Hey all! This is kind of embarrassing for me. But I have nobody else to ask!!
That time of the month and my husband and I still get horny but don't have sex. Usually he gets blowjobs and I might play with my toys by myself but... You know, it's not the same as joining in together. We've not had anal sex many times before, only three, but I only liked it once as he was too 'enthusiastic' the other times.
Anyhow, I really want to like it and bought a butt plug and anal beads to use sometimes, I want to like it. Suggested we do it tonight but he says he doesn't like it because it's uncomfortable. Im feeling a bit inadequate now! I want to like it and have been trying to like it because he always used to seem keen, and lots of people have a great time with it. So... What can I do? Am I likely doing it wrong? Do some men just not like it? Thanks guys. :-)
To be honest I'd say it's more to do with u being on than you doing anything wrong ... Same thing in my house suggested anal and normally he up for it but nope , nothing... Just men in general and TOTM :(
My oh would never refuse it lol
But I'm on the coil and don't have totm so I'm good
I'd use a tampon so no mess. And before we've done anal play at TOTM....
I think he's just.... Maybe never liked it but only just realised? But he wouldn't really go into it other than saying it's uncomfortable because he thought it would not go well and I'd get upset or annoyed.... I just want to be able to do all sexual things and be good at them!!
i dont think ypur doing anything wrong maybye your OH just prefers the normal intercourse some guys just dont like putting thier member in a stange place
Ur so lucky, I had that in and still got them...pinkanimal wrote:
My oh would never refuse it lol
But I'm on the coil and don't have totm so I'm good
Perhaps ask him what is so uncomfortable? Physically? Mentally?
Explain you want to explore this avenue further and see how he is
Do you use anal lubricant? Maybe just ask him what he finds uncomfortable about it. We genrally have anal sex when I'm on my period, like you say it's nice having that closeness.
If it wasn't enjoyable for you before because he was too enthusiastic maybe he is worried that he wil hurt you - try to find out if he means he feels uncomfortable doing it (and why) or whether it is generally not very pleasureable for him in which case lube etc can help a bit and see where things go x
I think the taboo appeal sometimes wears-off. Sometimes we only want something because we can't have it, then when we get it, we don't want it as much as we thought we did.
If he thinks you don't enjoy it, he may be put off, too.
By all means explore with him "why", but don't turn it into a big deal for you (feeling inadequate) or him (pressured into doing something he doesn't want to.)
My hubby doesn't like even the thought of anal and doesn't even like tge fact i bought a butt plug either. but i enjoy it and have told him so for me it took a little while to feel comfortable. xx
Thanks all for replying. We only used regular lube before rather than anal lube so maybe that makes a difference... I asked him if it felt uncomfortable as in physically for him or if he was uncomfortable with the thought of it(hadn't thought to ask it that simply, so thanks for that idea!) and he said it felt uncomfortable physically to start with, and when it starts to feel good for him is when I usually don't like it anymore and want to stop. So perhaps it's all about the lube!! There's so many. Any recommendations please??
Hi we have used http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13181 but we also tried http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15119 which we use a lot now as its also very good.
I'm interested in learning more about anal and I'm currently reading this:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1554
(it's also available on Kindle). I have to say I'm finding it very educational and it has already changed my opinion on a few things. Perhaps it is something you could look at together?
I'm interested in learning more about anal and I'm currently reading this:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1554
(it's also available on Kindle). I have to say I'm finding it very educational and it has already changed my opinion on a few things. Perhaps it is something you could look at together?
Sorry for the double post :-/
LH also do beginners anal kits which I think are a great way of exploring different sensations:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30367
From what I've read so far it is very much about taking it slowly and starting er, small, so to speak!
Thanks for the recommendation SR36, I think I may buy that. :-)
It seems its the roughness/enthusiastic love making he likes, and that was what you didn't like. Sometimes the way people like certain things aren''t compatible with eachother, unfortunately.
I was going to ask if he meant physical or mental... My partner can also feel uncomfortable physically with anal and the reason why is because he has phimosis (tight foreskin) because the anal canal is much tighter and less lubricated, penetrating it can really pull back the foreskin and has occasionally caused little tears in his skin.
Obviously the best way to avoid this is to invest in some decent lube. For a double whammy, I apply Yes oil-based lubricant first, which produces a long lasting slide and then add a thick water based lubricant on top, for added slip. Many standard water based lubes are not great for anal sex and I suggest getting a silicone or a vagina friendly oil based lube and using that, or getting a water-base too and going for the double whammy. There are some reasonably good water based lubes for anal, for example, we like Gun-Oil and Sliquid Sassy, but water based lubricants will dry up quickly, no matter which one you get and because the anus is not self lubricating...it will start to hurt.
Also you may want to try stretching with plugs half hour to an hour before. This will help relax the muscle and reduce the pain you both feel, because your sphincters will relax and stretch more easily around his penis.
It may also be worth considering that he either does not like the idea of anal (some people don't and that's okay) or he could be frustrated as what he seems to be saying is "Just when it starts to feel good, we have to stop" Best way to overcome the first? - Not really possible, if he has an adversion to it then you shouldn't try to force it. Best way to overcome the latter? Buy a dildo about his size and one night, warm up slowly with your plugs (maybe while having a nice relaxing bath, but beware water based lube will wash away!) then begin to slowly slowly slowly use the dildo until you can slide it completely comfortably in and out....When you feel like you can handle in out penetration, go show him what you learned to do and ask if he wants a go next! :D
It can take months, even years for people to build up to anal sex like you describe. I mean, comfortably! The ass takes a long time to train and you should really only go for penis in ass penetration at a hard and fast pace after plenty of time stretching and relaxing and even then it could take a while. Don't rush it and you will be fine.
My OH finds anal sex uncomfortable too, we des covered early in the relationship and didn't really talk about it and haven't tried since but it was just too tight. You can still use but plugs and beads though :)