So i've been with my partner for about a year now, and the whole time we've had a really amazing sex life. Like honestly, i am blessed! But the last few weeks we've been having some 'down there' problems.
A little while ago, after finishing everything up, he noticed a small stinging tear in his banjo string. Only very tiny, but enough to hurt. First thing we did was give it a rest for a while. After a little trip to google i found that this had happened to a lot of people and that all he needed was some time to heal and then we should have been good to go again.
But it seems that every time we have sex now, it hurts him. Everything is all healed up, but he says it feels as though it is going to tear again. And we make sure to go gently and slowly. Every time he exeriences this pain, we leave it for a couple weeks to see if it'll help, but it never does.
There are a couple of position we can do, where he says it doesnt hurt at all (spider, some doggy) but it's still difficult as we get tired of these positions.
I miss just being able to have normal, face to face, missionary (and who thought i'd ever say that!)
So my question, does anyone have any experience in this or have any hints or tricks to help us get things back to normal? And do you think he can stay in this small tear state or do you think eventually it is going to rip all the way?
Hmm... It sounds like perhaps there may be some scar tissue left from where the tear happened. Scar tissue isn't as flexible or as soft as 'normal' skin, so this could be causing a little extra pull for him. Even if the tear was very small, this is an extremely sensitive area for him so he'll be able to feel it. In addition to this, I would imagine that psychologically he's a little worried about it happening again (even if only subconsciously) so he may be extra aware of unusual sensations in that area, making him uncomfortable in certain positions.
I would recommend encouraging him to massage the area with Bio-Oil regularly and allow it to soak in (not before sex or anything like that - I mean as a daily routine in the morning/after a shower etc). Bio-Oil helps to soften scar tissue with regular use so should help - you can pick up a cheap version in Poundland which works just as well. Either that, or anything with a really high concentration of Vitamin E will help. He can also try stimulating the area with a vibrator - this also helps to disperse scar tissue and soften the skin.
In the mean time it might be an idea for him to wear a condom during sex, just while he fully heals and also to ease his mind. Having an extra barrier reducing the risk of another tear may just relax him enough and enable him to stop thinking about what 'might' happen.
Obviously don't use the Bio-Oil before using a condom as it will disintegrate the latex.
Oh, and if/when you do return to having sex without a condom, extra lubrication will also help him enjoy gliding sensations, without any drag or pull.
Sometims after a i just scar tissue can form. After child birth I had tears and have been left with scaring in the area. Sometimes my scars feel tight like they will tear but they never do. I used to panic and tighten up, that made it worse. Once I learn to relax it wasn't an issue.
He's probably worried it's going to happen again. You know how precious a mans willy is to him. That small paper cut tear prob felt like someone took a machet to it. Lots of lubricant and avoid agressive sex until he's confident doing it again.
Haha Jess great minds and all that! I would have posted first only my 3 year old decided to walk into a door while I was typing! Major tears made better by a promise of a chocolate biscuit lol