So rude.There are so many nicer ways to talk to your partner about it..
If he had said something along the lines of "I won't give you oral because your vagina is ugly" or "I don't like your labia" we wouldn't be saying 'maybe it's just his preference?' We would be condemning him for the shallow person that he is. So how is scent different? It is a physical part of you, and if you don't have a medical condition that can produce pungent smells, then I doubt a mature intelligent woman has a particularly 'smelly' vagina. We've all been taught how to wash!
With the stuff that some men want us women to do without first asking if we're okay with it, this guy can at least bite the bullet and meet his partner halfway if she wants it that much!
I agree. It was a very rude thing to say but there is meany different factors to things like these. He could dislike the smell of vagina all together... He could be worried about lacking in skill in that department so he is making a excuse or he might just not like giving oral. Plus if he is obsessed with being clean he could just be a little paranoyed about germs and all that . I suggest speaking with him. Tell him how that made you feel and that he would not like it if you said something like that to him.
Flavored lubricant is a good idea. I mean now you can get it in most flavors so there is bound to be one he likes. Also there is Dental dams I think they are called which are probably more hygenic and you can make them out of condoms.
But if all else fails and he is adimint in not preforming oral sex there is the sqweel and the sqweel2 you could try. Its not the same as the real thing and it has mixed reviews but its a oral sex simulator.
All you can really do is talk with him though. We can give you all the advise in the world but if your not both on the same page with things and open to compromise it will be difficult to move the situation forward. I hope none of that came across as mean.. I really would not want to afend anyone i am just giving my input :) I hope all go's well. (P.s I am sorry for the spelling) xx
I can understand what he's saying but I agree theres certain ways of going about it rather than saying it smells !
If myself and OH are planning oral then we both take showers, sometimes at the same time and then whilst in the shower thats where things get started. Hygene is key to sex but it's also nice to have dirty sex as well especially when we've both been hot and sweaty
I have to admit that me and OH are fairly "dirty" about sex, very rarely either of us asks the other to wash before oral, and it's usually if we've done something particularly sweaty or haven't had a shower in a few days, it's a case of we're not expecting the other to be particularly clean so I'd doesn't really bother us, it's the act that's enjoyable, then when they do happen to be clean and taste delicious, it's even more exciting.
It's all about accepting the others body for what it is, everyone has a smell and a taste, you can't change that so rather than refusing because he doesn't like the smell he should have suggested flavoured lubes himself. Instead he chose to insult you and leave it up to you to fix it, immature.
mnms wrote:
If he had said something along the lines of "I won't give you oral because your vagina is ugly" or "I don't like your labia" we wouldn't be saying 'maybe it's just his preference?' We would be condemning him for the shallow person that he is. So how is scent different? It is a physical part of you, and if you don't have a medical condition that can produce pungent smells, then I doubt a mature intelligent woman has a particularly 'smelly' vagina. We've all been taught how to wash!
With the stuff that some men want us women to do without first asking if we're okay with it, this guy can at least bite the bullet and meet his partner halfway if she wants it that much!
As I said, he could have had a lot more tact and what he said was upsetting and not nice to hear, however I disagree with your last sentence.
If some woman were on here saying "My boyfriend really wants me to deep throat him, but I find the taste/smell of him off putting" We would not tell her to bite the bullet and do the deed if he wants it so much. We would say everyone has preferences and your preferences are okay. You should not force yourself to do something you find repelling or a major turn off. Yes, if you have some interest in trying, then we would recommend flavoured lubes, condoms, dental dams, numbing sprays etc....but we would never tell anyone to force themselves to meet their partners desires if they were repulsed by the idea.
Having preference is not shallow imo. We all have preferences and things we do not like to do. It would not be fair to call someone shallow, for example, if they said "I don't like anal" or "I don't like BDSM". Clearly this guy doesn't like oral sex. We don't really know why and it could be any of the reasons listed already and to be honest, I do think the way he blurted out this hurtful reason was not tactful, but I have noticed many people act this way (blurting out potentially hurtful things) when challenged about something they feel particularly anxious or fearful about. (men especially do not like to admit weakness, fear or anxiety) It is a way to transport the focus away from the weakness. We all do it. Ideally he should sit down and speak the truth and tell you (OP) what is really going on, but a knee jerk, defensive stance tells you immediately that something deeper is wrong. (and that the issue probably lies within him, rather than you OP) If he can discuss that with you, it would benefit you both (That is what I meant previously by finding out if he has had some bad experience)
See, I can sympathise with the OP because I have also been on the receiving end of guys with no tact lol. As already mentioned on these forums, my ex told me once that "I take too long to orgasm and he ends up in pain" and my current partner, when discussing pubic hair, turned his face into a look of disgust and described pubic hair as dirty, sweaty and gross" (Turns out he had a bad experience with an ex who didn't shave and also didn't wash, so he associated pubic hair with a bad smell) Associating things from experiences in the past is what we tend to do. It is how we learn and grow and avoid bad experiences in future. I think this guy has either been raised to believe the vagina is dirty (been taught this), has had a bad experience during his first few attempts of giving oral, has some kind of anxiety or fear surrounding body fluids or body smells or just is one of those people who simply does not like oral and never has for whatever other reason.
I don't believe we would ever tell anyone to just go ahead and do it anyway, to please a partner, if it was something they hated the idea of.
I do agree though that this guy needs to bite the bullet in another respect and sit down to a mature, open conversation so that the OP can understand where that outburst came from. I also think OP needs to tell him exactly how it made her feel and how it is putting her off sex and ask him how he would feel if she said "I don't want sex because your cock smells" I just don't think this guy realised how hurtful that comment can be, but we do not know exactly what his intentions were.
For all we know, in typical "man communicating with woman" style, he may have thought that he was being honest about his opinions on oral sex and that honesty is a good thing. He might not have blurted that out as a means to intentionally hurt her, bearing in mind he DID NOT say "Your vagina is smelly" but what he said, if I am reading the OPs messages correctly was something like "I would happily give you oral if you were all squeaky clean beforehand". If he hates the smell of vagina in general, it seems he was meeting her halfway with that comment, asking her if she would please mind washing just before hand. (and when women have come on here saying they detest the smell or taste of her man, we do say things like "Do it in the shower, or ask him to wash directly beforehand (tactfully lol) or put on a condom or use a dam etc.
He may actually be upset and mortified himself when he realises the damage his comment caused. Of course, if he actually said it to be insulting and rude then I would agree with that he is rude and childish!
Wow Fluffy you truly are the" Fairy sex mother".
I did try to point to this but you have put it eloquently.
I really wish Lovehoney had a "Like" or "Thanks" button >.<
As always, very well put Fluffbags =D