I’ve shopped at LH a couple of times so that’s why I’m here. This forum looks really helpful. Sorry for this long post.
OK here goes. We’ve been married 32 years and my wife sexually has never been in the slightest aroused. She’s disgusted by fluids, genitals, and has never felt any form of sexual pleasure at all. We do manage intercourse reasonably OK because she enjoys the ‘cuddle’. We’ve had advice, sex therapy, viewed self-help videos, etc.. The result is she now allows clitoris stimulation and at last the condoms have gone. As for anything more adventurous – the answer is no. However, nothing - I repeat - nothing gives her any sensation, apart from Lovehoney’s ferocious little vibrator and even then she does not like the feeling. Any form of gentle massage from body to genitals does abolutely nothing.
She has absolutely no sense of fantasy, sensuality or sexual enjoyment. It’s like the nerves are cut to her loins or her sexuality is absent. I asked her if she is asexual but she insists she is not.
I’ve exhausted every last cent in my knowledge to help her relax and try to enjoy sex but to no avail. If I massage her clitoris simply nothing happens until she tells me to stop. Worse, it’s a tiny thing that is virtually impossible to massage. She won’t allow me to look, so I can’t even see what I am doing!
So, here are my questions:
1. Have any of you 100% fail-safe ideas for getting a small, dead clitoris to respond? Remember I have read a lot and tried, but people’s experience might help further
2. Have you any great ideas that might help me unlock my wife from her kind of ‘sex happens to other people’ viewpoint?
3. If no ideas for me – are there words you can say that I can e-mail on to her to let her see how other people (women only, please) view this?
4. I know this sounds mad, perverse, but I wondered if a sex coach (as opposed to a therapist) could teach me the skills I need? Does anyone know if this is a good way forward and if there are any in the South East UK? This might be out of my depth.
Some people will say ‘leave her’ but I am not going to leave the woman I love after 32 years and a great partnership between us. We have a lot working well between us. Our relationship is strong and the only crippled bit is the sex.
My most desperate need is to bring her to a great orgasm that will open her eyes to what she has been missing.
In advance, my sincerest thanks.