Threads like this have probably been done before but I don't have alot of time to go hunting as I plan to do this tomorrow, Saturday the 21st of April 2012.
I have only ever asked out one girl in my life and although it led to me getting her number which was a huge confidence boost on the phone a couple of days later she said she wasn't really looking for a romantc relationship and that mabey we could go for a drink or see a movie or somthing as freinds and that was te last I heard of her.
But I am sure the girl I want to ask now is not going to turn out the same way. As, I will call her Amber. As myself and Amber work together, although now it is only one day a week, I know that we get on well together, and we like the same kinds of music. She is more for the outdoors and I prefeer to sit on my but all day, but having said that I do enjoy walking from time to time so I thought mabey that would be a good place to start, but it all comes down to exactly how I ask her.
I was in waterstones the other day and I saw a replica mocking jay pin from the movie hunger games, which she told me she never got to see although she is reading the books, and for no other reason than hey she would like that I bought one for her. I t was meant to be a parting gift for when the job finishes in September and she goes off to college but I really like her and I feel torn.
I guess what I really want to know is what is the best way to ask her, should I drop a hint or should I come out and just say it. should i give her the pin or keep it for something special. I know with the whole working together thing I need to be careful but still. As my freind whom I posed this very dilema to said if you don't ask you don't get. It sounds like you two get on so just be yourself.
The problem is the last time I was myself and it went bad. I just don't know if I should risk her freindship over this.
Pretty please with cheese on top can you all help me?
Thanks for the advice. I guess my biggest fear is the unknown. What will happen what will she say how will it all go. Giving her the pin later on is a better idea than pilling it on with my feelings all at once. Like you say it might be a better idea to give it her on a first date.
Amber is sweet and kind and to me stunningly beautiful. I don't really think about other girls like I think about her. To me just being with her is enough to make me happy. I look forward to spending the time we share. I would go so far as to say she is kind of like me, With the kind heart. I have been looking or waiting depending on you're point of view for a girl kind of like me, with a kind heart and a sweet personality both of which she has.
She doesn't seem to care about the kinds of things most girls do these days like fashion and how they look, although she always looks good it does not rule her life, and to me that is more attractive than piling on make up and designer clothes, though I don't speak ill of those who do choose to.
Just by the way I'm going on about her it is clearer to me that know that I like her more than just as a friend. I will let you know how it goes on and thanks for you're help and advice.
Sorry to go on a about it but i guess i am just smitten.
It sounds like Avrielle knows you quite well so I think her advice is always going to be better 'calibrated' to your situation. As an outsider, here's my take. Note, not claiming or pretending to be an expert...
Everyone will tell you to be 'confident' but no one actually defines that. So confidence in this case means no hints, if you like her tell her. Yes she might suspect, most women are fairly good on reading situations but chances are she doesn't know. Generally the best way of judging some level of interest is in non-verbal communication. I'm not talking hair flicking etc. here but if a woman likes you she'll generally make it easier for you to approach her talk to her, initiate conversation etc or at least give signals she's interested unless of course she just views you as a friend. In which case you need to change gear and ask her out point blank.
Confidence in the way you tell her means just just keeping it simple, speak at a reasonable pace and no BS. In other words if you are genuine and believe in what you say, this comes across as confident. Do not pour your heart out to her- this is to much way soon. Someone who is confident, will take things slowly, there is no rush to tell her everything in one go. Equally, women want someone who is a bit 'challenging'. By this I mean not to keen, not too available. Women will say they don't like it, but it drives their interest in you up a bit higher. The Pin? Keep it. Again, Too much interest too soon is off-putting.
Personally, I'd do things a bit differently but again, I may not be calibrated to your own situation and my 'approach' may be more direct.
1) Get her number if you don't already have it. 2) Call her and ask her out. Or better still do it face to face. Suggest a specific time and a place, venue activity etc.
I'm an old guy so take it from me, in the fullness of time, you will regret it far more if you miss the opportunity and don't ask her far more than if you ask her and she says no. All you have to lose is your pride - and take it from one who has dented his many times in his life, it isn't worth worrying about. What you have to gain - if she is indeed 'the one' - is priceless.
Hey mate just have a nice time, if you spend enough time together you will have the time to tell her how you feel. Enjoy the time and give it some days weeks months. Expressing your emotions is a two way thing listen to what she says and respond at about the same level.
Thanks for all the advice. I guess the main thing to keep in mind is that it wont be the end of the world if she says no. I should just to take it slowly and be myself.
After all The only one who can really get in my way is me.
I have never successfully asked a woman out in my life, my two long term relationships were always "driven" by my partner. Women are very adept at guiding men in the direction they want to go while letting him believe he is in charge, they start training in this at about the age of two.
Hey Leon that isnt a trait to look out for or even be anxious about, it is rare for a woman to be seduced by a man it is common for a woman to let a man seduce her. If a woman isnt interested nothing will make her if she is interested its hard to go wrong.
My chat up line with my first gf was can you make "me a drift for my valve guides" lol she had to be interested for that to work.
And my wife (to be) exploded in a rage when I said "nice to see you" ....nice to see you Ive been sat in that bar for 2 1/2 hours and all you say is "nice to see you"
if they like you you gotta really be daft to go wrong
Thanks. I get what you're saying. I just need to relax into the situation and let it play out. see were she goes and like you say respond at the same level.
Being a guy we are living in a diffeent world........reading many threads and hearing many women comment ....The biggest single mistake guys make is being too pushy, I may be wrong but I believe women want or need to control the pace that the relationship develops. Maybe the other ladies here can put their point of view.
I kind of agree in one respect but I don't know that it is so black and white. But from the day to day it seems like she is more dominant than me, not however in a nasty way. I like that a little more than being the one who is really in control. It's not like I wouldn't do things for her just because but to me it is easier to follow than lead.
My wife is the most retiring and soft natured of people but she is still in control of the pace and tempo of our life, not a dominant thing just going at the pace she is comfortable with, in my opinion but maybe wrong most longg term relationships are like that.
The Japanese expression is "women bind you with soft silk" so its the same there lol
It isnt about bondage but an allusion to the way in a long term relationship the man ends up under the womans control....nothing sexual in it its to do with work life and living.
hey have a blast with her, keep her happy and comfortable make her laugh and most of all LISTEN to EVERY WORD AND REMEMBER it.....A big part of getting to know a woman is listening and remembering what they say, it is an oblique and important compliment.
stomps loudly at the ladies here, cant you give a womans point of view?
I understand what it meant but as an avid writer of erotica the actual sentence was inspiring. She kind of already sets the pace and I do listen to what she says, hence the mocking bird pin. I will let you know how I get on tomorrow night.
go for it but let her do most of the talking....it minimises the chance of you putting foot in mouth
I once asked my wife (then girlfriend) what was the biggest impression I made on our first date, she said "you never talked about yourself"....it worked for me
Well it didn't happen. I just couldn't muster up the courage. I wont see her again till Saturday and that is when I will do it. I just couldn't get my mind to focus right. I over thought the whole thing but I know I didn't say anything that would jepordise my chance, it went just like a normal day. Any way thanks again for the advice and I'm sure this time next week I will have better news.