time and talk. Your partner might be thinking I’d love to take control or even the opposite but if you don’t discuss it and how it makes you both feel it will never happen.
Hi @sassykitten I think this is a difficult one, I think a great deal of communication is required between both of you and explaining what each of you want / like. Have you explored what hits the high points of your own body as this would be helpful for him. I would be surprised if he does not masterbate so ask him what gets him off. Talk with him but not in the bedroom and no pressure. I’m sure you will get far more great advice on here.
I struggled with my confidence for a long time with hubby, but for completely different reasons to yours (abusive past relationships) it took a lot for me to open up to him due to my past, but I’m glad I did.
Communication is definitely the key. It’s going to be hard, but it needs to be done, otherwise nothing will get done and you’ll be stuck in this rut, feeling worse by the day.
With my confidence, it wasn’t only the words from him that helped me, but his actions too.
Coping with rejection never is easy and there is no right or wrong way to come back from it as we all deal with this on different levels… what I would say is not to look at it as a negative rejection but rather an issue he had about himself rather than about you, if makes sense?!
Also with confidence it’s quite useful to try out some building exercises to put in practice and gradually you’ll start to notice the changes. It tends to be mind over matter type thing
Well all I can say , is you are well rid of your ex… if you had deemed to initiate sex and it was rejected, i think that is shocking and hurtful…if it was once fair enough, but constantly no !!
Well shot of him if you ask me.!!
Just love yourself and im sure your partner will adore your sexual advances… i would if it was me.
For me, having open conversations can really help. It can be quite vulnerable to do that too I’ve always come away feeling better.
Be open, be honest, explain how you feel to your partner and perhaps use a kinky app or some texts to set the mood ?
Thank you everyone for your replies. We’ve had a chat on few occasions and we’ve been speaking last few days more about this I suggested I may look into a therapist to help me deal with rejection as I find it extremely hurtful even if he had a reason behind not wanting sex and to help my self confidence.
Currently his drive is no where near as high as mind I don’t want him to feel bugged by me or my advances. I’m hoping we can find a happy medium.
Again thank you all for your time
To be honest, i don’t think you need to see a therapist, i think a couples therapist might be more helpful. A lot of couples experience fluctuating sex drives, due to workload/stress, illness, medication, hormones etc. Or one partner might just have a low sex drive as their norm.
The person with the higher drive, will often feel rejection, resentment and their body and mental confidence will take a battering. Just remember you are not the problem or at fault.